Help: Rude, spiteful barn help

[SnicklefritzG]

@Meup: I think what people say on the internet is usually more strongly worded than they would ever do in person. So that is what I meant by taking posts into context. At times it seems like there is a COTH mob ready to storm out with pitchforks and torches. But in real life I don’t think people would really act like that, unless we are talking about Hillary vs. Trump.

Back to the main topic: whatever happened to people starting a new job and trying to get a feel for the place first before “peeing” on what they think is their new territory? Copping an attitude and yelling is not the way to win friends and influence people.

If I would have been new employee, this is what I would have done. Well, first I would have made sure I understood the rules at the facility at which I was employed. If the person, i.e. OP, seemed to be breaking a rule the most I might do is walk over to them while mounted and say “I believe according to the barn rules, horses cannot be handwalked in the arena while other horses are being ridden”. That way the issue is the rule, not the person themself.

If there was no rule about handwalking, then I would do nothing. If I felt it was a big problem, I’d ask the BO/BM about it since it is their barn, their rules/MO, etc.

I certainly would not yell for any reason, unless someone was doing something that could cause serious and imminent harm.

[enjoytheride]

Goodness, the Christmas spirit seems to be dead on this thread. I see some former barn workers who are taking their frustrations out on the OP, and some boarders who are taking their frustrations out on the worker.

While I do think that the OP should have answered the original confrontation with “Ohh, somebody must have not told you that I have permission to hand walk in the arena” it does not in ANY WAY excuse the barn worker from not saying “hey, are you allowed to handwalk?” or just ignoring it and asking her boss later.

I understand how previous bad experiences with this person have colored her way of dealing with the behavior. It’s hard for anyone to politely address someone when every previous experience has been met with hostility.

I have personally dealt with a rude fellow boarder, who thought that my opinions and instructions didn’t matter since I mucked stalls and fed horses. As I was continually treated as “the help” my “hey, you might not want to turn your horse loose in the arena while I’m riding, it could be a safety issue” turned into something… less polite.

In the end I had to ignore every instance and address it directly with my BM.

[ladyj79]

I’ll also say that people say I’m “yelling” when I’m merely speaking firmly or saying something they don’t want to hear.

I am also one who, at a new barn, told juniors to get off their horses or put helmets on.
When informed by parents that their children didn’t have to wear helmets because they had an agreement with the bm, i informed them that that was nice but they didn’t have an agreement with me, and if anything happened specific to their rule breaking and my being there as a possible contributing factor, i wasn’t going to have someone’s insurance going after me personally, in addition to the barn.

If it’s against the rules and you have an agreement with the barn manager, it is on you to get that confirmation for the employee, not the employees to just take your word.

If I had a nickle for every boarder or kid who said oh but I am allowed to!

None of this is necessarily specific to op, just another perspective.

[enjoytheride]

I’d also like to add that my arena is 120 feet by 60 feet. We can fit two people riding and one person hand walking just fine provided nobody is being an idiot. I would assume that anyone on a ill behaved horse would leave, and everyone would have eyes up.

[ladyj79]

Enjoytheride, you would hope the fractious horse would leave, but in my experience it’s usually everyone else who has to go hahaha

But I agree, we should all be watching out for each other regardless.

[Ghazzu]

some people seem to be assuming that there is a barn rule in place that mandates no handwalking in the indoor.

That isn’t necessarily the case.
And the OP states that the barn worker told her to leave because she was “taking up too much room” which sounds fairly ridiculous.

Having said that, I agree that OP might better have handled it by stating she had express permission to handwalk horse in indoor, and if staff had an issue with it, take it up with the boss.

[ladyj79]

Again, not specific to this situation,

Sometimes there are rules.

Sometimes rules are not enforced, benign.

Sometimes there are exceptions made to rules, active.

Many times it is difficult for employees in general to know which is which.

Just like theoretically every rider should be looking out for others, but we all know this doesn’t always happen. There is no real way to address this issue, because ultimately when experienced riders decide they aren’t going to look out for others, all you can do is stay out of their way.

I’m a professional, and I don’t bother to get upset anymore when another professional literally rams their horse into my six year old stallion’s behind. Because jerks are gonna be jerks. And experience has taught me if you make a scene, they’ll be running into your horse even more.

But it took years. I went from getting upset, to actively running my horse into theirs, to now just praying they run into one of my more angry horses haha

I feel I’ve grown as a person…

[alibi_18]

@Ghazzu :

That isn’t necessarily the case.
And the OP states that the barn worker told her to leave because she was “taking up too much room” which sounds fairly ridiculous

Depends on what is going on in the arena.
And for all the horses I’ve hand walked in rehab… most were ‘‘taking up too much room’’… so I had to wait for it to be safe.

some people seem to be assuming that there is a barn rule in place that mandates no hand walking in the indoor.

From the OP’s first post :

BO and trainers are all aware of this and understanding/wonderful about it.

Since the BO/Trainers are understanding/wonderful about it, my guess is that there is a rule about not hand walking horses when there is 2+ horses being ridden in the ring.

Anyway, I still think the OP is young and should learn how to deal with difficult customers/workers.

[enjoytheride]

I noticed that as soon as the OP let her age slip the tone of the posts changed. Before she admitted her age the advice was very different.

All of a sudden she’s obviously young, rude, inexperienced, and needs to respect her elders no matter what.

[enjoytheride]

Why can’t the older barn worker learn how to deal with other people as well? Or be respectful to young people who work in retail? Or check on rules with her employee before mouthing off to a whipper snapper?

[texan]

To begin with, its not up to an assistant to say anything to a boarder. If there is a problem they should have taken it up with the BO and the BO deal with the situation. The OP as a boarder and client should not have been spoken to like that whether or not she was right or wrong. Its just bad customer service.
The chain of command should be firmly in place, and the assistant should have been instructed on hiring how to handle different situations. The person would have been given a stern talking to at our barn if they over-stepped and treated a boarder like that. However, if a boarder is rude then again that is up to the barn owner to deal with.

[SnicklefritzG]

Good comment about “chain of command”.

I think what may have OP miffed is that the new employee is acting like the BO/BM in charge of the place.

[mvp]

[QUOTE=enjoytheride;8977447]
I noticed that as soon as the OP let her age slip the tone of the posts changed. Before she admitted her age the advice was very different.

All of a sudden she’s obviously young, rude, inexperienced, and needs to respect her elders no matter what.[/QUOTE]

Now, now. I thought the OP “gave as good as she got” from the beginning of this thread before the OP revealed more.

Truly, I thought (as I usually Ass-U-Me) that we are playing With A Full Deck of Adults. And one of the great things in Horse World, is that we do ask young’ns to grow up in a hurry and take responsibility for their animals at least.

But the OP’s hypothesis that all this stems from the barn worker (riding someone else’s horse as part of her job) is jealous of the OP and her fancier horses? That’s not an adult way to see things.

I can imagine what an (unkind) version of this story looks like from the other side.

[mvp]

[QUOTE=enjoytheride;8977451]
Why can’t the older barn worker learn how to deal with other people as well? Or be respectful to young people who work in retail? Or check on rules with her employee before mouthing off to a whipper snapper?[/QUOTE]

Maybe she did.

Remember that we are reading one side of the story. And the interpretations of the barn worker’s motives/cause of behavior are strong: “Rude,” even “Spiteful” and “jealous.”

Does the person who made these attributions strike you as one to be even-handed in how she’d describe a story? Some people can be fair in their description of a conflict and some people can’t.

[Dressagelvr]

OP, why not just approach this worker and try to work it out. Tell her you think you’ve gotten off on the wrong foot (whether from your job or the barn). See if she’s open to a fresh start.

[Dressagelvr]

They go low, you go high.

OP, why not just approach this worker and try to work it out. Tell her you think you’ve gotten off on the wrong foot (whether from your job or the barn). See if she’s open to a fresh start.

[mvp]

[QUOTE=SnicklefritzG;8977477]
Good comment about “chain of command”.

I think what may have OP miffed is that the new employee is acting like the BO/BM in charge of the place.[/QUOTE]

Yabbut that might be appropriate. I’d expect that the hired and paid staff of a barn to override my authority as an amateur boarder. The person being new and making a mistake with respect to not knowing that the OP had special permission to handwalk in the arena?

Maybe the fault-- as small as it is-- lies with the BO for not telling the new employee this one special detail. That’s why you don’t ream out the low guy on the totem pole. And you certainly don’t try to get the poor SOB fired. Hiring and firing is not the customer’s business. If you have a problem, you go to the person with whom you have the financial relationship and ask for the treatment you want. You might get it. But you also might be shown the door. Sometimes the barn worker who will do the job and do it well for the money being paid is more valuable than the one client, even the wealthy college kid with the fancy horse and pony. Who knows what’s true in this case. But it would have been easier if no one felt entitled to the power they did.

[alterfe]

There is absolutely no rule restricting g handwalking in the arena, especially after hours when there are no lessons going on. Not sure why everyone seems to assume that there is a rule??? Also, it’s not like the animal was loose and wild. He was perfectly quiet and well behaved and not at all disruptive.

I had a conversation with the trainer. She has spoken to the employee to ensure this will not be a problem. I have no intentions of getting anyone fired, I would just like to be able to come and ride and enjoy my horses.

I also really appreciate those of you who jumped to conclusions that I’m immature etc because I’m young… this is the first issue I’ve ever had at this farm since I’ve been there. I also think it’s interesting how I manage to be so nice to her when she is the customer! Very immature, really.

I was upset that I was treated like this as a paying customer by someone who has been there a very short time and starts telling me what I can and cannot do. I also don’t even know what her actual position is, so yes, I do believe she was out of line. I’ve been nothing but a good, loyal paying customer for years, so yes, this is unacceptable and unwarranted.

[S1969]

Just curious - maybe you didn’t see my comment - is she being paid to ride? Was she in the arena in an “official” capacity (training/exercising) or just riding for fun?

I only boarded a short time but there were many times I would have loved to tell other people to leave, so that I could have more room. But, since they were also paying boarders…it wouldn’t have worked that way. Barring any rules to the contrary…you just deal with the horses in the ring or leave.

[alterfe]

[QUOTE=S1969;8977543]
Just curious - maybe you didn’t see my comment - is she being paid to ride? Was she in the arena in an “official” capacity (training/exercising) or just riding for fun?

I only boarded a short time but there were many times I would have loved to tell other people to leave, so that I could have more room. But, since they were also paying boarders…it wouldn’t have worked that way. Barring any rules to the contrary…you just deal with the horses in the ring or leave.[/QUOTE]

I don’t know what she is being paid to do. But she was riding the farm’s animals. My impression is that she just didn’t want to deal with me so demanded I leave. I’m not sure what other justification she has to tell me that.