I totally disagree that because a worker was “just riding for fun” that a boarder could ask them to leave the arena. If I was a worker and a boarder told me to get out because I was just riding for fun the barn manager would be finding someone else to muck stalls in 20 degree weather. That’s elitist, snobby, and rude.
[QUOTE=ladyj79;8977420]
… I don’t bother to get upset anymore when another professional literally rams their horse into my six year old stallion’s behind. Because jerks are gonna be jerks. And experience has taught me if you make a scene, they’ll be running into your horse even more.
But it took years. I went from getting upset, to actively running my horse into theirs, to now just praying they run into one of my more angry horses haha[/QUOTE]
I added a stage: riding with a Dressage whip in each hand. Worked wonders.
[QUOTE=SnicklefritzG;8977477]
Good comment about “chain of command”.
I think what may have OP miffed is that the new employee is acting like the BO/BM in charge of the place.[/QUOTE]
This is accurate 
Beck :lol: :lol: :lol:
This co-worker is someone who sees herself as the central character of every situation, no matter who is involved. The other posters are right that she is incapable of truly relating to others or understanding how they are likely to react, or why - nor does she care.
She isn’t just rude - that’s easy to manage - rather, she will try to take control of every situation by dominating others. The management will either let her do this, or else a blow-up is coming that will end her tenure there. It is very important to try not to be part of that blow-up, because others can be hurt by flying shrapnel.
Such people tend not to do well in any situation that is not very rigidly defined and 100% enforced. Unless they perceive a strict-accountability, black & white situation, they are constantly outside of their own lane, expanding their power by mowing down everyone else - including management.
If the manager doesn’t deal with her effectively, that does not bode well for your long-term future there OP … because she won’t be the last problem employee that will be hired.
She will be infuriating and it will be hard not to give her as good as she gives. But doing so plays right into her hands, because that’s her strategy. Until she pisses off the management enough, management is not likely to see what she’s doing. The person who spoke second is the one who ends up getting the blame, even though the one who spoke first started it.
Any time she incorrectly challenges what you are doing, very politely ask her “Can you check with the barn manager about that?” End with a great big smile, lots of teeth. Believe it or not, it’s a power move to be smiling and cheerful in the face of provocation. Not being bugged by anything she says pulls her fangs, because she bullies by pushing other people’s buttons and making them angry. That puts them on the defensive, and they look and sound as if they are in the wrong.
When she comes back on you, you say something like “oh Manager has been having me do it like this, do you think Manager should have me do it differently?” Cheerfully put everything on management as if you are just a powerless pawn. She’ll either drop it, or take her challenge there, to where she has the best chance of imploding. If you think that technique is wearing thin with repetition, a smiling “let’s talk about that later” helps end conversations so you can walk away without being rude yourself. You can also use physical distance to help avoid and deflect encounters. You can ignore any further fussing she does - see it as ‘fussing’, not ‘rudeness’.
A calm, SMILING, reasonable tone will contrast markedly with her bitchy snappiness in every encounter. Always smile, always be calm, always have a positive “everything will be ok” attitude, and always always always use a quieter, more positive and calmer voice than she is using. That flips her game of making other people angry so she looks better in the encounter. “Nicing her to death”, as they say, as if she really is the center of the universe while you deflect every challenge, is one of the best ways not just to win but to crush people like this. They boost themselves by getting under other’s skin, and if she can’t get under your skin, there isn’t much left for her.
[QUOTE=alterfe;8977349]
I work at a tack shop and employee comes in frequently. This is before she started working at the barn. She always comes in with ridiculous requests and whenever they are not met/she doesn’t get what she wants she throws a temper tantrum. She is rude and condescending to all the tack shop employees. [/QUOTE]
Her behavior actually makes sense to me in light of this. Some people are unable to code-switch - in one situation she is the “customer who’s always right” and you serve her, in this new situation you’re the paying customer and she’s the service worker. She may simply be stuck in her usual way of relating to you.
You also seem somewhat stuck - keeping your head down and trying to avoid her like you do in the tack store. Firmly and politely telling the new worker that your hand-walking has been cleared by BM/BO, and that she should in future check with her employer if she’s unsure of something, would have been a better response.
Complaining to the boss (whether BM/BO/trainer) was 100% the right thing to do. As one would about a rude service provider in any other setting - she’s their employee, and it’s up to them to ensure her behavior towards customers meets whatever standards they deem fit.
Excellent post O&O.
OK apparently this isn’t a co-worker, but a new employee addressing a boarder …
Situation is much the same. The real issue is that a new employee should assume that everything that is happening is “the way things are done”. Until they learn otherwise, they should go along with what is happening, and ask questions of the management to get a better explanation. If something they encounter is totally beyond their boundaries, they probably won’t be able to stay in that situation … but doesn’t sound like this is what is going on.
As a boarder, OP has even more standing. BM’s don’t like employees who jeopardize their income by making things unpleasant for the paying customers.
What some people who don’t put much importance on the new employee’s “rudeness” may be missing is that the new employee wasn’t actually “rude” so much as she put herself in the position of dominance, of “do it my way, or else”. No polite questions, no evidence of negotiation or any awareness of human relations. THAT is a HUGE concern. It’s completely inappropriate for her position in a number of ways. But mostly, people who default to that behavior are going to require a strong management to keep them from doing real damage in an organization.
I have over 25 years in large corporate organizations. It is an unparalleled opportunity to observe human behavior in an hierarchical environment with examples of weak and strong management, and a flow of many, many people through the system. Hundreds. Over time you see some of everything one can think of, and a whole lot of things one would never have thought of had it not been seen, first-hand.
It’s not unusual that employees who have a lot of experience with personalities like the one OP describes, and not much faith in their management, absolutely do try to get rid of them … the easy way or the hard way. Some see it as their sacred duty to protect their organization, others do it simply to protect themselves.
Excellent post O&O.
Thank you. < embarrassed > I’m really happy that for a long time now I have not had to deal with anyone like the OP’s obnoxious new barn employee! LOL
[QUOTE=enjoytheride;8977551]
I totally disagree that because a worker was “just riding for fun” that a boarder could ask them to leave the arena. If I was a worker and a boarder told me to get out because I was just riding for fun the barn manager would be finding someone else to muck stalls in 20 degree weather. That’s elitist, snobby, and rude.[/QUOTE]
That’s totally not what I am trying to say.
If she is working on behalf of the stable, she may have more “rights” to the arena space than the boarders. When I boarded, for example, lessons always had the right of way and the trainer could ask other boarders to follow specific patterns or ride only in certain areas.
If she is riding “for pleasure” - like a boarder - however, then she is exactly the same as the OP. And neither of them has the right to demand anyone to leave the arena unless a rule is being broken.
[QUOTE=alterfe;8977535]
I was upset that I was treated like this as a paying customer by someone who has been there a very short time and starts telling me what I can and cannot do. I also don’t even know what her actual position is, so yes, I do believe she was out of line. I’ve been nothing but a good, loyal paying customer for years, so yes, this is unacceptable and unwarranted.[/QUOTE]
So take it up with the boss. Just get along with the employee until the boss sorts it out. In the meantime, why spend your time thinking of this employee as “spiteful”? That seems extreme to me.
[QUOTE=mvp;8977785]
So take it up with the boss. Just get along with the employee until the boss sorts it out. In the meantime, why spend your time thinking of this employee as “spiteful”? That seems extreme to me.[/QUOTE]
I guess you missed the part where I said that I had spoken to the trainer/BM who immediately addressed this issue.
I don’t understand why you’re so negative about the way I responded and make this whole encounter seem like it was entirely my fault and that I’m a terrible, rude, immature person. I guess I forgot all college kids are stupid, naive brats who have no real world experience :yes: I work two jobs and deal with a lot of people. Heck, I even used to work at the barn and would never dream of treating the other clients like this!
I’d also like to point out that I did not (and still do not know) the position/authority of this person. I did not even know this person was working at the farm until I walked into the ring and she started squawking at me. So yes, it was a bit of a shock. I also don’t want to rock the boat since I am an employee at the tack shop so I decided that keeping quiet and trying to go about my business as usual was the best option.
It’s been handled, but thanks for all of your kind advice!!!
1 Like
Since the issue is handled and addressed, I do wonder why you are still making posts on the internet about it. She spenta sentence or two asking you to not handwalk or whatever, and a sentence or two telling you to oass left to left, you told the BO, the BO addressed it…
and yet somehow here we still are.
I don’t understand why you’re so negative about the way I responded and make this whole encounter seem like it was entirely my fault and that I’m a terrible, rude, immature person. I guess I forgot all college kids are stupid, naive brats who have no real world experience :yes:
Nobody said this.
mvp in particular did not say this.
You blew roughly half a minute of combined interaction into a multi page internet discussion, escalated other people’s responses into stuff they did not say, and don’t appear to have even once considered moving on with your Sunday and letting this go now. Nope the internet needs to validate you some more, first about how terrible it was that the employee was abrasive to you, and then additionally about anonymous members of internet court not being suitably sympathetic to your plight.
OMG someone was rude and people were not sufficiently sympathtic or validating.
Iwork two jobs and deal with a lot of people. Heck, I even used to work at the barn and would never dream of treating the other clients like this!
Many people can
I’d also like to point out that I did not (and still do not know) the position/authority of this person. I did not even know this person was working at the farm until I walked into the ring and she started squawking at me. So yes, it was a bit of a shock. I also don’t want to rock the boat since I am an employee at the tack shop so I decided that keeping quiet and trying to go about my business as usual was the best option.
It’s been handled, but thanks for all of your kind advice!!![/QUOTE]
-
You do not need to know the authority of a person to respond to them professionally and politely.
You can say “It was my understanding that handwalking was fine” either way.
You can also say, " I will try to always pass left to left, I just didn’t see you in time" either way.
It is not about “who has what authority” it is about "how to oommunicate about shared space like an adult.
If she has all the authority she should still be polite.
If she has none of the authority you should still be polite. -
In the end, you still spent the better part of a Sunday stewing over 30 seconds of interaction that was not sufficiently to your liking, and continuing to post -even after you claim you handled it and the BO addressed it- so ask yourself what you are really trying to gain here.
[QUOTE=meupatdoes;8977872]
Since the issue is handled and addressed, I do wonder why you are still making posts on the internet about it. She spenta sentence or two asking you to not handwalk or whatever, and a sentence or two telling you to oass left to left, you told the BO, the BO addressed it…
and yet somehow here we still are.
Nobody said this.
mvp in particular did not say this.
You blew roughly half a minute of combined interaction into a multi page internet discussion, escalated other people’s responses into stuff they did not say, and don’t appear to have even once considered moving on with your Sunday and letting this go now. Nope the internet needs to validate you some more, first about how terrible it was that the employee was abrasive to you, and then additionally about anonymous members of internet court not being suitably sympathetic to your plight.
OMG someone was rude and people were not sufficiently sympathtic or validating.
Many people can
I’d also like to point out that I did not (and still do not know) the position/authority of this person. I did not even know this person was working at the farm until I walked into the ring and she started squawking at me. So yes, it was a bit of a shock. I also don’t want to rock the boat since I am an employee at the tack shop so I decided that keeping quiet and trying to go about my business as usual was the best option.
It’s been handled, but thanks for all of your kind advice!!![/QUOTE]
-
You do not need to know the authority of a person to respond to them professionally and politely.
You can say “It was my understanding that handwalking was fine” either way.
You can also say, " I will try to always pass left to left, I just didn’t see you in time" either way.
It is not about “who has what authority” it is about "how to oommunicate about shared space like an adult.
If she has all the authority she should still be polite.
If she has none of the authority you should still be polite. -
In the end, you still spent the better part of a Sunday stewing over 30 seconds of interaction that was not sufficiently to your liking, and continuing to post -even after you claim you handled it and the BO addressed it- so ask yourself what you are really trying to gain here.[/QUOTE]
Oh, I figured the kind people of COTH would love an update, I know they always do!! Any excuse to further stir the pot 
I appreciate your very well-constructed and in depth analyzation of how I spent my Sunday, it must have taken you a while to type up all of that! I hope your day was just as wonderful xoxo
OP you are awesome, the last part of your post #73 has me laughing as I head up to bed!
Maybe Meup doesn’t have any cases that are as interesting as what’s on COTH and has to stir things up to create her own judge, jury, and executioner. :lol:
[QUOTE=meupatdoes;8977872]
and yet somehow here we still are.[/QUOTE]
Yes, yes you are.
You both are.
I mean goodness, you weren’t even “squawked” at, yet you remain here … wondering why in the world OP is still here. Wonders piled upon wonders, wrapped in wonder-tempura.
[QUOTE=Coanteen;8978027]
. Wonders piled upon wonders, wrapped in wonder-tempura.[/QUOTE]
This is sig line worthy!
It is funny to read people who write about being polite when their responses don’t seem to fall into that category. :lol:
[QUOTE=Coanteen;8978027]
Yes, yes you are.
You both are.
I mean goodness, you weren’t even “squawked” at, yet you remain here … wondering why in the world OP is still here. Wonders piled upon wonders, wrapped in wonder-tempura.[/QUOTE]
You know after reading all of these posts I thought “yelled” may have been a little too strong… squawked just seemed more fitting. Kind of like there has been lots of squawking going on in this thread :lol: it’s just a great word really!!
Wonders piled upon wonders, wrapped in wonder-tempura.
WONDER TEMPURA!! :lol: I am sooo stealing this. For pretty much anything. I will make up a reason to use it.
Also. I agree.
