He's MINE, not yours!

[twobits]

Hey guys,

my friend recently delved into the world of leasing her horse to help make it easier to make ends meet during the holiday season. She found a wonderful person willing to half lease the horse, with intentions to horse show it in the summer. All wonderful things… except she has a habit that absolutely drives me nuts. The girl leasing calls the horse hers all the time!

Photos are posted with the caption “my boy”, she calls him hers at the farm (including in front of my friend), new lesson clients, etc. My friend is pretty lackadaisical about it - she is just happy she has found someone to ride and love on him when she cannot be there. I, however, find the habit very annoying! The horse belongs to my friend, who has worked very hard to get to a place to afford a horse of her own, and continues to work hard to be able to afford the horse. I have always been in a place where there should be a distinction between owner and leasee. What do you guys think? When you leased horses were you cautious of your wording? Owners, what’s your opinion? I’m not sure if I’m being overly sensitive or having a realistic reaction.

[Calvincrowe]

How old is the possessive lessee? She sounds young. The three people who lease horses in our barn refer to the horse by name, “Red is doing great! I can’t wait to show Red! How are you today Red?” I have heard them say “he’s feisty!” But they certainly don’t believe or say that the horse us “theirs”, but using the “my horse” phrase wouldn’t bother me if it’s said occasionally.

[foursocks]

If it isn’t your horse, and the owner doesn’t care, why do you care?

I will ask again: if it isn’t your horse, why do you care?

There are no rules about this, what is appropriate is whatever is worked out between the owner and lessee. One more time: since it isn’t your horse and the owner doesn’t care, why do you?

[crosscreeksh]

[QUOTE=foursocks;7908694]
If it isn’t your horse, and the owner doesn’t care, why do you care?

I will ask again: if it isn’t your horse, why do you care?

There are no rules about this, what is appropriate is whatever is worked out between the owner and lessee. One more time: since it isn’t your horse and the owner doesn’t care, why do you?[/QUOTE]

Because…It WOULD be a bit irritating!!

[foursocks]

Wait, but why? I would be irritated on my friend’s behalf if SHE was upset, but then, also, I would tell her to do something about it. But if she didn’t care, why would I care? I’m not the person in charge of Leasing Etiquette for Other People’s Horses.

[Halt_Near_X]

I’m overly sensitive about it, so it would bother me… if I were leasing out my horse and someone did that to him.

To someone else’s horse? It would irritate me, but so do other things people do, like talking baby talk to their horses. I tune it out and let it go, because it’s not my horse and not my business.

A lot of people I know wouldn’t be bothered by it, and the only person whose opinion matters in this is the owner’s.

If your friend doesn’t care, you need to learn to ignore it, like any other annoying but not-affecting-you habit you might see in other people around the barn.

[TRIPLEBAR]

I personally would find this a little irritating but as long as everything else was in order I would put up with it. It would drive me bananas on FB for sure…it may be not a bad thing for the person part leasing to have some sense of ownership as long as liberties were not taken. As soon as twhey were the horse would no longer be available.

[CHT]

People call my lesson horses “their” horses on Facebook and around the farm. I like it. I like that they care about my horses in that way. I like that they buy them saddle pads they think they would look cute in, or new halters.

[OnDeck]

I called all of my leased horses “mine”. I call the project horse that I ride (that I do not lease or own) “mine”. I would never tell anyone that I own them if they were to ask. I just call them mine casually because 1. “the horse that I lease” is a mouthful and just a pain, and 2. the situation with the last horse is kind of tricky, and I don’t want to talk specifics with everyone. I’m not hiding anything, I just don’t want or need to explain how I found a free ride to everyone I meet. If anyone were to ask specifics, I would obviously tell them that I do not own him.

I don’t know what the leasee in question would call the horse. “The horse that I half lease” err that’s a mouthful and can lead to questions, “The horse that I ride” isn’t quite right either… “mine” is just so much easier, if not entirely accurate. As long as she’s not claiming to own the horse (which I really don’t think she is by casually saying “mine”), I don’t see a problem.

[ElisLove]

I have no issue with it. What do you want them to say
Hey look at this adorable picture of the horse that I half lease from blah blah blah
every time she wants to post a cute pic of her and the horse
or every time she’s having a conversation
How was your ride today? oh I just had a great lesson on the horse that I half lease from blah blah blah.

I would rather her feel so much love for the horse she calls it ‘my horse’ rather than being meh about the horse and calling it ‘this horse’ or something.
I HIGHLY doubt that she is literally trying to imply that she now thinks she owns the horse.

[Cindyg]

Yeah, I actually think it’s a good sign that the leaser and the horse have a good connection. I don’t think anyone looks at that as a legal description.

As to the attitude of “It’s mine!” well, of course it is; but you’ve agreed to share. Two people can love one horse. I assume they carefully carved out when each human is doing what.

I think it’s fine.

[SnicklefritzG]

It’s easy enough: “look at [name of horse]! doesn’t he look great?”

or I’m leasing [name of horse], he is so nice!

[Somantu]

Doesn’t bother me.
I’ve had part-boarders for the last 15 years and like the fact that they love my horses as if they were their own.
Like your friend, I’ve worked hard to be able to own horses –– but that doesn’t mean that someone else can’t love and appreciate them. Besides, I know I own the horse. That’s enough for me.

[Griffyn]

I lease my mare sometimes, and I am not offended. It did set me back the first time I heard it… but really, it shows that the lease is taking responsibility and feels some stewardship over the horse. The one lease gal that called my mare her mare- it made me feel good (once I got over myself) that she loves my mare. And caring about her and feeling affiliative toward the mare is in my mind-- somewhat protective. Once I established that her care of the horse was good. Besides. Theres no question in the horses mind who she belongs to… when we are both in the barn its kindof obvious. Grace would walk away from just about anyone to hang out with me.

[RugBug]

I’m with foursocks: if the owner doesn’t care, why should anyone else?

I, too, would find it to be a positive that a lessee liked my horse enough to use possessive terms when talking about them. As long as they clarified when someone asked, no worries.

Thinking about it, I might even still call the horse I sold a few years back, “my boy.” It’s a term of an endearment, not a term of ownership.

[MyHorseSpot]

Rugbug is right. It’s a term of endearment, for petes sake, not claiming ownership. I full lease a horse, I call him my boy, if people tell me he’s handsome when I’m on him or walking him, sometimes I smile, sometimes I tell them I lease him, but if asked, I never say that I own him.

[rulex]

I’ve generally refrained from referring to the horses I lease “mine” because I don’t own them, but funny enough a few weeks ago I was out with the local hunt on a leased horse and afterwards one of the members asked me “How was your horse today” and I replied something along the lines “Oh I don’t own a horse” and he patiently repeated “How was the horse you rode today”. I was a bit embarrassed about getting so hung up on wording. Really, who cares!

If it’s a horse you’re riding, then it is your horse as opposed to the horse that someone else is riding, regardless of who owns it. There’s no harm in the leaser referring to the horse with a possessive pronoun. The horse is her lease horse, does she really need to specifically include “my lease horse” on every picture she wants to post of it or anytime she refers to it in the barn?

I often get comments from people when I’m out on the trail on a busy sunny day “Oh your horse is so pretty” “Oh your horse looks like he’s enjoying himself”. Do I need to correct them all and say “Oh he’s not mine”. Of course I would never claim ownership, but there’s no sense in getting hung up on wording.

[jetsmom]

My horse’s heart is big enough to hold all of the love people want to give him. So if someone loves him, and was half leasing, them saying “my boy” wouldn’t bother me in the least. I would feel they are attached and will look out for his best interests as if he was theirs. But we both know who owns him. And the people that it might matter to (BO, Farrier, vet) all know it.

[Soaponarope]

It sounds as if your friend needs the money from the lease and doesn’t need your interference. I would keep your concerns to yourself and let her collect her checks, particularly if the lessee is going to take on the expense of showing the horse this summer and that is something your friend appreciates. There are lots of other things to worry about, like world peace and horse abuse. Maybe you could share your concerns during this holiday season with horses who have no one to love them?

[rhymeswithfizz]

I see it as a term of the partnership between horse and human, not possession.

I call my daughter’s leased pony “her pony” – as does everyone who meets him. When other adults speak to her, knowing full well that we do not own the pony, they say “How is your pony doing?”

Whenever I have leased out my horses, I have referred to them as “our boy” when speaking to the lessee.

When I have borrowed horses at the hunt, people would ask “How was your horse today?”, also knowing that this was not my horse, but indicative of the partnership we had, even for just that day.

However, if I had a horse at a sale barn, say, it would be very odd if the professional started calling my horse “hers”.