You really think that it wouldn’t have been pulled apart 9 ways to Sunday no matter how perfect her feeding plan would be because it wasn’t effective yet - even though she’s changed it up a few times with OUR suggestions? She’s added the alfalfa, she’s added grain, she’s moved the hay bag…everything!
Now think about everything she has posted. Every single time she has posted, and she has changed EVERYTHING about her horsemanship since she came here, everything she has said the community has picked apart.
And sure - she has a lot to learn, I’m NOT arguing that. But when a lesson student comes onboard to a new place, there’s no hysteria because they don’t know how to post. There’s patient, kind, drip-feeding of one bit of information at a time. Gentle suggestions made. Praise for progress.
This is, or should be, the same. And again - some people have been wonderful. But some haven’t, and that’s what I’m talking about.
We (meaning COTH) nixed the first instructor - but perhaps you don’t remember that. And she changed instructors. She axed buying another horse due to a bad PPE.
From the first ride, she was showing evidence of some sort of physical issue. She did not do xrays of her back:
“I haven’t done X-rays, but after her ppe, a scheduled vet, and an emergency vet appointment, we haven’t found any reason to suspect pain.”
She said, and I quote:
"I’ve been real anxious about her eating and drinking. Especially her eating but after reading the whole Bo thread, I took a page from the book and added molasses. And she ate! "
Then she got her teeth done, we’re still talking about July here. Then she wasn’t standing at the mounting block, so we went through a litany of saddle fit etc issues.
She got an equiband since someone here recommended it, and then people freaked out and unrecommended it.
She changed her halter fit, mounting block, the other rider, what she was feeding her - I mean this gal has taken EVERYTHING we’ve said in stride and CHANGED her own plans.
I don’t think you can take the lack of progress in weight according to what you’d like to see as evidence that she’s being cruel, defensive, or otherwise being anything less than grateful for the advice she has received.
Oh, and I’m not saying people should sweep concerns under the table or not continue to make recommendations, but the fact is, this gal has handled all of this feedback like a champ - so to insist that she’s not is kinda beyond the pale to me.
Yeah and an apology and subsequent redaction. Sunshine and rainbows.
I still haven’t seen anything nasty or out of line. Some discussion, a LOT of praise and support, a little bit of uncoated straightforward feedback. I think some people are holding back as well, because they know that what they have to say (even if it’s true) won’t help in the long run. I call that pretty darn mature for the internet.
I guess you missed when @Djones apologized for using that word.
?I redacted the word “Cruel” and I wish I hadn’t put it that way, as it took on a life of its own. I do wish I’d said “UNKIND” to an obviously much loved and sweet horse. I apologize for using the word cruel.
The point is - the words were used. The intent was there. And it was very clear. And it wasn’t just that particular post. There was more than one poster whose “honesty” was not helpful.
Not really sure what you expect to get out of this. Are you trying to slap the CoTH meanies on the wrist? Now you have the power to decide if an apology not even directed at you is good enough?
The OP was given loads of supportive advice. Obviously none of us are on the ground and can see the horse for ourselves, but its an internet board and she came here asking for advice. Yes, some of it will have contradictory opinions because welp - that’s horses. There are many roads to Rome.
OP is a great poster and I really hope we eventually hear from her again. Every single poster can tell how much she loves this horse, and that learning is sometimes trial and error. The learning is not done yet (it never is).
errrrrrrrrrrr ummmmmmmmm Nope, I did not mention anything about the amount of hay Honey was receiving. I did ask how much hay and what kind was Honey eating.
What would you prefer, some groveling and “you’re doing everything perfectly and your horse is definitely 100% fine no need to change anything or investigate any further”?
100%.
I hope we see OP again. I hope the pasture board and feed bag situation works out over the winter. Both Honey and OP are working against the odds here, and I’m sure this wasn’t what OP was envisioning when she bought the horse (not COTH, but the experience she’s had with Honey).
No. A real apology doesn’t substitute one word for another, and plain old “sorry” doesn’t heal wounds.
A real apology makes amends. How do you think that poster could have helped the situation so that the information was heard better? How do you think that poster could have buffered the damage that she caused with the word?
Nah - wisdom gleaned from lots of study of what an apology is Started out with a marriage therapist telling me that.
Contradictory opinions are fine. I have no issue with that.
But I do really feel for beginners posting here. It’s a harsh place. Less harsh than it used to be - I’ve been here a long time - but it’s so hard. I have no time for the NPs but that’s not the case here.
My role (and intent) here is just to have a different perspective. There’s a middle way between sunshine and rainbows and being mean and piling on. I think we can do that.
Forgot to address that - yes, I’m a bit concerned about that myself, but I’m sure this experience is overwhelming and unfun. And I also hope she comes back.
It’s tough to go into a rehab, refeed, retrain situation as an experienced horse owner with both eyes wide open, and a strong support system. I do feel for OP in the case that this is certainly not been easy and probably not that fun. I think a lot of posters have realized that they do not have in real life support network of any sort of knowledge and thus are trying to prevent something from spiraling very quickly downhill. This can feel a little bit like people are not giving the benefit of the doubt, but I think most have been quite gracious.
Regardless, I think I OP is gone for now, and any sort of real world constructive feedback at this point is just pointless.
Again, I think we disagree here. I’ve seen plenty - including the accusation of 10 lbs of hay fed. It’s easy for me to sense tone through writing, and man do I sense it.
Agreed that many have been gracious. Some have not been.
Again, I think we have differing opinions here. I think it’s a positive for us to talk about the fact that we run people off, and it happens quite a bit. Rather than patting ourselves on the back for our “honesty” and saying that the person is just too sensitive, maybe we should discuss what we, as a community, could do better. When I was younger, I used to like it too - I’d say “yeah, COTH is tough, and we don’t suffer fools lightly”…but now I’m old and feel differently about how to help others.
But, if we don’t want to be that kind of community - one that can educate kindly - then feel free to just ignore what I say. I’ve done my best to provide a different point of view. I care about the horse community, I care about the horses who get into these situations, and I care about owners who are trying their best under difficult circumstances. Much to my own detriment sometimes, because then I end up with horses like these, whose owners have tried everything but haven’t had any luck. I think early intervention and kind and educated help is key - but we can’t forget that people have differing ways of hearing feedback, different levels of stress in their lives, and just like horses need different approaches, so too do people.
With that, I’ll bow out - I’ve said my piece…or peace…whatever the heck that saying is.
Well, for my part, my job involves a lot of rolling my eyes behind the screen at people who lack communication skills, and then moving on. Along that line, yes I think we can disagree about tone on the Internet for this thread.
I do want to address the 10 pound thing, though. That was, as far as I can tell, a misinterpretation of a post. Without OP here to correct that early on, people ran with it - this thread was over 600 posts at that point so I don’t think that’s unfair. Your receipts have cleared that up and I expect it will be dropped unless someone comes back with evidence to the contrary. Posters questioning the supposed hay situation is not people being mean behind a facade (and I point out, most were saying IF it’s true rather than taking it as fact).
There’s been a lot of praise and glossing over of potential issues in the effort of encouraging OP and having us be a positive experience for them. It was the pictures of the show (and following) that really broke the camels back for a lot of posters, who realized that this situation perhaps was not improving as it should be and maybe a little more straightforward input was needed. Personally, I don’t fault them for that!
Started out with a marriage therapist telling me that.