Deepest sympathy for you and all those who are affected by your son’s death.
Sending prayers that somehow, sometime very soon, you will know what happened and be able to start on the road to your own healing.
If a circle of caring internet friends can help, know you have them all around you.
I am deeply sorry for the tragic loss of a wonderful child.
I hope you have answers soon.
just need support
I am having a very difficult time these days. Still no result (but I am looking to contact a lawyer to see if it will light a fire. There is a husband from here that I did talk 2 but I cant remember name of the wife from here)
Anyway, that is beside the point. My son’s birthday is on Monday the 18th and I can feel the emotional dread of this day approaching. (wish there was a barf icon) Today, I was exhausted so I took a nap. I woke up crying because I had another dream about him. 1 of around 20+ since he has passed but this one we were at a park and he told me he loved me. Then I said to him " I love you more than you will ever know". After that I woke up and sat in my bed crying for a good 1/2 hour.
On Monday I will be having a lesson with a fellow CLOTHer. I am happy about that because it should take my mind off the sad sad sad day.
I was sitting here thinking and something funny popped into my head. Here I am one of the crazy Coloured WB breeders and it must be carried in the blood. When my son was born I owned a dun then I bought a very plain bay named Wellintanz. The dun was the very very first horse Jamie was able to get on (at like 3month old by the way). After I sold the dun I bought my Paint stud colt. Jamie wanted nothing to do with the bay … NOTHING. AHHAHA but would get on the Paint (Kodi) in a heartbeat…LOL. It must be in the blood:lol:
PS> Jamie would be 7yrs old<~~ blue was his fav color
Here are some pics.
http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a94/nadanejsi/kodi1jamie.jpg
http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a94/nadanejsi/xmasJamie.jpg
http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a94/nadanejsi/Jamie10.jpg
http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a94/nadanejsi/Jamie4.jpg
http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a94/nadanejsi/Jamie3.jpg
http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a94/nadanejsi/xmasj.jpg
http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a94/nadanejsi/jamie.jpg
My heart goes out to you . we lost a daughter 3 years ago to meningitis and i still feel that she is just traveling somewhere and will pop up like she always used to…
Kristi, I’m so sorry. Birthdays and the holidays make it so hard.
The pictures of Jamie made me smile despite the sadness of their posting–his personality really comes through in them, I think. :sadsmile:
Why, oh why are the autopsy results taking so long?
I have nooooo idea… im thinking almost a cover up on something. We will hit the 1 year mark in late April and that is just a skip away. There is a 2yr stat of limitations. Makes one wonder:confused:
There were some ooops in the process before he got to the doctor office and after… I have contacted a lawyer and they arnt sure anything can be done because it is hard to go after the medical world. At this point all I want are the autopsy reports
PS. Is it any easier after 3 yrs? My sister died of cancer 7yrs ago and it wasn’t getting any better but now that my son is gone I tend to think more about the pain from him than my sister. I keep wondering who’s next?
PS… I am sure you see his personality… it is hard to not see… even with just pictures.
Oh Kristi…I just saw this thread…I cannot IMAGINE what you are going through…I am SO SO sorry…Hang in there and know that I am sending serenity and best wishes from PA…
Warmly,
Karin
Nootka, I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost a wonderful, happy, healthy little boy in April of 1980 and I still don’t know why all these years later. I am familiar with the agony you’re going through. Just know that you’re not alone.
I haven’t read the whole thread, it brings back too many memories. But, I do want to advise you to get a lawyer if you haven’t done so. He/she could petition the court to order those records released to you.
My prayers are with you and your family.
Bonnie
Kristi my heart just grieves for you every time I read this thread. I can not imagine the heartache and pain you must be going through and not knowing would jut make it all even more difficult. As the mother of an eight-year-old who is the center of my world, I send you my most sincere and heartfelt apologies during this most difficult time. Keep busy and keep your warm memories close. :sadsmile:
Nootka - You are in my prayers.
I also wanted to repost this:
Bereaved Parents Wish List (author unknown)
I wish you would not be afraid to speak my child’s name. They lived and were important and I need to hear their name.
If I cry or get emotional if we talk about my child, I wish you knew that it isn"t because you have hurt me; the fact they have died has caused my tears. You have allowed me to cry and I thank you. Crying and emotional outbursts are healing.
I wish you wouldn’t let my loved one die again by removing from your home her pictures, artwork, or other remembrances.
I will have emotional highs and lows, ups and downs. I wish you wouldn’t think that if I have a good day my grief is over, or that if I have a bad day I need psychiatric counseling.
I wish you knew that the death of a child is different from other losses and must be viewed separately. It is the ultimate tragedy and I with you wouldn’t compare it to your loss of a parent, spouse, or a pet. This one is just the worst in my eyes.
Being a bereaved person is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn’t stay away from me.
I wish you knew all the crazy grief reactions that I am having are in fact very normal. Depression, anger, frustration and hopelessness and the questioning of values and beliefs are to be expected following a death.
I wish you wouldn’t expect my grief to be over in six months. The first few years are going to be exceedingly traumatic for us. As with alcoholics, I will never be cured or a formerly bereaved but forever be recovering from my bereavement.
I wish you understood the physical reaction to grief. I may gain weight or lose weight, sleep all the time or not at all, develop a lot of illness and be accident prone, all of which are related to my grief.
Our child’s birthday, the anniversary of her death, and the holiday are terrible times for us. I wish you would tell us that you are thinking about them on these days and if we get quiet and withdrawn, just know that we are thinking about them and don’t try to coerce us into being cheerful.
I wish you wouldn’t offer to take me out for a drink, or to a party; this is just a temporary crutch and the only way I can get through this grief is to experience it. I have to hurt before I can heal.
I wish you understood that grief changes people. I am not the same person I was before my child died and I will never be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to be back to my old self you will stay frustrated. I am a new creature with new thoughts, dreams, aspirations, and values. Please try to get to know the new me; maybe you will still like me.
Please don’t tell us she is in a better place. As her mommy and daddy there is no better place then in our arms. We know you mean well but…
Thank you everyone. I will be contacting a lawyer. Just need to find one.
Thank you Freebird! that is 100% correct. As some of you know I am now in FL and with this move I ended up unpacking quite a few things of my son’s. It was sooooo hard. I am torn because I need to keep everything but some things I just dont have room for so I feel like I should cut down on some of the things. I just am having sooo many mixed emotions these days
Kristi, just a word from the voice of experience, don’t get rid of any of Jamie’s things just yet. Be patient with yourself, there is no time limit on grief.
If space is a problem, maybe you can find a foot locker or trunk you could pack his things in. Lock it up and tuck it away until you know you are ready to tackle the enormously emotional job of sorting through his belongings. It’s just too soon for you to do it right now.
I really feel for you. I hope you are finding strength in your friends and in your faith. Time makes it easier to live with your terrible loss but, it takes a long time.
Bonnie
Prayers for strength and healing to you. I can’t imagine your loss, and I pray for peace in your heart and happiness in your life. I’m so so sorry. God bless you.
Nootka, I will continue to cry tears of sorrow for you, as I cannot imagine losing the little boy that I just birthed into my own arms 5 months ago. You are so much stronger than most of us could ever be. Your son is obviously a precious, smart, spirited little man and I know you must be very very proud of him. Thanks so much for sharing his pictures!
Words can not even begin to say how truly sorry for your loss. Sending warm thoughts your way during this difficult week coming and hope the lawyer can bring some closure to this for you.
How absolutely awful! My prayers and thougths are with the family at this most trying time…our condolences…
Nootka,
What a horrible, horrible tragedy. I just got tears in my eyes, imagining what it must be like to lose your precious boy.
I have a 19 year old son and a 5 year old daughter, I would be absolutely ruined if I lost either of them.
So sorry for your loss and I hope you can get some closure in finding an answer as to why he had to leave this world so young!!
Jingles, and you are in my thoughts/prayers as you try to get through the holidays.
Katy
<<hugs>> I hope you get results soon, so at least you can have some closure. I’m sure the holidays are very rough. Hug your mare & hang in there!
Jingles for the whole entire family, in my thoughts and prayers.
:sadsmile: Those pictures are just wonderful. I am still shocked that this all happened - obviously not as shocked as you and I can’t imagine what you’re going through at this time of year. I hope you manage to get some answers out of them soon!
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