Horse Purchasing: Trainer and I disagree! What do I do?

Thank you! I really appreciate it! Yeah, a lot of my friends say I am a “dry texter” but in Switzerland it’s just how we text, it’s totally normal to me!

Thank you for the encouraging words!!

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Thank you for the kind words! I am going to have a sit down talk with my trainer #2 to talk more about my goals for riding, since we have never really talked about that before.
Thanks a lot!

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OP, I want to be a counterbalance to those who are implying that it is a no-brainer to go with Trainer #2. You articulated valid reasons for wanting to board with Trainer #1: namely, that Trainer #2 is and hour and a half away and that it is not practical to be there as much as you would like, especially in the event of an emergency with your horse. Your thought process demonstrates maturity and horsemanship. For a horseman, the horse’s wellbeing (and your own) and your partnership with your horse are priorities over competition goals. I have had to choose between boarding at a local barn versus a more show-oriented barn and always chose the closest barn possible (with safe facilities and good care). I have had 3-hour round trip commutes to work 5 days a week and can attest that all that time driving wore me out. Even though I lived on the same premises as my horse I found that I rode less and eventually had to change jobs just to escape that commute.

Regardless of your horse’s capabilities, a rider who has limited time in the saddle will find that her progress stalls. The juniors at my barn typically have periods of time where they ride less; they do not make progress towards moving up during these periods. When they are able to ride nearly every day, ideally on more than one horse, they resume progressing their skills.

Riding is a perishable skill: riders have to ride in order to progress; weekend riders can maintain their skillset and perhaps progress slowly, but in order to move up from 2’9” to 3’6” with 2 years, you will need/benefit from as much time in the saddle as possible.

Food for thought as you move forward with discussions with your parents and trainers.

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:joy: You’re very sweet, OP, and you’re very patient. Something to remember on forums and other types of social media: you can say the sky is blue and grass is green and someone somewhere will still find reasons to argue, prevaricate, or otherwise split hairs. There is no pleasing everyone. Someone will always say “well you should have done x” or “if you had said Y then-”. Just be honest, have a sense of humor, and engage critically with the things you find helpful.

Internet denizen etiquette (“netiquette”? can we make this a thing?) aside:

This suggests to me that you have a lot of thinking to do (and that’s not a bad thing)! Your researching and your planning can help lay the foundation for your future endeavors. This thread seems to have brought a lot of that to the forefront. I would really strongly recommend you figure out what your concrete goals are. Do you want to jump higher and learn more in lessons, or would you be willing to sacrifice some of the height (say, going above 3’6) for a horse that can take you to A shows at 3’3-3’6 and be successful? (What does “a successful show” look like to you? Some people will say “I want to win”, others say “I would like to be competitive but I don’t have to win” and still others may say “A successful show for me is when I have good rounds and rode the horse to the best of my ability, even if I don’t get a ribbon for it”. Figuring out what you want out of showing is important, because that will help direct what types of horses you look at.)

Once you figure out what you want then you can talk to your trainer about it. This circles back around to communication. You have to be able to articulate your goals to your trainer (whichever it is you work with on this). That can be challenging - but then comes the difficult part: you have to listen to their reply.
They may say that some part of your goal isn’t realistic given your timeframe (as you will be going to college in 2 years). They may suggest compromises. This becomes a conversation. You have to accept that you may not hear “Yes, celine.eq2023, I can absolutely promise to deliver everything you said you want” - but then it’s back to figuring out what’s negotiable, what’s not, and making sure everyone is on the same page.

For what it’s worth, I think leasing is a great option (especially since you have college on the horizon) and I think this is a good thing to approach your trainer with. Open the dialogue with them - they may have some really useful information or insights for you (as they know you as a rider, best) that can help direct your thoughts and research.

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Thank you! Yes, it definitely opened up a lot of thought! I need to think about this more and I think a lease will be more in the direction I will go for. This definitely made me think about how many things you have to account for before buying a horse!

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Forgive me forgetting, but upthread someone had the excellent suggestion of drafting an email with your wish list, goals, budget, etc. for your parents to review. May I suggest turning this thread from the original question to one asking for input on your email?

You can come up with an outline or just draft it straight through and ask for input. People here can help both with language/communication style and the types of info you should provide and questions you might want to ask. That would give you a concrete takeaway from this online exercise and really help you move forward on this project. I know there’d be loads of folks willing to give polite, constructive feedback.

As an aside, I would personally encourage you towards leasing. I had a horse when I went off to a super competitive elite uni. I did the equestrian team but you didn’t use your own horse so that was only an occasional fun side experience. I was pre-med and found I simply did not have the time I needed to get out to the barn and ride. I ended up retiring that OTTB mare back with her breeder so, a soft landing, but I wish I hadn’t wasted the time and money of almost two years not riding nearly enough PLUS feeling guilty for it PLUS hemorrhaging cash. Maybe lease these two years and see how you get on freshman year before committing to buying? Just an idea, though. You’ll know better what you’re capable of.

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That’s a great idea with the email! I’ll see what I can draft up tonight but it might be very rough. I definitely heard all the comments about leasing, and I agree. I am not even 100% sure if the college I will one day attend will have horse boarding so it is a better decision to lease.
Thank you lots!

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Yes, mine was urban so it was an hour via train/bus to the stables and it just didn’t happen. Certainly not on school nights but then, on weekends, there might be school events or I’d want to get to know people and make friends, not leave campus for most of the day. It just didn’t work out for me. But, it does for some people so take that for what it is - anecdotal.

I’ve a friend who did well going to school and riding in Zürich, actually (where my sister-in-law is from incidentally). Where are you from? J’habitais à Genève.

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Hyper cool! Wesh, j’habitais à Genève quand j’étais petite. C’est une ville si jolie! Je visite mes cousins à Genève chaque année mais c’est difficile de partir pour moi.

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Oui, c’est vrai, trop joli mais un peu calme pour les étudiants. :rofl: I felt they rolled up the streets by 10 PM!

I think you write quite well in English (and French!) so put your thoughts down and share them here, if you’re comfortable, and I bet you get great feedback to help make your communication the best and most efficient it can be. Then get your parents’ input and you’ll be well on your way to a meeting of the minds among your family and your two trainers. This should be fun so don’t forget that!

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OP didn’t ask for feedback on their communication skills. OP came to a horse-related forum, asked a horse-related question, and got dog-piled on about their communication skills. We often delve into unsolicited advice here, but at least it generally sticks to being horse-related.

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Thank you! Une chose qui ne me manque pas, c’est la vie après 10 heures… c’est trop calme!

I think it is a really good idea to practice my communication! This would really benefit myself and also my trainers so that they both have clear ideas of what I want to achieve one day!

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Sorry, I am the one who should clarify. When I said ‘your communication’ above, I was referring to this one email communication with your trainers. We can work with you to make that particular message as clear and concise as possible. I didn’t mean your overall communication skills or style. While those can always be worked on and improved by everyone, native and non-native speakers alike, I in no way meant to comment on your overall skills/style which I think are solid for your age and linguistic background. I grew up bilingual and my children are growing up like you, trilingual (as did my sister-in-law), and I think you’re doing fantastic in your 3rd language. I should not have used the term ‘communication’ in a legal lingo manner. I should have said, ‘help make your message/email the most efficient it can be.’

Mais, pendant l’université :musical_note: ‘we’re the party people night and day’ :musical_note: :dancer: :man_dancing:

:rofl:

See what you come up with and get some feedback here and I think you’ll be well placed to have a really productive talk with your parents and trainers.

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Another life learning for you. All of your life, in all circumstances, people will make assumptions about you based on your writing style. And yes, judgments as well. About your origins, education and outlook on life. People in work life and in personal life.

And at some point you’ll be in a position where you will be doing the same thing.

How we present ourselves to others has a great deal to do with how others perceive us and treat us. Writing is an important part of self-presentation to the world. :slight_smile:

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Here’s another option to consider. Given that Trainer 1, the “cow pony” advocate, doesn’t seem to be a fit for finding the horse you want, and that the show barn is three hours of driving per day, which seems like it would cut into other activities, consider asking show barn trainer to help find your (lease or buy) horse and board it at the closer barn. You could continue to lesson at show barn, too; riding different horses really improves horsemanship.

This may mean that your show goals don’t get realized as well or as soon, but you’ll likely have more time with the horse.

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She’s also welcome to PM me, as I left my childhood barn to move full time to trainer that was farther away because otherwise, I was going to stagnate. (I wasn’t the one who made that decision at the time, my mom did, but I have the benefit of hindsight now. I was a few years younger than OP at the time). It meant leaving behind all of my friends and being the noob peanut at the new barn, but it also completely changed the trajectory of my junior and young rider years for the better.

Also, I won’t continue this … I want to call it something that I think might get me a mod spanking, so I’ll just call it nonsense, instead … of adults patting themselves on the back for being pedantic about “communication” when they really should go out and touch some grass because they’re doing it to make themselves feel important, not out of concern in helping OP with the question that prompted this thread :wink:

but yeah @celine.eq2023 I’m happy to chat privately if you want.

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Since you live in a major city and you are from a very wealthy family, there should be way more than just two barns available. I live in flyover country and I have 20+ barns to choose from within an hour of my home, depending on my goals/wants/needs. You started riding at age six, which I assume is when you lived in Switzerland. Kids who start riding seriously at six are generally quite advanced by 16, especially if they have unlimited financial resources. There is just so much about your story that confuses me.

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Yes, but I live on the outskirts of the city, and there is a lot of traffic. On the outskirts, there are barely any barns. Inside the city, there are many barns, but the traffic makes the drive very long.
If this confuses you, feel free to stop commenting if the only thing you will do is say that nothing makes sense.

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Huh? Barns in the US are almost always on the outskirts of the city (i.e., in the country, where there is open land), not in the city center.

I promise I won’t comment anymore, this is far too frustrating.

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@celine.eq2023 you are welcome to PM me, also, if I can help with your draft.

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