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Horse refusing and i'm losing confidence

Hunter/Jumper
#1

I’m posting this using an alter. It’s a bit long, but I appreciate any advice/comments all you knowledgeable ladies (and gents) may have.

After taking an 8 year break from riding, I started again last spring. I take lessons three times a week. Before my break, I rode for 15 years and had my own horse. I currently do not own my own horse as I want to build up my riding skills and balance again before I would even think about buying my own horse.

I ride on an 11 year old school horse - i’ve been riding him ever since I started riding again (with the exception of 4-5 times) as my trainer doesn’t have that many school horses. Flatwork on him is great, even though he does get spooky and looky. I’m able to ride through his spookiness by staying relaxed and being aware, and over the months the monsters in the ring seem less scary when I ride him (he still spooks a lot with other riders).

Jumping with him is a whole other story. My trainer has me jumping crossrails and very low verticals on him, and every single lesson, the horse will spook and refuse/run out on at least one jump. It’s never the same jump. Now I realize that part (or most) of it is rider error, but I ride to the best of my abilities by sitting up straight, shoulders back, heels down, leg on and supportive, and support him all the way to the base of the jump. Yet he still finds that one jump that is just too scary for him, and he will run out or refuse one or two strides out. Even over ground rails and gymnastics he gets very looky. This is really affecting my confidence and form, and falling off isn’t the same as it was years ago as i’m the breadwinner and have a kid.

My trainer usually ends up yelling at me, saying that it’s my job to school the horse and that i’m letting him run out or refuse. My trainer knows the horse does this and has been doing this for years now (i’ve spoken to people who have leased him years ago and they had the same issues). So obviously the horse knows he can get away with it. I honestly don’t feel i’m a strong enough rider to ‘school the horse’, as he puts it. Plus, now i’m anticipating the spook and refusal/runout, which just puts me in that nervous state of mind (bad, I know). I’ve gotten a bit stronger and the run outs are less frequent, but then he does this awkward stop and huge overjump, which causes me to lose my balance. I haven’t fallen off yet, but i’m usually a nervous wreck by the end of the lesson, which is of course also affecting the horse. I know that this horse does it with other riders as i’ve been watching some other lessons as well.

I’ve tried talking to my trainer about it, but he just shrugs me off. I once even got the “you ride like an intermediate rider, you should know the answer to that” type of answer. I’ve asked if I can ride a different horse to regain my confidence and really work on my form (i’ve jumped using a different school horse twice before, and both times we did great), but another woman in my lesson usually rides that horse.

This is the only barn in the area, and he is the only trainer at the barn. I don’t want to give up/quit/ride in fear because I love horses and riding. How do I make it work with this schoolie? Do I just suck it up and ride? What do I do?

#2

honestly? find a new trainer or demand to be put on a different horse.

Confidence is a very VERY valuable thing and once you lose it it is hard to get it back, plus if you were to get hurt that would ruin your confidence even more, it just isnt worth it. I know how it is, but there have been times that i havent been comfortable on a horse for whatever reason and ive just learned to speak up, say im not comfortable jumping that or doing that for whatever reason, can we do something else and try that next time? Im not saying i do this everytime, but say when i was trying horses before i bought mine, i obviously didnt want to risk falling off and not being able to ride anymore so there was a time that i just had to say that i didnt like the horse. Sure its embaressing but if your that nervous that you feel you cant make it work and that nothing good is going to come out of it for you and the horse sometimes its better just to get on a different one. Although i feel that you should try to ride hard and difficult ones, i dont see a point in riding dangerous ones that are going to ruin your confidence and possibly get you hurt

#3

I mostly lurk on COTH but since your issue fits with the “been there, done that”, I had to respond. I think a good trainer would recognize the fact that you lost your cofindence and put you on a different horse to build that up again.

Are you sure there are no other barns in your area? I think you should look for a different place. There are a ton of people out here on COTH and I think you could safely state your location without giving away to much. That way, others can help you find a suitable place for you to build your confidence.

#4

you have every reason to be fearful. a veteran spook is a hard one to deal with, unpredictability is very difficult. i suggest that you ask your trainer before your next lesson to please hop on the horse and school it around. give him( trainer) an ego backrub and tell him you are sure that he is such a wonderful rider you will learn a great deal about what he expects from you by observing what he wants of you… which may turn out to be true…or it may stop with him, also.

don’t jump the horse unless the trainer gets on first. period. not a single pole on the ground…

suggest that you ride in another time slot/day so that you can ride the other horse.

#5

Is there any way you could switch lesson times or even take a private lesson in order to ride a different horse? It also might help your confidence.

I would seriously be looking for another trainer/instructor.

#6

Just wanted to agree with the “confidence is of utmost importance” sentiment that a lot of people are posting. I lost confidence about cantering at one point in my riding. My trainer (who is not a big name, nor does she teach at a fancy barn, but has lots of common sense, thank god!) recognized that I had grown afraid to ask my boy to canter (his antics when asked were making me afraid to even ask him anymore). She put me on a schoolie for 3 or 4 lessons. I got my confidence back. Then I was able to ride my boy with confidence again, which made his antics almost nil.

So, I think my best advice would be to have a sit down with the instructor and explain the fact that you need your confidence back, and that you two have to work together to figure out whatever arrangement will work in order to do this. Any good trainer will work with you, because they don’t want to lose a client. And if he isn’t willing to work with you, then he obviously doesn’t care about your well-being, and I would recommend getting the heck out of there!

I hope this works - best of luck to you!

#7

IMO, it would be worth driving several hours to get to a better trainer. If it were your job to be schooling the trainer’s horse, the trainer would be paying you, not you paying him for lessons on a supposed “schoolie”(whose job is, after all, to teach aspiring riders, not to be “schooled” by them!).

Really, your situation makes my head spin. This is a joke, right???

#8

I agree with all the above responses, is there another horse you can ride during your lessons that you can just point to the jump and will take care of you? I am also a rerider and can sympathize. I’m riding a great pony that although can be cranky on flatwork, is a very reliable jumper. I’m really just looking to become more confident over fences, and having a point and jump horse has helped me tremendously.

Perhaps you can change your lesson times, in order to ride a different horse? If your trainer is still unsympathetic, perhaps it is time to look around…

#9

I agree. Your confidence is too important to be riding with someone who does not care about it.

If this trainer does not respond after you come right out and tell him you NEED to ride a different horse then switch lesson times until you find a different trainer.

#10

I feel for you. I also agree with what everybody else before me had to say. Perhaps talk to your trainer and explain to him how you feel? No shame in that at all. Your safety comes first. I also ride a spooky horse and he can be quite a handful. I do get fearful at times, but knowing that my trainer will put a halt to it when things get really scary, really makes me feel more secure.

#11

as an adult rider with confidence issues as well…get a new trainer. Doesn’t sound like this trainer understands your needs at all, even after you have questioned issues.

I’m a rank beginner and my instructors don’t expect me to “school” the horse-obviously, they want me to fix a minor issue if the horse is taking advantage of me, but its not a situation like yours. In fact, in my last lesson my instructor even told me at this level, it is not my job to “train” during lessons-I’m paying money to LEARN how to ride well and at this point in the game its more about me than the horse.

So…I assume at 3 lessons a week you’re paying a lot of money to train this guy’s horse. If he doesn’t try to help you, find another place that will, even if it means driving a little further. In the long run, it will be much better for you!

#12

[QUOTE=fish;3952221]
IMO, it would be worth driving several hours to get to a better trainer. If it were your job to be schooling the trainer’s horse, the trainer would be paying you, not you paying him for lessons on a supposed “schoolie”(whose job is, after all, to teach aspiring riders, not to be “schooled” by them!).

Really, your situation makes my head spin. This is a joke, right???[/QUOTE]

Unfortunately, this isn’t a joke.

Thanks everybody for the advice so far. I’ve tried talking to my trainer while at the barn, but he always seems busy - teaching another lesson, in his office with another client, feeding the horses, etc. I think I will give him a call and discuss how I feel and the confidence issues i’m having. After all, i’m paying a lot of money for lessons 3 times a week - I deserve better!

I’ve looked into other barns before, but they only offer lessons at times when i’m at work, or an hour after I finish work, so I would only be able to ride during the weekend - kind of hard when dealing with a kid and a hubby who has a cycling hobby and is gone on his bike for hours on end. Unfortunately kiddo hasn’t been bitten by the horsebug, i’d take him along if he were. If they were located closer to me, I could make it to the barn on time, but since they are located 20-30 miles away, I can’t possibly get there on time to groom, tack up, etc.

Thanks again! For the longest time I thought it was my fault because i’m a re-rider and not as strong as I used to be, and I should just deal with it.

#13

Could you hire someone to come to the barn & watch your child? I’ve actually had some of the barn kids watch my 4-year old while I ride & they all seem to benefit from it.

Seriously, you need to be able to trust your trainer 100%. I’ve had serious confidence issues (you know, feeling like you want to vomit, cry & pee your pants all at the same time :slight_smile: ), but I totally trust that my trainer will not ask me to do anything that I cannot do. I might not think I can do it, but she knows that I can. It means the world to me.

I hope you find a reasonable solution. I do not envy your position.

#14

Perhaps you are stronger than you think and that is what the trainer is seeing…and why he thinks you should suck it up and deal with it…not saying this is right or not. But when I was a kid…we didn’t question, we did. You fell off…you got back on. Some trainers are that old school and do not pamper their riders…he probably looks at you and thinks you are an intermediate rider who can ride this horse. He isn’t questioning your skill level…you are. Take some confidence in that.

Just a thought. Alternatively…perhaps you should look into getting your own horse, if you can afford it. If you are aready riding 3x a week…that is pretty committed.

#15

Lesson clients are paying to learn… perhaps that includes how to deal with certain behaviors such as spooking, but it also includes the opportunity to practice building skills on an appropriate mount. What you’ve described is a lesson horse that is unsuitable for riders who are novice over fences.

The fact that your instructor shrugs your concerns off is an even bigger red flag to me. I personally would not be willing to continue in that kind of situation; it isn’t going to be productive for you to learn all sorts of defensive habits or worse, to get hurt trying to deal with this horse’s confirmed issues while you are trying to build your skills.

I would make an appointment to sit down with your trainer at a time when you will not be interrupted. I would state that your desire to learn is now being overshadowed by your concern for your physical safety on this horse, and you need to insist on a change. You appreciate that the instructor only has x number of lesson horses but at this point, you feel the likelihood of getting hurt is too high, and dealing with this horse’s problems has taken all the fun out of the situation for you. (Sometimes I think a reminder that most of us amateurs DO ride for recreation - not because we are training for the next Olympic trials - is a useful thing to point out to certain professionals.)

Ask if there are any other alternatives that would allow you to continue your lessons on another, more suitable horse. Perhaps there is a horse in the barn you can half lease; lots of people are tightening their belts right now and maybe there is an owner who would love to get someone to share a portion of their bills on a nicer, easier mount that you would find more enjoyable.

If the answer is that it’s Trigger or nothing… well, only you can decide what to do, but personally I would not continue riding there. The situation you describe is a real accident waiting to happen, and given your statements about being the breadwinner, parent etc I would resolve to find another situation. I don’t know what hours you work or where you are located, but MOST barns do have to accommodate the needs of working adults and in this economy, someone willing to commit to taking three lessons a week is going to be a valued commodity.

Good luck.

#16

When I first read your post, (I was kind of skimming, sorry) I thought you were talking about your own horse. But this is a lesson horse? All I can say is:

Get off! Get off, get off, get off! I had two horses, both greenies that did a number on my confidence while jumping. One would rather run through the standard than go over the jump. The other, my green broke mare, would run out at the very, very last second and more often than not, I would come off. My hands would be shaking during lessons. Thankfully my trainer saw that this was making me a wreck and she got on. She worked with my horse a lot. We went back to smaller jumps that I could make my mare stay straight and go over. I still didn’t fully trust her though. After you have a bad fall, (split open forehead), it tends to do that to you. Don’t let this ruin your jumping. If you have to go back to a packer/point and shoot horse, do it.

This isn’t even your horse! Let the trainer fix this horse. That’s why he’s the trainer. Really, it can do a number on you that’s hard to get over. Especially after you’ve fallen off. Your trainer doesn’t seem all that concerned with how you feel. I’d have a talk with him. Once you lose your confidence, it’s hard to get it back. Believe me.

#17

Provided that your trainer is actually able to ride the horse in question without having the issues you mentioned, then:

I would definately get yourself video taped, if possible. I would suggest that more leg is probably appropriate if your horse is running out. More leg especially if it is a hot horse (you didn’t say). I had this problem with a totally non-spooky horse. It started for me after I had a very bad fall. It would never be the same jump 2 lessons in a row and might not happen for a few lessons, but if I did get a refusal and then another during the same lesson, it would be the same jump (and it would never be the biggest jump or off a hard roll-back, etc). You also may not notice that you are leaning forward in front of a jump. Also, if you are expecting a refusal, then you are getting what you are asking for (I know, because after getting injured from a refusal, I was riding as if I was anticipating a refusal.). You need to visualize yourself jumping over the jump. I would ride to jumps, but not over them. When I rode through the jump I was fine. It works, it is just hard for me to explain it. Maybe someone on the board can elaborate.

School horses are tough because they are only as good as their last rider. Needless to say, it is much better to have a school horse that is uncomplicated to ride.

The mental aspect is key in riding. If you have no other options, take a few flat lessons so that you get out of the habit of going into a lesson anticipating a refusal.

#18

As usual, I agree with Lucas.

It doesn’t matter if you ‘should’ be able to school this horse or not. As a lesson student learning to jump again, you should be provided access to a horse which comfortably does the job you need. A horse that stops at ground poles and crossrails really isn’t the right one for a beginner. I have seen a lot of barns who ‘teach’ by overfacing students and just yelling at them to ‘ride through’ the refusals, falls, and runaways. These usually aren’t good barns. A good barn gives the students the tools so that these things don’t happen to them very often.

I would look into half-leasing, as some others have suggested. If that isn’t possible, I would try switching to a different barn, even if you can’t ride as often because of the distance. Quality trumps quantity sometimes.

Just remember, riding is your HOBBY; it’s supposed to be FUN. If it ceases to be fun you need to make a change.

#19

This is jsut so hard to believe(not your post, OP, but the fact that a “trainer” would use such a horse for a school horse). I have a few schoolies, although MOST of my students own their own horses, I ahve a few that don’t. My school horses are ALL nice mounts that would NEVER stop at a fences (unless there was something REALLY weird going on or if they felt it was unsafe to jump). I would NEVER put a basically novice rider on a horse that stops or runs out! This trainer really does nto have your best interests in mind and I think you need to find another barn where the trainer is TEACHING you (not asking you to school a horse that obviously shouldnt be doing the job being asked of him). Don’t settle for this!

#20

I’d leave that trainer in a heartbeat - no questions asked. No one, and I mean no one has the right to yell at you and make you feel inept. You are there because you LOVE the sport of riding. You should be leaving each lesson with pride and joy and accomplishment - not heartache!

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