Horseback rider + vegan?

[junebug]

I know this topic has been discussed and I’ve read some threads, but this adds an additional twist.

I’ve recently met a guy who I was beginning to like a lot - way more than I’ve liked anyone else in awhile and it seems to be mutual:) He is vegan, which to me is a bit of an annoyance, but not a deal breaker (I don’t eat much meat, but I’m not giving up cheese/butter/fish/etc) Then the topic of my horse ownership came up. He said he doesn’t think horses should be ridden and that they should all be wild. I have ridden most of my life. It’s not my profession, but my life revolves around horses (my time, my social life, what I like to talk about…) I do lower level eventing and have a very talented young horse. There is absolutely no way I’m giving up horses nor do I want to feel guilty about something that is a major part of my life. We have not had an opportunity to discuss this, so I can’t say exactly what his thoughts are, but it’s enough to have cooled me off on him for now.

Is this relationship doomed?

[trubandloki]

[QUOTE=junebug;8891952]

Is this relationship doomed?[/QUOTE]

No way of knowing.

Is he the type that will never stop telling you that his opinion is right and yours is wrong? Or is he the type that has said what he thinks but understands that your feelings/thoughts are different and he is OK with that?

[gypsymare]

Yes.

[yellowbritches]

My guess is, yeah. Unless you can have a discussion and he can be swayed into seeing that it isn’t cruel and unusual punishment.

My brother is a vegan, and has a great relationship with a woman who is a carnivore, but he also has no issues with horses being ridden (obviously, he expects they should be treated kindly and humanely). I definitely have some vegan/PETA type friends that look at me askance because I ride, but I’m also not in committed relationships with them (or possibly heading that way). I’d have a serious discussion with him about this, before you get any more googly eyed with him. If you’re not willing to give up riding (don’t blame), you need to be prepared for him to not give up his stance (which is not an uncommon stance for vegans who are also closely tied to PETA). This type of thing is like the child discussion or religion, in my book.

[Pennywell_Bay]

hmmm.

Unless you plan on eating your horse- there are most likely 100 other things that can go wrong

[Bluey]

Well, at least he is consistent in his veganism.
That should also include all other animals, cats, dogs, any and all, to a true vegan, are animal slaves.

It is as surprising that he wants to go out with you, someone that is just what he despises, someone that uses animals, just because he likes you.

The question here is, can someone respect another person they are very attracted to when they are so different in what each believes, for more than a superficial fun time together?

While only a few people are vegan, so the rest of us can easily ignore them without a second thought, to the vegan minority, their quest for an idealized world without using animals is an important difference to them, that they fight continuously and so weighs more.

I expect what on your end is just some to accommodate, that he gets what he wants that is special, so no big deal, over time to him, that you are not completely with him may become very important, if he can’t convince you to follow in his steps.

How would that play in a relationship, over time?
There will always be friction over this, but how weighty that friction is, it would depends on the people involved.

[cloudyandcallie]

I’ve given up most meats over the years but not riding and owning horses. Tell your guy that Cloudy would sunburn to death on his first day in the wild. Seriously. And that without hoof care, he’d be dead in 6 weeks. Seriously.

In the wild horses do not live to be 21 yoa. It’s taken a lot of money, but Cloudy is now 21 and hanging in there with shade, supplements, medicine, etc. Without all that, he’d have not made it to 4 yoa when he arrived here from europe. Even an animal rights person who has owned horses since 10 yoa knows without vet care and everything else, horses would only last a short while. Even the mustangs founder and break legs. Horses are incredibly fragile.

Let the new guy have a visit to a vet hospital and see all the sick horses. And watch colic surgery. Never give up a horse or dog or cat for a guy.

[tabula_rashah]

I would say, ask him to spend some time hanging out at the barn with you and your horse. If he still feels that way after seeing how things really are, then yes, it’s probably going to be a big thorn in the relationship

[Manni01]

my family and me are vegan so I guess I am an expert… I guess it depends how much you like him. And one little suggestion… You don’t want to give up anything for the relationship (like milk and cheese) but you expect him to give up his believe that horses are not supposed to be ridden.

In the beginning when my family (kids and husband) started to become vegan I said no way that I give up milk and cheese, but it is tricky if you prepare meals for the family all the time without milk butter and cheese. So in the beginning I just ate cheese and fish when I was going out with friends. But over the time I kind of started to get used to eat fish and cheeseless and now I really don’t need it anymore. And I do feel a lot better by the way. I love my animals and would do anything for them so how can I feel good about other animals suffering just because I want to eat something I don’t even need…

And about the horses… My kids told me as well that horses are not supposed to be ridden but I was very strict about that point (no discussion) and most recently I went to Germany for 3 weeks and my two vegan sons cared for 6 horses, 3 dogs and 1 cat and they did a great job!!! My oldest son even really started to like my pony and my oldest mare

So I guess maybe you can try for your friend to develope a relationship with your horse and tell him that the way you ride your horse its nice and no abuse.

I am sure if he is nice and reasonable he will understand but on the other hand I would consider to give up milk and cheese and fish… its not as bad as it sounds and I believe in a relationship both sides have to give something

[Guilherme]

[QUOTE=junebug;8891952]
I know this topic has been discussed and I’ve read some threads, but this adds an additional twist.

I’ve recently met a guy who I was beginning to like a lot - way more than I’ve liked anyone else in awhile and it seems to be mutual:) He is vegan, which to me is a bit of an annoyance, but not a deal breaker (I don’t eat much meat, but I’m not giving up cheese/butter/fish/etc) Then the topic of my horse ownership came up. He said he doesn’t think horses should be ridden and that they should all be wild. I have ridden most of my life. It’s not my profession, but my life revolves around horses (my time, my social life, what I like to talk about…) I do lower level eventing and have a very talented young horse. There is absolutely no way I’m giving up horses nor do I want to feel guilty about something that is a major part of my life. We have not had an opportunity to discuss this, so I can’t say exactly what his thoughts are, but it’s enough to have cooled me off on him for now.

Is this relationship doomed?[/QUOTE]

Maybe so and maybe not. But when you start with a big potential negative that’s not a good sign for the future.

Walk softly.

G.

[junebug]

Thanks for all the insight. I’m in agreement with most of you that it’s a big obstacle, which makes me really sad. I will still be seeing him (in a non-dating sense) on a regular basis, so I think I will friend-zone him and get to know him better. There is a part of me that wonders whether he’s been a little ‘brainwashed’ (for lack of a better word) by someone in his past, and that some knowledge/experience might be good for him. I certainly will only do this in the most friendly/non-judgmental/non-forced way possible, with no expectations of anything changing. I think he was happy to hear that I own an OTTB and that because of me she didn’t end up in the ‘glue factory’ (though I feel fairly confident that the trainer I bought her from would have let her live out her days in a pasture if I didn’t take her) So that’s a starting point. If he wants to buy me all the thoroughbreds, I am fine with that;)

[ChasPonyCat]

[QUOTE=tabula rashah;8891988]
I would say, ask him to spend some time hanging out at the barn with you and your horse. If he still feels that way after seeing how things really are, then yes, it’s probably going to be a big thorn in the relationship[/QUOTE]

yeah, that. I can easily see someone who doesn’t know anything about the horse world being more prone to making harsh judgements against riding because they don’t know what it’s really like. If he gets a bit educated and refuses to budge, well, then you probably have a problem.

Even if you think it can work out at first, in the long run it could really be a problem, could fester under the surface, be that thing that comes up in arguments, etc.

[SuzieQNutter]

I would day you are doomed.

He won’t like you using leather, or riding. Why does he want to be friends with you.

A bit like the guy I think who saw me as a blank canvas ascI didn’t have any tattoos. I still don’t. I often wonder why he asked me out.

He kept taking me to tattoo shows, commenting, etc.

[2DogsFarm]

Oh, Good Grief! :disgust:

Does he understand the concept of generations of domestication?

Does he think all pets - regardless of how long the species has been bred strictly as companion animals - should Run Wild & Free?
{2Dogs sniggers to herself at the thought of packs of wild Poodles & Yorkies}

If he can accept that not all humans will be vegans, then he should be able to grasp the idea that modern horses are not capable of being allowed to roam free, but are safer/healthier/happier kept as they have been bred to be.
If this does not now, nor will ever compute for him do yourself a favor & move on.

Ooooh! SuzieQ - maybe he’d read Ray Bradbury’s The Illustrated Man?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q9uDkTHj6k0

[HunterEq95]

I can’t really tell you if the relationship is doomed, but I wouldn’t have very high expectations with such differing beliefs. I think it really depends on how accepting he will be of your riding and owning a horse.
Just make sure he knows how important your horse and riding is to you and that you are not planning on giving it up, nor should you be expected to. Just as he has a right to his beliefs, so do you. If you don’t want to give up something you love, no one should be able to convince you to. Just make it clear from the very beginning that you will continue to own and ride, and I guess it will be up to him to decide whether he is okay with that or not.

[OveroHunter]

My immediate thought is yes, you’re doomed… but vegans make me :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

I’m just trying to imagine my big, fat, spoiled rotten horses in the wild… They’d die…

Also, where does he want horses to live wildly? Where are the majestic, beautiful grasslands he dreams of? Because the redneck backyard breeder down the street should really drop his herd off there.

In fact, I want to live there too in my tent and Eno hammock…

-end rant- good luck OP. Not your fault some people are nuts!

[SuzieQNutter]

Wow 2dogs that trailer was ever odd to watch.

[ParadoxFarm]

I don’t think this would be a very fulfilling relationship in the long run. You can’t be in a relationship hoping the other will change (either of you). You’re so fundamentally different on these things. I can’t imagine him in the long run supporting you and your love/hobby. He will likely not want to watch you ride, watch you show, hang out in the barn, etc. This is a big part of your life that you need to be able to share with a supportive person or in the very least not feel bad about spending time doing what you do. It’s just too big. Be friends, but keep your eyes out for another less-opposite “other”. Good luck!

[Alterrain]

I’m vegan! Been one for oh, probably 15+ years now. Hubby is NOT. And I will admit, I see more self-righteousness from vegans than any other group. I have 2 dogs (they eat conventional dog food) and ride (“enslave”) horses and I’ve had to sever ties with more than one vegan friend bc they would NOT GIVE IT UP about my dogs/ husband/ horses.

In your situation? Yes, I think it’s doomed. Sorry.

[tangledweb]

Cook lots of bacon around him. You can convert him.