Horseless for the first time in 35ish years…

[seabreeze]

My perfect Hanoverian x TB mare, only 16, with some soundness/abscess issues the past year-and-a-half, who was finally going very soundly again since May, came up slightly lame several days ago. I figured it was another abscess. Nope…severe rotation. I don’t know how she was walking as well as she was. Considering all factors, euthanasia was the kindest choice. I’ve put down several horses in my lifetime, and almost countless dogs, but dang. This one really sucks.

She was kind. She was sensible. She could be quite spunky at times, but she would walk through fire for me because I was her person. A lifelong horse person, I’ve always really loved my horses but had never really bought into the whole “heart horse” thing…until her. She was my heart horse.

For the first time in my life, I don’t know what to do with myself. I’ve usually had more than one, but she has been my only one for a couple of years now. I know I don’t need to make any decisions about selling/keeping stuff right now, but it’s so hard to look at everything.

Sigh. This, too, shall pass, I suppose. Thanks for listening.

[OnAMission]

I’m so so sorry… I’ve had a couple bad losses in the last few months and it freaking hurts. When I lost my good old horse it felt like I had lost memories, a lifestyle, my future, my past… hit hard man. They are all around in good ways and bad. I keep telling myself to just embrace the loss, process, give it the time it needs. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

[Alex_and_Bodie_s_Mom]

I’m so sorry. Hugs to you.

[Calvincrowe]

The worst feeling, ever. I am so sorry for your loss. Been there…

Take your time. The world has a way of giving you what you need if you pay attention and listen.

[Posting_Trot]

I’m so sorry. It always feels bad but especially when things have been going well and you’ve dared to have plans for the future.

Take your time to find what road you want to take.

[Maythehorsebewithme]

I am so sorry. I too have been horseless since I lost my guy in November 2021. I had had horses for 45 years prior to his death. It stinks doesn’t it?

[anon40672407]

Yes, yes, take your time. Time opens doors, eases pain, invites new ideas.

I’m sorry this was the result for your poor mare, but there’s really no coming back from rotation. Do did the right thing.

[Paint_Party]

@seabreeze

She could be quite spunky at times, but she would walk through fire for me because I was her person.

This describes my Wally. I’ve had so many horses, and ridden so many for other people, that I’m afraid I’ve forgotten quite a few. Loved them all, in some fashion. But Wally… yes, he would walk through fire for me, because I was his person.

I still feel the pain of putting him down two years ago. It’s such a conundrum that sometimes doing the right thing is also the most emotionally painful thing.

Sending you a ((( hug ))). Know that you are among sympathetic kinfolk here.

[2DogsFarm]

{{{Hugs}}}
Sux big-time

I’ve BTDT with my very 1st horse of my own.
Bought him at 39, after a lifetime - starting at age 8 to 15, rerider at 32 - of schoolies & a shareboard.
We were together 20yrs & 13yrs later, I miss him to this day.
Walk through fire?
Yes, but he’d let me know if he got so much as a hair singed that was My Fault

When I lost him I knew I needed another.
And here I am, after I lost another 5yrs after the first, now 5yrs into what will be my last horse.
Accompanied by my decorative pony (companion to #2) & my Old Lady Folly:
Driving mini, bought when I was 66.

Take your time.
Don’t sell stuff until you’re certain.

[exvet]

My sincere condolences. My kids who are both adults (27 & 30) regularly remind me of the family’s heart horse. He was mine to begin with but was one of those saintly souls that let both of my kids and my husband have hours of enjoyment and good experiences riding him. He was definitely a part of the family. I too put him down when he not only rotated but sunk in both fronts. On the one hand the decision was straight forward but it was also gut wrenching to have to make the decision and I’m a vet. I was blessed at the time to have other horses, young ones, that I was bringing along and had no choice but to keep focused. Almost 20 years later, we still talk and reminisce about B.K. Now while it’s still a bit bittersweet, we recognized the legacy he left. I’m not sure what I would or will do when I enter that horseless phase. I at 60 currently own 3. The family joke (NOT) is that I will die with my boots on. I came into this life with horses around me and hope I go out of this life the same way. If that is not my end I hope I have the strength or am completely incapacitated so that I am not reeling from the vacuum. Honestly until it happens I don’t know what I will do. Hugs to you. I hope that not only you find solace but that you find a path that is right for you, whether that involves horses on some level or is a completely new horizon that brings you joy.

[erinmeri]

I am so terribly sorry for your loss.

ETA: can you put your things in storage (or have someone else do that for you) so you don’t have to look at them, but don’t have to make any decisions on selling them and can give yourself time to grieve?

[trubandloki]

I am so very sorry for your loss!

[luvmyhackney]

I am so so sorry for your loss. Nothing but hugs.

[chestnutmarebeware]

I’m so sorry! I lost one to this issue once and it’s a terrible situation with only one kind solution.

[beowulf]

I am so sorry. Lots of hugs and heartfelt sympathy.

I found myself horseless about ten years ago and it was a very stark feeling. It felt ugly being so rudderless and without direction. Everyone has a different process for healing after the loss of a loved one. My friend dragged me on rides and in hindsight I’m glad she did. But it wasn’t easy. A year and a half later someone called me about a nice (big) solid bay needing a soft landing. The rest is history.

Take it easy on yourself. You don’t need to make any decisions right away. See what the universe has in store for you. I am so sorry you lost your friend.

[eightpondfarm]

There are many people here who have been where you are now. We Understand. So sorry for your loss.

[RhythmNCruise]

I’m so sorry. When I lost my two older horses within 2 years of one another, I felt like a huge part of my entire identity had died with them. And I still had my current horse, but those other two were my first “lifers”…horses that I couldn’t part with. They were the horses that got to move into my very own farm with me, and everything on that farm was customized for their needs. Their names are still in the concrete of the washrack there (I sold the farm a month after the second one was laid to rest there). Their names are still written in Sharpie on various supplies and storage boxes.

I love my current boy to pieces. He was purchased literally to help the other two keep the pastures eaten and as a fun project. He was always the “supporting role” and never the “star” while they were living. I even thought of selling him when the others were gone, but I’m glad I didn’t. Now he’s the “star”! He’s the “only horse” and is getting all the attention (and $$$!) When he goes, I’ve said that will be it. I’ve already got 35 years of horse ownership under my belt. I’m hoping he’s around for 15+ more (he’s 15 now). If he leaves before then, I’m not sure I’ll get another…but being horseless seems surreal. I turn 50 in March though, and honestly, it’s getting harder and harder to envision being able to retire if I were to get another horse. It’s just so expensive. I’ll do whatever my current horse needs because I love him, but once he leaves this world, I think I’ll enjoy having money in the bank and the possibility of retiring one day!

Hugs to you OP. Lots of hugs.

[Texarkana]

I’m so sorry. What a gut punch to lose one you love so surprisingly.

[MunchingonHay]

@seabreeze

She could be quite spunky at times, but she would walk through fire for me because I was her person.

I am sorry for your loss. Sometimes souls interwine and are meant to be together. I am glad you had so many years with your mare.

Take your time regarding the stuff. You do not need to make any decisions now about that . Let your heart heal a bit and I hope you find comfort soon in your new normal. It’s never easy breaking a routine.

I am in the same boat you are and while I type this to you, I hope I am paying attention and listening to myself. I just lost my 13 yr old dog (we have only been apart for less than 3 months of his life). Walking up the stairs hurts my heart, because the last two years, I had to help him. I don’t have anyone to help now. It’s things like that, that sting the most.

The daily rituals that no longer need to preformed can knock you off your feet.

[KBC]

Very sorry for your loss, plenty of time to deal with the everything going forward, for now just grieve as you need to.