[QUOTE=RedmondDressage;8228663]
Well damn… I was thinking a horsey SO would solve the problem. You’re dashing my dreams here… Perhaps single really is the way to go :lol:[/QUOTE]
I had a good friend whom I did NOT pursue a relationship with BECAUSE we were both into the same kind of horses. I did not want our main focus to always be about differences in what type of horse we preferred and training and management. I just saw disaster written all over that one.
[QUOTE=RedmondDressage;8228663]
Well damn… I was thinking a horsey SO would solve the problem. You’re dashing my dreams here… Perhaps single really is the way to go :lol:
And you’re also making me question the term DQ for myself… I love doing my fancy prancing inside the little white fences but I also LOVE a good gallop and am no stranger to cross country fences, fox hunts, and even cows.
Sheesh, this thread is making me question everything I thought I knew… The only thing I’m not questioning is the end of that relationship![/QUOTE]
There are definitely advantages to being single, and I am very rarely lonely. I do have good friends if I start feeling a bit…disconnected, and I try to plan regular events with them to keep in the groove. If not pushed, though, I’d probably happily spend most of my time alone :P. I surf alone (or at least with a couple of people where I don’t know anyone and don’t really interact) all the time, so I’m used to doing things by myself.
And I know LOTS of people who both ride dressage and like to gallop LOL - we did a hunter pace the other day, and try to get out on the trails at least twice a week. Long trotting on trails is great conditioning!
[QUOTE=SmartAlex;8229109]
I had a good friend whom I did NOT pursue a relationship with BECAUSE we were both into the same kind of horses. I did not want our main focus to always be about differences in what type of horse we preferred and training and management. I just saw disaster written all over that one.[/QUOTE]
SmartAlex, that’s exactly what I was thinking. I am pretty set in my horsey ways, and have pleasantly sparred with my equine dentist about horse handling - I can’t imagine waking UP and doing that!
[QUOTE=Bombproof;8228119]
Maybe I should take out an ad on horse forums:
“Woman wanted to be partner for kind, considerate man with good income. Ideal partner would be willing to be full-time barn queen to care for and ride quality horses. Must enjoy riding with partner. Must be comfortable with getting dirty. Ability to back a trailer a definite plus. Please send photo of self shoveling poop.” :lol:[/QUOTE]
Everyone, be honest. Who hasn’t PMd Bombproof? 
Me LOL. I did think about it, but decided not to
OP, I hope you are still here and reading all the replies. Lightness aside it is important to have a partner who values what is important to you… your partner has shown he expects you to drop your passion once you have kids and become a den mother… this road only gets rockier, it does not get smoother. 2 years is NOT that long of a time in a relationship - BTDT, got the t-shirt… someone who does not see that your passion is the thing you want to pursue the REST of your life regardless of roadblocks is someone you do not want to spend the rest of your life with.
I am so lucky I have my SO and reading some of the posts in this thread has made me realize that double-fold. He is not horsey but is very game and if he sees it is important to me he wants to be there. And that’s what you want - you want someone you DON’T have to explain your passion to. They don’t need to share that passion, but they need to understand how valuable it is to you and that it defines who you are. My SO was there for me when my lifetime horse passed unexpectedly… for a year and a half I “coped” but was miserable… I would frequently browse the track listings but never acted on it. Finally he turned to me and said “you are happier when you have a horse… please go get one”. It was a very sobering moment for us as a couple but it was true… and a week later I came home with a nice TB from Finger Lakes. 
Rambling aside OP I really wish you the best. Just know that COTH is here for you and many of us have gone through what you have… Don’t sacrifice your dream for a life of misery. You only live once and you should only live to pursue your passions, not sit idly on the side while the world passes you by.
I just read this and thought of this thread. Good respectful men do exist
http://horsehubby.com/2015/07/13/horses-scare-the-living-s-out-of-me-an-interview-with-gamal-awad/
[QUOTE=SmartAlex;8229109]
I had a good friend whom I did NOT pursue a relationship with BECAUSE we were both into the same kind of horses. I did not want our main focus to always be about differences in what type of horse we preferred and training and management. I just saw disaster written all over that one.[/QUOTE]
I totally get that… It’s probably one of those things that seems a lot better in theory than in reality I’m the independent sort and I love my precious friend time at lessons/shows/clinics. I’m sure it would drive me batty if my SO was intruding on that time on a regular basis!
So I guess that means I should find myself a cowboy. The benefit of the appreciation of the horses, but probably no interest in regularly attending dressage shows… Plus I could probably borrow an awesome cow horse to play with every now and again.
I think bombproof hasn’t come back out here because he’s too busy setting up dates. :lol:
[QUOTE=asb_own_me;8226690]
Her situation is not your situation. Did you even read the whole OP? He’s not being passively ignorant. He’s being an asshole, demeaning what she loves, and actively causes conflict. He knows about hay quality, yet thinks her “nags” somehow don’t deserve good hay. He knows she loves her horses, yet he refers to them in derogatory terms (nags/hayburners/money pits) and refers to her passion as “meaningless dreams”. She says the issue has caused countless fights.
Yeah. Real good man. Shocking we aren’t all queueing up to take him off her hands.[/QUOTE]
Yes I read it. From what she wrote I see a man who thinks she wastes money on horses and doesn’t see their importance. He is being honest, but not being very kind or understanding. That is something that can be changed.
This is not unique and not a relationship breaker, IME. She asked for advice.
She never said he was abusive, a drinker, gambler, child molester or a cheater. He holds down a job and farm duties too. He also hasn’t demanded she get rid of the horses.
If it is causing a problem then she needs to address it and try to work it out first before just throwing 2 years down the toilet. He may never embrace it, but he needs to back off and let it go and understand the horses are here to stay.
If he won’t stop then she can move on. I hope she tells him why.
As far as nag, hayburners & money pits go, that has been around a long time in the horse world and used often. There is a thread on here where supposedly " loving " owners call their own horses much worse.
I never dated a horse girl…lots of friends, but learned as a teenager, leave the emotional drama and suicide outside the barn. Of course, having horsey girls for friends can ruin you for the non-horsey delicate flowers.
The ex-Mrs. Trak was almost a rider who really didn’t care for her horses much…she sold her 1st horse while he was heavily on bute since he had navicular and she didn’t want him anymore. :no: Very sad and dishonest…and yes, she was wealthy, just self-centred.
Current Mrs. Trak loves horses, never complains about my riding or the costs (we both can support our bad habits) but really isn’t interested in coming out to the barn since she can’t ride anymore…but I know she’d do anything to help me if something bad happened to the beasts. She’s a partner. She knows she’ll always come first but won’t push to find out. When she got hurt riding, I didn’t go to the barn for over a month…the horses lived just fine without me.
“As far as nag, hayburners & money pits go, that has been around a long time in the horse world and used often. There is a thread on here where supposedly " loving " owners call their own horses much worse.”
I call my beasts horrid names sometimes…Furbearinvarmint, horrible animal…I call most friend’s horses “Stinky” while patting noses and slipping them a carrot/apple treat. Heck, I had one cat named Brain Damage (a very dim kitty, but sweet).
[QUOTE=Trakehner;8229719]
“As far as nag, hayburners & money pits go, that has been around a long time in the horse world and used often. There is a thread on here where supposedly " loving " owners call their own horses much worse.”
I call my beasts horrid names sometimes…Furbearinvarmint, horrible animal…I call most friend’s horses “Stinky” while patting noses and slipping them a carrot/apple treat. Heck, I had one cat named Brain Damage (a very dim kitty, but sweet).[/QUOTE]
Someone just asked me yesterday what my horse’s name is.
My response was, “Ted, Tedi, Monster, Pony, LoveBug, Asshole. Depends on the day.” :lol:
Back in the early 90s, I was training the most scatterbrained Arabian mare, she drove me up a wall with her lack of attention span and attitude. I called her “Valley Girl”.
[QUOTE=candyappy;8229716]
Yes I read it. From what she wrote I see a man who thinks she wastes money on horses and doesn’t see their importance. He is being honest, but not being very kind or understanding. That is something that can be changed.
This is not unique and not a relationship breaker, IME. She asked for advice.
She never said he was abusive, a drinker, gambler, child molester or a cheater. He holds down a job and farm duties too. He also hasn’t demanded she get rid of the horses.
If it is causing a problem then she needs to address it and try to work it out first before just throwing 2 years down the toilet. He may never embrace it, but he needs to back off and let it go and understand the horses are here to stay.
If he won’t stop then she can move on. I hope she tells him why.
As far as nag, hayburners & money pits go, that has been around a long time in the horse world and used often. There is a thread on here where supposedly " loving " owners call their own horses much worse.[/QUOTE]
This is from the OP
"Always asking, “well how do you expect to keep horses when we start a family? Think of all the money you could be saving.” "
So the situation is ‘not yet’. But clearly he expects her to not keep horses after they marry; he is merely waiting to drop the axe. Because what’s mine is ours to dispose of after the knot is tied.
[QUOTE=RedmondDressage;8228198]
As a newly single dressage queen… Please tell me you live in the PNW and then tell me where I sign up! :lol:[/QUOTE]
Do you consider Alaska the PNW? 
[QUOTE=RedmondDressage;8228663]
Well damn… I was thinking a horsey SO would solve the problem. You’re dashing my dreams here… Perhaps single really is the way to go :lol:
And you’re also making me question the term DQ for myself… I love doing my fancy prancing inside the little white fences but I also LOVE a good gallop and am no stranger to cross country fences, fox hunts, and even cows.
Sheesh, this thread is making me question everything I thought I knew… The only thing I’m not questioning is the end of that relationship![/QUOTE]
All that is awesome, but in the end it’s not so important that you enjoy those things as that you are understanding about why your partner does and are as supportive of his pursuits as he is of yours. I’d be perfectly happy to sit on the fence and watch my partner practice her fancy prancing as long as I didn’t get an earful of grief when I tossed a McClellan on my horse and disappeared for several hours. It’s about respecting the other person’s needs.
Back to the OP, IMO the problem is that he doesn’t respect her and I’ll wager that extends to areas outside her horse pursuits. If she supports her horse hobby without causing the couple financial distress, he owes it to her to be polite about it. If I had a partner who was a motorcycle fanatic, I’d be polite and let her do her thing; I wouldn’t constantly bitch about those rust buckets in the driveway and how much they cost for gas and maintenance. The problem is not the horses, it’s the man (assuming all is as it is represented).
[QUOTE=asb_own_me;8229206]
Everyone, be honest. Who hasn’t PMd Bombproof? :D[/QUOTE]
That would be everybody. :no: Too busy shoveling poop to write, I guess!
[QUOTE=thatmoody;8229207]
Me LOL. I did think about it, but decided not to[/QUOTE]
Chicken! :lol:
That’s because I know you’re in Alaska LOL. One of my best friends, btw, is a riding instructor up there.
Seriously? Aww, I thought you would be too busy answering PMs to post here.
As for the OP, she doesn’t like his hobbies (she said she wasn’t too interested) and he doesn’t like hers … not exactly the foundation of a happy relationship. I don’t like my husband’s hobbies and he doesn’t like mine, either, but we have other things in common and so we can just let the other one enjoy themselves. He’s actually allergic to barns, so he can’t even come watch. You can’t be joined at the hip all the time, but as everyone has correctly pointed out, you have to have respect for the other person.
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