How do I deal with middle school barn drama?

[Angela_Freda]

I’d add that any bullying behavior that occurred AT the barn should be immediately brought to my attention.
Again, per Safe Sport.

[Kirikou]

@S1969

after which the host of the party required individual interviews with each attendee to “sort things out” during which she essentially told each girl all the things she didn’t like about them. I remember us sitting on the floor, lined up in a hallway, watching each girl leave crying from the closed bedroom. LOL…good times.

Oh dear, aren’t we all glad we’re not in middle school anymore?

[Kirikou]

@Scribbler

Was there any trouble before she arrived? Does she bring drama with her?

Yes, Girl #1 has only been lessoning here for a month, whereas Girl #2 and her friends have been taking lessons for 2+ years.
Now, the fact that Girl #2 and her friends have been lessoning here for a while might definitely make them “territorial” and apt to see the newcomer as an “intruder”.

That being said, 2 other girls in the same age group also started lessoning this summer and I haven’t heard any complaints about “mean girls” (and I specifically asked their parents if everything was going well with the “barn crew”, interactions with other riders - is everyone making little Suzie feel welcome? helping out? etc - after hearing from Girl #1 and her mother).

[Scribbler]

Ok.

Just as with adults, there are tweens who bring drama with them. There are also child/parent duos who have internalized that any conflict or disagreement that needs to be negotiated is in fact bullying or people being mean to them. This makes it very hard to know when the child is actually being bullied, and when they are just involved in conflict. Doubly so when enabled by a mother.

At this age, girls are very alert to social cues and slights but very often don’t have the social skills to treat others as they wish to be treated. So they may try to gain acceptance by boasting, bragging, lying, playing oneupmanship, etc without realizing they are hurting other people’s feelings, and then be horrified when they get pushback.

OP, you have had a late night message from both parent and now child complaining about interactions in the wider world, way outside your sphere of influence. The girls who are the subject of the complaints have been ok up to now.

Guaranteed mom is on the phone to the principal every day, and child has moved schools in the past to escape the meanies.

I think if you let this student just drift out of your program you will not regret it.