Certainly. I was at a barn that did grooming and tack-up during the first portion of the hour with the instructor. My point was that they shouldn’t be dropped off at noon time for that 2 pm lesson. Nor should they hang out until mom or dad picks them up at 5 on the way home from work.
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As a very happily retired middle school teacher, I advise once again to stay out of it as much as possible.
Kids this age have drama. Best friends today, worst enemies tomorrow, friends again next week. It can be very difficult to unravel who (if anyone) is being mean or “bullying” (which has a very specific meaning). Without seeing a pattern or something really horrible you dont know if the “meanness” was in response to a insult from the other side etc. If it is not happening on your property I think it is out of your control. The most I would say to a parent is that I would keep an eye out when they are at the stable for any poor behavior (while also mentioning that you are not by their sides 100% of the time!)
You can offer to the mom to have her daughter lesson at a different time from her “bully”. But it reminds me of a situation at my school. A parent complained that her daughter was being harassed and bullied by a girl that “used to be her friend”! The girls talked with a counselor but the mom insisted that her daughter could not be near this person. So her schedule was changed and her locker was moved. Within a week daughter was complaining to mom that she didnt like her new schedule and she had made up with her friend!
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What makes you think this is happening at the barn? Regardless of how long they are at the barn, my guess is the cyber “bullying” or just posting is likely to happen while they are at home. Very often, for kids of that age, after their parents think they are asleep. Then their world blows up at midnight, and they don’t want to go to school, and the parents can’t understand what happened.
Keeping them busy at the barn for 5 hours is unlikely to make any difference in what happens on social media.
Teens are teens, and social media makes mean girls meaner and insecure girls more insecure. It’s really a terrible thing, especially for that age. But, it’s here to stay. Parents - learn to shut down the wifi at night!
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Haha, excellent point! I’ll look if my local grocery store also offers special deals on wine! 
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Believe it or not, so-called Public Disgrace insurance policies are a big business nowadays due to the social media influencer phenomenon.
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Grooming and tacking up is part of my lessons so I want them there just a few minutes early. Now if they can get totally ready themselves they may but I still check everything before they get on.
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Because the OP described it as barn drama.
OP runs a business. She owns a farm where she keeps and cares for her horses and offers horseback riding lessons for a fee. She offers group lessons. They attract middle school kids and the program is growing. She is getting complaints from parents about kids’ behavior. They don’t ride in the same lesson. Her question: what does that have to do with her lesson business and why should she be responsible for fixing it?
We know that horses’ behavior is unpredictable and can lead to injury or death. We know that many states have equine liability statutes intended to protect the activity sponsor from liability for horse behavior. They don’t protect against peoples’ behavior. Horses don’t tack up. People tack up horses. If a girth breaks, for example, and the rider falls off and is injured, the activity sponsor will most likely be liable because they should have known the condition of the girth. That cost my prior BO $15,000 and the rider wasn’t injured.
OP is running a lesson business. That’s it. She knows she is responsible for what happens during those lessons. She also knows that she is responsible for other people on the property.
There shouldn’t be anyone else there. Who keeps an eye on them? The OP while she is giving lessons? Other instructors while they teach another lesson? Another parent or unrelated adult not employed by the farm?
Are you going to try to convince me that all kids have phones and social media accounts and they like to communicate with each other although sometimes they are mean and nasty but that will change and that’s the way life is? That’s BS. This isn’t a social media problem. It’s behavior, and a kid’s behavior is the parents’ responsibility.
We forget, I think, that the beautiful farm with the beautiful horses is a business. Why not let the kids hang around and enjoy themselves? Because the OP has limited her “product line” to horseback riding lessons.
Yup.
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You’ve written a very long post suggesting a lot of things…but yes, I think this part is probably true also. How old are you? Do you have teens? Of course it’s the parents problem. But if you think it’s not a “social media” problem - you’re out of touch.
Is the drama happening at the barn? Or is the drama happening on social media only? I think either is very possible…maybe both.
And we don’t know anything about the OP’s lesson program. Where my kids took lessons they were not allowed to hang out for the rest of the day. The barn did not have staff to supervise and did not invite them to stay except in certain circumstances. That certainly did not mean no “barn drama” was happening on social media. Often times, these kids are classmates at the same school, but even if not, pre-teens/teens tend to become social media friends very quickly and invite kids they don’t really know into their social media circle.
So - it could be drama at the barn, and continuing on social media. It could be that nothing is actually happening AT the barn, but is happening on social media.
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I have never heard of this. How does this work?
Does it pay the insurer in case she loses business due to untruths posted on social media? * referring to public disgrace insurance*
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As far as I can make out, none of the “drama” is happening at the barn. The kids ride in different group lessons and I don’t let random teens hang out at the barn unsupervised. In front of me, these kids have been nothing but polite and positive.
My understanding is that the bickering started on social media (when one girl posted a photo of herself riding “her” pony (schoolie I own) and girl #2 took offense as she also rides that pony). Because both girls ride here, girl #1’s mother apparently thought it was my responsibility - even though it was happening on Snapchat or such place.
From sounding out another (older) rider, it then sounds that the bickering progressed to more “drama” when girl #1 and girl #2 had a sleepover at another girl (who also lessons here)‘s house (why you’d want to have a sleepover with someone you’re fighting with on social media is beyond me - though older girl seems to think that girl #1 is trying to join the "cool horse girls’ group" by friending them on social media, socializing with them, etc - and the other girls are not interested).
Girl #1 then DMed me at 10pm to say girl #2 and her friends were mean to her and making fun of her at the sleepover. I responded via email the next morning, copying her mother (I don’t correspond directly with minors without copying their parents) saying that I was sorry she was having a tough time but that unless the fighting was happening at the barn, it was beyond my control.
And I suggested to her mother in a separate email to directly contact girl #2’s parents if she was concerned about bullying.
Not sure that I can do much more (and of course I don’t want my lesson program to be getting a bad rep because people think “that’s where the mean girls hang out”) even though girl #1 and her mother seem to think it’s up to me, since they all take lessons here.
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I don’t know all the ins and outs of SS, but I agree this is a parenting issue, which parents are loathe to deal with for whatever reason.
Yep, but not unexpected, since some parents these days don’t know the last names of Jr’s top five friends, much parents’ names or contact info.
This. Sooooo outside the purview of the lesson instructor, as long as the bickering isn’t occurring on the BARN’s or PROGRAM’s social media.
This is a problem that needs to be fixed, now, full stop. Kiddo should be calling or messaging mom, not you. Even as a mentor this is not appropriate. I have a friend’s kiddo I do horsey stuff with, but if I got a message at 10pm I’d be calling a parent at 10:01.
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Yes! Definitely!
I emailed the mother right away after receiving it (I felt I don’t know her well enough - this is a new riding student who’s been here a month or so - to call at 10pm at night).
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That sound you hear is the suction of the girl and parent trying to pull you into the drama. 
Good job staying out of it. That she texted you at night to complain about the girls suggests that she has difficulties knowing what is socially appropriate (which likely leads to some of her drama issues). Now the trick is likely to be trying to keep mom from using you to discuss and try to fix her kid’s social issues.
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I’m 73. My horse is 27. No kids thank goodness. A lifetime of cats and one horse are enough. I taught in public schools for 10 years and that was as much as I could take. Working with kids at the barn was fun in part because it was a drama-free barn no matter how old you were. They were there to learn and work. A couple of teenagers rode my horse so he could do stuff I wouldn’t, such as gallop in the snow and jump over things. One learned to ride on him and spent almost 3 years in Wellington and Vermont at one of the top dressage barns. I’m very proud of her. She is a lovely rider.
I thought it was reasonably clear that the OP was in the horseback riding lesson business and didn’t want to be involved in the so-called barn drama. It’s pretty clear now - she doesn’t have to be.
This still is not a social media problem. That’s the communication vehicle they use. That can easily be fixed, although if a parent cuts off access they would most likely be accused of mistreating their kids.
I’m not out-of-touch. Out-of-date maybe. I’m in the minority that believes kids don’t need a screen in their face all day. I still believe in reading books with paper pages and covers. Kids who love horses should be able look through a pile of real books and pick one to read. You can’t do that on a screen. I’m a diehard flip phone user with more than 6,000 Tracfone minutes accumulated. My phone takes nice pictures and videos. I text, and I can push the emergency button on the back if I need immediate assistance because I fell off my horse. Costs about $100 annually. My friends all know this. Internet, and email are at home on a desktop PC. I have a Facebook page which is deactivated unless there is something specific I’m interested in. I’ve never posted anything. It’s getting much more difficult to maintain an analog lifestyle these days because everything has a chip in it. I intend to keep at it, however, my precious analog horse by my side while my whacky analog cats are home creating chaos.
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Generally, not just at OP - No matter what - Don’t say things to kids and/or parents that put you in a situation of having to monitor their social media (SM) all day long, 24/7/365, to track what they are posting. Which is not possible anyway if they don’t give you access. Don’t lecture or issue any ultimatums when you have no way to know exactly what they are doing on social media.
Monitoring social media is like offering to police what kids say to each other in the hallways at school when you are not the hall monitor, and have no way to witness it first hand, as it happens.
The kids can edit what they posted on SM before (or after) you see it. And claim that’s what it was originally. Just as they can lie about what they said in a hallway when no adult heard it.
One thing I learned with adults in a club setting (analogous to the barn): There is no way to keep up with or enforce anything about online behavior, or behavior outside of club activities. You have to be clear that club leadership is hands-off when it comes to online behavior or behavior outside of club activity. We can only moderate behavior that takes place in the club (barn) setting.
Don’t go there. You will fall into a tiger trap of reading middle school social media all day, every day 24/7/365, to see what they are posting. If photos are forbidden, they will find ways to secretly take photos. And post them. Thinking adults won’t catch them.
Trying to control what people do on their own time with their own photos is an attempt to regulate behavior that occurs outside the barn. Not your problem.
If the fallout comes to the barn, OP can certainly act on that. Whatever fusses they have elsewhere, they have to behave appropriately when they get to the barn.
That’s real world practice to have to be civil to someone who you cannot stand in other settings. Even if there has been a serious conflict, but you have to see them again in another venue. If the problem is too much to bear, then it is learning to make a decision on avoiding it altogether by changing one’s activities, even if regretfully.
Sorry but the riding instructor cannot police the whole world of children. She can only police her barn premises.
The parent is the one with the larger scope of action.
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I was once at a boarding barn with about a dozen boarders. Two teen girls who attended the same high school (I think their age was “long 14” when this started) were behaving abominably toward each other. They didn’t argue out loud. Instead they dropped barely-heard snarky remarks, and habitually knocked each other’s stuff onto the ground, accidentally-on-purpose. Anything one left unattended for a few minutes would be messed with by the other. They both owned nice show horses and were at the barn most days, and in the same lesson schedule, so they were around each other often.
Each set of parents were trying to counsel their own girl at home, not at the barn. I have to commend the parents for not pushing themselves noisily into the middle of the conflict. But nothing any of the parents said had much effect.
It was a seesaw of each girl looking for ways to escalate, vs. each girl trying to find a moment to show their parents “I behaved better than she did” even if it was just for about 15 seconds.
As a small barn and small program, the two instructors (who worked well together) decided that they were not going to twist their program into pretzels trying to keep the girls away from each other.
With some trepidation as these two families were two of their most profitable clients, the two instructors had a meeting with the girls and their parents. At the meeting, in front of both girls and both sets of parents, the instructors issued an ultimatum to each girl about their behavior in the barn: Either it improves, or you are out. They were specific about what behaviors could not continue. And to be clear, they had talked to both set of parents ahead of time, so the parents were not taken by surprise.
The instructors had one strong point that they could use to strengthen their cause, that there wasn’t another program in the local area that was geared to the horse showing these families liked to do. So they could hold the line that it was their way or the highway.
The parents backed them - of course it could have been different had the parents been the loose screws in the picture. Both girls managed to comprehend that their precious horse show life would be seriously compromised if they did not change, because they would lose the show barn.
The most amazing thing happened. Maybe it was because the ultimatum was something they had in common? Under the pressure to change their behavior with each other, somehow they started communicating, probably mostly at school. They realized how much they had in common.
The two girls went from being mortal enemies to being best friends. A genuine deep friendship that lasted for years. One of them even went with the other’s family on a summer trip to Europe so they could enjoy it together. They even told stories about their previous awful behavior with a lot of loud laughter.
I don’t know how often that outcome is possible! But sometimes kids will suddenly grow up, and it’s hard to know how that change happened in such a short time. Maybe these girls were already wishing to be less childish. Because it only too a few weeks for them to discover that they were better friends than they were enemies. 
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Hmm. This is pretty much the scenario I imagined. Tween girls getting possessive about lesson horses and trying to pretend they own a horse.
I dont think you can do anything about SM or school behavior. I also think figuring out whose right and wrong here is impossible. One girl lies and brags, another girl calls her out, and hurt feelings all around.
It could be worth telling all students about geberal SM manners. Point out that when your students fight in public, it reflects badly on the program. Other riders might not join. You look like the problem barn everyone wants to avoid. A reputation like that can linger. You lose business and the horses suffer.
It’s not the part of social media where drama and attention for anything drives clicks and revenues. It’s the part of social media where there are real life negative consequences for being nasty on line.
I don’t honestly think the Snapchat conversation will affect your bottom line at all, but it’s worth laying it on a little thick as a teaching moment. Tweens think either they are invisible children, or that it’s really cool to do the Toxic Social Media Influencer thing and everyone will admire them for that. Neither is true.
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Ah, I then saw the fact that the complaining girl has only been in the program one month and already she and her mother are communicating with OP to complain about the other girls. Was there any trouble before she arrived? Does she bring drama with her?
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It protects the insured against loses incurred as a result of an unforeseen disgraceful act committed by an employee (usually a celebrity). A recent example would be the $30 odd million on marketing, reshooting, etc loss Netflix took after opting to not move forward with two projects involving Kevin Spacey after news of his sex crimes.
Lloyds of London defines disgrace as "any criminal act, or any offence against public taste or decency … which degrades or brings that person into disrepute or provokes insult or shock to the community.”
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Sorry, you are out of touch if you honestly think that a parent can cut off access to social media. Every kid knows how to get another phone, and they don’t need it to be activated because they don’t use it to talk on the phone anyway. They just need wifi access, and everyone knows how to find that, for free. It’s great that you like to use a flip phone; but our younger generation was raised with a smart phone in their hands. They don’t know a life without one.
Social media is a huge problem, but let’s face it, this kind of behavior existed prior to cell phones, before wifi, etc.
I remember the sleepovers being the absolute lion’s den for bullying even when I was in middle school. You can’t say no, but you really don’t want to say yes. But that goal of climbing the social ladder - it was all the same.
One sleepover in…maybe 6th grade stands out. I can’t remember exactly what happened…some sort of minor disagreement…after which the host of the party required individual interviews with each attendee to “sort things out” during which she essentially told each girl all the things she didn’t like about them. I remember us sitting on the floor, lined up in a hallway, watching each girl leave crying from the closed bedroom. LOL…good times. 
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