How long to be reimbursed?

[Bebe_Falcon1]

How long would be considered a reasonable (or unreasonable) amount of time to be repaid by someone? I purchased a consumable item that is currently being shared between my horse and the barn manager’s horse, it’s been about a month and despite a couple of mentions and assurances, I’ve not been repaid her share.

I suggested just taking it off what I owed for the following month’s board but she declined that idea, saying it would affect her book-keeping somehow.

Am I being unreasonable if I go ahead and deduct what she owes me off of my next month’s board if she’s not paid up by that point (which will be the 7 or 8 week mark)? Having to bring it up repeatedly is starting to become awkward and I’m kinda done reminding her.

(I guess if it the book-keeping is a real issue for her then she could decline the eTransfer, pay me back, and then request a new eTransfer in the normal amount.)

[SillyHorse]

@Bebe_Falcon1

Am I being unreasonable if I go ahead and deduct what she owes me off of my next month’s board if she’s not paid up by that point (which will be the 7 or 8 week mark)?

Tell her that this your plan. If she doesn’t like it, she can pay you before board is due.

[Cat.J95]

I would do what SillyHorse suggested and then never split things again.

[Luseride]

Not unreasonable at all.

[trubandloki]

I agree with the above.

And clearly skip this arrangement next time because even some of the best people are bad at paying back things in a timely manner.

Do you communicate via text with your trainer? If that is a normal way to communicate simply send a text to document that you are still owed $x for the consumable product (name it) purchased on Z date. Then just simply say that since it will be 8 weeks since the items were purchased you would then move forward by removing that owed balance from your board bill.

[wsmoak]

I’m sure it will mess up her bookkeeping if it’s her personal horse vs. the business you are paying board to. You have a verbal agreement with an individual, not the business. They are separate entities, so I understand that objection.

But she should pay what she owes, so informing her it’s been X weeks and if you aren’t reimbursed by the 1st you will deduct it from the board seems like a reasonable move.

You might also consider how much you like boarding there and whether you want this to affect your relationship with the barn when you think about how to word the message. Or whether to say anything at all. If it’s not a huge amount, I might be inclined to write it off as a learning experience, and never offer to share costs again.

I have a policy of never loaning things I can’t afford / would be upset to lose. Money, stuff, whatever. When it leaves my possession, it is a gift. If I get it back, it’s a bonus.

[George_T_Mule]

As others have suggested, do not simply deduct the amount owed from your boarding fee or whatever; you very well might find yourself the one getting a legal notice.
Either just write it off, or if it’s too much for that, and you have adequate documentation, you could file in small claims.
You could also just pick whatever it is up and take it home. “Oh; I decided I was going to sell it.” That might not be optimal, but it would get the message across w/o being threatening about it; might even see some resolution if it’s something your Barn Manager was used to having access to.
But in the long run, if you want to stay on friendly terms, best to just blow it off while repeating to yourself “Screw me once, shame on you, screw me twice, shame on me . . .”
(edit to add) To answer your original question, unless previous arrangements have been clearly agreed to ahead of time, the other party should hand over the agreed upon cash before they even touch the item in question, IMO. Every day that passes lessens the likelihood of you actually getting your money.

[Bebe_Falcon1]

@trubandloki

And clearly skip this arrangement next time because even some of the best people are bad at paying back things in a timely manner.

You know what? This absolutely occurred to me because I’ve been burned in the past, but I thought, “No, I’m just being paranoid and need to get over this.” Apparently that wasn’t the problem

A big part of my problem is taking-on other people’s issues, like feeling embarrassed at the thought of making them feel embarrassed about not having paid me back by asking (yet again) for that $$ that they owe.

[Bebe_Falcon1]

@George_T_Mule

But in the long run, if you want to stay on friendly terms, best to just blow it off while repeating to yourself “Screw me once, shame on you, screw me twice, shame on me . . .”

I’m leaning towards this option, TBH (which isn’t the route I’d have taken 5 or 10 years ago), but it’s definitely going to affect my goodwill towards her when I’m doing my Christmas shopping this year

[furlong47]

A reasonable amount of time to me would be almost immediately after you buy it. Like within a day or two. Maybe a little longer if this is someone you don’t see frequently. Honestly there are so many ways to easily pay somebody these days that there’s just no excuse. If I’m doing something with friends and somebody paid for all the tickets, for example, we Paypal/Venmo/etc the money to that person right away so they aren’t floating that cost for possibly weeks or months.

[hoopoe]

If the person owing the money was the barn owner or the trainer to whom you pay direct money, then a deduction from a bill is reasonable. A barn manager, however, is just an employee .

Have you discreetly felt out the owner or trainer? I suspect this is not the first time she has taken advantage of a boarder

[endlessclimb]

Can you remove the item, and only bring what you need for the day? That would make it clear that the Bank of BebeFalcon is CLOSED.

[Bebe_Falcon1]

@furlong47

If I’m doing something with friends and somebody paid for all the tickets, for example, we Paypal/Venmo/etc the money to that person right away so they aren’t floating that cost for possibly weeks or months.

So those kinds of people do exist … ! You give me hope, @furlong47

I don’t understand it, honestly, as owing anyone ANYTHING - money included - gives me anxiety until I pay that person back. We live in the age of eTransfer, after all.

@hoopoe

If the person owing the money was the barn owner or the trainer to whom you pay direct money, then a deduction from a bill is reasonable. A barn manager, however, is just an employee .

Oops, I should clarify … BM is the BO (she leases the property so I tend to just refer to her as the manager). But I agree, withholding anything from the BO because of a BM’s action - in this instance, anyway - wouldn’t be warranted.

[Impractical_Horsewoman]

If the barn owner said, “hey, I’ll pay you back $xx for the feed, the barn owner should pay $xx” via PayPal or Venmo.

Once again, I have to disagree with letting things slide just to keep the peace, unless the sum is truly inconsequential. Dollars to doughnuts, if you do, this will happen again, if not with a bag of feed, then with other things you are asked to share.

[endlessclimb]

Or how about saying something like “Hey, since I fronted the $$ for this bag of [whatever], you can get the next one” and then make it into a take-turns type thing?

[Angela_Freda]

@Bebe_Falcon1

it’s definitely going to affect my goodwill towards her when I’m doing my Christmas shopping this year

I’d say my holiday shopping was complete.

[hoopoe]

@endlessclimb

Or how about saying something like “Hey, since I fronted the $$ for this bag of [whatever], you can get the next one” and then make it into a take-turns type thing?

absolutely not, don’t engage in this “sharing” behavior going forward, she has shown herself. As her business is right there. checks still exist and are still a viable way of paying a person

[endlessclimb]

Right but after the person pays their share you can terminate the sharing. I’m trying to figure out how to get OP her money without burning the house down.

[hoopoe]

nope I would not take turns. Then it turns into an OOOppps I forgot, then you notice when you buy just for yourself, your purchase seems to disappear faster. I guess I am not an optimist .

I think the house fire has started

[Impractical_Horsewoman]

I agree that given the length of time, the BO is likely not planning on paying. If the BO is short or feels the OP “owes” her a favor she could at least be upfront about it.

If we were living in the check/cash era I’d be more sympathetic.