This was written by a woman who went through the hell that safesport inflicted on her family. This should scare the living hell out of all of us.
I was asked to repost this “timeline” of our personal Safe Sport experience…
I wrote this account June 15th, just after Rob Gage died…
"A terrifyingly good story, and I wish it were fiction…
This could happen to EACH AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU AT ANY TIME,…
Just remembering this and putting words to paper, brings pretty strong emotions today…
May Rob Gage, rest in peace…
Yesterday I was informed by a FB friend, that she saw my post as a screenshot on another person’s page. That person then wrote that they were going to call Safesport to report me for “victim shaming” and get me suspended. The irony in this is she put those words on FB so now who is bullying whom?
THIS. HAS. TO. STOP.
A man KILLED HIMSELF over allegations- is this what you people want?
So let’s do a play by play of the Safesport process, since I do have personal experience with Safesport.
1). An email is sent late in the evening the night before you are blasted all over the website telling the world that you are on an “Interim Suspension”". The allegation is based on an email, a phone call, a letter, or whatever, sent by the accuser IF the person has accused you of harassing them, of sexual harassment, etc…at this time this is one person’s “CLAIM”, and not one person has investigated ANYTHING.
NOTE: Many of the people on the “list” are older gentlemen, who lets just say are not good with technology. So guess what? They NEVER SEE THE EMAIL and the next day the calls come flooding in asking you what the heck happened, yet you have no idea what they are talking about….
2). In the email you are told you have 72 hours to have a hearing. So now it is late Thursday- around 10:00 pm if you even read your emails that night, the next day is a Friday and then the weekend. Good luck finding an attorney at that short notice.
NOTE: The accuser is APPOINTED a mediator and pays NO FEES. The ACCUSED is tasked with finding a lawyer asap, figuring out the allegations, because you are not initially told who said it or even what was said, and retaining counsel. The onus is on the ACCUSED
3). You are blasted all over the USEF Safepsort page the next morning at 8 am as “Interim Suspension” and given no time frame whatsoever for how long this might take, no idea what happened, you have no idea what the next steps are, and you are now into the weekend feeling completely lost and numb.
4). 72 hours later, a phone hearing is held (the following Tuesday)- the ACCUSED pays for this as well. This hearing is only attended by your attorney on a conference call, not by you- that costs between $500 to $1000 but, the ACCUSED pays for this, not the accuser, and at this point, you are made aware of the accusations and who accused you. Safesport pays for the hearing for the ACCUSER. The ACCUSED can attend the hearing but they do not offer any information and essentially it’s all legal-ese. Anything the ACCUSED says will be used against him/her.
NOTE: Now your mind is in overdrive, and still NO investigation- NONE, ZIP, NADA, NOTHING has been looked into, NOT ONE THING has been done WHATSOEVER, so whether these are true or false allegations, no one has decided this nor investigated this, they simply act on a call, an email or a letter and run with it…
NOTE: You can’t tell anyone, you can’t breathe a word about it. Your husband nor wife can read the allegations against you because its confidential.
5). Everyone in your life secretly begins to doubt you, including your inner circle at first- human nature, right? You become stuck in your head, physically sick, cannot eat, cannot sleep, cannot keep anything down, cannot even fathom THIS IS YOUR LIFE, because it isn’t. You have now stepped into the twilight zone and your life begins to unravel.
6). The next 10 days are a blur as you’re dancing as fast as you can, gathering evidence, gathering witnesses, your attorney is getting affidavits, gathering as much information as possible to defend yourself. Or, perhaps you aren’t because you are “stuck”, frozen in time and do not know where to begin, although the clock is ticking…
NOTE: In this day and age of technology, this can be your best ally and your biggest curse, since texts, emails, facebook messages, facebook posts, instragram posts, etc, are all retrievable and if things are removed and deleted, this is also problematic and called “sterilizing evidence”, so simply deleting things, doesn’t work in this day and age and typically raises flags.
NOTE: It is also good to have Annie [edit] Oakley as your wife or life partner, who is VERY VERY VERY good at investigating, good at technology and has a “take no prisoners” mentality and should be a PI 📷
NOTE: If you are a man perhaps of a certain age, you have no idea how to use technology to your advantage to get evidence, so you sure [edit] better hope you have a tech savy wife, barn manager, friend, whatever, to capture everything.
NOTE: What if the accuser waits 35 years to report to Safesport? Guess what? MANY of your witnesses might be long gone, so if anything, keep some really good notes at all times.
7). The ACCUSED is tasked with doing all this investigating to prove their innocence. There is no investigation happening by the Arbitrator, N O N E. Not ONE person has called the ACCUSED to even ask questions at this point- still NADA. SafeSport assigns an investigator to call everyone you know , however, and strip you even further of your dignity. They close every conversation with asking for a list of yet more people to talk to in the hopes of finding more and more dirt. The ACCUSED is paying for legal fees, billable hours, they are then in a holding pattern, waiting for the next hearing to see their fate. At this time, not one person has still spoken to the ACCUSED to gather evidence, to hear their side of the story, to prove innocence or guilt. You are now in limbo for who knows how long- until Safesport can get to you since we have all read how inundated they are with cases.
NOTE: Picture this? Your entire barn was at a show while this went down possibly? You are now no longer allowed to step foot on that horse show to feed your horses, to ride, to care for them, to load them on the trailer, to ship them yourself, to speak with your staff, to educate ANYONE on HOW to care for your beloved horses.
NOTE: Picture this? Your have entered a few shows over the following weeks and NONE OF YOUR CLIENTS are refunded any money and now your clients are upset.
NOTE: Picture this? You have arranged professional shippers the following Monday morning and they were to take the barn to the show and now you are on the hook for the shipper perhaps.
NOTE: Picture this! Now your clients begin calling other trainers because they want to show their horses- their prerogative right? Horses leave your barn- now you lose “training income”…Maybe people don’t understand this, but trainers do not even break even on board and training…
NOTE: I must say, our clients were phenomenal and rallied, but there are always exceptions…
NOTE: Picture this? You are now physically, emotionally, financially DRAINED, and still no investigation has taken place- all the investigation lies on you. SafeSport is investigating a little bit behind the scenes, but they won’t disclose their investigation and won’t disclose all the good information they learned about how great someone actually is either.
NOTE: Depression sets in, as the bills begin to pour in, you have no income happening, and perhaps begin to sink into severe depression and thoughts of suicide creep into your head- to save your family and yourself from the embarrassment this is causing…
NOTE: I sure hope everyone reading this has good investigative skills, because it is imperative- EVEN IF DEFENDING FALSE ALLEGATIONS. You will still be tasked with proving innocence when it could become a “He said, she said”.
8). If the Mediator (Arbitrator) and/or Judge now looking at this case 2 weeks in, decides the preponderance of evidence that YOU, YOURSELF have given, is in your favor, then they might not even have the next hearing.
NOTE: Now you have lost income, owed a ton of money in legal fees, have lost respect from peers, have perhaps lost a client or two, have lost a lifelong reputation, have lost your mental focus, you’ve perhaps lost your “game”, even your nerve, and perhaps you’ve lost those closest to you from disgust….
9). If they find the ACCUSER has a case, you are now in limbo for quite some time with no real “end date” given for closure initially. If they find for the ACCUSED? Voila, you are “OFF THE LIST”, with no apology, no discussion, no announcement, no NADA…
WHAT. WOULD. YOU. DO….
Even when your suspension is lifted, the damage is done and YOU HAVE BEEN SHAMED, the collateral damage is done and you are tasked with putting your life and your business back together again, if possible.
So don’t point fingers at me and tell me for one iota that I am victim shaming- HOW DARE YOU….
I am shaming the Safesport PROCESS…
I am shaming the lack of DUE PROCESS, a right we are granted as every citizen in the United States of America…
I am shaming the Statute of Limitations…
I am shaming Safesport for the death of 2 men…
So, there is no need to say I am victim shaming, as that is certainly not the case…
HOWEVER, IF you or anyone you know FALSELY ACCUSES someone, know that that will never be acceptable and as it stands today, there are no repercussions for those people…
So, if you are looking for revenge towards your former trainer, a former competitor, a current competitor, former boss, former client, former horse dealer, former boyfriend, former girlfriend, former husband, former wife, former lover, former blacksmith, former veterinarian, former friend, former ANYONE, what better way to handle it than to sit behind your computer late night and hit send on a damaging email and watch that person’s life unravel before your eyes….
IF you have a valid complaint, if you have been sexually assaulted- GO TO THE POLICE and file charges. Safesport cannot be used as a last resort for revenge.
SO STOP ALL THE SHAMING, the CYBERBULLYING, the MESSAGING, stop all of it because your behavior might be also considered shaming in some form or another…
Oh the tangled web we weave, and it is time to untangle it…
POST NOTE: OUR lawyer never charged us or anyone she ever assisted in SafeSport, we were one of the lucky ones. I want to reiterate as well, that one case can shut down a lawyer’s practice for 2 weeks or more in the initial stages and guess what? OURS did all this work in tandem with me, for FREE…
POST NOTE: Something happened this weekend that clearly needs to be said. We have a lovely client who lost her dog this week and rescheduled a lesson since she was so distraught. She showed up still visibly upset and as she began to cry and walk towards Tommy I could sense he did not know what to do- do I hug her? Do I do nothing? What do I do??? Thank god I was there as I walked in between them and gave her a good long hug. It should not be this hard.I could feel the tension escape, but had I not been there I would have been concerned a bit.
PS: I WANT TO MAKE THIS PERFECTLY CLEAR: Our clients were nothing short of phenomenal. When I was in Florida killing myself with investigating, they were with Tommy EVERY SINGLE NIGHT, taking him to dinner, rarely leaving him by himself and making sure he was ok, because he wasn’t. Without those people, and there are many, we would have been lost."
