I think it’s something you have to decide if you’re comfortable with. As in, if she never acknowledges your riding etc, is it a deal breaker?
My DH is not a horse person but he absolutely pays attention to what I’m doing, comes along and helps at endurance rides, knows all of my horses and their personalities (although he says he’s very glad all 5 are different colors as opposed to when I had 4 bays with no markings haha), etc. Just like even though I have no interest in cars, I know the basic info on all of his old cars, what projects he’s currently working on etc.
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Bwahaha. You have accurately described my husband at any horse activity… when he’s not on forced loan to someone in need: “Collin can hold your horse/ help load your carriage/get your paperwork! Just go tap on the truck window and wake him up :)!”
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Although my husband rides, he has zero interest in coming and watching me at events that are close to home. He once met me at an event because the brakes and electrical on the trailer weren’t working and after he was done fixing it, I asked if he wanted to stay and watch me do my show jump round and he said no, I’m going home. That did kind of hurt my feelings because this was a big recognized event and he just wasn’t interested.
I was kind of shocked when my ponyclub needed a volunteer to help park cars at our derby and he stepped up to the task.
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My husband and 2 sons are hunters and gun people. I remember when they would stop at Gander Mountain or Bass Pro Shops when my daughter and I were with them. Never been so bored in all my life.
Daughter and I never said a word every time we would go because it was their interests and we put up with some things for those we love. If I had the choice I declined to go.
They have no interest in our horses and that is fine and I don’t expect them to be interested in anything to do with them. I like my own space and interests. Accept it and enjoy them alone.
My husband isn’t horsey and before we got the farm, has seen the pony a handful of times over 8 years. I’m cool with it, I don’t want to go golfing with him. Last time I feel asleep in the cart.
Plus, It’s better he doesn’t know how much I spend and I really don’t need his acknowledgment other than a kiss when I walk in or leave for the barn. I could care less if he asks me about my ride or my animals.
Since they live on property now, he enjoys them and much more invested. He helps with night check, gives them candy and scratches, help bring them in occasionally. He can even tell them apart most days.
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It is often far worse to watch a person compete because there is always the risk of a crash particularly over event jumps. It might not be lack of interest but a surplus of fear.
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This describes my life with Mr LS and the horses almost exactly.
Mr LS can tell the difference between the bay and the chestnut and knows their names. But he won’t lead them, he’s scared I think. But he loves petting and feeding them; over the fence! He was more comfortable with my ancient mini (RIP).
When I boarded, he’d ask “how was the horse?” or “what did the barn have going on?” I’d usually give the highlights.
He gets a kick out of the pre dinner whinnies now that we have horses at home.
OP - if something happened with my horses, like a show or other eventful occasion, I’d tell Mr LS all about it. Whether he asked or not! He’s always had the decency to at least fake a modicum of interest. I’m a talker and having a partner that helps me feel heard is important to me. YMMV
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I completely understand why the lack of interest bothers you. I agree with other posters that it’s important to take an interest in what your SO cares about, even if the subject itself is totally boring to you. Especially since you guys are long-distance and talk must be a big part of what maintains your relationship, it seems passive-aggressive for her to not ask about your weekend at all, even when you sent photos.
This makes me wonder if there’s any chance your SO either:
A) was secretly glad you disengaged from horses after your burnout due to time/money/something else at least somewhat selfish, and is resentful that you’re getting into it again; or
B) (the more charitable version) saw how unhappy you were when you got burned out and isn’t sure she wants to support you getting involved again. From her perspective, could it be like watching a friend get back together with an incompatible ex after a dramatic break-up?
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LOL, I told my husband he should at least be able to identify my horses because one is worth a decent bit of money and he should know that if I die.
My husband is quite hands-off on the horse thing, and it’s mostly OK. Would l like it if he was the type to come to shows and video and dust my boots? Yes, but I also understand not wanting to give up a weekend day to be bored spitless, not to mention probably hot and getting sunburned. However, he has supported me with things like going with me through a Wyoming snow storm to pick up a horse trailer (OK, I bribed him with a side ski adventure). Sometimes I think he just doesn’t know what questions to ask, like when I told him the results of my mare’s lameness exam yesterday, and was about to expound on it when he changed the subject.
He referees football and goes on about football rules and other stuff that bores me to tears, like the crew arguing over whether to wear pants or shorts (really). I’ve never watched one of his games (actually, I’ve just never watched an entire football game, ever). But I do ask how things went, and try to be happy for him if he gets a big game or whatever. So I try to remember that dressage is probably as boring to him as football is to me.
This is a possibility. I bought my hard luck gelding right after getting married, and he watched me struggle through unknown lameness issues for years, and generally beat my head against the wall. It seems that he’s warmed up to the whole thing now that he sees how happy I am when things are going well (it’s still a bumpy road, but not all balanced towards bad like it used to seem).
This was my first impression of the OP. That the SO is jealous and upset about the amount of time spent away now that OP is riding again.
Absolutely this.
There’s a really big difference between an SO not being interested in your sport or hobby, but still supporting you, and what the OP’s SO is doing. I recently ended a nine-year relationship for a multitude of reasons, but I will say that he does/did get credit in that even though he had zero interest in horses himself, he regularly asked how my horses were doing and listened to me ramble on forever about them. And the opposite was also true regarding his golfing.
OP needs to have a talk with their SO.
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No, he just wasn’t interested.
Horses are so exotic to most people that I don’t think I’ve ever even had a coworker not be curious about my equestrian endeavors. Like I’m making my work friend look at my show pics and any random person walks past they immediately huddle around and ooh, and aah, and tell us the story about how they rode a horse this one time at their uncles house when they were a kid.
Your partner is being weird. People love horses! Except for farmers. A lot of farmers got no time for a hay-burning horse. But unless your partner is a farmer then they are being uniquely unsupported. And I don’t care for it.
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It sounds to me either like,
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When horses were a more low-key, almost abstract thing (as far as your long-distance SO was concerned), SO could deal with saying a few nice things about the horses now and then just to be a good person. Now, if you are going all-in, you might have so much more energy and more enthusiasm that it’s more than SO wants to deal with, when they were used to a lower level of energy from the relationship.
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While you were away at your show, they were off doing their own thing, and that’s where their head is.
I’m another one whose spouse could not pick my horse out of a line-up. I think DH knows the horse’s name? I sometimes wish DH would be alittle more company in the horse stuff, even just riding along for the odd night check, but, he does occasional stuff that is within his comfort zone (helping me with minor repairs/projects once or twice a year), we have other stuff in common, he has his own interests that I don’t share, and there are only so many hours in the day. I have horse friends who get horse stuff. For me, DH doesn’t have to get it.
It really depends on what you want in a relationship. I’ve had the BF who never stepped foot in a barn and never attended a single show, while my current BF is so involved that he will pick feet, help me untack my horse, and even hotwalk him if needed!
My BF that was very dismissive of the horses felt they were a waste of money and that it’s a silly sport. He was from Austria and he thought the American jumps were very low and found the hunters to be silly. I left him for other reasons, but the reality is that I never needed his approval or support at shows (or otherwise), and I actually enjoyed the “me” time. When I went to shows, I focused on the shows only and gave him a few days to himself. It worked well for us as we were both independent people. If I sent him a picture from the shows, he would ALWAYS ask, “Why are the jumps so low?” He was trying to be funny but I finally stopped engaging. From his perspective, they WERE low!
I had a remote BF who I took to a show once. I regretted it the minute he stepped out of the car. He was not a horse person and ended up acting like a complete D-bag the entire time. I never invited him again, and I also didn’t go to his golfing events. We did our own thing. The long distance thing didn’t work for us and we moved on.
Current BF dated a polo player prior to me, and she trained him well! He prefers the hunter/jumper lifestyle and the social aspect of the barn. He loves the shows, treats my horse like the family member that he is, and “gets” it. Having found this amazing man, I can tell you I wouldn’t want it any other way! And while I was fine with the ones who weren’t a part of my equestrian life, having found a person who is has made life so much better! We have equestrian art in the home - he has even selected some of it! It makes for a harmonious home. When I had to euthanize my horse, he understood we were saying goodbye to a family member. I wouldn’t sacrifice that ever again (a previous BF didn’t understand this and considered it the same as losing a hamster).
But it’s not about what works best for me. It’s about what works best for you, and what type of relationship you would like. Don’t settle for less - you don’t have to!
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After I went through my divorce, I did quite a bit of soul searching to understand what kept me with some of my ex’s as long as I stayed with them. My high school BF, looking back, was actually a really good relationship especially for that age. We split at the end of my freshman year in college because we were going in very different directions, and it didn’t feel right anymore. He was very involved with the horses though!! He would come to the barn, to lessons, the fair, to shows, and be helpful. He made friends with my horse friends and really enjoyed animals generally. I even gave his little brother lessons for a while too. I realized that meant a lot more to me than I realized at the time as I didn’t have any comparisons.
The college ex BF was a total tool. However, he liked horses! So much so, that for a summer he learned the ropes enough to join me on the equestrian staff at a summer camp. He learned how to groom, tack, untack, and lead/rear up trails with kids having no idea what they were doing. I’ll give him that he did really well with that, and we had a lot of fun with the horses and with all the other counselors and staff. Every other facet though was a nightmare haha.
Ex husband was supportive, but never really participated much in that part of my life short of a visit to the barn at my insistence to take some photos once a year or something to that degree. I however, attended his music performances and gaming shenanigans because I felt like a partner should support what the other does. That was a one-way street in that regard.
Ex BF after that, I mentioned earlier.
Having gotten back to being with someone that thinks what I do is interesting and enjoyable and caring enough to create a bond with Charlie, really makes me happy. I totally agree that it makes life so much better!
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Is a hamster somehow not a family member?
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Man I wish you were closer. I’m not a whiner, and love to ride out. I’m probably young enough to be your grandkid (or kid maybe), but I don’t have any friends my age… for a reason. 
No, it is a family member as well.
However, having had a hamster in my life, I can honestly tell you that for me losing my hamster was very different than losing a horse. I cried, of course, but not like I cried when I lost a horse. And I don’t feel it’s the same level of losing my parents or my bother. My horse, however, was like losing a close family member.
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When my hamster died, we put it in a little box, buried in in the back yard, and planted a rose bush on it. When my horse died, it was extremely dramatic. My horse was euthanized, he nearly broke a leg going down, his body was dragged (as kindly as possible) up a flatbed truck, he was cremated, and it took weeks to get his remains back . It was an extremely traumatic process, much more so than losing a hamster.
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My hamster lived in a (posh) habitrail and came out and ran around in a ball. It had a nice life. But it wasn’t my partner. I didn’t have goals with my hamster. I didn’t have a partnership with my hamster. Perhaps you have? Maybe you have competed with a hamster? Maybe you had one as a companion animal for a psychological condition and you did put your trust in your hamster? For me, every time I rode my horse to a jump I realized that I was putting my trust in that horse to get me to the other side by working together. I had no such relationship with a hamster. Perhaps this is different for you? And that is fine!
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I wouldn’t consider my hamster as a partner. And I should have specified that.
I think your post was meant to be not kind and call me out publicly on a forum for whatever reason, and I think you got what I meant. But in case you didn’t, now perhaps you do?
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Um, no. I did not get what you meant.
I am thankful that Mr. Trub is animal person. He might not get the whole horse riding thing and have no desire to do it. But he is animal person. When my pet rat had to be euthanized he knew it was a big deal to me. Just like he knew that when my long time horse (that I had longer than he has been around) being PTS was a big deal to me.
So it confused me that you thought one pet was less of a family member than another. Just a case of - we are all different.
But now that you explained what you meant I get it. Thank you for clarifying. Sorry that you felt the need to snark at me.
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@endlessclimb are you sure we don’t live near? I’ve met two COTH posters IRL because we found out we actually lived quite close or visited each other’s towns frequently —I’m in Elkhart IN (trailer capital of the world) but hunt in Battle Creek MI --I go all over the Midwest with Mounted Archery competitions . . .
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