Holy crap you are close! I’m in Dyer IN. Where do you typically ride when you go out??
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The bigger the animal, the more it hurts. We don’t care that much about a mosquito or ant.
Losing a horse is worse than losing a dog and losing a dog is heartbreaking. I would hate to own and lose an elephant.
Having a partner who gets the horse thing is to me wonderful.
I nearly gave up on him in the beginning when I heard that their family had had a dog and never replaced it. No animals. No way.
He used to clean the paddock whole I was riding when we met. I didn’t really take any notice to start with. Guys trying to impress you to start with doesn’t take long to stop!
I started to take notice when he was still doing this months and months later.
When we married and we moved in together with the horses. He told me that he didn’t want anything to do with the horses. I said that was fine but I needed to teach him the correct way to take a bridle off. If he came home one day to a tacked horse and no Sue. I know he would want to help and I didn’t want him ripping their teeth out.
With that he was introduced to the horses and I think that made him more comfortable, they were not scary things he had not met. I said that I oiled their hooves daily and he started doing that while I was working. He also started feeding and rugging when I worked later than he did.
He used to jog and I would ride with him. My horses learned to jog.
He found my mare dead and came in crying, he would not let me out of the house to see her.
That was it until we moved here. He was instrumental in me still riding, when I said I would not get another horse after losing her. Every single day he brought in adverts for me to dismiss.
When we moved to the farm we had the biggest fight we have ever had. A coworker said Pepper is too old. He should buy a youngster get on it at the bottom of the hill and gallop it up the hill and then he would be able to ride.
NOT ON MY WATCH.
So I put him on Pepper with reins attached to a halter and showed him that Pep turned when he turned his head and halted when he dropped his weight.
He did a rising trot from the first stride at a riding school.
Fast forward 20 years. He can now ride. He has 2 tbs. He understands contact. He rides better than a lot of people. He LOVES dressage and is not interested in jumping. He won’t ride in public.
He has built shelters, stables, a tack shed and a dressage arena and updated the ute and to an angle float when Stars said no to a straight load.
He has said yes to me going and living in as a dressage rider/groom if I get the job.
If I lose him no other guy could compare. He has ruined it for other guys I feel and I don’t think at this stage I would want a other guy.
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My BF has very little interest in my horses. He knew when we got together that I had a horse, but that was during a period where I really didn’t ride much at all…since then I got a second and spend much, much more time with them. I think on occasion he gets a bit frustrated on weekends if there’s something around the house he wanted my help with and I’m gone all day, but we’ve learned to communicate our weekend plans now!
I’ll admit it still does bother me a tiny bit that he has no interest…I think he’s seen the horses maybe 3? times. In part, he doesn’t trust such large animals, and he also is not an outdoors person at all. He equates it to me having a lack on interest in his hobbies (ie watching anime…I maintain there’s little to discuss there vs actual achievements with horses!). However, he also does let me babble about them to him, he will help me with things like painting new jump poles, and if I come home either super happy after great rides, or a bit upset, he’ll respond accordingly ie “I’m glad you had such a good ride” or “I’m sorry it didn’t go to plan”.
He also just sold his car to enable the purchase of a tow vehicle as we really didn’t need 3 cars, and mine was much much newer and made more sense to keep (plus I’m a bit emotionally attached to mine). He has also promised that if I start competing again, he will come watch sometimes. At the end of the day…yes it would be nice if he learned to handle them a bit, could come help me groom (and be photographer…that would be great!) but at the same time, it’s also easier not having to explain anything! I am lucky in that my dad (who’s property the horses live at) loves them to bits and is quite capable with them, and would happily come assist me if needed.
Basically…if the horses make me happy, he’s happy for me to have them. I think he gets a bit concerned about safety sometimes, especially as one did break my foot earlier this year, but as long as I assure him I do everything possible to mitigate undue risk he’s ok with it.
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He also just sold his car to enable the purchase of a tow vehicle as we really didn’t need 3 cars, and mine was much much newer and made more sense to keep (plus I’m a bit emotionally attached to mine). He has also promised that if I start competing again, he will come watch sometimes. At the end of the day…yes it would be nice if he learned to handle them a bit, could come help me groom (and be photographer…that would be great!) but at the same time, it’s also easier not having to explain anything! I am lucky in that my dad (who’s property the horses live at) loves them to bits and is quite capable with them, and would happily come assist me if needed.
well everything is focused to put the Queen on the throne …he sells his car to buy a truck to haul the queen’s horse to events where he can work to prepare the queen’s mount then preserve for history by photographing … now why would he be resentful?
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Well, is that Queen who keeps their household running, house cleaned, beds made, toilet paper rolls handy when one is empty, refrigerator stocked with her King’s favorite beverage, etc.?
We don’t know what the division of labor is there, if she is asking for extra beanies or just some personal consideration for her efforts to their communal life.
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Fridge magnet.
Do not treat me any differently to how you treat the Queen
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Until I started lurking on a dating forum on Reddit I never realized how important mutual hobbies are for some folks. I happen to prefer doing my own thing. And I find mismatch in ability uncomfortable/unenjoyable even when my partner & I like the same activity.
SO & I can work out together at home, for example. We both enjoy weight lifting. He’s a foot taller & had 80 lean pounds on me, though. The last time we tried to work out together during a trip (jogging), it nearly ended with me uchi mata-ing him into the sand off the running trail in California 
. I’m slow & hate running. He didn’t feel like he was getting much of a workout but very chivalrously didn’t like the idea of running ahead of me. We haven’t tried it again since.
Neither way is wrong, imo. Shared hobbies are make & break for many people.
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My SO and I share a few hobbies but also have ones we love that the other has very little interest in. He supports my horse obsession but I was 100% clear when we started dating horses were not going anywhere. He will ask surface questions and happily zone out while I talk about this or that. He has come to the barn maybe 10? Times in the 7 years we have been together. He came to 2 horse trials that were literally around the corner from us but otherwise doesn’t have any interest in watching. But that’s ok!
He flys airplanes. I am scared of small aircraft and get horribly motion sick in them. He took me up once on the literal perfect day and I was impressed but never want to go up again. But he is ok with that because I to will ask questions and happily zone off while he talks. He keeps talking about getting a kit plane to put together and I keep telling him to do it! Yes it’s an ungodly amount of money but I know he will love putting it together, flying it and selling it so he can buy a different kit.
I’m personally glad we have mutually expensive hobbies that neither of us share a passion of. It gives us each an escape from each other and honestly I’ve learned a lot about airplanes since I’ve gotten with him and he has learned a lot about horses.
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My husband and I have shared hobbies, just smaller and less time consuming. What makes or break couples is spending habits towards their hobbies and if one hobby causes the partner to miss out on their hobby. That’s when resentment and negative vibes happen.
Spending time apart is heathy and should be required.
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I agree. It was interesting to read on Reddit that people who hiked required a partner who would go with them on each & every hike. Not just a person who liked to hike but with less intensity & didn’t mind spending time apart on weekends so the hiker could nurture that passion.
I agree that’s gonna be a big deal!
Time is also a factor. Has been at least for my relationship. Hanging at the barn til 10 pm on the regular wasn’t terribly fair to Mr LS or the pupster.
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I had my horses, house, barn and property before I met my husband. He came into the relationship knowing what was important to me, and that he would be gone long before they were. He works his hind-end off keeping all of the above in good working order, has built more “stuff” than I can even list - but is not a horse person and has no interest in riding. He observes everything though, and I trust him implicitly with their care when I’m gone. But, they aren’t his thing. Fishing and golfing are his preferred activities, and I would never even think of asking him to forego either of those unless it was a dire emergency. One thing we do enjoy together though (and is actually how we met) is bowling! He’s much better than I am, but we bowl league together once a week. And have an absolute blast! So I think the combination of both shared and separate interests, but unwavering support for each other’s hobbies, and the willingness to help each other out, really serves us well.
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OMG! I enjoy hiking alone (much of the time, at least), and would never, ever, ever need my partner to go on every single hike with me. Ugggh. And I don’t need to spend every weekend with my partner, either (unless we consider my partner to be my horse… and I don’t get to spend every weekend with him even though I wish I did).
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A cautionary tale.
When I was getting serious about my (second and last!) ex-H, I told him that there were a few non-negotiable things. He could not lie to me. I would take care of my parents. I would always have horses. He said that horses were in his family history - his father rode, his family supported the SRS… I said I would learn to sail, and he agreed he would learn to ride.
Fast forward. I supported his dream of creating a consulting company in MY area of expertise, by working full time. Was responsible for making the money to support us, raised his child, did all of the housework. Learned to sail even though I hated it (not the sailing, his aggression and need to be in control and race all other boats even if they didn’t know that they were in a race, just like he drove, and he refused to let me sail the boat even for a few minutes. Boring!). He did not learn to ride. He did not even watch me compete. He resented the time I spent riding, even though I would get up early and ride and be home around the time he was waking up. He wanted me there when he woke up. I was not supposed to do anything that was not his choice. When he complained that I was not taking care of him, I told him that if he thought he was doing too much in the marriage, I would happily switch all of the responsibilities I had with the ones he had. He refused that switch.
I let all of this sneak up on me. Death (of the marriage) by a thousand cuts. Counseling failed, even after he lied and cheated repeatedly.
My advice - stick with what you know you need. TALK about it. STICK to your guns. YOU need to nourish your soul, and not sacrifice yourself to his needs. IF that cannot be done, the relationship is not viable.
I do not know if a healthy marriage is possible with the couple doing everything together, you’d need to have the exact same likes and dislikes, and truly not resentful when you feel that things are one sided. I DO believe that a healthy marriage can involve separate hobbies and friends, but must include conversation and interest in the other person’s life.
There are different kinds of marriage, and I guess a transactional relationship, involving little emotional connection, can work just fine if that is what both people want. It is not what I want. I failed to be able to pick a person who fit my relationship needs (or who fit me enough so that we could work together to create an emotionally successful marriage), so I am now happily unmarried, with friends, horses, hobbies that fulfill me. Yes, I would have loved to have a happy marriage, like some of you do, but it is not in my cards and so I am learning to be happy without it.
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Do not click on strange links, may be malware!
I think that post may be spam, reported to be checked out.
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Lol I only just saw this. I drive the tow vehicle as a daily, he gets to drive what was my car which is a quite new, very nice, very fast sports car. He has no complaints there, it’s quite the upgrade for him! I also assure you I do all my own hauling, he’s never towed in his life (I actually do all our mutual driving too, I enjoy it, he doesn’t. Fine by me!)
Of course it would be nice for him to come support me at a show, as I would do for him if he had a competitive hobby even if I had no interest. I don’t expect him to come out to help me regularly with the horses, he’d be next to useless 
If he ever develops a genuine interest I’m happy to teach him and that would be lovely, in the meantime I’m quite happy if he comes to help with the occasional big job ie repainting trot poles, and watches us do the odd show.
I should note that for various reasons I’ve often had to set aside horses to help him in the last couple years. The split is pretty fair.
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I have to wonder how other aspects of the relationship are going as if things are great otherwise, then maybe the horse thing wouldn’t seem to be deflating to the OP. It can be a photo of anything - a gorgeous jump, gorgeous beach day, sightseeing in some quaint town - getting a zero reaction from your SO can be a let down. It’s not difficult to send a quick reply - great pic /looking good wish I was there have fun etc.
Without knowing more about the relationship dynamics it’s hard to have too much of an opinion but it maybe that there is something lacking in the relationship Is it just not being interested in horses, or the long distance thing taking it’s toll or maybe the OP is being too sensitive.
Would OP care to update whats occurred over the last 4 months?
Personally, had both interested and not SOs over the years. While both have pluses and minuses, I prefer paying a trainer to nit pick me over listening to SO harp on my failures all the way home. Be careful what you wish for.
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I do hope we get an update from OP.
A little off topic, but this came across my radar this week! A girl had posted on reddit about a controlling boyfriend that after 9 months told her she needed to sell her horse after she already cut down her barn time a significant amount 
Looks like she posted an update and broke up with the jerk!
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You need a new SO.
One who actually loves you.
I am sorry yours is so unloving.
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