Hi everyone. I am in need of advice on how to tell my trainer I am planning to leave and board elsewhere. The quality of care my horse receives is fine, but I am unhappy with the overall atmosphere at the barn and her general personality/attitude. I have boarded here for several years now and have been considering moving for the past 6 months or so. The trainer’s personality creates a lot of tension in the barn, she is not friendly, and can be prone to temper tantrums or outbursts that involve offensive language over some of the smallest things. In addition, I have tried to schedule lessons with her over the past few months and she is either too busy, cancels, and one time she had even forgotten about our lesson and was not on the property when I showed up. When she is there, she treats me like I do not exist and I have to go out of my way to say hello and make simple conversation. That aspect is more weird than anything, that she does not even acknowledge me when I am there and she might just be waiting for her student to tack up or something. The property and facility are nice, but things are always a mess in terms of the tack/feed room and office. There is not much space for boarder’s things in the tack room. My horse’s care is my number one priority and I do not consider myself to be a high maintenance boarder, but as a paying customer I expect better customer service and a more professional attitude.
The problem is, when I first started boarding with her, I do not believe I ever signed a boarding contract. She made mention of one when I first moved my horse there, and I had reminded her of it for several weeks after, but I don’t think I ever did sign one. So what is expected in terms of notice? 30 days? 2 weeks? I am afraid that things will turn hostile after I give notice that I am leaving, and don’t want that interim period to be miserable every time I am out at the barn. I already have major anxiety about going out to see my horse now because of the overall atmosphere she creates with her negative personality. You never know if you will catch her on a good day or bad. I don’t think she is the kind of person who would retaliate by not giving my horse the care he needs, but you never really know…
The place I am looking to move to is about the same distance from my home with similar board rates, but much cleaner and well kept with a friendlier atmosphere. I am unsure of how to tell my current trainer I am leaving her barn without making it personal and without all the drama. I could say the new place is a little closer and a little more affordable. I want to be honest but don’t think it would be wise to give the real reasons behind why I am leaving. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Any advice you are able to offer?
BTDT.
Best advice? Give 30 days notice, but expect to be either told to leave or want to leave immediately.
I once gave a trainer 30 days notice that I was moving my horses. She replied that I had 24 hours to be off the property. Thank god the stalls were available – I ended up losing a month’s worth of board for each horse, but it was worth it.
Definitely don’t make it personal. Don’t go into details - you’ll just look bitter. Something along the lines of: “Hey, I wanted to let you know that I’m going to be moving my horses. I’m so appreciative of everything you’ve done for me, so I wanted to give you thirty days notice. I’ll be leaving on x date.” Someone else might chime in to make that a little more eloquent - but the point is, say what needs to be said and nothing more. Follow up with an email so it’s in writing.
Good luck!
Hi OP, a lot of us on COTH have been through something similar, so I imagine you will get a lot of good advice.
It sounds like the trainer’s attitude has taken a turn for the worse. If you’ve been thinking about a move for at least 6 months, with no improvement in the situation at the barn, put in your notice as soon as you have stalls lined up at the other farm.
Most barns have a 30 day notice clause in their contract so it would probably be good to do that as a courtesy. That way the trainer can’t come back and complain that you left without notice, or with less notice than is normally required. Stay two weeks and then move to the other place so you are only out 1/2 month of board. If anything takes a nosedive, move sooner if the other place can take you earlier.
It sounds to me like this trainer has a lot of personal issues. As others advised me, it could be substance abuse, emotional problems, issues with a SO, or financial trouble.
No matter what you do, the trainer’s attitude won’t be likely to change, so keep your communication short. Tell her that you appreciate the care that your horse has had at the barn, but you’ve decided to move him closer to home. I don’t think you need to say anything more than that.
Don’t tell her you are leaving until the horse is in the trailer if you don’t trust her but it’s reasonable and customary to give 30 days notice or just offer to pay the 30 days as you leave.
It’s a business and her budget is based in your horse being there, pulling it out suddenly leaves a shortfall and it will take time to fill that stall with a paying customer.
Since you say the care has been and still is good? No reason to stiff her, especially when you have never complained, she may have no idea you are unhappy.
If you never signed a contract you still stayed there for some time and paid monthly without complaint, I think it’s fair you pay for 30 days when you move in lieu of 30 days written notice before moving. That usually works best for both sides, no opportunity for either to bad mouth the other.
Just tell her “Thanks for all you’ve done for us but I need to be closer to home. Good bye and Good luck”.
Sometimes people change or have other issues in their lives like health, finances or substance abuse that change them. Sometimes we just grow out of them and the services they provide, sometimes we suddenly notice things that were always there too. Pay up, be civil and don’t badmouth usually let you extricate yourself from these situations without suffereing any damage to your reputation. Even if there’s badmouthing, you’ll know you did the right thing and so will most of your horse community.
I think you are 100% correct that it would be unwise to reveal your true reasons for moving. Personally, I would just tell her that the other place is closer and a little more affordable. Tell her that it has been a tough decision and thank her profusely for the excellent care she’s given your horse and everything she has done for you/your horse.
I know that it is tempting to “give feedback,” but I think that in most instances the BO/BM/trainer does–on some level–actually know the real reason a client is leaving. And, the fact is there is no way to tell someone that their barn is a mess, their personality is unpleasant, and their professional skills are lacking without coming across as insulting.
Re: notice, if you didn’t sign a contract or verbally discuss the notice period, technically, she can’t enforce a notice period. It’s just a question of whether or not it would be worth it to have that fight. You could quietly pack up a few things, let her know you are going to move, and then move the horse the same day. Of course, doing things like that is highly likely going to cause hard feelings.
Most likely the best course is to put on your big girl pants and let her know that you are planning to move the horse (don’t specify the date) and then discuss the subject. Depending on how she reacts (reasonable? nutso?) and what she says, you can then make a decision about your move date. The best option might be something like moving the horse quickly and paying her for an extra two weeks.
Whether you pay the month and or give notice and pay, I would definitely arrange to move the horse immediately. That day for sure!
As to what to say, just say thank you but this move is necessary and again say thank you for the good care. No details, just thanks for the care.
Whether you pay the month and or give notice and pay, I would definitely arrange to move the horse immediately. That day for sure!
As to what to say, just say thank you but this move is necessary and again say thank you for the good care. No details, just thanks for the care.
Another vote for being ready to move the day that you give notice. I went through a similar situation but had a few days in between. Longest days ever. I would plan to give 30 days notice and pay double board if you have to. It’s worth it.
Yup. Start looking for a new place now, secure the stall(s) you need, and then give notice. Be polite but brief. “Hey Trainer Jane, I wanted to thank you for everything you’ve done for me and Dobbin, but I wanted to let you know I will be moving him as of XYZ date. Please consider this my 30 days notice.”
Then survey her response. Be prepared to move sooner than 30 days.
Give the situation you’ve described, I would give notice in writing.
we gave a year’s notice …all our trainer’s wife kept saying was we were going to ruin a perfectly great horse LOL … this was after we had refused to sell this horse several times. I believe in her mind she had spent the commission several times.
Nevertheless we brought poor horse home to stay in the backyard, she still was a great horse.
Trust your gut on how things will go after informing her of the move - and be prepared to move Dobbin ASAP because your gut is ALWAYS right. With no contract, you technically owe her nothing and can leave and basically just disappear, legally speaking. But the polite thing to do is to give 30 days notice. As others note, if you’ve not formally notified her of concerns, and the care is good, that seems like the proper thing to do, and if you can afford double board for a month, so be it, as the horse world is small and not worth making enemies if possible.
However, if this BO’s personality is that toxic, then BO will most likely CREATE drama, no matter what you do. I once boarded at a private barn with a contract that said absent a 30 days notice, the boarder would forfeit deposit. I imagine without any contract, there was no deposit at your place? Your BO sounds very similar to the one I left - nasty personality, but top notch horse care. I was never the target, UNTIL I left.
I would also suggest looking at your county’s civil court records to see if the BO is litigious. The BO I left took me to small claims court and tried to get a full month’s board on both horses, more than deposit noted in contract, and damages. I left due concern that my mare was stocking up in the winter with her limited turnout situation, and had a history of impaction colic when immobile. The BO seemed to understand, until I told her where I was moving…
I moved to a barn her friend had left - the friend was more a frenemy, but both BO and friend were just nuts - they were the ones who could NEVER find a happy barn situation locally. Anyway, the barn where I moved had taken old BO’s friend to small claims court for damages - the horse was nuts (likely driven mad by the literally bipolar owner who didn’t take meds!). That horse had destroyed a dividing stall wall. The BO I left had testified in the case against her friend, that horses are messy creatures and tear things up. I think she tried to play that trick on me, though, as she took me to court for damages! I had ample articles about wear and tear of horse facilities being part of board costs, and no proof my horses did anything (her evidence were photos of teeth scrape marks on wood stall walls - um, what???). BUT the best part - my new BO came to court for me - AND brought the old BO’s notarized testimony made for her friend. So we LITERALLY used her own words against her. SO sweet, and new BO was great, but I have my horses at home now:)
Glad you found a good option for Dobbin, that’s the MOST important thing! The rest is just money or drama that will fizzle out at some point if you don’t perpetuate it.
Thanks for everyone’s great advice. While I would prefer to not pay double, I agree it would be best to be ready to move immediately after giving notice if things do not go well.
One thing I am struggling with is finding an appropriate time to tell her. I would like to do it in person and follow up with written notice. When she is around, she is so “busy” that it’s hard to get her alone. I wouldn’t feel right telling her in between her lessons or in front of one of her students. It’s none of their business and I would hate for her to think I’m trying to tarnish her reputation or something.
If your trainer is hostile and you have reason to be concerned, I echo others, give her notice as you load your horse and be prepared to pay 30 days as a courtesty. Its never wise to burn bridges no matter how tempting it may be.
This question is asked over and over, each time with a slightly different twist. This should be sticky at the top of the forum:
- Secure your stall at the new barn
- Be prepared to move the day you give notice
- Read your contract and follow it. If no contract, act as if there is one that has a 30 notice clause
- Give 30 days notice. Be prepared to move the day you give notice, and to pay for 30 days. Have at least 2 months board at the ready.
- Do not give a reason for moving. Say “thank you, but I’m moving my horse.”
- Do not give a reason for moving.
- Expect former BO to trash talk you.
- Do not trash talk former BO or barn.
Lather, rinse, repeat
This question is asked over and over, each time with a slightly different twist. This should be sticky at the top of the forum:
- Secure your stall at the new barn
- Be prepared to move the day you give notice
- Read your contract and follow it. If no contract, act as if there is one that has a 30 notice clause
- Give 30 days notice. Be prepared to move the day you give notice, and to pay for 30 days. Have at least 2 months board at the ready.
- Do not give a reason for moving. Say “thank you, but I’m moving my horse.”
- Do not give a reason for moving.
- Expect former BO to trash talk you.
- Do not trash talk former BO or barn.
Lather, rinse, repeat
[QUOTE=Klhase14;8987406]
Thanks for everyone’s great advice. While I would prefer to not pay double, .
One thing I am struggling with is finding an appropriate time to tell her. g.[/QUOTE]
might want to inform them before the end of the month otherwise you will be there until March
[QUOTE=clanter;8987398]
we gave a year’s notice …all our trainer’s wife kept saying was we were going to ruin a perfectly great horse LOL … this was after we had refused to sell this horse several times. I believe in her mind she had spent the commission several times.
Nevertheless we brought poor horse home to stay in the backyard, she still was a great horse.[/QUOTE]
Is this the great Foxie horse? I love your stories about her. 
30 days is the standard practice. If she gives you argument, just stick to your plan. I’ve had to deal with a similar type of personality. Sort of a bullying, horse-trader, aggressive, assertive type. Makes a more reserved type feel afraid of disagreeing or “going against” them.
Try to remember you have every right to do what you want to do. You don’t even have to give her a reason. Get some help from an assertiveness trainer, if necessary. (God knows I could use some).
You’re in a business agreement, not a social one. Just tell her you’re out of there in 30 days. Put it in writing and drop it in her mailbox if you don’t want to confront her personally. (Pretend you’re an out-of-town boarder with no personal contact, since it sounds like she treats you that way anyway; and that you no longer require her barn).
If you want to completely be done with the situation, this is what I would do.
Move my horse off property to their new boarding.
Make sure all my tack is out of the barn.
Hand the BO a written letter that says “here’s my 30 day notice” , I’ve already moved my horse, along with my usual check for 1 month of board.
And then I walk out the door.
My horse and stuff are gone. They can’t do anything bad to me or the horse. Yes, I’m “out” a month’s worth of board, but I paid them for 30 days as a courtesy to be on good terms.
That’s what I would do, anyway. No explanation needed. No confrontation. Just “I’m leaving. See you later.”
If having to pay for two places will be a hardship on you and you’re sure the bo won’t be abusive to your horse, get all your personal stuff out and write a note giving 30 days notice. (Keep a copy) You will probably want to stay clear of there as much as you can and then be promptly out on the final day. I’m like you, I wouldn’t want to pay for board at 2 barns. She might be glad you are leaving since she ignores you so much.
