How to tell your trainer you are leaving and boarding elsewhere? Hostile personality

[Scribbler]

If you can predict drama, I would really really try to get the money together to pay double board. Move the horse out before the start of the month (ie Jan 1), then pay your board with a note saying you are giving 30 days notice to the end of the month (Jan 31). Then you don’t need to go back, don’t need to discuss, don’t need to deal with anything. Start moving your gear out in small amounts now. Get the horse trailer around at a quiet time during the day.

How has this trainer acted when previous clients have left? that is your best guide as to what she would do to you.

[piedmontfields]

[QUOTE=Scribbler;8987537]
How has this trainer acted when previous clients have left? that is your best guide as to what she would do to you.[/QUOTE]

This is a very big clue.

I recently moved. I gave 30 days notice and just paid double board for a half month. However, I could have paid two boards if necessary (new barn did not require it to hold stall and I had my reasons for wanting to move when I did).

[Dee-Vee]

[QUOTE=peedin;8987416]
This question is asked over and over, each time with a slightly different twist. This should be sticky at the top of the forum:

1. Secure your stall at the new barn
2. Be prepared to move the day you give notice
3. Read your contract and follow it. If no contract, act as if there is one that has a 30 notice clause
4. Give 30 days notice. Be prepared to move the day you give notice, and to pay for 30 days. Have at least 2 months board at the ready.
5. Do not give a reason for moving. Say “thank you, but I’m moving my horse.”
6. Do not give a reason for moving.
7. Expect former BO to trash talk you.
8. Do not trash talk former BO or barn.

Lather, rinse, repeat[/QUOTE]

The last time I left I pretty much followed this approach with a few extras.

1. I made arrangements to move to the new place anytime within the 30 notice period, should things have gone sour (but they didn’t). Packing up and moving out the day of notice has its own negative message, even tho you pay the 30 days in lieu. It depends on your relationship with the BO. In any event, be on high alert once you give your notice.

2. I gave about 45 days notice, in other words an extra 2 weeks without committing to an actual date, I.e., I plan to move horsie by the end of next month. I called her and spoke to her personally, and then followed up with an email. I wanted to make sure that the 30 days was not put into question and there was a paper trail although the message was delivered personally.

3. I gave no reason, but did tell her where I was moving. Just saying I was leaving was in my mind a little abrupt. I thanked her for her care and said that I hoped that we would remain friends.

4. I confirmed the actual move day 1 wk before the move to make sure the trailer had clearance. I spent the month cleaning up and moving my stuff.

In the above, I made sure I had followed protocol and all was above board…but, I was prepared to move at moments notice including paying for 2 places if I needed to. I had a couple of boarder friends at my back to make sure no funny business was going on and to help move at a moments notice if need be.

Usually these things go well. Unless your BO is owed money or really likes drama, most times nobody has the energy to make things miserable.

As given above, say as little as possible and just move on when you get to the new place.

[Alex_and_Bodie_s_Mom]

Echoing everyone else - I’ve dealt with someone like your BO, and though I don’t think she would have harmed my horses or my stuff (had I been boarding at the time), she would have made those last 30 days hell on earth.

If you think there’s even a chance of your horse being harmed/neglected, or your stuff going missing, then get it out now.

If you want to deal with her in person, that’s up to you. I would personally move the horse and tack, pay for the next 30 days, and leave within the same hour. She will probably bad-mouth you for a while, but those who know her won’t care.

[findeight]

Well, if she’s too busy to talk to you? Give notice via a written letter. Move the horse when she’s not there. But leave a check for 30 days in lieu of notice if you have to leave like that. It would be the right thing to do instead of surprising her by shorting her expected income since you have never experienced any care issues serious enough to complain about. She can’t complain about the way you left either…your reputation will follow you forever, good or bad. Keep it on the high road.

Weve talked several COTHers through giving 30 days notice, most of the time, despite the posters fears, nothing happened. They were not as important to the trainer as they thought, wasted a lot he angst worrying when they were really just a tiny blip on the trainers radar who won’t be missed.

[Ticker]

I gave notice as my horse was boarding the trailer. I made sure I was properly paid up and left. When you are packing and leaving, there isn’t much time for confrontations.

[PonyPenny]

It is a business transaction. Give notice in writing. No need to say why you are moving. Have new barn and hauling lined up.

[Groom_amp_Taxi]

I agree with several other posters that it sounds like you are on the bottom rung of the trainer’s client list - it almost sounds like she wants you to leave based on the way you described her treatment of you.

There are things about this operation as you’ve described it that sound very unprofessional - not least of which is the lack of an actual signed boarding contract.

Depending on just how small your equine community is and the stature your existing trainer has within that community, I might take a chance on giving notice and leaving without paying double board. Yeah, the trainer will talk bad about you, but she will do that anyway if she wants to.

[Ready_To_Riot]

Am I the only one that would completely lie? lol I was lucky, in all my years of boarding, I was at some great places that were never bothered if I were moving. Hell, I came back to one 3 times before getting my own place! Lol

If I were in the position where I didn’t think it would go well if I told the BO that I was moving to a different barn, I’d just lie. Because it isn’t fair that I would have to pay for a month in board I can’t use because BO is a piece of dirt! So, id say I was able to get some land of my own and the horse is moving there (throw in to live with a goat or a friends horse or something, so she doesn’t try to tell you your horse can’t live alone), or id tell her a friend of yours just acquired a place within walking distance to your house and you’re so excited to basically have your horse in your backyard. Literally anything you want. Once you leave, it won’t matter if she finds out you lied because you don’t like her anyway. But board is expensive and you shouldn’t have to pay double.

[gottagrey]

I agree with Peedin’s checklist for leaving a barn.

Find out when you can move into new barn… start going through your stuff - get rid of anything you don’t need anymore or is just taking up space (why do I have 3 half filled bottles of shampoo; ancient roll on fly repellent; do I really need 18 schooling pads… etc.

find out what the new barn is going to charge for board… will they prorate board if you move in mid-month. Will they let you move in at a moments notice if necessary (without having to go into a lot of drama about current barn).

I’m on the fence about giving 30 days notice and loading up. I’d give your notice ASAP- write a letter saying you are giving your 30 day notice effective today (whatever day you hand letter to her). If she sends you packing - IMO she’s forfeited the month’s board by kicking you out. Sorry but no, you don’t get to kick me out and have me give you the honor of paying a full month’s board for the pleasure of it. Fair is fair I give 30 days notice I expect and demand the same care/treatment of my horse, my belongings and the use of the facility. It’s ridiculous that this scenario happens so often - and those individuals are never really held accountable,

[AKB]

I would move the horse, tack and anything valuable. Then, I would give 30 days notice. I would tell her you are moving somewhere closer but not say where you are going. If she asks, just says is a small barn near where you live.

[Magicboy]

OP, might be better to tell the barn owner with other folks around, especially if you think she might get snarky…but be sure YOU stay calm and polite

[Trakehner]

Horse on the trailer on his way to his new happy home. Then, and only then, only give your 30 days notice. Be prepared to pay for the month’s board…but, you should get the benefit of the board you’ve paid (as in, any friends who board there who might like a friend’s horse there too…hey, it’s your stall for 30 days if you have to pay for it). No other horse should be going in your stall for that month. They don’t get it both ways.

Good luck, be secretive.

[Snowflake]

I don’t understand all the strife that goes into this stuff. You’re in a business relationship with the BO. So long as you’ve paid your bills, you owe nothing to the BO. If you’ve found another business that better fits your needs, go with them. Changing clientele is part of the song and dance BOs take on when they choose to go into the horse business. BO shouldn’t be surprised about it and you shouldn’t feel bad about it. It happens every day at barns across the country.

[demidq]

I totally agree with Snowflake. Be straightforward and honest about date you are leaving and fulfill your obligations. No need for explanations, no need to say where you are going. If care has always been good, do you have reason to believe it will go sour when you put in your notice? My Granny used to say “never trouble trouble til trouble trouble troubles you”. If you behave well, most BO/Bms will as well. And yes, I do know there are Horse People from Hell out there but they are actually few and far between.

[partlycloudy]

I think it’s a very sad commentary on our industry when people fully expect to do a ’ midnight move’. Oh I know its often necessary, but it is awful that boarders are frced to double pay whenever they feel they want to move. BO 's and trainers need to grow up and behave professionally.

[Nezzy]

i agree with moving your stuff out, bring the stuff when you come, bring it all back when you go home. Do not leave anything of value at the barn, except the horse. Use an older halter if you have a newer one. Give notice in writing. It does not need to be in person, especially if she is avoiding you. If she ask why, you just say you want to try something new.

[Lucassb]

I always write a nice note (which has the added benefit of putting my notice in writing) and hand it over along with a small gift - a bottle of wine or similar. “Thanks so much for taking such great care of Dobbin, I’m regretfully giving my notice but appreciate all you’ve done for us,” or something along those lines. I hand it over with a smile so that it is clear there are no hard feelings etc.

In normal situations I give 30 days and wait it out. A few times, when I suspected there would be drama or whatever, I have handed over the note with a check in lieu of that 30 day notice and I’ve paid for a stall I chose not to use. In those situations it was worth my peace of mind. Only you know which would be best under the circumstances, but if you really are worried… pay the money and move on. Then you can hold your head up and take the high road. Former BOs may b*tch but you can act surprised and honestly say, “gee, I’m sorry to hear that; I really liked her and she offered my horse good care. In fact, I gave her a nice present when I needed to move. Oh, well.” And people do notice, and know the difference.

[kch7238]

You have received some good advice here. I just want to add that back when I boarded, I had a BO who would act like your BFF one day, the next time you saw her she wouldn’t acknowledge you at all. She acted this way to all the boarders so you never knew what you were going to get. There was much gossiping with boarders about other boarders and a generally toxic atmosphere.

When I decided to leave, the two weeks before I took a tack item or two with me “to clean” every time I left the barn. I had stalls ready at the new place, and the trailer hitched up. I gave verbal and written 30 day notice with a check, loaded my horse and left.

I knew if I stayed the 30 days after giving notice it would have been torture. Boarders who left in the past were trash talked and I couldn’t be sure my horse wouldn’t suffer, so I decided to make a clean quick break, pay my 30 days and go.

I can’t describe the relief I felt after leaving. And I was at peace with my decision and the way I left. Good luck to you.

[snowrider]

There is absolutely no way I would pay double board. I have always given my notice at least 30 days out and left with no problems. If the BO told me to “get out” I’d say fine, as soon as you give me the rest of the months board in cash. But I don’t usually run into that because I have strong boundaries in my relationships with people I hire for a service, like barn owners. from the very beginning.

People have normalized so much bad behavior and overstepped boundaries in this industry, I admit I find it very odd.