How to tell your trainer you are leaving and boarding elsewhere? Hostile personality

[Chardavej]

OP do you really CARE what the BO thinks or says? Look at her as amusement, tell her you’re leaving and why. I would be sure you can move your horse the same day to the new barn. I don’t get it, just tell her. She is already pouty, childish and throws tantrums, so what do you think she’ll do differently? She doesn’t care for your feelings, so don’t care for hers. And if there is no contract, I don’t care what the standard for the industry is, I don’t care how small the horse world is, there is nothing holding you there or making you give 30 days notice. Whatever she is going to say she is going to say, regardless if correct or lies.

If you want to leave, leave, you can, you are allowed. It is a business, she sucks, go to a better place where you are treated professionally. If you did sign a contract, then you are obligated to stay 30 days or leave but still pay the 30 days.

This coming from a BO that has boarders always give 30 days as it’s in the contract, and stay the 30 days and we’re all still friends. Though most leave because they move out of state, bought their own farm or sold their horses or changed disciplines, which I understand. We’re a trail riding barn with a small outdoor arena and round pen, and that doesn’t work for someone who wants to venture into dressage or jumping.

The horses are fat and very happy and so are the boarders as far as I know. I don’t tolerate drama for one minute and will gladly ask the disruptive boarder to leave, but usually just having a conversation with a boarder about the issues can usually resolve into attitude changes and they begin to play well with others, or leave. Which are the only two choices anyway

[candyappy]

[QUOTE=snowrider;8988034]
There is absolutely no way I would pay double board. I have always given my notice at least 30 days out and left with no problems. If the BO told me to “get out” I’d say fine, as soon as you give me the rest of the months board in cash. But I don’t usually run into that because I have strong boundaries in my relationships with people I hire for a service, like barn owners. from the very beginning.

People have normalized so much bad behavior and overstepped boundaries in this industry, I admit I find it very odd.[/QUOTE]

When I used to board people were coming in and going out all the time. Not because of substandard care on our part, but because things change for people. There were the occasional “wackos” who were asked to leave, but never drama or tantrums or fear of horse being mistreated by BO.

Most places have a waiting list anyways don’t they?? ( we did). I find it disturbing that the norm is " tell them upon loading, pay double board and get moving". It just seems wrong that we have to resort to that or the person has a melt down??

[Crockpot]

[QUOTE=candyappy;8988597]
When I used to board people were coming in and going out all the time. Not because of substandard care on our part, but because things change for people. There were the occasional “wackos” who were asked to leave, but never drama or tantrums or fear of horse being mistreated by BO.

Most places have a waiting list anyways don’t they?? ( we did). I find it disturbing that the norm is " tell them upon loading, pay double board and get moving". It just seems wrong that we have to resort to that or the person has a melt down??[/QUOTE]

Same here

[jetsmom]

I’d give 30 days notice (but make sure new barn has a stall avail just in case things go soyth), thank BO for the excellent care, and tell her that it has been a difficult decision but you need to make some changes in your horse life, and this is one of them.

[Onetrickpuppy]

Not trying to be snarky, but I don’t understand giving notice, paying a full month’s board, then leaving instead of using the 30 days I paid for. I also can’t understand allowing a BO trash talk the boarder who is leaving, but don’t do anything to defend yourself (g). I get that some people fear their horse may be harmed if left at the old barn during the month prior to moving, yet it would seem there would be some recourse if that happened.

I haven’t boarded in a very long time, so maybe things have changed since then. The one time I changed barns, I put a deposit for a stall at the new barn, gave my 30 day notice and paid my board for 1 month at the old barn. Near the end of the 30 days, I moved the horse. I had kept all my tack and gear locked in my horse trailer b/c the granddaughter of the BO was a thief.

[starrunner]

Most barns I’ve left on good terms. Only one did I feel I had to do the midnight move and that’s after we had a conversation about difference of care (she wanted to put my horse on antibiotics without my permission. Said her vet had diagnosed my horse with something, so I called the vet, whom I had used before to discuss what was going on…barn owner lost it over that). In that case, that BO ended up trying to falsify her records on how much I owed, etc, because I also worked off some board.

But, the rest were all very polite. Just politely state you found a place closer to home or more affordable or whatever and that you’re moving on X day. Just check on the horse like normal. Most folks really are fairly rational.

As for horse people double dipping…I thought it was just a horse thing, until I bought my house. We signed a year to year lease for our townhouse and let the management company know that we were closing in X month, but our lease ended two months later. Asked if they could find someone to find a new lease before ours ended and they stated no.

OK, that’s fine. We were happy to pay for the several months in both places as it gave us time to move and so forth. Then, they called us and let us know that they had someone that signed a lease and wanted us to turn over our keys. I said, “Great! So we won’t be responsible for X & Y month?”. Nope…they still wanted us to pay. So I kept my key until the 11th hour of the day I needed to return them.

Basically, people walk over others until you reinforce their lines and boundaries. That was a professional company. Your BO should be professional and if you handle things in exactly the manner it should be handled, I think it will be OK.

If not, have your backup plan in place and move on, but most of all, be the most professional one in the situation.

[hoopoe]

ship out and when you horse is secure in new home, give your 30 days notice and pay

with the personality you describe, I would not have my horse or myself around, a 30 days notice does not require your horse actually be present, simply pay it off and be done

[oldernewbie]

[QUOTE=Onetrickpuppy;8991176]
Not trying to be snarky, but I don’t understand giving notice, paying a full month’s board, then leaving instead of using the 30 days I paid for. I also can’t understand allowing a BO trash talk the boarder who is leaving, but don’t do anything to defend yourself (g). I get that some people fear their horse may be harmed if left at the old barn during the month prior to moving, yet it would seem there would be some recourse if that happened.

I haven’t boarded in a very long time, so maybe things have changed since then. The one time I changed barns, I put a deposit for a stall at the new barn, gave my 30 day notice and paid my board for 1 month at the old barn. Near the end of the 30 days, I moved the horse. I had kept all my tack and gear locked in my horse trailer b/c the granddaughter of the BO was a thief.[/QUOTE]

I won’t go into the cascading disaster that caused me to pay for a month and split the day I gave notice. But months of poor care, lies upon lies, culminated with being party to putting her horse down while she was on a ski trip - I just couldn’t take it any more. Combine that with a job change and lots of forecasted bad weather that would keep me from moving my horse - best $400 I ever spent to get out tout sweet! I know she has lied about me and said who knows what to a lot of folks. I really don’t care. If they believe what she says, well, nothing I can do.

There’s so much crazy in the horse business!!

[Princess_Sparkles]

I can swear, as a barn manager, that I would not change the care of a horse if a client gave notice. Never have, never will.

Even clients that I have had to give the boot too–it was the (human) client’s fault, not the horse’s! There are a lot of crazy people in the horse industry, and that is a shame, because we are all supposed to be in it because we love horses. Even the worst human couldn’t convince me to take it out on the horse they owned, but apparently I am in the minority, according to the reactions and suggestions here.

I would agree to give 30 days notice, even if you never signed a contract, because that is standard and helpful in terms of filling your spot. Be ready to move, but honestly, if she has always taken good care of your horse, you don’t necessarily need to bail and pay twice. I would never expect a boarder to do that and would feel ashamed if they felt they had to,

[findeight]

Sometimes, though, the nice, adult BO or BM you give notice to is not the problem. It’s a trainer leasing stalls operating in that barn and their little group of followers that can make your life miserable after you give notice. That was my experience. Didn’t even use that trainer or say a word but…

[chai]

I’m sorry you are in such an upsetting situation. It’s always best not to burn a bridge, so I’d suggest you just say you want to move your horse closer to home and give notice. At the same time, get everything squared away at the new barn so if you see anything that causes you concern, you can just pick up and move your horse.
It’s a shame that some trainers don’t seem to understand the value of just being civil, but you pay a lot of money to keep a horse, and when your stomach is in knots going to the barn, it’s time for a change.
Wishing you all the best.

[16_Hands]

Here’s a question regarding the 30 day notice. Say the BO asks you to leave and gives you a 30 day notice to do so. Are you still obligated to pay for the 30 days? I would think not as you are not the one starting the clock on 30 days. The reason I ask is that I was once asked to leave a barn and it was the last day of the month and was given 30 days to leave. I had just so happened to be returning from a trail ride so had my truck and trailer available. I loaded my horse back in the trailer, loaded all my tack, and left. I never heard from the BO again so I believe I was within my right to leave without paying for another month’s board.

In addition, the last barn I was boarding, when I needed to move out because my horse wasn’t happy there, even though there was a 30 day notice clause and I was prepared to pay it, the BO refused to take the money and we remain friends to this day.

[Coanteen]

[QUOTE=candyappy;8988597]
When I used to board people were coming in and going out all the time. Not because of substandard care on our part, but because things change for people. There were the occasional “wackos” who were asked to leave, but never drama or tantrums or fear of horse being mistreated by BO.

Most places have a waiting list anyways don’t they?? ( we did). I find it disturbing that the norm is " tell them upon loading, pay double board and get moving". It just seems wrong that we have to resort to that or the person has a melt down??[/QUOTE]

Idk about wait lists, but thus far I have left 7 barns (most because I moved, a couple because I was looking for different instruction/situation), and I have never had any drama or worry about moving the horse asap. Give standard notice, horse continues to be cared for, relations with instructor may get cooler but remain professional, etc.

I understand there are psycho BM, druggies, personality disorders, and so on. But to load a horse asap before even telling staff about the move, as standard advice? Good lord, where are people boarding?

[Lord_Helpus]

Several other thoughts which were not covered in the fist several pages (which is what I have read):

1. Make sure that the 30 days starts when you leave and ends 30 days later. If you give notice on the 15th, some barns will expect you to pay a full month’s board starting the first of the next month (total of 45 days).

2. Other considerations: Does your current barn have a wait list or does it already have empty stalls? If the barn has a wait list, then (IMO) you only need to pay board until the next person has moved in.

3. Does the trainer own the barn or rent out the entire barn from the owner? Or, perhaps she just rents it by the stall? It sounds like you only write one check per month, right? If so, and if there is not a wait list, then you need to pay the 30 days. — If you write 2 checks (or you know that the trainer only pays for the stalls she uses), then I think you need to talk with the BO to find out her rules.

Do you have 1 or 2 special friends at the barn? If so, I would fill them in slightly ahead of time. You can expect the trainer to mouth off about you — but if you talk to your friends, they can support you to 3rd parties. If you surprise everyone when you leave, then the trainer’s version is the only version everyone will hear — and believe —.

I agree that it is sad to have to discuss this. People are right that, technically, it is a business relationship. But we all know it is a lot more.

Are you sure that the new barn is better? I am always suspect when barns have empty stalls. I prefer barns with wait lists — it tells me that they give wonderful service.

Best of luck. I have been in your position and it is not fun. But just think of how unstressed you will be after the move… Riding is supposed to be fun. When it isn’t, then it is time to look at other options.

[IPEsq]

[QUOTE=Coanteen;8996861]
Idk about wait lists, but thus far I have left 7 barns (most because I moved, a couple because I was looking for different instruction/situation), and I have never had any drama or worry about moving the horse asap. Give standard notice, horse continues to be cared for, relations with instructor may get cooler but remain professional, etc.

I understand there are psycho BM, druggies, personality disorders, and so on. But to load a horse asap before even telling staff about the move, as standard advice? Good lord, where are people boarding?[/QUOTE]

To be fair, the thread title says in this situation the OP is dealing with a “hostile personality”.

[Coanteen]

[QUOTE=IPEsq;8996969]
To be fair, the thread title says in this situation the OP is dealing with a “hostile personality”.[/QUOTE]

It does, but some of the advice is generalized beyond that. As in, presented as 'leaving a boarding barn 101."

[chism]

[QUOTE=Arelle;8987299]
BTDT.

Best advice? Give 30 days notice, but expect to be either told to leave or want to leave immediately.

I once gave a trainer 30 days notice that I was moving my horses. She replied that I had 24 hours to be off the property. Thank god the stalls were available – I ended up losing a month’s worth of board for each horse, but it was worth it.

Definitely don’t make it personal. Don’t go into details - you’ll just look bitter. Something along the lines of: “Hey, I wanted to let you know that I’m going to be moving my horses. I’m so appreciative of everything you’ve done for me, so I wanted to give you thirty days notice. I’ll be leaving on x date.” Someone else might chime in to make that a little more eloquent - but the point is, say what needs to be said and nothing more. Follow up with an email so it’s in writing.

Good luck![/QUOTE]

THis… many of us have BTDT and you just don’t know what you’re going to get. Be prepared for any level of crazy. I did exactly this and both my child and I were ostracized and ignored for it, even now years later though we have always made it a point to say hi at events and cheer on our previous barn mates, we still get the ice and the withering stare. I don’t regret for even one second taking the high road, though for my daughter’s sake, I wish the culture of the barn was such that she didn’t lose friends over it. THe more important thing is that life is too short to settle with a situation that makes you unhappy.

[Eleanor]

OP can you up date on how things are going? Did you give notice or waiting to do so?