I haven’t read through all 55 replies, but here’s my two cents.
I’ve been at a barn before with BO/BM and help who didn’t know as much as they wanted people to think they know (they could “talk the talk” but when it came time to “walk the walk” it was obvious they were lacking in experience). My horse is, by most people’s standards, a pretty docile, complacent, cooperative dude. He gets blanketed and unblanketed and led here and there most of the time with zero issues. However…he’s a horse. Horses are gonna do horse stuff from time to time. People who aren’t aware of this fact and lack the knowledge to not only deal with such horse stuff but to predict it and prevent possible issues are often caught off-guard when a horse does horse stuff. Then, it becomes the horse’s fault in their eyes. And honestly…sometimes the horse is being a doop-dee-doo goofball for one reason or the other. Experienced horse people can read that and adjust accordingly. Less-experienced folks don’t have that instinct.
So. What to do? Do we have to demand that everyone who handles our horse is a master horseman with good instincts and intuition and ability in all aspects of horse care? Good luck with that. Do we, as more experienced horse people need to point out someone else’s deficits in their knowledge and skill and require that they get “more training” so that they become worthy of caring for our animals? Yeah…that probably isn’t going to go over very well.
If it were me, and I really liked the place and wanted to stay, I would have shown immediate concern for the daughter (to her…she’s an adult) and apologized for my horse’s behavior. Even if it wasn’t exactly his fault, I’d apologize. It’s the courteous thing to do. I’d probably be a bit self-deprecating and say something like, “He can be suck a knucklehead sometimes,” to let her know that I wasn’t blaming her. Humility goes a long way with people. Then, I might say, “If you think it would help, feel free to pop a halter and lead on him to keep him still and his silly nose away from the fence so he’s easier to blanket.”
Period. The end. No more about it.
That’s me though.