So, loving hubby and pre-teen daughter love the horses and want to ride. However, they don’t really want to learn much more than how to hang on for a trail ride, or family night at the indoor arena, in winter. So while I love that they are interested and definitely help with mucking and all chores, it is also stressful at times when I see them not thinking at a “higher/more sensitive” level when handling the horses. I know all the work that goes into make a horse be willing and able to do all that you might ask of them on a full day or afternoon of riding, even if it is just for fun. They also must be physically conditioned to be able to use them for trail riding on the weekends. But my fam does not want to bother much with groundwork, lunging, or patterns or other such details that must be addressed and practiced to make for successful and enjoyable trail rides.
Now, I am the first to admit I often over think things, and set my expectations high. For me, horses were, and still are, my first love. I’ve studied all about them since I was able to open a book (that is over 4 decades!) and find most every little detail fascinating. So how do other horse people incorporate family members who do contribute a lot, but just don’t quite get the big picture. Now, if I didn’t work more than full time, I would be happy to keep three horse conditioned and schooled for all to enjoy. But I barely have time to spend with my own horse because I have a full time career. Does anyone have any tips on nudging hubby and kid to step up their learning a bit more to be a bit more concerned about some of the details?! Or am I just putting all this stress on myself for no reason except to make myself crazier?! Our goal is to explore our lovely mountains nearly every weekend next summer. Additionally, I finally want to participate in organized events again, though at a fairly low level, such as trail challenges, hunter paces, local western pleasure, etc. I don’t want to spoil their fun by being overly serious about all the details I consider. Thanks for any advice!
I have to agree with you.
To keep a horse sane enough to ride safely is a full time job. If they are not interested. They are not interested. It is better to take them trail riding by hiring horses that orhers keep in work at the time.
This will mean that you wont be able to explore where you want maybe, but they dont get everything they want.
If they don’t want to do the work they can come on mountain bikes instead. They dont need any work.
There are definitely horses out there that fit the bill for what your hubby and daughter are looking for. Horses that come out of a pasture the same if you ride them once a month or if you ride them 3x a week. Those horses might not be the horses you currently have though. And those horses may not be up to the rigors of the extensive trail riding that you’re talking about. Being a weekend warrior is okay if you have the right horse. What you don’t want to do is try to jam a square peg in a round hole. Everyone will be unhappy and someone might get hurt.
I think you are going to push your family away from horses.
Not everyone wants to compete or train or ‘be one with a horse’ and there is nothing wrong with that.
Can you pay someone to school their horses twice a week so they will be tuned up for the weekend warriors? Even better, can you pay someone to clean your house and run errands two days per week so you can school their horses?
I would be happy that they want to have fun with horses. It is best to not sweat the small stuff. If you can, do what it takes so they will able to enjoy weekend riding. My only no compromises position is that they must wear helmets.
Came up on another thread about mainly recreational riders over on OC recently-
No need to rebuild Rome when there are no Romans in need of a new city.
Some people just want to ride to relax, be safe, start, stop, steer, not learn theory. There’s NOTHING wrong with that. But you need appropriate horses for them and to offer a little guidence. Try to cram it down their throats and you’ll run them off horses.
Horse isn’t a car but the analogy of driving one without knowing the theory of internal combustion propulsion or drive within the speed limits without possessing NASCAR level skills isn’t so far off. Lighten up on them.
So how do other horse people incorporate family members who do contribute a lot, but just don’t quite get the big picture.
I married him. We have two trucks and two trailers. I go to horse shows, he goes to trail ride, and often we trail ride together.
Now, if I didn’t work more than full time, I would be happy to keep three horse conditioned and schooled for all to enjoy. But I barely have time to spend with my own horse because I have a full time career.
if the opportunity is available, hire a barn kid to keep the family’s horses legged up. Otherwise, don’t worry about it. So long as the ‘rides in the mountains’ aren’t 6 hours straight up and down, those out of shape horses will be fine. Presumably they’ll do shorter trail rides getting ready for the long weekend rides.
Does anyone have any tips on nudging hubby and kid to step up their learning a bit more to be a bit more concerned about some of the details?! Or am I just putting all this stress on myself for no reason except to make myself crazier?!
No, to the first question. It’s not their job to meet your expectations for how to enjoy their horses.
If you want to take lessons, do it. If you want to show, plan for it. Riding in the mountains Saturday, lesson on Sunday, ride during the week, go to the show the next Saturday, and maybe they don’t go at all, or they come along to spectate, or bring their horses to do any fun classes (cake walk etc, assuming you’re talking local fun shows).
My DH has been riding for 18 years since we met. He doesn’t know a left lead from a leg yield. However, he is a fine horse-feeder and carrot dispenser, and dearly loves his horse, a perfect little plug of a gelding who adores him right back. he gets home from work, tacks up, grabs a beer or two for his saddlebags, an apple for the gelding, and off they go to ride our trails he built. If I need my horse fed before i get home to have a lesson, he’ll put him up and feed him if I ask. it’s a win win.
Not much you can do if they have no interest. You have 2 choices that I can see.
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Spend some of your time to keep their horses ridable and safe for when they ride.
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Do nothing and let them experience what happens to most of us who do nothing with our horses for extended periods and then attempt to get on and ride. That might motivate them to get interested or at least do what they need to.
My daughter just likes to ride, nothing more. All 3 of my kids liked riding the horse we had for them growing up. I have always taken the time to make sure the pony/horse they have is a safe / sane ride and continue that with my daughters horse now ( my boys no longer ride).
I never minded doing it and it gives me the ability to keep our horses in an obedient frame of mind year round.
My DH was the epitome of weekend warrior - just wanted to get on and ride occasionally without doing any of the work. He took a few lessons and decided he knew how to ride. He would also expect to go camping and ride 6+ hrs/day in the mountains for a long weekend on a horse that hadn’t been ridden consistently in months.
While I enjoyed his company on the trails, I started to resent having to do all the work. I ended up having to constantly help him get his horse ready, tacked up, as well as try to ride his horse to keep it fit. I don’t know if it was feigned helplessness but DH always, always put the saddle on incorrectly no matter how many times he was shown how to do it. I tried to ignore it, not “sweat the small stuff” and let my DH do everything himself, but if I didn’t check, the saddle pad would be sliding out from under the saddle and the saddle would be rolling. I also tried to show him how to lunge his horse and do other groundwork, but my DH would just get frustrated and angry when the horse didn’t do what he wanted and would give up. He would also get miffed if I tried to give him any suggestions or tell him what he may be doing wrong.
We have the horses at home and I do 98% of all the work on the property as well as taking care of the animals. It is hard to find enough time to ride or work with my own horse, much less another one also. It would be too costly to pay someone to come ride the horses several time a week, if I could find someone that is willing to come out to do it with any regularity. I tried free-leasing his horse to someone with the agreement that we could get him occasionally to go on a trail ride, but that did not end well…
I finally had to have a long discussion with him - I refused to be his barn help/groom anymore and told him it just was not fair to his saintly TWH (who is now in his upper teens) to expect him to carry my DH up and down the steep trails and canter for long distances when he was unfit. I really had to put my foot down. He does enjoy riding and has stepped up. We also arranged for a riding/horsemanship instructor to give him more one-on-one lessons, including the basics of tacking, lunging, groundwork, etc. I stay completely out of it, and usually not even at the barn when he has his lesson. The instructor has been great, and my DH’s horsemanship and awareness of the horse’s needs has really improved.
I sure do appreciate all the responses! So great to hear many perspectives and experiences, for sure. To be clear, they help a lot with all chores, and I’m grateful. I can be a bit hyper-concerned about giving my horses the best life possible, within my means. I love the two weekend warriors (hubby and daughter) I have, so I’ll work on modifying both my expectations as well as theirs, while maintaining health and safety and sanity for all. I do usually enjoy their company on rides and do not expect them to do anything more formal than a Poker Ride, which they have expressed interest in. I welcome more feedback. ??
:lol: well said!
[QUOTE=Rave;8957983]
So, loving hubby and pre-teen daughter love the horses and want to ride. However, they don’t really want to learn much more than how to hang on for a trail ride, or family night at the indoor arena, in winter. So while I love that they are interested and definitely help with mucking and all chores, it is also stressful at times when I see them not thinking at a “higher/more sensitive” level when handling the horses. I know all the work that goes into make a horse be willing and able to do all that you might ask of them on a full day or afternoon of riding, even if it is just for fun. They also must be physically conditioned to be able to use them for trail riding on the weekends. But my fam does not want to bother much with groundwork, lunging, or patterns or other such details that must be addressed and practiced to make for successful and enjoyable trail rides.
Now, I am the first to admit I often over think things, and set my expectations high. For me, horses were, and still are, my first love. I’ve studied all about them since I was able to open a book (that is over 4 decades!) and find most every little detail fascinating. So how do other horse people incorporate family members who do contribute a lot, but just don’t quite get the big picture. Now, if I didn’t work more than full time, I would be happy to keep three horse conditioned and schooled for all to enjoy. But I barely have time to spend with my own horse because I have a full time career. Does anyone have any tips on nudging hubby and kid to step up their learning a bit more to be a bit more concerned about some of the details?! Or am I just putting all this stress on myself for no reason except to make myself crazier?! Our goal is to explore our lovely mountains nearly every weekend next summer. Additionally, I finally want to participate in organized events again, though at a fairly low level, such as trail challenges, hunter paces, local western pleasure, etc. I don’t want to spoil their fun by being overly serious about all the details I consider. Thanks for any advice![/QUOTE]
They are helping with the grunt work, so its not like they are expecting you to do it all and they show up on a Saturday to ride without putting any effort into the upkeep, so I think this is a positive way to look at this situation.
As for needing to do all sorts of things like groundwork, lunging, etc…I think this point of view stems more from riders who spend a lot of time riding only in the arena. I grew up riding exactly as your husband and daughter are wanting to ride now…I just did it. I did not putter around doing groundwork exercises, lunging, etc. I went and got my horse out of the field, saddled him up, and I rode.
Sure, as an adult now I see that this typically isn’t the BEST way to go about things, but its not the worst either. You’re there to give oversight, they are helping with the chores and maintenance of the horses otherwise, I say let it go and let them enjoy their horses how they wish, and you enjoy your horse as you wish.
I have gone through this with my family as well, and most of them are off of horses altogether. Honestly, that’s okay with me.
A horse is not a car. But even with a car, you have to learn to drive and pass a test to prove you can drive. You have to learn how to put in the gas, change a flat tire, jump start the engine, and when to get the oil changed and the tires rotated, buy new tires, etc.
Nothing is free. You cannot just hop on a horse and go riding with no preparation. Life is not like that. It’s not fair to the horse and it could be very dangerous and expensive.
I like the suggestion of taking your family out with a paid string for trail riding. And, then, what’s wrong with enjoying the “pet” side of horse owning? My DH no longer rides (post back surgery and he was never very good at it anyway), but he thoroughly enjoys feeding time, giving treats, and loving on the boys. And they like it a lot, too.
I agree that the family does not need to learn the finer points of equitation or theory (you don’t have to explain internal combustion to pass your driver’s test), but they do need to keep their horse fit, understand how to ask a question, how to ride a trail, cross a creek, go up or down a hill, etc. If they are not willing to put in that kind of work then … meh.
Also, there are lots of fun games you can do during a family arena-time that will help build those skills, so maybe making it fun will get it done?
But in the end, those of us who love horses should not have to sacrifice our passion for those who just want to hop on and ride. There is a pony in front of the Walmart for that.
You can’t force them to love it as much as you, or to invest as much time or effort as you like/want to. You are just going to alienate them - and it does sound like they currently do a fair bit to help.
I do think however that if they want to ride they need to be be safe. Which means a minimum level of conditioning for horse and rider, an understanding of equipment, emergency procedures etc. This investment in understanding is needed so nobody gets hurt.
There are lots of horses who are totally fine and happy to hack out a few times a week. A trail ride is not going to hurt them. Assuming your horses are the accommodating sort, and your husband and daughter are emphatic riders I don’t think you have a lot to worry about.
Are they riding your show horses, or do they have their own trail horses? There are plenty of solid trial horses out there that don’t need lunging and arena work to be able to take novice riders out on the trail.
I get that it’s frustrating to you because you love all the training and details that go into riding, but there’s nothing wrong with just riding for fun. Are they spending hours on the trail, with lots of trotting and cantering, or is it mostly walking? If the horses are reasonably sound and getting turnout, there’s no reason why they would need an intense conditioning program to walk around for an hour or two.
If they’re doing some endurance type stuff with challenging terrain and speed work, then they should probably learn some training skills. But I think you’re overthinking it. You’re going to take the fun out of it for them. Offer pointers when necessary, but unless someone is seriously going to get hurt, leave them be.
[QUOTE=Rave;8957983]
They also must be physically conditioned to be able to use them for trail riding on the weekends. [/QUOTE]
Maybe.
Maybe not.
Depends what your definition of “trail riding” is. Are you just going for a couple miles at a walk? If so, even a fat out-of-shape horse can manage that just fine. But of course, if you want to do some all-day trail riding or tackle some heavy elevation changes, then of course it’s fair to the horse to have them physically conditioned to do so.
[QUOTE=Rave;8957983]
But my fam does not want to bother much with groundwork, lunging, or patterns or other such details that must be addressed and practiced to make for successful and enjoyable trail rides. [/QUOTE]
Lunging a horse is not necessary to have an enjoyable trail ride.
I do quite a bit with my own horses (showmanship, barrel racing, reining, hunter, etc) but one thing I do not do, is lunging. I just don’t see a need for it.
Ground work … of course, every single time you handle a horse is ground work! Now I will say how much a horse needs depends on the horse. My horse Red needs to be reminded once in a while if he is not handled often. My mother’s horse Reckless definetly needs constant reminders to keep him from crowding you. Our old horse (bless her heart who is no longer with us) did not need a thing. She was worth her weight in gold. You never even knew she was beside you when you were leading her. Never needed a tune up. One of those rare finds you don’t come across very often. She’d take care of anyone, no matter how inexperienced.
So with that said, how much ground work your horses DO need, is going to depend on the individual horse. Yes, most horses still need some sort of maintenance so they keep their manners, but if what you currently have doesn’t suit the needs of what your hubby and daughter like to do, then I would suggest a horse search is in order to find one that may better suit your needs. Or, as others have suggested, put the horse in training during the week to keep it “in shape”
Do what works for you, and suits your family’s needs.
[QUOTE=Rave;8957983]
Does anyone have any tips on nudging hubby and kid to step up their learning a bit more to be a bit more concerned about some of the details?! [/QUOTE]
If they don’t have any interest to “learn more”, there’s nothing you can do to “force them”.
For example, if your hubby was into fixing old cars, would you want to learn about how to put together an old engine, replace spark plugs, learn how to change the oil, learn the differnce between carborators, etc etc etc ? No, you probably wouldn’t have any interest. And if he tried to force you to learn more and you didn’t want to, it would just make you resent it.
So with that said, you can always ASK hubby and daughter if they want to learn more about X, Y, or Z when it comes to the horses, but if they don’t have any interest, well, just be thankful they like going on trail rides! 
Lunging, groundwork, and patterns aren’t necessary for them to enjoy riding on the trails. Give up on that idea.
What is necessary is proper conditioning. Write down what you think is the bare minimum schedule for the level/duration of rides you do, and discuss it with them. If they aren’t willing to commit to, or pay for, that conditioning on the minimum number of days during the week (probably 2/3), you will need to reduce the rigor of your weekend rides to compensate. And that’s completely ok too! But it is worth a discussion and a conscious choice.
I would also remind them they need time in the saddle in order to be fit as well. Or they will not be walking well after a long day in the saddle. Or you could let them learn the hard way …
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My husband is a casual sort of rider who really loves his horse (hanging out with her and fussing over her and fun stuff like trail rides) and enjoys the social aspects of hunting and trail riding with friends. He took enough lessons to be able to safely W/T/C on a safe horse and would like to take more lessons to work on jumping but there aren’t very many instructors locally and none have really been the right fit for someone like him who wants to learn the basics but really isn’t interested in the finer points of equitation or training. So I can give him tips here and there when he asks or if I see something that looks like a safety issue, but otherwise leave he and his horse (the Best Mare Ever) to their own devices.
Having the right horse(s) for your weekend warriors is really important. My husband’s mare is not the type of horse I would ever choose to own for myself (though I have come to adore her because she is so perfect for him and a real character around the barn). She is very lazy which would be frustrating to me if I rode her all the time, but the worst thing she will do if she has not been worked consistently is see if she can get away with refusing to move if she’s not convinced her rider is really the boss.
It is important to me that any horses of mine/ours that are hunting are fit enough to do safely, so I did have a conversation with my husband about that and he has stepped up and typically rides her at least 1 more time per week in addition to hunting. Then, since she is really easy to trail ride as she will just follow the horse in front of her with no direction from the rider really needed at all, I can invite friends to come ride with me another 1 or 2 times per week to help keep her legged up and give me company when I’m conditioning my horse. Some horse crazy kid or college student might appreciate the chance for extra riding time - the couple of people I ride with really do.
I do get frustrated sometimes as I feel like my husband’s mare should be farther along in her training/know more arena type stuff. But really that is just my issue/ego talking. She’s does what my husband wants to do very reliably, so I just remind myself to let it go and that when I have more free time I will work with her more in the future. I do totally get where you are coming from - it can be hard to relax your own expectations of what your horses should be doing - it is a struggle for me at times with regards to the husband-horse.
I am more concerned about a horse belonging to an individual who felt it was appropriate to hit the trail with beer for themself and an apple for the horse. JMHO, but, I would be very concerned about entrusting any valued equine to an individual who was not sufficiently educated/experienced to know that the horse should get the apple and both beers.
