Hubby and kids just want to have fun riding, which is great to a point.

[Trakehner]

Oh Jeeze…these things make me want to just scream!

The husband and daughter enjoy horses. Just shut up and be glad they ride and are willing to do horse care. The way you want to deal with horses is absolutely unimportant to anyone but you. You have no opinion as long as your husband and daughter don’t hurt or abuse the horses.

I knew women who claimed they wanted their husband to ride…BUT ONLY IF HE RODE ENGLISH! Western, nope, they didn’t like it, he had to ride the way she thought was correct and socially uplifting. Pathetic. I talked to the various husbands, let them try western and told them not a pair of britches etc. in sight.

Sometimes, it came down to telling the wife, STFU and go ride YOUR horse, stay away from them enjoying riding. Tough love can work sometimes…husband and daughter have equal value opinions of the wife…and yes, if the husband rode and was demanding the wife ride his way…you betcha’ I’d say the same thing.

[jdobbs64]

If you are a hard-ass about it, you’ll have the barn to yourself. Some seemingly have to have it that way (looking up the thread a bit) but for me, personally, I want DH to ride. We enjoy spotting butterflies together, camping in the LQ, and he adores his horse. I’ll bathe the horses as needed, I’ll keep an eye on the tack and clean it while we talk. He doesn’t ‘have to know’ how to do anything fancy. I’ll manage the fancy. I want my partner to ride with me more than I want him to look good doing it.

[SendenHorse]

you have a family that rides? sign me up! Who cares how and what!

Really, I am being serious. As long as it’s safe and enjoyable… lay off

[GraceLikeRain]

I would die of happiness if my hubby decided he wanted to ride. If he wanted to ride and was interested in helping with day to day care that would be a jackpot scenario.

If he wanted to competitively trail ride or go on weekend rides long enough that they required additional fitness, I would want to work together to find a way to ensure the horse had proper conditioning. That could mean long lining, an additional ride, free leasing to a responsible person, ponying, etc. There are so many options that could work. The last thing I would do is put on a pressure to conform to my notion of how to best train a horse as long as his riding was not adversely impacting the horse.

[RPM]

Are there are horsey people you know who don’t own a horse and would love an opportunity to get in some free riding (they don’t pay you, you don’t pay them, everybody wins including the horses and DH and DD)?

[RiderInTheRain]

Yep - horsey friends wanting free riding time is a big part of how my husband’s hunt mare stays fit.

I also forgot to mention in my earlier post that ponying can be a great way to keep multiple horses fit. If I’m short on time or don’t have a friend that wants to ride, I can ride my husband’s horse and pony my hunt pony. It is fun and if I’m going to be out doing trot sets, I might as well get two horses done in the time it would take to do one!

[Candle]

I got a darling, old, fat, free Paint mare whose worst “I haven’t been ridden in six months and now we’re on a trail ride” behavior is trying to eat grass instead of walking forward. Everyone loves her and she loves everyone. No lunging, groundwork, patterns, etc. are needed. When they started riding, I took them out on another fat, lazy horse and told them that they had to do 4-5 groundwork practice lessons for safety so nobody got run over and they could do stuff like open gates while holding a horse, turn on the forehand to go through a tight spot, etc. We watched bits from Stacey Westfall’s groundwork video, then went to the barn and worked a little bit. Nobody complained, and they are doing well now at loading into trailers, opening gates, feeding, blanketing, etc. Nobody is unhappy with the situation and the darling fat mare is deliriously happy that people feed her and amble around on her.

[quietann]

[QUOTE=Candle;8958686]
I got a darling, old, fat, free Paint mare whose worst “I haven’t been ridden in six months and now we’re on a trail ride” behavior is trying to eat grass instead of walking forward. Everyone loves her and she loves everyone. [/QUOTE]

I have a friend who swears by the Fat Paint Mare as a horse anyone with friends who ‘want to ride’ should own. She has one herself… a well-trained horse for someone who is not a beginner, but the perfect “large and in charge” mount for a total beginner.

[Sunsets]

I was the kid with backyard horses who hopped on them every few weeks and went trail riding.

The mares pretty much kept themselves legged up, since their pasture was on a steep hill and they had to chug up there every day to get the good forage.

We fed them hay, and sweet feed, and in the winter they’d get non-moldy corn cobs we scavenged from the edge of the the feed corn fields near our house.

Our first horses were a 13 year old QH and a 23 yr old Anglo-Arab (who sadly had to be put down) who was replaced by a succession of summer camp horses on layover, and finally by supposed Appy (she was solid bay, but apparently had thrown color) who was a lesson horse gone sour.

They had their horsey moments, but for the most part they happily trucked us around for an hour or two on the weekends. No one got hurt or injured, and the horses got a nice place to live out their senior years.

I didn’t even know what ground work was until YEARS later (let alone proper nutrition or conditioning) and I still don’t think I’d do anything different with those mares. They were happy.

[csaper58]

[QUOTE=Rave;8957983]
So, loving hubby and pre-teen daughter love the horses and want to ride. However, they don’t really want to learn much more than how to hang on for a trail ride, or family night at the indoor arena, in winter. So while I love that they are interested and definitely help with mucking and all chores, it is also stressful at times when I see them not thinking at a “higher/more sensitive” level when handling the horses. I know all the work that goes into make a horse be willing and able to do all that you might ask of them on a full day or afternoon of riding, even if it is just for fun. They also must be physically conditioned to be able to use them for trail riding on the weekends. But my fam does not want to bother much with groundwork, lunging, or patterns or other such details that must be addressed and practiced to make for successful and enjoyable trail rides.
Now, I am the first to admit I often over think things, and set my expectations high. For me, horses were, and still are, my first love. I’ve studied all about them since I was able to open a book (that is over 4 decades!) and find most every little detail fascinating. So how do other horse people incorporate family members who do contribute a lot, but just don’t quite get the big picture. Now, if I didn’t work more than full time, I would be happy to keep three horse conditioned and schooled for all to enjoy. But I barely have time to spend with my own horse because I have a full time career. Does anyone have any tips on nudging hubby and kid to step up their learning a bit more to be a bit more concerned about some of the details?! Or am I just putting all this stress on myself for no reason except to make myself crazier?! Our goal is to explore our lovely mountains nearly every weekend next summer. Additionally, I finally want to participate in organized events again, though at a fairly low level, such as trail challenges, hunter paces, local western pleasure, etc. I don’t want to spoil their fun by being overly serious about all the details I consider. Thanks for any advice![/QUOTE]

You could always teach your husband and your daughter what the big picture entails when you see them being insensitive.

[Twisting]

[QUOTE=RiderInTheRain;8958674]
Yep - horsey friends wanting free riding time is a big part of how my husband’s hunt mare stays fit.

I also forgot to mention in my earlier post that ponying can be a great way to keep multiple horses fit. If I’m short on time or don’t have a friend that wants to ride, I can ride my husband’s horse and pony my hunt pony. It is fun and if I’m going to be out doing trot sets, I might as well get two horses done in the time it would take to do one![/QUOTE]

Just two? The polo players out here pony 3 or 4 at a time. Sometimes when one gets loose at the canter they just let it trail along following the group till they get a chance to grab it again. Makes for an exciting afternoon ride sharing the field with them.

I am jealous you have a husband who wants to ride. Mine turns into a sneezing, red eyed, congested mess at the slightest whiff of horse. Makes me “decontaminate” whenever I come home from the ranch, and horse stuff isn’t allowed any farther than the garage. I even have a special laundry hamper complete with bio-hazard stickers.

He did build me two beautiful saddle racks (for the garage), and helped put up my shed and renovate my paddock (while on heavy medication). So he’s not all bad. Though he does insist on calling my new Fjord “Ragnar Lothbrock, Sacker of Paris” because he doesn’t think “Oliver” is a suitable viking name.

Ease up on them OP, and be happy you can share your hobby with them.

[Libby2563]

I see two separate issues here:

1. They aren’t (currently) interested in enjoying horses/riding the same way that you do. I think you have to let this go, and make sure their horses are the type that are okay with infrequent, non-technical riding.

2. They may be expecting too much of their horses, physically, without doing the proper conditioning. (I say “may be” because I don’t know how strenuous your trail rides are.) This is an actual issue that needs to be addressed so that they and their horses stay safe and healthy. Try to view this as a discrete problem, entirely separate from them not wanting to do patterns and groundwork, and leave your judgment about that out of it. Teach them that they need to prepare their horses better if they want to climb a mountain one weekend a month. I think people can understand this because everyone has made themselves sore working out harder than they should or going on a tough hike after months of inactivity. Then as a family, come up with a plan to keep their horses conditioned–perhaps hubby and daughter can alternate riding one and ponying the other or something.

Good luck! It’s so cool to have a family that rides together.

[mvp]

I’ll be the dissenting, hard-ass and unmarried voice.

OP, I would draw the line at so-signing family members treating the horses like paper towels just because you are happy that they want to have any relationship with them at all. That is bullshit horsemanship and you know it. You have the right and the obligation to stand up for your animals… with anyone.

I don’t think those family relationships trump the requirement of treating animals well. I mean, if someone put the deal in frank terms “We’ll be a family and enjoy the horses together so long as the horses get treated badly” would you choose that?

I have news for you: You are choosing that… or something better or something worse via your actions all the time.

Personally, I’d teach them what we don’t mind teaching any kid: In exchange for the fun of riding, you must take good care of the animal. Why is that good enough for some lesson kid but not good enough for your husband and kid?

[wireweiners]

[QUOTE=mvp;8958923]
I’ll be the dissenting, hard-ass and unmarried voice.

OP, I would draw the line at so-signing family members treating the horses like paper towels just because you are happy that they want to have any relationship with them at all. That is bullshit horsemanship and you know it. You have the right and the obligation to stand up for your animals… with anyone.

I don’t think those family relationships trump the requirement of treating animals well. I mean, if someone put the deal in frank terms “We’ll be a family and enjoy the horses together so long as the horses get treated badly” would you choose that?

I have news for you: You are choosing that… or something better or something worse via your actions all the time.

Personally, I’d teach them what we don’t mind teaching any kid: In exchange for the fun of riding, you must take good care of the animal. Why is that good enough for some lesson kid but not good enough for your husband and kid?[/QUOTE]

I don’t think the OP’s family is going to “treat the horses like paper towels”. By her account, it seems her horses are well cared for and hubby and DD help with daily care. They just want no fuss riding which is quite alright. There are plenty of horses out there that are quite happy sitting out in the pasture with the occasional trail ride. TNH, that’s what me and my family do.

My brother’s two mares are a perfect example. They are older paint mares. They were broke as two year olds then used as brood mares until my brother and SIL got them. They aren’t particularly well trained but they’re fine to amble down the trail. They’re calm, quiet and patient if a bit on the lazy side.

[catherines]

[QUOTE=findeight;8958100]
Came up on another thread about mainly recreational riders over on OC recently-
No need to rebuild Rome when there are no Romans in need of a new city.

Some people just want to ride to relax, be safe, start, stop, steer, not learn theory. There’s NOTHING wrong with that. But you need appropriate horses for them and to offer a little guidence. Try to cram it down their throats and you’ll run them off horses.

Horse isn’t a car but the analogy of driving one without knowing the theory of internal combustion propulsion or drive within the speed limits without possessing NASCAR level skills isn’t so far off. Lighten up on them.[/QUOTE]

Totally agree with this post. You OP could maintain a horse for yourself , at the level YOU want to ride at . Compete etc. and still have a couple of Steady Eddie types for the weekend warriors that just want to putter . There are horses out there as another poster stated who fit that bill.
I wouldn’t in your shoes force the issues with the family , let them enjoy what they enjoy and encourage their help with chores regarding the horses , the other interests may develope may not . But you won’t push them away and the mutual enjoyment and family time around the horses will not be lost .

[Lucassb]

[QUOTE=wireweiners;8958999]
I don’t think the OP’s family is going to “treat the horses like paper towels”. By her account, it seems her horses are well cared for and hubby and DD help with daily care. They just want no fuss riding which is quite alright. There are plenty of horses out there that are quite happy sitting out in the pasture with the occasional trail ride. TNH, that’s what me and my family do.

My brother’s two mares are a perfect example. They are older paint mares. They were broke as two year olds then used as brood mares until my brother and SIL got them. They aren’t particularly well trained but they’re fine to amble down the trail. They’re calm, quiet and patient if a bit on the lazy side.[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=catherines;8959010]Totally agree with this post. You OP could maintain a horse for yourself , at the level YOU want to ride at . Compete etc. and still have a couple of Steady Eddie types for the weekend warriors that just want to putter . There are horses out there as another poster stated who fit that bill.
I wouldn’t in your shoes force the issues with the family , let them enjoy what they enjoy and encourage their help with chores regarding the horses , the other interests may develope may not . But you won’t push them away and the mutual enjoyment and family time around the horses will not be lost .[/QUOTE]

This is the approach I would take also.

There is more than one way to do horsekeeping, and it sounds like your family members are pitching in and doing their part to help with the barn chores and other heavy lifting.

Assuming that the horses in question have the appropriate temperaments for the job at hand, it isn’t necessary for them to be in the same type of detailed training program you may want for your own horse. (My other assumption is that they aren’t just getting on and galloping wildly for hours on the weekends…)

Lots and lots and lots of people keep healthy, happy horses without doing a ton of detailed arena or ground work. It may well be your preference to approach your own riding that way, but if you want your family to continue to enjoy their horses and participate with you, I’d let them have their lower key program - and I’d be grateful that horses could be a family activity that you can all share.

[Lucassb]

[QUOTE=mvp;8958923]
I’ll be the dissenting, hard-ass and unmarried voice.

OP, I would draw the line at so-signing family members treating the horses like paper towels just because you are happy that they want to have any relationship with them at all. That is bullshit horsemanship and you know it. You have the right and the obligation to stand up for your animals… with anyone.

I don’t think those family relationships trump the requirement of treating animals well. I mean, if someone put the deal in frank terms “We’ll be a family and enjoy the horses together so long as the horses get treated badly” would you choose that?

I have news for you: You are choosing that… or something better or something worse via your actions all the time.

Personally, I’d teach them what we don’t mind teaching any kid: In exchange for the fun of riding, you must take good care of the animal. Why is that good enough for some lesson kid but not good enough for your husband and kid?[/QUOTE]

I don’t see any suggestion that the OP’s family members are treating their horses badly. They simply aren’t putting in the type of training work that the OP prefers. OP specifically states that the DH and DD are doing their part with care and barn work.

[red_mares]

[QUOTE=mvp;8958923]
I’ll be the dissenting, hard-ass and unmarried voice.

OP, I would draw the line at so-signing family members treating the horses like paper towels just because you are happy that they want to have any relationship with them at all. That is bullshit horsemanship and you know it. You have the right and the obligation to stand up for your animals… with anyone.

I don’t think those family relationships trump the requirement of treating animals well. I mean, if someone put the deal in frank terms “We’ll be a family and enjoy the horses together so long as the horses get treated badly” would you choose that?

I have news for you: You are choosing that… or something better or something worse via your actions all the time.

Personally, I’d teach them what we don’t mind teaching any kid: In exchange for the fun of riding, you must take good care of the animal. Why is that good enough for some lesson kid but not good enough for your husband and kid?[/QUOTE]

You’ll also be one who goes off on a tangent without perusing the OP. The kid and husband ARE DOING BARN WORK ALREADY. They just don’t share the OP’s anal retentive passion for training when it may not really be needed for what they want to do.

[Rave]

WOW, why the need to be so rude? Must have touched a sensitive spot. I very clearly stated my faults and tendency to overdo it. I never demanded they do all exactly as I do, or all I want to do. I simply want them to be safe and the horses, too, as they enjoy them. They need to learn enough to be competent and confident so that they CAN do it themselves. No need to get nasty, whatsoever. I was seeking advice, feedback, from people to help me find a healthy balance, which I quite clearly indicated I did not feel I had. If I thought I was so right and them so wrong, I would never have posted for feedback on a forum. So you can save your nasty comments for yourself. Isn’t the forum supposed to stay productive and helpful? Or is it just to slam people?

[Rave]

[QUOTE=Lucassb;8959022]
This is the approach I would take also.

There is more than one way to do horsekeeping, and it sounds like your family members are pitching in and doing their part to help with the barn chores and other heavy lifting.

Assuming that the horses in question have the appropriate temperaments for the job at hand, it isn’t necessary for them to be in the same type of detailed training program you may want for your own horse. (My other assumption is that they aren’t just getting on and galloping wildly for hours on the weekends…)

Lots and lots and lots of people keep healthy, happy horses without doing a ton of detailed arena or ground work. It may well be your preference to approach your own riding that way, but if you want your family to continue to enjoy their horses and participate with you, I’d let them have their lower key program - and I’d be grateful that horses could be a family activity that you can all share.[/QUOTE]

Thank you, this is the kind of healthy feedback I appreciate. I know I need to find a better balance and was seeking healthy perspectives, not looking for people to slam me, especially when they haven’t actually read the post. I am extremely grateful for my chore helpers. I never wanted them to want to do everything I desire to do with the horses. I just want them to know how to handle safe saddling, unexpected situations, frisky horses, etc., themselves, so that I don’t have to be managing my horse and theirs at the same time. I realize I need to “let go,” a bit more! Thank you