Hubby and kids just want to have fun riding, which is great to a point.

[Rave]

[QUOTE=Libby2563;8958884]
I see two separate issues here:

1. They aren’t (currently) interested in enjoying horses/riding the same way that you do. I think you have to let this go, and make sure their horses are the type that are okay with infrequent, non-technical riding.

2. They may be expecting too much of their horses, physically, without doing the proper conditioning. (I say “may be” because I don’t know how strenuous your trail rides are.) This is an actual issue that needs to be addressed so that they and their horses stay safe and healthy. Try to view this as a discrete problem, entirely separate from them not wanting to do patterns and groundwork, and leave your judgment about that out of it. Teach them that they need to prepare their horses better if they want to climb a mountain one weekend a month. I think people can understand this because everyone has made themselves sore working out harder than they should or going on a tough hike after months of inactivity. Then as a family, come up with a plan to keep their horses conditioned–perhaps hubby and daughter can alternate riding one and ponying the other or something.

Good luck! It’s so cool to have a family that rides together.[/QUOTE]

Thank you, yes, I am very lucky! That’s why I reached out for feedback: because I want to take care of their enthusiasm and not scare them off with my intensity, so THANK YOU!!

[Rave]

Thank you, yes, I am lucky and that is why I posted on here: to be reminded of how lucky I and to help me chill out!! I am quite aware I can get a bit intense when it comes to trying to treat my animals extremely well and be very sensitive to them. I know I get carried away and don’t want to. My hubby has reminded me, when I worry too much, that our horses live better lives than most horses, so chill out!!

[jdobbs64]

[QUOTE=Rave;8959106]
WOW, why the need to be so rude? Must have touched a sensitive spot. I very clearly stated my faults and tendency to overdo it. I never demanded they do all exactly as I do, or all I want to do. I simply want them to be safe and the horses, too, as they enjoy them. They need to learn enough to be competent and confident so that they CAN do it themselves. No need to get nasty, whatsoever. I was seeking advice, feedback, from people to help me find a healthy balance, which I quite clearly indicated I did not feel I had. If I thought I was so right and them so wrong, I would never have posted for feedback on a forum. So you can save your nasty comments for yourself. Isn’t the forum supposed to stay productive and helpful? Or is it just to slam people?[/QUOTE]

i read the post as being exasperated with MVP for suggestion your spouse and child are basically riding them hard and putting them up wet with absolutely no regard for them at all. You were caught in the crossfire but you weren’t the target, not at all. Some hyperbole shrapnel hit you, LOL.

In MVP world you’d be alone at the barn while your scorned family moved on to other hobbies. You’d all have lost what you all had, but at least the horses wouldn’t ‘suffer,’ right? And you get that, and you don’t want that, so you won’t do that…she’s welcome to be the hard-ass, you just don’t have to join her there on the bench for one.

[avjudge]

[QUOTE=jdobbs64;8959246]
i read the post as being exasperated with MVP . . . You were caught in the crossfire but you weren’t the target, not at all. Some hyperbole shrapnel hit you, LOL.[/QUOTE]

My reading, too.

Even if it may not be what she meant, these threads always go better if you’re ready to interpret things this way!

[red_mares]

[QUOTE=jdobbs64;8959246]
i read the post as being exasperated with MVP for suggestion your spouse and child are basically riding them hard and putting them up wet with absolutely no regard for them at all. You were caught in the crossfire but you weren’t the target, not at all. Some hyperbole shrapnel hit you, LOL.

In MVP world you’d be alone at the barn while your scorned family moved on to other hobbies. You’d all have lost what you all had, but at least the horses wouldn’t ‘suffer,’ right? And you get that, and you don’t want that, so you won’t do that…she’s welcome to be the hard-ass, you just don’t have to join her there on the bench for one.[/QUOTE]

That was completely it. The OP wasn’t in my sights at all.

[andhourspass]

OP I could have written your post!! Glad I’m not the only one who gets frustrated but it’s helpful to read the replies from other posters.

[planetlisa]

I want the type of darling, old, fat Paint mare that would be good for casual riders, and I don’t even need one. Off to daydream over sale ads…

Good luck with your family.

[DressageChic2]

if they arent galloping for miles and ragging the (unfit) horses, or getting bucked off, its not a big deal?

our oldest semi retired horse can go weeks without being sat on and then his sharer might hack him 3 times in one week…in walk, with 1 short trot and 1 short canter. then he might go weeks again and i might lob my OH’s kids on (7 and 10 yo) to walk and trot over some poles etc.

he never lunges, does groundwork or any kind of conditioning work but he is just the perfect horse for his collection of part time riders, he will go YEARS without work then you can lob the saddle on and go, he would be nothing short of a gentleman in any situation.

he mainly works in walk, any trotting or cantering is no further than the long side of a dressage ring. he is happy and healthy and so are his riders

[Engage]

We have exactly the type of breed that perfectly suits this situation; they are called Boerperd, literally translated Farmers Horse. They are incredibly hardy, thrive on grass, have hooves of iron. Many farmers keep them to pull out of the field once or twice a week and take them on a ride around the farm - to check fences or crops or whatever else. They are generally ponies - 14-14.2hh ish- but can carry big men with ease overs hills and valleys. Extremely sure-footed and generally unflappable.

Let your family enjoy their horses - as long as the horses enjoy the work they are doing!

[fordtraktor]

If the horses are frisky without work, they might not be the kind of horse that is really good for your kids.

There are plenty of horses out there who can do this job. I have had an Old Fat Paint Mare for six years now (for my kids and company) and I don’t even know if she longes. never been on a longe line. the only thing she gets excited about is food.

[clanter]

all I know is my wife’s must be spotless horse once given the chance kind of liked the mud

Wife and kids showed our Morgans nationally to a pretty good level of success but these same horses enjoyed their trail competitions more so than doing a repeated act of performance… but even on those rides, the horses started out spotless in show ring quality presentation

[Daisyesq]

OP, I understand your concerns.

I think you got a lot of good answers. Probably you need different horses for your spouse and kids (and lower standards for grooming and fitness, but not safety).

My DH used to ride a little bit, to spend time with me. When he realized how much work it was going to take to actually ride well, I think my husband got competitive and he quit. He’s an athlete and he races in cycling and triathlon. So he’s fit and athletic. But just not so motivated to put that effort towards horses.

He wanted to be able to walk, trot and canter safely so that we could go on a riding vacation together and enjoy it. He took lessons for a couple of months and was well on his way (he jumped a little cross-rail and loved it). But once he got enough skill to realize how much more work it would be to get to the next level of riding… he lost interest.

Hiring an instructor is still a great idea, so that you are not the one nagging him how to tack up, etc.

[zipperfoot]

[QUOTE=Engage;8960824]
We have exactly the type of breed that perfectly suits this situation; they are called Boerperd, literally translated Farmers Horse. They are incredibly hardy, thrive on grass, have hooves of iron. Many farmers keep them to pull out of the field once or twice a week and take them on a ride around the farm - to check fences or crops or whatever else. They are generally ponies - 14-14.2hh ish- but can carry big men with ease overs hills and valleys. Extremely sure-footed and generally unflappable.

Let your family enjoy their horses - as long as the horses enjoy the work they are doing![/QUOTE]

Boerperd = Nice! http://www.saboerperd.com/

Just curious–are there any in North America? All those good traits you mentioned plus cute too–my kind of pony!

[trubandloki]

@candyappy;8958134

2. Do nothing and let them experience what happens to most of us who do nothing with our horses for extended periods and then attempt to get on and ride. That might motivate them to get interested or at least do what they need to.

I can not imagine anyone thinks it is the best idea for the OP to allow either her horses or her family to get hurt.
If her current group of horses can not handle the weekend warrior life style the OP needs to do one of things offered in the thread; find someone to ride them that wants to ride or find different horses.

@neversaynever;8958153

We also arranged for a riding/horsemanship instructor to give him more one-on-one lessons, including the basics of tacking, lunging, groundwork, etc. I stay completely out of it, and usually not even at the barn when he has his lesson. The instructor has been great, and my DH’s horsemanship and awareness of the horse’s needs has really improved.

This is a great point.
If the hubby and daughter are even slightly interested in learning more about riding, finding an instructor who will teach them the stuff they want to know might help your cause quite a bit. Not a trainer who is getting them ready for the next show, but a trainer who knows their goals and is willing to have fun with them while they learn that stuff. The right trainer can make all the difference.

[QUOTE=mvp;8958923]
OP, I would draw the line at so-signing family members treating the horses like paper towels just because you are happy that they want to have any relationship with them at all. That is bullshit horsemanship and you know it. You have the right and the obligation to stand up for your animals… with anyone.

I don’t think those family relationships trump the requirement of treating animals well.[/QUOTE]
How exactly do you think these horses are not properly taken care of? Is riding six days a week a requirement for properly taken care of? The OP’s family helps with chores and it sounds like the horses have a pretty darn good life, they might not be moving up the show levels but last time I checked that was not a requirement for proper horsemanship.

[Chief2]

I took the lessons for years and learned two disciplines quite well. Bought a schoolie who could do both, and had spent time on a hack line, so was bomb proof on the trails. Hubby fell in love with a 7 year old appy who had been on a hack line for several years. Beautiful horse, fast and sensitive. Really for an intermediate rider. I bought him the horse, he took enough lessons to become trail safe, we teamed up with a couple who loved to trail ride and we spent years enjoying the great outdoors together. I learned the fundamentals in the ring, he learned them mostly on the trail, and we all survived and had a great time. For some people, learning on the trail is all they have.

Different strokes for different folks. As long as the critters are cared for, everyone can stay safe and enjoy the ride at his or her own level, that is a good thing. The fact you have help with the horse chores as well is awesome.

[Engage]

[QUOTE=zipperfoot;8962593]
Boerperd = Nice! http://www.saboerperd.com/

Just curious–are there any in North America? All those good traits you mentioned plus cute too–my kind of pony![/QUOTE]

Honestly I’m not too sure! Will have to ask around to find out. They are fabulous little equines.

[BuddyRoo]

Been there, done that…except that the husband and step kids just wanted to show up and ride like at a commercial trail ride place. They weren’t interested in learning how to groom or tack up. I was prepared to give them the moon so we could have a shared hobby, but they really are only interested in showing up and riding and I can’t maintain a string of trail horses on the off chance they want to ride nor do I want to give up my time putting them on my horse if they’re simply not that in to it. It’s my time that I cherish.

So there’s that. If you have your own place and keeping a few extra horses isn’t hugely pricey, then get a couple and half lease them. They’ll continue to get used by someone who knows what they’re doing–keeping them tuned up without you trying to ride 3-4 horses several times per week. Will also offset costs. I’ve never had a hard time setting up a half lease on my (leased) property.

Next…stick to trail rides that are really TAIL rides where you’re in the lead. With the right mindset, most horses barely need steering or brakes to trail ride behind a confident horse. And your riders don’t have to be fit or that well educated to simply poke along.

I don’t think that people need to know how to do much more than lead a horse, groom, and tack up (when possible, though I’d double check it!) to go trail riding if there’s an experienced rider along.

All that said, I find that even when I ride with barn friends who maybe are less experienced riding out, it sucks a bit of fun out of it for me because I feel responsible for everyone. I get asked because my horse is pretty bomb proof and people know I like to ride out. But I limit those outings because I, like you, work and travel for work so my riding time can be hard to come by. As much as I love my lessons and work hard, a nice ride down the road or trail is so nice and I don’t like to have every outing be a situation where I’m playing groom and trail guide.

[katyb]

Are the horses safe for the other riders in your family? Are the horses coming to the end of a ride in good shape - not sore, exhausted, sour?

If yes, let it go. If not, you obviously need to make changes.