Hehad you
Thank you for caring. At least he had someone care about him for a little while.
Godspeed sweet kitty 
Keep it at the barn until you find it a home.
so sorryâŚbut you did right by him.
As for the husbandâŚI guess it is easier for me to say I can have as many cats as I want as I pay the bills. I couldnât turn away an animal in needâŚand would probably have trouble with a person who didnât understand and relate to that caring.
I can understanding having a limit on the number of pets in a househouldâŚbut also making room, even for a little while for one more in need. It should not be something that puts stress on a relationship.
What a hard situation for you. Try not to let undiscussed feelings destroy your marriage - this kind of thing can really undermine relationships.
Iâm so sorry the little guy didnât make it. But at least he didnât die alone and cold outside. Is your basement finished? Unless it is cold and dank and wet why not confine any new rescues there? Then either let them be barn cats or find a good rescue that will take ONE more with a good donation.
I agree with Coyoteco that you and hubby should discuss this more. Find a middle ground where maybe you donât have more than the 5 owned cats but you can still help an animal in distress because you canât NOT do it. Itâs just who you are. But if it has to stay in the basement while it is being helped so be it. I donât either one of you has a complaint since you both knew the otherâs position from the get go. So time to compromise.
Exactly how are the cats stressing him? Are they breathing too loud? Now if they are peeing on his suit and yowling and fighting all night I can see it. But he has his cat free zone and as someone else said he is capable of full self care. Why canât he just ignore them? It isnât like he is going out of his way to help you with them or anything.
I donât think 5 is too many. Of course there are currently 8 or 9 curled up within armâs reach of me right now soâŚ
[QUOTE=summerhorse;5908231]
Exactly how are the cats stressing him? Are they breathing too loud?.[/QUOTE]
She said in the original post that one of the husbandâs complaints was cat hair. I think this is a really legit complaint. We have three and despite air filters and grooming and vacums we STILL have hair in places.
I donât get the impression husband is unreasonable, but 5 cats is a lot of cats, and if theyâve become a point of contention with him, I can see how itâs become a âany little thingâ scenario with him.
Anyway, I do think a conversation is in order. I think itâs very fair for the OP to say to the husband, âI think itâs inhuman to ignore the plight of these obviously in-distress cats.â
I also think itâs fair for the husband to say âyes, but enough is enough!â I donât think that makes him an evil animal-hating SOB.
OP, I think the agreement might have to be if you find these in-distress cats you either take them to the shelter, or you have them put down. I think thatâs about all you can do in a situation like this. :\
[QUOTE=Digit2009;5902861]
On our very 1st meeting, I asked him how he felt about animals, cats and horses in particular. He said he had no problems w/them, but heâd never had animals himself. If he would have said he hated cats, that would have been our last meeting too LOL He really was fine w/the cats at 1st, but heâs gotten more stressed about them in the past 5 yrs or so.[/QUOTE]
You did a good thing for the kitty, he went full of food and with someone who cared about him.
But as someone who loves cats, I canât really understand the âI donât go looking for them, but if they find me, oh wellâ view. Your husband, not a cat person, is ok with 5 cats. Thatâs a lot of house cats even for a cat person.
And for some reason over time the current situation, the one heâs agreeable to, is stressing him more. But thatâs fine, itâs what he agreed to.
But here you are saying, well, if another kitty shows up I just canât turn it away. My husband wonât make me choose between him and the cats. If it needs putting down Iâll do that, but if not Iâll try to find it a home.
What about the increasing stress on your husband? Just because he doesnât make you choose between marriage and cats doesnât mean heâs happy. 5 cats is plenty; whatever else shows up should head straight to the shelter, no questions asked.
Hey! they self clean their feet before jumping on the counterâŚ
right after licking their butts!!:lol:
actually, I really feel that now that you know your husband is at his limit, choosing to bring in another (for any length of time) is in a way choosing cats over your husband.
I have a hard opinion about this because Iâve now been in two relationships with men who have had dogs.
Iâve tried to deal and I just canâtâŚso I feel like I can imagine what your husband is going through.
For someone who doesnâ t like cats, usually cats just âbeingâ there is hard to endure.
and for the poster who asked what the cats âdoâ to himâŚ
cats.
they shed
they follow you
they get in your way
the want to play with you
they play with each other
they purr
they meow
the go through your stuff!!
they find the most important document on the table and sit their behind on it.
they eat food that stinks
:lol:
I have to say, all of the above is why I love my cat! hehe.
I have to sympathize with your husband to some extent (not completely because he knew you had cats when he met you). Even though I am an animal lover. I do NOT like cat hair everywhere. When we moved across the country we had a cat we had been keeping for a friend. I sent the cat back to her and told the kids we would have no more cats. Well that lasted about 3 monthsâŚuntil a neighbor showed the kids their adorable little âoopsâ kitties and we came home with not one but two. Then several years later a half grown kitty literally shoved herself into our lives. The first kitties have been gone for several years and she died a couple of years ago so I was very happily catless for a year or two until my daughter needed a place to stash her 2 cats. I HATE cat hairâŚlove the kitties but just canât stand the hair everywhere. I will happily remain catless for the remainder of my life once DD takes hers somewhere. Although I have to say that I would most likely be unable to turn my back on a kitty in needâŚit would only be a foster situation and kitty will be rehomed as soon as possible.
So sorry about the kitty.
Funny, purp! I hate dogs, because they â
always want attention
are in the way
want out 7 thousand times a day
stink
leave hair everywhere
dog breath
mine snores
did I mention you have to let them in and out all the time?
dog farts (need I say more?)
make that clicky sound on the floors with their toenails, like fingers on a chalkboard
and they want to snuggle with you, which would be fine except theyâŚyes, stink!
Others love them for all those reasons â great companions, manâs best friend, etc. I donât need any best friends, just want to be left alone with a warm, sweet-smelling kitty in my lap.
Sorry to hear about the cat testing positive - that is a shame. Honestly, no one person is every going to solve the pet population problem, but I do feel like individuals who help where they can here and there are important. Of course 5 cats is a lot, but I can completely understand wanting to help strays. I will always put up a stray dog, and I probably couldnât really commit to having any stray I found euthanized. I hope that you can work something out with your husband for future strays - an outdoor cage or something. Everyone reaches a point when they are at a full house, and finding a solution that everyone can live with is important. At the same time, having a little flexibility is also important.
Not surprisingly, I disagree with this 100 percent. This idea has been implied or stated in several posts in this thread. Itâs just wrong.
If she rescues another cat, she is choosing to follow her conscience (moral standards) and be true to herself and her beliefs. Itâs not about putting cats before her husband, itâs about conducting herself in a manner that is true to who she is.
[QUOTE=Coyoteco;5910194]
Not surprisingly, I disagree with this 100 percent. This idea has been implied or stated in several posts in this thread. Itâs just wrong.
If she rescues another cat, she is choosing to follow her conscience (moral standards) and be true to herself and her beliefs. Itâs not about putting cats before her husband, itâs about conducting herself in a manner that is true to who she is.[/QUOTE]
I love this! Well said!
I agree about the cat hair and I have about 4X that much cat hair source plus 2 dog hair sources. Hair is EVERYWHERE!!! I hate it. A compromise there is simply more cleaning. Perhaps hiring someone to come in an do a really good job once a week/month, whatever you can afford. And upping your cleaning in the meantime.
I donât really see how a cat in the basement for a short time is such a huge imposition on him though. Not if the animal is truly in need like this last one. Doing the right thing is rarely cheap or easy, otherwise everyone would do the right thing!
[QUOTE=Coyoteco;5910194]
Not surprisingly, I disagree with this 100 percent. This idea has been implied or stated in several posts in this thread. Itâs just wrong.
If she rescues another cat, she is choosing to follow her conscience (moral standards) and be true to herself and her beliefs. Itâs not about putting cats before her husband, itâs about conducting herself in a manner that is true to who she is.[/QUOTE]
And what if this rescuing effort eats into house and home, becomes a massive financial burden and is borderline hoarder behavior?
Iâm not saying it is or isnât, I have no idea, Iâm just saying you canât act self-righteous about âbe true to yourselfâ when the SAME argument is used by legitimate hoarders.
I think if the husband has gone for 5 cats before breaking heâs probably not a heartless SOB who is going to begrudge an in-distress animal some final kindness. I think thereâs room for compromise.
OP- I would be careful bringing strays into the house, the ones that test positive could infect your permanent cats. Iâd hate to see someone have to put down five heart kitties.
I know exactly how you feel. My father lives with my husband and I, and he hates cats. We have rescued MANY but not without hearing about how dads going to move out. He never does, but he knows I have a big heart. Itâs gotten to the point Iâve considered starting a savings to build a separate outbuilding to turn into a shelter.
They truly do know when they are loved 
[QUOTE=Coyoteco;5910194]
Not surprisingly, I disagree with this 100 percent. This idea has been implied or stated in several posts in this thread. Itâs just wrong.
If she rescues another cat, she is choosing to follow her conscience (moral standards) and be true to herself and her beliefs. Itâs not about putting cats before her husband, itâs about conducting herself in a manner that is true to who she is.[/QUOTE]
Except that when you are married you donât get to do everything you think is right above and beyond what the other person can live with, if it affects the SO. In this case it does. When you chose to marry someone, to share your life and your home with them you become only 50% of the say of what happens (in general).
Like I said in a prior post, my husband and I are a TEAM, that means that anything that affects BOTH of us or our lives is a shared decision. If he came to me wanting to rescue animals, as he would be likely to do, I would hit my limit pretty quickly. Not because I donât believe in helping animals, I do, but itâs OUR house and I get to be comfortable and happy in it too, not crowded and covered in hair, or stepping in multiple hairballs a week or granules of cat litter everywhere, and I love my cat. Choosing to follow your moral conscience is a fantastic thing to do, but if it is affecting your SOâs life, and they have hit their limit, then continuing to do things in the same manner, like bringing rescue kitties into the house, IS choosing cats over your husband.
[QUOTE=SuperMohp;5910286]
âŚChoosing to follow your moral conscience is a fantastic thing to do, but if it is affecting your SOâs life, and they have hit their limit, then continuing to do things in the same manner, like bringing rescue kitties into the house, IS choosing cats over your husband.[/QUOTE]
It is choosing your own morals over those of your husband. Or, it is choosing your individuality over the partnership. Or, it is being independent rather than being subservient. There are many ways to describe it, but âchoosing cats over your husbandâ is not one that is remotely accurate.
In this case, she has a big house and several options. She also supports the cats out of her own funds. Now, where is the âpartnershipâ when so many of you suggest that she should not be spending âhisâ money, but should only spend âherâ money. The partnership description falls apart and, as usually happens, that âpartnershipâ description seems to be used only to restrict the woman âpartnerâsâ actions or expenditures.
[QUOTE=littleum;5910233]
And what if this rescuing effort eats into house and home, becomes a massive financial burden and is borderline hoarder behavior?
Iâm not saying it is or isnât, I have no idea, Iâm just saying you canât act self-righteous about âbe true to yourselfâ when the SAME argument is used by legitimate hoarders.
I think if the husband has gone for 5 cats before breaking heâs probably not a heartless SOB who is going to begrudge an in-distress animal some final kindness. I think thereâs room for compromise.[/QUOTE]
I donât see any of this in opâs posts. I do not see that saying that you have to follow your own moral standards is being self-righteous. âBeing true to yourselfâ is a cliche phrase that I used to simply say that what people were calling âchoosing cats over husbandâ was more accurately described as asking her to change who she fundamentally is.
I know that the âhoarderâ, âanimal collectorâ labels are misused and overused.
I didnât say anything negative about the husband, but she said that he and she do not feel the same moral obligation to help those (animals) in need. In this instance, he did, in fact, begrudge this kitten some final kindness.
My first post recommended compromise and gave some suggestions.
