I just killed my dog

[grandprixer]

I just killed my dog. As much as I want to say it was an accident, it was totally, 100%, and completely my fault.

My girl was a smaller black Lab. She loved going to the barn, it was her favorite place in the whole world. She loved the horses, the staff, the other dogs, the room to run, and even all the horse poop to eat. She also loved going for car rides. Even if it was just a trip to Home Depot or Starbucks, she was so happy to be in the car and going anywhere with us.

This weekend we had visitors over. As they were unloading luggage, we left the car and house doors open to expedite the process. The dogs were in the backyard. What we didn’t notice is the gate to the backyard was open, and as we were taking bags inside she jumped in the car and lay down in the driver’s seat (her favorite seat). We came back for one last trip to carry things inside, and she just lay there out of sight, waiting to go for an adventure.

We closed the doors. And locked them. Being in the south, it was horribly hot - she probably died within 20 mins. But our older dog was right outside the patio door, happy as a clam, and we had no reason to doubt she was out there to.

We went to bring them inside - he came right in and went for a nap on the tiles, but she didn’t appear, tail wagging, happy as usual. I started to get worried, she was usually the first one at the door, ready to go for a hardcore snuggle sesh. I noticed the gate open and freaked out, running around the house calling her, but she never came. At this point she had been in the hot car for probably 3 hours.

My dad found her. She was still in the driver’s seat, but there was nothing happy on her face - she was frozen in a contorted, terrified position, which is probably how she felt as she died. 100% alone. She died in the car, alone, in a horrible, painful, 100% preventable way, right after watching us walk away and leave her. Her last image of us was us leaving her. Her probably getting hotter and hotter, wondering where we were. When we would be coming back for an adventure. She probably started getting drowsy, confused, likely in pain from heat stroke and organ failure. We know she had at least one seizure, probably more, probably terrified before finally leaving us and being locked into that horrible and contorted position.

I can’t stop crying. I should’ve checked the gate. I should’ve checked the car. I should’ve done so many things, but I didn’t.

I murdered my dog. My parents want another dog eventually, but I feel like we should never again put hands on an animal, let alone own one.

I can’t go to the barn. Every time I go, I see her running around with the others - but she’s not. I see her sprinting through the pastures - but she won’t, ever again. I see her when I get ready to leave, all tuckered out, ready to nap all night before another round.

I don’t know if I’ll ever get over this. I’m a horrible person.

I murdered my dog.

[Casey09]

I’m so very sorry. You didn’t know that she was in the car. If you had, you’d never have left her there. I hope that someone like you will show another dog such love.

[S1969]

Oh wow. Im so sorry. Accidents happen and they are accidents. It is not fair to take blame or consider this murder. I know that doesn’t make it easier today, though, but it is true. Animals have a mind of their own and you can’t always guess what they will do.

I will say that this is the kind of situation that a grief counselor or therapist might help enormously. Is there someone you can meet with? I think it’s important to figure out how to live with this in a healthy way.

Big hugs.

[StGermain]

I’m so, so sorry for your loss. Please understand that accepting responsibility ( which doesn’t appear to have yours alone) doesn’t mean accepting blame. Accidents happen. That’s why they’re called accidents. Forgive yourself. You’d be understanding if it happened to someone else.

StG

[tbchick84]

I am so sorry. I can’t imagine how you are feeling right now. Please understand, as awful as this is, it is in fact an accident. Hugs to you.

[Dr_Doolittle]

You poor thing

I can’t even imagine how you must feel, as others said there was no way for you to know, but I’m sure that doesn’t ease the pain.

Many hugs to you – this could have happened to any one of us.

[shiloh]

OMG - I am so very very sorry this happened to you. Poor dog. BUT you are NOT a murderer - you did not kill your dog. It was an accident and accidents do happen. You are not psychic nor clairvoyant and neither are you a god. Please don’t beat yourself up. I understand how you feel - BTDT - but you didn’t know and like others have said, it could have been anyone of us. (((hugs)))

[Sswor]

It’s not your fault.

I am so very sorry for your loss. It was a horrible thing that happened but it was not your fault. I hope in time you will be able to see that. Thank you for telling your story, doing so may save a life someday.

[Foxtrot_s]

I can’t imagine how you are feeling…but it happened in the most unfortunate way. As I read your post I thought how courageous of you to open up to the COTH readers. I hope it helped to speak to so many of us who would understand and feel for you.

I agree that talking it out with a counsellor may help. Give yourself some time to overcome the shock and - please -
work at releasing the guilt you are feeling. You are NOT a a horrible person.

Day by day - suround yourself with those who support you. Hug.

[DarkBayUnicorn]

You are NOT a murderer. A friend had a similar situation a few years ago. Hopped out of the truck at the tool shed to grab something and the dog hopped in and got on the back seat. Drove down to the house, parked the truck and went to go fix whatever it was.

They did find her soon enough to get her to the vet and she lived. But she was never the same.

It happens in the blink of an eye with dogs. They hop in while you’re not looking. You have no idea they’re there.

I agree that grief counselling may be beneficial.

[Lah0808]

I am so sorry. This is the definition of an accident. Nobody intended for it to happen, it just did. I agree that grief counseling may really help. I’m really sorry about your girl.

[khall]

I am so sorry for your loss but it was an accident, you did not murder your pup. I too locked one up in the truck unknowingly and came close to losing him. Caught him just before and was able to cool him off. I got lucky, but I also realized it was an accident, not done intentionally. He is fine with no lingering issues. Please do not blame yourself, grieve for your loss, but do not blame yourself. Gentle hugs from Georgia.

[TheHotSensitiveType]

This was a terrible accident, and I am so very sorry this happened to you! Please try not to blame yourself!

My parents cat almost died in this manner too. It was a hot summer day on the east coast, cat jumped in car with no one noticing, luckily for the cat one of my parents had to get something out of the car a bit later, otherwise the same thing would have happened.

[Marshfield]

I am so sorry for your loss. Try in time to understand that it was a horrible accident, but an accident. you never intended to harm your dog

[hoopoe]

this is a horrible accident and you were very brave to come here and tell us about it

now, those who have read it will double check that car; checking for animals or kids who might have climbed inside. The same with clothes dryers, kitties love to jump inside those and I have witnessed more than one kitty who got tumbled with a load of laundry

you have probably helped save someone else through your telling your story

bless you and your family

[Foxtrot_s]

My MIL’s cat jumped into the warm dryer. Luckily someone heard the thump thump thump…they had nine kids and the dryer was always working and warm.

[dkcbr]

Thank you for sharing your story, because it may save another pet’s life. Something exactly like this could happen to any of us. Your situation was a confluence of things, and not - as others have noted - your fault, because there was absolutely no reason to think anything was amiss, until it was too late.

I hope you will in time see your way clear to getting another dog. You sound like a wonderful owner. I’m sending some healing wishes your way.

[GoodTimes]

You are not a murderer! And don’t let anyone else imply that you are. It was an accident. You did not put the dog in the car. It could happen to anyone.

SO picked something up one time from an older lady on a farm. Opened the back of his truck to put it in there, closed the tailgate and drove home. When he got home and opened the tailgate he thought he heard something so he opened the tonneau cover. Lo and behold he found a cat, it must’ve jumped in when no one was looking. If it had of been the middle of the summer or if it had of been quiet when he opened the tailgate we may have had to go tell that poor woman that her poor kitty died in the back our truck.

When I started reading your post I actually thought you were going to say you went to the barn and the dog ingested something and died. We just wormed our horses so that’s probably why I had that in my mind.

The suggestions to seek counselling are good ones. This was an accident but I’m sure every time you think about it you’re running through all of the “what ifs”. Just don’t let this define you. You are not, were not, and never will be a bad pet owner. You never intended to hurt your dog.

[jetsmom]

Forgive yourself…It was an accident. And put padlocks on your gate.

[ponysaurus]

I couldn’t read the entire post, but I got the gist. There are not words to soothe the hurt or stop your pain. Please know that I mourn with you and will be thinking about you. ((HUGS))