I wish there wasn’t guilt over not staying for euthanasia

[Countrygirl18]

This happened four years ago, but it still bothers me.
Four years ago I lost my heart dog Panda (rottie/lab) at barely 8 years old to hemangiosarcoma.
I had never even heard of this disease before until my dog went from happy and playing to his spleen ruptured. I spent 6 hours at the vet with him trying to stabilize him, save him. I lost it at the point I had to watch them do CPR and quite literally collapsed onto the floor screaming tears and they escorted me out.
It was not long after I made the decision to let him go, it was a futile effort and I didn’t want him to suffer.
But I COULDNT stay, I was in complete and utter shock and honestly hysterical . I calmed myself the best I could, I petted him, told him I loved him and he was a good dog and left the room. The vets assured me they would be gentle and love on him.

I didn’t expect to be called a coward, not there for my pet, horrible person all over social media (not here) I do have regrets sometimes about not staying as I stayed for a friends horse once when they were hurting, but honestly being hysterical next to him while he passed wasn’t going to help anyone

[glitterless]

I’m sorry that you had to experience this. People can be so cruel to each other.

Staying with a pet for a euthanasia is a personal choice. A hysterical owner is not going to be very comforting to a pet and I don’t blame you for leaving your friend in the capable hands of your veterinary team.

Again, I’m so sorry that you had this experience and hope that most of your memories of Panda are much happier

[Countrygirl18]

Thank you, yes most of the memories now are happy ones, but this time of year opens up that memory

[Demerara_Stables]

I’m so so sorry to hear about your boy. We lost ours to hemangiosarcoma (actually to a fracture at the location of his bone lesion due to mishandling by the techs) in November, and I know how sudden and heartbreaking it is.

Don’t feel badly, you did everything you could and him falling asleep without you being there and being upset was the best thing you could have given him at the end. Hugs

[Countrygirl18]

I’m sorry for your loss as well

[Kyrabee]

I did this once. I couldn’t stay but I was pretty settled in knowing the dog was beyond feeling or knowing.

I had a cocker spaniel with Cushing’s. He had had a couple seizures in the 2 years prior to his Cushing’s diagnosis but they were self limited and spread far apart so we didn’t work them up.
He was treated for the Cushing’s and his cortisol was controlled. However, one day, he started seizing. He didn’t stop. He seized the entire trip to the vet (20-25 minutes). The vet could not control the seizure within the 20 minutes they worked on him. So I had them euthanize him but could not stay. He was beyond recognizing that I was there and I was so shocked at the turn of events I just had to leave.

I don’t criticize anybody that can’t stay. Since then I have been with all my pets but they all had chronic but terminal conditions and it wasn’t an emergency. I had time to come to grips with the finality of the situation. When it is an emergency…and totally unexpected it is really tough.

Susan

[ThreeWishes]

You’re not a coward. You did the best for your beloved. Vets and vet techs in my experience ( my Dad was a vet for over 50 years) know how to lovingly and gently usher suffering animals into the next life. They also understand clients … people. Sometimes it takes courage to understand your limitations. And to allow someone else to take care of what you’re just not able to in the moment. I’m deeply sorry for your loss. Please don’t dwell on that small portion of your dogs life. Remember all the beautiful things.

[Ghazzu]

As a DVM, I despise people who guilt trip folks about this.

[Virginia_Horse_Mom]

I’m sorry OP. It sounds like you had some stupid connections on social media who second guessed your choices after the fact.

I used the word stupid deliberately. Because it IS utterly STUPID to second guess stuff like this.

Bottomline, you had a large breed dog who died at age 8 from heamgiosarcoma after it experienced an acute crisis, and struggled for a few hours.

Euthanasia in such a situation is very sad and hard, but it absolutely seems like an appropriate decision that was made in the best interests of the poor dog.

Anyone who doesn’t accept that is ignorant or plain stupid.

Anyway… my apologies if my tone is insensitive OP. It’s not me being mad at you. It’s me being mad at the people who are guilt tripping you. It’s HARD to be the person making that life and death decision to euthanize a beloved pet. There is no perfect or easy way to do this.

[4horses]

I usually stay while they administer sedation and leave for the injection. It’s a very difficult thing to be there for. I don’t think anyone should blame you for leaving. I’ve lost 6 cats, 4 dogs and 1 horse. It doesn’t get easier. We just made the appointment to put our old dog down next week. I’m dreading it. Some days she is happy and feels great. Other days she is miserable, incontinent and anxious, pacing, and crying. She wants inside, then she immediately wants back outside, but then she wants back in. She doesn’t know what she wants.

One of my cats had dementia and she would scream and cry all night long. It was terrible and I could not find a way to make her comfortable.

I lost a dog very similar to yours. He was fine one day and in acute kidney failure the next. Losing him was extremely traumatizing because I did not see it coming and he really wasn’t old. Having animals is not easy. Saying goodbye is the hardest part.

[OverandOnward]

This is a sorta factual rationale, so it doesn’t always ease emotional feelings, but it is this:

The whole point of euthanasia is that the animal doesn’t know. The owner can be there, or not be there – it doesn’t matter to the animal, because they don’t know what is occurring.

And of course this is even more the case when someone is too distraught to emotionally help their beloved animal, as you clearly and compassionately realized.

In my opinion, you made the best decision for your heart dog in every way you could.

With love and as gently as I can – Your only mistake was sharing these agonizing moments on social media.

Because trauma and grief on social media just unleashes the trolls and sadists. This is a basic, horrible truth.

Generally speaking to anyone facing difficult times with their animal, end times or otherwise (training, medical, etc.) however it is working out – For god’s sake do not post a word of it on social media. You will be torn apart by worthless randoms. Who hang out on SM for no other reason than to do just that.

Please don’t read those comments and please don’t take them to heart. Those people do not care about your animal. They certainly don’t care about you. They are just the worst of human nature.

You made good decisions, right decisions, and put your heart dog’s needs over your own. You are to be commended as a very caring owner.

[Countrygirl18]

No you didn’t come off as insensitive. I think part of my reason for making this post is I’ve held a small amount of frustration for four years that people made a hurtful situation hurt even more

[Countrygirl18]

I’m sorry for your losses and impending loss, sending you peace as you navigate it

[Countrygirl18]

Thank you, actually thinking about the fact he wasn’t aware what was about to happen helps

That was the last time I shared that stuff on social media, I was looking for comfort not guilt. When the horse I was closest too (my neighbors but I saw her everyday for six years, the one in my picture) passed a year later from a pasture accident I kept it to myself and family

[OverandOnward]

OP I hope that what people remark on this thread will help you let go of these feelings. You don’t deserve them, at all. And I know that, wherever he is, your dog Panda doesn’t want you feeling this way.

[OverandOnward]

Just a general observation … If one is accustomed to ordinary chat and sharing on social media, it is very easy to begin to see those who are also frequently on as ‘friends’.

But in truth – they may or may not be true friends. All we know is what they choose to present to the world. We have no idea if that is truthful. Or if it is truthful, what else are they not sharing. And none of us owes SM that information on our own behalf.

At present, my personal policy is that, IF I’m going to share any major life event, especially the passing of an animal (or human), I will do it several months later when the emotions are not so high. Maybe with a brief cause, but zero details. Some short common statements of love and what this person/animal meant to all who knew them. The public doesn’t need to know more than that.

I share fewer and fewer life events on SM as time goes on. (Extended family is also following this trend, for the most part. Can’t keep up with them on SM.)

I have to say that COTH has been very sympathetic for horse-dog-cat owners whose animals have medical difficulties, including euthanasia.

And this kindness is a period of time, an era, on this forum. It wasn’t always like this. In the future things will change again in some direction as the active cast of characters inevitably changes.

But a compassionate COTH re euthanasia and other animal medical difficulties should not be taken as emblematic of the internet as a whole. It isn’t, unfortunately.

OP I’m glad that you felt comfortable coming to COTH for a more balanced reaction to your traumatic end journey with Panda. Hopefully the remarks offered in this thread are helping you put aside some feelings you shouldn’t have to struggle with. Panda was so lucky to have you, as I know you were lucky to have him. Wishing you the best journey of peace as you go forward.

[NEEDS_A_NAP]

Both times I have euthanized a pet in the last several years, the vet told me to leave after they injected the tranquilizer. Two different vet offices.

[trubandloki]

A coward does not make the decision to euthanize. You were a strong and brave person, putting your dog’s needs ahead of yours.

Ignore the people who are unwilling to realize that we all deal with death our own way.

Your dog did not know it was being euthanized. It was doing medical stuff like it did anytime it was at the vet and they were doing medical stuff.

Your dog had a life of you loving it and your care, it most certainly passed knowing you loved it.

[2DogsFarm]

@NEEDS_A_NAP

vet told me to leave

I’m not judging, just curious.
If you’d wanted to stay, do you think either vet would have allowed that?

[Pep_n_Ann]

You are not a coward! You did what was best for you and your pet. I didn’t stay for my kitty. I was there for the 1st part that put her to sleep, then the vet took her and did the rest. You have to do what is best for your mental health and the rest of the world can just deal.