Ideas for dealing with a "poser"

[Foxglove]

I am sure it has happened to others --but this is really only the second time for me in 50 years of horse ownership – Someone claims to be something they are not in the horse world.

I’m seated at the riding club, chatting away with a new (just met her, she just joined). Conversation goes to “what else do you do with your horses?” She names a few things, expected from a club rider, some jumping shows and low-level eventing, some dressage. The she says, and I compete in [fake sport name here in case she reads COTH] team roping.

Me: double take --I am BIG into the sport [remember team roping is a pseudonym for the real sport] and compete widely, certainly at all the competitions in the immediate area and more than a few farther away. I know ALL the peeps who compete. She isn’t one of them.

Brief pause, and I say, “What group do you team rope with?” The fact is I don’t belong to any group myself, but ride as an independent.

She hashes around and comes up with the name of a stable that held a clinic 5 years ago (I know b/c I was there).

I say, I do a bit of “team roping” myself --don’t recall seeing you . .

She says she rode a different horse “before.”

Ok, but it’s she I don’t recognize or her name.

I let it drop and we chat about how she acquired her current horse etc.

The only other instance of someone claiming to be a something they are not, I handled differently. Woman came to my farm and took lessons from a clinician I had in for my own kids --fine with me (although she did leave poop in the wash racks) --later she told a number of people that she “trained at my barn” – well, not quite true. That time I just told anyone who asked me that she’d taken lessons from the clinician but did not train at my barn –

How do you, or did you, or would you handle someone who is not quite what they say they are?

Could I have handled this better? I didn’t want to embarrass her --but seems kind of, well, wrong, not to speak up. I saw her at the trailers later and said that If she ever wanted to do more in the sport, there were many competitions I’d love to see her attend.

[Scribbler]

Hmmm. I think you did fine. You said enough that she ought to know you are onto her if she’s lying.

If it doesn’t directly involve your farm or reputation, I’d just sit back and watch the comedy unfold. Obviously if someone is lying and using you as a reference you will want to correct your general acquaintance.

Thing is posing or bullshitting or fake it til you make it or inflation is so common in horse world that I actually kind of factor it in whenever I meet someone new. This is also somewhat true in my area of academia and arts. I ask questions I smile and then I Google them.

I don’t confront people because liars gonna lie, and what if I’m wrong and they aren’t lying?

[Mercedes2]

What is there to handle unless, for example, you knew she was offering to train someone’s “team roper”? If she’s not taking advantage of anyone, whatever, let her say what she’s going to say.

I don’t know how small your community is but I do feel it would sound a bit silly and childish if you had said to her “I know ALL the people who compete and YOU’RE not one of them!!”

[lorilu]

would have been fun to discuss recent events in local team roping… did you see the amazing ride that so and so put in last month at Just a Ranch? His horse was right there! And what a suprise when…
you handled it well. but now you know she is a poser so take everything with a grain of salt.

[2DogsFarm]

@Scribbler

I don’t confront people because liars gonna lie, and what if I’m wrong and they aren’t lying?

Agree with the 1st part & if I’m wrong would gracefully accept correction.

I’ve had various Posers present themselves as knowledgeable in one way or another.
Truth: they were not.
But in every case, actions spoke & they exhibited their deficiencies.
Usually in a most laughable way.
Ex:
20-something braggart borrowing a horse to do W/T Barrels at Fair.
99.99% Walk & nowhere near any of the barrels.
Caught on video & posted by a fellow Poser on their FB page.
To live forever in interwebz space

[Spudsmyguy]

@Foxglove

That time I just told anyone who asked me that she’d taken lessons from the clinician but did not train at my barn

I’ve seen this happen. “Trainers” attend a clinic with some BNT and use that as a reference of their ability to teach others or train horses. A western “trainer” was having a little free demonstration of her special skillz and threw out the names of BNTs she took clinics with was showing how to teach a horse to stay on the rail when it kept drifting to the inside. Who knew you would guide the horse to the rail and use you inside leg to move it over? She claimed that after a few times, the horse would stay on the rail on its own. The next pass she gushed about how her horse was staying on the rail. I happened to see her inside leg and it was glued to the horse’s side pushing him over. Okay, ya sure.

[173north]

Eh, I think you handled it fine. She was probably nervous about being the new kid and and inflated her experience/interests to impress people. I’m sure she knows you caught on and I doubt she’ll bring it up again. I’d feel very differently if it was a pro but no harm done in this scenario, really?

I’ve found that often the more experienced a horse person is, the less they feel they have to say about their background - they are secure in their abilities and feel their horsemanship and riding can speak for themselves. But when someone walks into a barn talking about their glorious junior career or their fancy former trainer or claiming to do a discipline they don’t, they’re overcompensating for insecurity.

[Foxglove]

@Mercedes2 -the reason I am comfortable saying I know ALL the peeps who compete (at least in my area) are that to compete one must belong to the national group. Every week the national group posts “current standings” Nationally and by area. I check after each competition to see if I have gone up or down in the standings based on my score --since there are only about 25-30 “team ropers” in my area --even if I don’t see their faces more than once or twice a year --I know their names —and over the years I’ve been “team roping” I’ve gotten to know a lot of the competitors out of my area as some of the “big names” will travel (pre-Covid) to smaller venues to give clinics or score . . .

[skydy]

As long as she is not offering to teach people to “team rope” or using you as a reference, I’d let it slide.

I get it. It is weird to encounter someone that you believe is dishonest. I find it difficult to let it go as well… However, people that claim to have experience that they don’t have, are often just insecure. Perhaps,if you want to engage in this, you can discuss" team roping". You never know, she may turn out to be a good “team roper” in the end…

[trubandloki]

@skydy

As long as she is not offering to teach people to “team rope” or using you as a reference, I’d let it slide.

I get it. It is weird to encounter someone that you believe is dishonest. I find it difficult to let it go as well… However, people that claim to have experience that they don’t have, are often just insecure. Perhaps,if you want to engage in this, you can discuss" team roping". You never know, she may turn out to be a good “team roper” in the end…

I 100% agree with this.

I too hate being lied to, but this sounds like a situation where someone was feeling insecure and blurted out something that they now regret saying. Maybe they tried team roping once, who knows. But give them a chance to have this blunder put behind them if they show that they are a good person moving forward.

[endlessclimb]

Yeah, I’d just write it off. Lots and lots of these folks in the world. She will eventually learn (by talking to other people in the club, not from you) how active you are in that particular sport and believe-you-me she will feel mightily embarrassed. Let that simmer and see how she turns out.

[findeight]

There really is nothing to “do” here at all. Just remember shes not truthful. No need to waste energy and time trying to stalk her specifically to out and embarrass her, which seems to be a hobby for some.

As suggested, just take anything she says with a grain of salt. These things tend to take care of themselves over time and these types end up embarrassing themselves without any help.

“Resume inflation” happens everywhere, not just in horses, if it does not personally effect you, just let it be and dont involve yourself, you cant fix anything here.

[Baybear]

IME most of the time with horse “posers” the truth comes out eventually and rarely does their posing affect anything I do so I just let it unfold.

For many years I went to Ireland once or twice a year to ride. It was always very amusing to see the posers there, and there were plenty LOL. Ireland has a way of sorting them out very good. Needless to say most of the rides were rather amusing in a slapstick comedy sort of way LOL

[Mercedes2]

Regardless of whether you actually do know everyone I think it would have sounded strange to say, like you think you’re the gatekeeper of the sport or something. I agree with trub’s comment that she probably blurted out something, lord knows there are a lot of pretentious people in the community and maybe she felt insecure enough to pad her resume a little, so to speak. Who knows?

[candyappy]

@Foxglove

How do you, or did you, or would you handle someone who is not quite what they say they are?

I wouldn’t ( never do) anything. Eventually they hang themselves. That is usually punishment enough.

[IronwoodFarm]

Don’t engage in teenage horse drama. MYOB and enjoy what you are doing with your horse(s).

[phantomhorse]

@Foxglove

I saw her at the trailers later and said that If she ever wanted to do more in the sport, there were many competitions I’d love to see her attend.

I think this was perfect.

If she really IS interested and was just feeling insecure so exaggerated, you may have found a new friend to participate with. If not, I suspect she will never mention the subject in your presence again (so problem solved).

[TheDBYC]

I know that I all too often nervously blurt out things in a social situation & beat myself up after: “Whhhhyyyy did I say that??” I assume (hope? Pray?) that I’m not the only one.

Unless her claims rise to the level of libel or present a danger to others, I say let it go.

[Djones]

Maybe she was just anxious to impress and thinks that’s an interesting sport. So what if she overstated her deal. You’re not the Team Roping police.

Let it goooo

[anon15718925]

Let it go - as everyone else has said, if she’s faking it, she’ll be outed fast.

There are way worse things in the world (and the horse world) than this.

Seriously. I grew up riding at a backyard barn where the trainer was the sort who thought she knew it all because “she’d been riding since she was 2” and the owners tried to pivot to also being a rescue AND boarding barn AND lesson facility AND briefly also housed some lady who was trying to do therapeutic riding AND basically none of these people knew what they were doing and probably should not have been responsible for a goldfish let alone a large and growing herd of horses. Yeah, no. I rode at that place for longer than I should’ve but having been through that, come out the other side, etc. has given me some perspective. Throw in working in horses in a hands-off capacity, but in a role that’s given me the opportunity to have conversations with horse people from all walks and at all levels and all disciplines and I think I’ve developed an interesting perspective. My point? Real horse people are real horse people regardless of discipline, etc. and the posers will almost always get outed sooner or later by something.

Unless she’s running a barn based around her overinflated equestrian resume, screwing people over, neglecting or abusing horses, mistreating or abusing humans, breaking laws, etc. then I see nothing to worry about (I hope that doesn’t come off callously - I don’t mean it in a callous manner more a “you can’t control it anyway.” manner).