I saw this posted on the Instagram for Mulatto Meadows and thought it was pretty clever. I thought I’d bring it to COTH to see what amazing responses you all come up with! A few from the Instagram:
What would your sale ad say if you were a horse for sale?
Easy keeper older mare, very well trained at upper levels but somewhat lazy. No bite, buck, bolt, but pins her ears. Cannot go barefoot. Functionally sound enough but will not vet.
16.2+ leggy mare, aged but still serviceably sound with some maintenance. Gets along with other horses and kids; great walk/trot or lesson horse. Not suitable for dressage (lacks rhythm).
15.3 hh mare. This flashy, packer mare will help get you into the ribbons. She has helped numerous dance partners learn the ropes of “insert horse sport here”. Though she had competed at “insert middle level of horse sport here”, she is best at “insert lower level” or below. She can take a joke but definitely can be a challenge for an intermediate rider. Good on trails, alone or in a group, new places and will try her best for her rider.
Requires regular maintenance but had plenty of life left. UTD on vac, teeth and shoes. Priced according but negotiable to the right home.
Athletic in looks only, 15 hand mare who enjoys her meals and candy. Loves massages, grooming, and traveling to new places. You never have to worry about her bolting, rearing, bucking, way to much self preservation with this one. Rides out alone better than with friends and don’t expect to get anywhere in a hurry unless it’s her idea.
If you want to do anything that requires athleticism, you should pass on this one.
Pasture pet. Not good with loud kids. Easy keeper.
Delicate looking yet surprisingly stubborn cuss. Male riders in the habit of saying one thing & pretending they said something else 5 minutes later apt to get double-barreled in the groin area.
young (but doesn’t act it) 15.3 chestnut mare, adores kids and will plod around with them all day, but is just as willing to hit the trails for hours. Does have a thing with dark or night time shadows where she may stop to stare, but doesn’t bolt. She loves baths and grooming and doesnt flinch at vet work or worming (Will lick the wormer out of a bucket if you sprinkle sugar on it). Loads/unloads great, seemingly loves traveling (Will load herself into any open trailer and look at you as if to say “Adventure time?”)
Has a tendency to eat anything in sight, easy keeper (needs a muzzle or dry lot). Gets along with geldings and most mares, a great first friend for babies or rescues, seems to be obsessed with foals but have yet to pair a foal to her. Has been pastured with multiple traumatized horses and seems to enjoy helping them heal.
Has been out to pasture for the past year and a half, so will need to be worked back up to fitness.
Now’s your chance to finally get that Thellwell pony of your dreams! Like your dreams, this little mare is kind of erratic and hard to follow.
While you won’t really understand what motivates her, you’ll have a lot of fun!
14.2 8 yr. old AQHA bay mare for sale. Don’t let her small stature fool you, this filly is mighty! She has straight, correct legs and big expressive eyes. Her mane and tail are the envy of the barn; no need for extensions or fake tails here. Expressive personality and gets along with all sorts of critters.
Despite a later start /mare/ has had a colorful career across the board. From children’s first lesson pony to 2.6" jumper to reining schoolmaster to overnight camping rides, this mare has done it all. Limited show experience due to owner going away to college. Mare is a bit more on the lazy side but has plenty of go with the right rider.
Good for vet, farrier, bathing, and trailering. Sound, up to date of vaccines and feet, however she is due for a float. Goes barefoot (nice hard feet) without issue.
16.3 unregistered mare, nice mover with 3 good gaits. Has upper level dressage training, some show experience. Likes to jump but best under 3’3. Suitable for dressage, H/J/Eq, or low level eventing. She is not spooky but is sensitive, hot, mare-ish, and a little stubborn (Temperament 8/10), but will try her heart out for you if she likes you. Not a beginner’s horse. Likes 24/7 turnout but will stall. Has good ground manners and no vices. Loads and travels well. X-rays, MRIs, and ultrasounds on file. PPE welcome but not likely to pass. Maintenance required but she’s worth it!
Cute, grade, chestnut mare. Small, easy keeper. Willing, but opinionated. Hates the ring, but great on trails. Good with kids, husband. Does well on pasture turnout. Would probably crib if stall kept. No bad habits unless you count ice cream.
15.2 hh refined warmblood mare. Born in the USA with German and Irish bloodlines. Flaxen mane and tail. Needs maintenance (joint injections and chiropractor) and corrective shoeing. Despite that, she has a lot left to give. Very brave and tons of miles in the Grand Prix ring but it is time for her to step down. No vices, though can be a picky eater. She has good conformation, and is great for the vet and farrier but hates the dentist.
Will only be sold to the best home, she is quite spoiled.
16.3 bay mare. Lots of bone. Currently out of shape. Good all around horse. Honest, but anxious off property. Not a broodmare. Requires lots of maintenance. Has some neurological issues. Rehab project.
OP, I love this - thanks!
16h light bay mare…lots of ring experience and great work ethic. Needs some maintenance and must be kept on Ulcergard daily. Loves to travel to new places but can get anxious when there are too many horses in the ring. Better for a rider with some experience - tendency to buck off annoying beginner riders. Loves cookies but may be somewhat picky about hay and grain.
Trainwreck, FTGH.
15.1 9 year old bay mare. Brave to the fences. Barefoot, sound, and low maintenance. Prefers 24/7 turnout.
Unreasonably thick mane. Will do tricks for treats.
15.2h all-around mare that is intelligent and wants to please but can be anxious. Plain bay with no flash or chrome, but good conformation. Confident rider with a soft hand and seat a must. Not for a green rider or overly pushy rider as she will buck and be completely obstinate when frustrated. Cute over fences at lower levels, has a good dressage foundation, and brave enough to beginner novice cross country fences but definitely not an upper level sport horse - don’t expect ribbons outside of local shows. Easy turn out with others as long as they give her space. Perfect horse for someone who is busy as you can leave her in the pasture for a few days and she’s totally fine with that.
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