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In your head syndrome - How do you deal?

Eventing
#1

I found myself yesterday in an unfamiliar mental place. I was in a clinic with Jimmy, which we do monthly here, and riding my made horse Petey at jumps that are well within his capability. Little history first: somewhere in the last year or so I have grown more afraid of oxers. Not all, but definitely square oxers, and it seems to only start bugging me at 3’6" and definitely above is worse. Anything under that is fine, though I may feel the butterflies stirring around 3’3" if it’s an airy square oxer. Feeling this and knowing that I own 3 VERY talented horses that deserve me to ride well and not have to bail me out so much of the time, I made the decision to re-invest in more training for myself this year and a few less shows. That said this was my second month in the monthly lesson with Jimmy and last month we did XC on Gin alone. This month I opted to bring Petey and Gin to get 2 lessons in the indoor working on course elements and to spread out the work at a higher and a lower height.

I went on Petey first and I had made a mistake in that I saw we were in a Prelim group and my mind thought “Ok 3’6-ish, cool,” since 3’7" was where Prelim stadium was when I last competed. You all know what I am about to say though. I totally forgot that USEA had changed things and Prelim is now 3’9". In 2014, I did some 4’ classes in jumpers on Petey but while we were successful I wouldn’t run out and say that I am a made 4’ rider. I’m still learning and I am much stronger (historically) at 3’6" with Petey and Lad before him. So anyway Jim set some big fences at height and even though to McClain Ward they’d likely be cavalettis, I was terrified. All of the oxers were only briefly ascending and ended up being square. I had not schooled this height with Petey in over a year. I have been a student of Jimmy’s for a long time and knew both Petey and I could do the exercises so I kept going. I would say that 70% of the lesson went well, especially if you consider that inside of me I was really scared. We jumped the big stuff in the individual exercises and ignoring the spook at the Liverpool run out and the couple ugly peeks at the aqueduct wall, it was going well, until we got to the end of the lesson and had to do a full course.

This is the part I do not understand, at all. And neither does Jimmy. I had not gained confidence having jumped the 3 big oxers over the course of the lesson. When we came to do the course I could hear the voices in my head screaming “I don’t want to jump it again. Please no. Please not again.” But I went on and tried. Petey for his part I believe was part tired and part finally ‘hearing’ my lack of commitment to the job at hand. He stopped (mercifully, though I know its bad training on my part) at the one big oxer, to the point that Jim had to (begrudgingly) lower it so we could get over it. This is after having jumped it before no less than 10 times at that height.

I know that in my role as an instructor if I saw what happened to me yesterday in a student I was teaching, I’d be more confused. I know I am confused having lived through it. Fwiw, Gin was fine and the butterflies were in siesta land as his lesson stayed below the 3’3" level. I had none of the same fears with him. This is ironic because if you’d been able to see Petey fly over those jumps in the first half of the lesson, he had no problems what so ever, and for the first time ever felt like he was actually clearing them with room to spare. He’s typically been the jump only as much as needed type. I did tell Jim I was terrified, I did own it aloud though fat bit of good it does to say it. I know it’s an excuse, but it’s also a valid truth.

I believe I just need to do more and school it more at home and get in the swing again. I build courses with oxers, but they’re almost always ascending, and typically lower than my verticals. That’s the funny part, give me a 5’3 vertical and I’m fine, give me a beefy 3’6" oxer and I am not ok.

Today I am just upset with myself and disappointed that I let my horse and my trainer down. Since we all can get this way at points, I figured I would talk about it. I’m not looking for false praise, I’m interested more in stories of how others worked through their similar issues.

Thanks for reading.

Emily

#2

It’s kind of like you wrote a post about my lesson Wednesday if the fences were all much much smaller.

If you find the answer let me know because it’s where I’m stuck right now. I have a talented, green, athletic, squirmy, smart horse who is willing to do anything I want to do but reads me like a book and doesn’t humor me enough to do the job when I’m not %100 committed.

I’ve been able to get away with being wishy washy and %80 committed or %90 committed on previous horses but not this one.

Which is why she slid to a stop at the same fence she jumped just fine a few weeks ago. I didn’t remember all the times she jumped it, I didn’t remember every time it went fine, I didn’t remember how I have to ride her through the fence and not drop her 2 strides out. I just remembered the bad moments.

So we stopped.

Why do I doubt my ability to get over a fence? Why can’t I remember how to ride when something minor happens and not let it escalate into a mountain of issues?

It feels like I’m letting my long suffering trainer down and creating bad habits in my horse.

#3

Prelim is still 3’7". :yes:

That being said… how are you with oxers in gymnastics? I’m not saying you need to be doing max height, 4’0" oxers with 5’ spreads, but if you can build up to the larger heights (and not have to worry about distances), then I find it helps with the mental aspects of it.

#4

So if someone as accomplished as you has this sort of issue. I kinda want to give up and just do dressage. . .

I do hope someone else has some great ideas.

1 Like
#5

no where near as accomplished as you, but went through some similar issues in college…

don’t dwell. focus on the positive – it can be really easy to mentally trap yourself because you start seeing all the shortcomings and can’t see the progress made. instead of thinking about how terrifying it is, think about all the times you successfully jumped that height before… on petey or other horses.

IME it’s always okay to step back a little until you feel confident again. i second the grid advice. i don’t know much about you/petey, but do the jimmies come even on a different horse?

i took a break after college, for about 2 years. came back to riding, picked up an OTTB and it was like i had to learn to jump all over again… an 18" cross rail looked terrifying to me. friend put me on her schooled/seasoned horse and made us do training/prelim XC… after that confidence boost the little stuff with my green guy wasn’t so terrifying. i just had to remember i was fully capable of it.

#6

Welcome to the club. I’ve been working on my Sports Psychology on this, but at the end of the day, they all go out the window as I freak out to fences LOL.

I easily can jump around a Training level course, Prelim, does not scare me some times, other times I poop my pants.

I found the BEST way to stay in the now is counting, out loud. Its ugly and people laugh, but it stops me from thinking. My biggest issue is I over analyze, even after I’ve landed the fence and should be looking at my next, I’m still thinking about what just happened at that last fence. By counting It takes that guessing game out.

My horse is capable, I am capable, but for some reason we make it look like a monkey is riding him.

At home I will only jump 2’6-2’9 because I don’t trust myself… when I go schooling with my coach I can jump the moon. It’s why I love her.

#7

[QUOTE=LadyB;8661495]
Welcome to the club. I’ve been working on my Sports Psychology on this, but at the end of the day, they all go out the window as I freak out to fences LOL.

I easily can jump around a Training level course, Prelim, does not scare me some times, other times I poop my pants.

I found the BEST way to stay in the now is counting, out loud. Its ugly and people laugh, but it stops me from thinking. My biggest issue is I over analyze, even after I’ve landed the fence and should be looking at my next, I’m still thinking about what just happened at that last fence. By counting It takes that guessing game out.

My horse is capable, I am capable, but for some reason we make it look like a monkey is riding him.

At home I will only jump 2’6-2’9 because I don’t trust myself… when I go schooling with my coach I can jump the moon. It’s why I love her.[/QUOTE]

counting is good! singing too, but i cannot sing for my life… instead i whistle ‘twisted nerve’ - wonderful tempo and makes you breathe! nothing like hitting the ‘crescendo’ of whatever song it is you choose just as you’re cresting the rise in a hill and coming down to a fence!

#8

Welcome to my world for most of my riding life.
I’m not working in your height range, but I know the issues of performance anxiety and oxer anxiety well.

I actually put myself on an ‘oxer diet’ this winter. If I was jumping, it was oxers and only oxers. Every single ride that I wasn’t on the property alone, at least couple. Stop if the jumps feel good, remember the feeling.

Passing on the advice of a good friend and extraordinary rider:
Lower the oxers to a height that makes you comfortable. If its 6" off the ground, it doesn’t matter. Practise day after day until you are bored, raise until just below worry height. Repeat and continue. Single oxers, not gymnastics, with placing poles if the cue is helpful.

Every rider has crises of confidence, every single one. Fostering the confidence and re-building is the way forward. Forcing things, aka toughing it out, often results in practising the fear.

#9

This is me. Only I have one horse. When I bought, her after not jumping for 6 months, and prior to that, having ridden a horse that got over, but not well…I could do 3’6’ standing on my head…not george morris worthy…

Now, Novice is a buggaboo… I have lost my mojo.

I hope you get yours back. My plan is to buy big girl pants.

#10

This is me. Only I have one horse. When I bought, her after not jumping for 6 months, and prior to that, having ridden a horse that got over, but not well…I could do 3’6’ standing on my head…not george morris worthy…

Now, Novice is a buggaboo… I have lost my mojo.

I hope you get yours back. My plan is to buy big girl pants.

#11

This is such a feel good thread in a twisted way. Happy to not be alone!

1 Like
#12

I got some confidence issues due to a really hesitant horse and learned a few tricks:

1-Don’t pay attention to the jump height (if you can). My trainer used to go around a cross country course with me and say things like, “this is really small for this level”. She would also insist that a jump was designed for one level lower than it was when we were schooling. She would own up only after the fact and yet it still “fooled” me. She raises stadium jumps often after I jump and as I’m coming around for a second jump so I don’t see it as much.

2-Don’t look at the jump. As in, if you start to worry, pick a spot past the jump and focus on that. Keep the jump in your periphery, but don’t LOOK at all. You can get stuck looking and tip forward, take leg off, otherwise stop riding.

3-Pick a big scary jump and tell yourself everything is smaller than that. I will jump a 2’9" oxer then go do a BN event and remind myself over every scary looking jump that it’s smaller than the one I did two days ago. I will also focus on the say Novice level XC jump I did as I go around BN and tell myself if I could do that I can do any jump possible. When I leased a horse to go Training two summers ago, I really drew confidence from that.

4-Sing a song, relay a rhyme, have a discussion with your horse, or otherwise distract yourself. In stadium I am often reciting, “Just did 1, now where’s 2; ok, there’s 2 now we turn to 3; ok, sharp turn to 4a-b is a two stride…” On XC it is more, “OK, that was 1, 2 I’ve done a lot, here’s 2, 3 is tiny, look how tiny 3 is. Man, long gallop to 4, no that does not mean you can go all out we have a lot of course left…whew, over 10, yes, you can gallop a bit more now, we only have a few more jumps left, isn’t this fun?..”

5- “Sneak” a higher jump in. Sometimes I will put all the jumps at one height, then one jump one hole higher, start jumping around and sneak in and do that jump before I know what I’m doing, then praise myself and my horse.

6-Stop before it’s to late. This one is much harder to do in a clinic but if I’m scared of a jump, I will do it twice, maybe three times, praise myself and my horse a lot then not do the jump for the rest of the session or end the session there, if appropriate. I do this even if the jump wasn’t near perfect. Meh, so she popped it both time and I lost my stirrups and landed in a heap - I got over it. I found that if I tried to correct my riding, I would get more nervous and start making more mistakes but if I came back the next day, I would be more confident and able to work on my riding more.

7-Don’t be afraid to praise yourself like you do your horse, focus on the positive. “Wow, I got over that jump, I’m so good.” Especially if using trick 6. Don’t think, “Man, I landed in a heap but at least I got over it.” Instead use, “Man, I got over that big jump and we did it well, that was awesome!” Treat yourself like a green horse that trips over his first cross rail and knocks everything down - there is no shame in giving yourself the same praise and positive energy.

So, those are all the tricks I learned through the years of correcting my personal issues. I usually practice a combination of the above. The horse I leased to go training was really helpful that if I screwed up enough he would run out but if I was 50% there he was 100% there and that gave me the confidence to get to a higher percentage of being with him over the jumps. I was able to get over some issues and get to a better place, which helps my filly who is just starting her career.

#13

I am not a sports psychologist, and I only taught briefly. In my own experience, I dealt with two types of anxiety at different points. There was a brief time I was nervous for my safety, and then I went through an anxiety where I would get nervous I would give a horse a bad ride.

I’ve pretty much realized people train just about the same as horses. IF my horse is nervous, if I force them to face their fears, they’re likely to end up more scared and leave a lasting impression that takes a lot of time to undo. So instead, I school them through exercises I know their confidence is ready for. I may push them physically, but when my colt is nervous I don’t ask for hard things then. Go back to basics. Now if you’re horse is just being lazy or behind my leg, I’m going to give him a smart smack with a crop.
And if my student talks back to me or refuses to listen after I repeat myself, I will probably give them a stern yell to shape their butt up. But, if my kid is for whatever nervous, don’t push that. They could be nervous for the dumbest reason in your mind, but if you ask them to go do something they’re scared of and a few strides up they pull up, suddenly you’ve lost their belief that you know all/are in control. I give them exercises that push them physically challenge them mentally, but not their fear. Then they build a trust that I’m not going to ask them to do something dangerous, and in a time framr that varies for each individual the fear gets pushed out.
Now correlate that to yourself. It’s pretty hard to do. But you just need to bore yourself. Scaring yourself is so so hard to come back from, it takes time and a change of scenery.
Courtesy of your local accountant whose trying to avoid scanning tax returns.

#14

Just a thought related to my last lesson.
There was a plan to have us work on courses, which turned into a great deal of “get your mind on your job, mare”. Once we moved on to jumping there was a point at which we really hit our rhythm, attacked out combination and powered through it. I felt everything sync up bodywise with a great release/fold/situp on landing and ride away.

I called it done on the lesson on that combination, no course. Why? Because I knew I’d ruminate over that awesome feeling of boldness and enthusiasm until the next lesson. I can ride a course, the horse can be piloted around a course. I need to practise believing, trusting and going for it. :slight_smile:

So lets see how it rolls into tomorrow’s lesson counting down 3 until our HT :slight_smile: squee

#15

You all are overly kind, I don’t think I am that accomplished. Really. I have done a lot but let’s face it, I am usually middle of the pack and my greatest successes have been personal triumphs when horses I taught stepped up and did their jobs well.

Winning RRP field hunter division last fall, I beat 8 people, and only 4 of us actually finished all the phases. 5 did not complete. I attribute that success to Gin being just unholy amazing, talented, kind etc. I don’t give myself much credit. And the fences were only 2’6"! When I look back at my career as a whole….I did well at points when others faltered. I don’t typically run out in front with a brilliant dressage. I am a ‘come from behind’ type. I just grind at my competition and keep going clear and in the time if possible. So that’s why this is all the more troubling. I need my “strength” back.

Oddly Jimmy is very smart (duh) he had me counting my strides and I promise I’ll be doing that all of 2016. Just counting up and not say in 3’s or 4’s or counting down I was able with both horses to keep a solid rhythm and not increase. So I think that got me through the bulk of the lesson. But by course time it was like my brain had figured out that counting was a trick and dammit the fear was gonna win out. Insane, sure, but that’s what I felt.

To answer the questions:

No, I do not have the same problem at lower heights, I don’t fear it differently on other horses, but that’s likely because they’re not jumping 3’9"! To be fair, I was told by a good friend and COTH member that I needed to start actually working Gin and stop babying him. He’s grown up and doesn’t need me ‘protecting’ him anymore. I will forever thank this friend for her abundant sage advice. :smiley:

Thanks for the correction, I misspoke myself. The FEI changed the CIC* and CCI* stadium heights to 3’9" or 1.15 meters, not the USEA. My bad.
In a grid I am fine with big oxers, well not fine. But less “afflicted” than when I have 4 open strides cantering down thinking how I could just bear to the right (or left) and sail by it brilliantly. :slight_smile:

I like the Oxer diet concept. May have to try that.

PhoenixRises – You absolutely can’t quit, if you want to do dressage because you like it that’s fine, but this thread isn’t a sign of hopelessness for all. It is, or could be construed as a humbling factor. Just because I can jump over a big fence doesn’t mean I don’t have nerves, fear, anxiety and such that I have to find a way through to get to the other side. I think we’re seeing that the height is my issue, but the fear is there for many.

EnjoyTheRide- I truly cannot believe that I ever was an upper level (Int) rider. I don’t know where that person went or how I was able to jump the jumps. I recall that I was always afraid of something on a xc course, but not like this. I was never fearful in show jumping, it’s ALWAYS been my strongest phase.

LadyB- I agree. It’s nice to see that we all struggle. It doesn’t feel as isolating when you can see that others deal with the same things.

~Emily

#16

[QUOTE=Ajierene;8661540]

7-Don’t be afraid to praise yourself like you do your horse, focus on the positive… there is no shame in giving yourself the same praise and positive energy.[/QUOTE]

You know this reminded me. One time we sailed over that stupid HUGE oxer over the aqueduct wall I landed thumping Petey and telling him how good he was and at the same time Jimmy was telling me aloud “Good Girl Em” right after every time I praised Petey. It was an awesome 45 seconds.

You’re right though… we never praise ourselves enough. We push hard to fix everything but never stop and say “Hey that was great”

Em

#17

My little mare can jump the moon but shes hot hot hot and she will try to pull through the distance or rush. Once the fences get 3’6/4’ she backs up a bit but still gets frantic sometimes. Shes tough and I stepped back from Preliminary this season to get it worked out. I overthink it in the SJ all day long and it kills me.

I count my strides, I breathe out to loosen my elbows and I work as hard as I can to just not rush to the wrong distance. I work with a straight SJ coach who works with a ton of GP riders and he cant get in my head either. Im considering a sports psych to figure it out.

My big guy is one of the only ones who I can just jump whtever with and Ive had him less than 6 months and he was an under 3’ horse. He just is an easy ride and doesn’t psych me out. 3’6/3’9 on him is a cake walk.

Keep chipping away. Id say grids and 3’. Just keep raising until you feel confident. Dont let your head tell you that its a problem. Easier said than done of course.

#18

I find as I age I am more nervous… the fear of falling I guess. I have such a good fall though, I usually land well LOL.

#19

The part of your opening statement that got me was that you feel your horses deserve better. I’m moving up to a similar level in showjumping (1.10-1.20m), and I feel the same way about my 2 wonderful amateur horses. But, I’ve found that the more I try to “protect” them, the less confidently I ride.

Your horses do not recognize a bad distance as a “mistake”. As long as you ride forward, they will keep going. If you have doubt and pull, they respond.

As someone said before, take a minute to take a breath and celebrate doing well! Also, a few classes at a jumper show (ideally 2-3 days of just jumpers) might boost your confidence. I just got back from doing 1-2 classes per day for 4 days, and now the square oxer in the turn or the long 1 stride oxer-vertical right out of the corner are not so daunting.

It really helps if someone can video you doing well. Watch not-so-ideal clips once or twice for training purposes, then delete them. Save trips/clips of your succeeding and watch them over and over so you can SEE yourself do well. This can also help with the emotional side by reliving the excitement instead of fear.

Good luck! Trust yourself as much as you trust your horses

#20

So, I’m not sure if it would help you, but I read this a while ago on one of the forums about someone else who had problems with a specific height/type of jump. They said they would put up a few extra jumps in their arena that were huge–a size over what they normally jump. Seeing them there all the time made them start to not look so bad, which made the jumps they were nervous jumping look smaller. How funny the way we need to trick ourselves :slight_smile:

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