Injured Control Freak

[Giddyin]

Looking for some insight/advice from other equestrians. I recently injured the tendons in my wrist of my dominate hand and am struggling to use that arm. I have a coming 6 year old mare who is coming back into work after a few months off from a nasty flesh wound. Said mare is a very sensitive but smart OTTB who leans towards the reactive side and does best in regular work (especially for her back). I’ve done all of her handling and riding post track (bought as 3 year old) she is definitely a 1 person horse who thrives on routine. She is a lot better behaved now but can still be a handful when she gets upset. Most of her issues come from a root cause of just being claustrophobic. People tend to think she over reacts or is stupid but fail to acknowledge the rabbits building up in her mind.

She needs to come back into work, she thrives off attention and loves to come out and do stuff. I am really struggling with the idea of putting her into partial/full training with my dressage instructor while I’m healing. It’s either that or me trying to lunge/ride without full use of my right arm and hoping nothing happens. It would also make my recovery take longer. I am super protective of her and have a very certain way of helping her work through things, she is one who will just blow up (bolt, run backwards, rear, etc) if she’s pushed past her mental limit and feels trapped in a situation. She is not a horse who can just “get over” things. I’m worried she’s not going to be handled properly for what works best for her and she’s going to turn back into an anxious flighty mess.

Examples:
Something new in arena - She needs to go up and see it, both sides, and touch it then she’s over it and can move on. If you just try to get on her and “ride through it” the entire ride would be ruined with spooking, spinning, anxiety, hot, not listening, etc.

Weird scary item in aisle or on trail - She needs to just stop and take a few seconds to process and look, sometimes it’s every few steps if it’s really scary but usually not (we usually stop to look 1-2x). Once she gets up to item she will reach out to touch it then is usually fine. If you just try to force her to keep walking without letting her think (and make her “get over it” cause it’s “not that scary, why are you being stupid”) she will either spook then run backwards or try to bolt past it then hit the end of the lead rope and rear up while trying to run backwards.

This is a horse that needs patience and understanding from someone who doesn’t get emotional no matter what happens. She’s quite easy and quiet when you are willing to let her think through things and support her when she’s worried but can be dangerous and explosive if someone (as Warwick Schiller says) doesn’t see the rabbits adding up. I’ve put a lot of time and effort into teaching her to think instead of react and how to deal with uncomfortable situations without losing her mind and she has gotten SO MUCH BETTER but I am still cautious letting other people handle/ride her. I feel like most horse people I’ve encountered have the “get over it” mindset and that absolutely will NOT work with this horse.

Am I being overly cautious and a control freak? Should I give it a shot for a month and see where she ends up? Partial, Full? Should I not risk undoing years worth of training for 4-8 weeks of healing? Work her myself? Just leave her sit while I heal? I feel like no matter what I choose it’s going to be the wrong thing for my horse and I just want to do what is best for her.

[Simkie]

Let her sit. Heal yourself. Then take care of your horse.

4-8 weeks of time off won’t hurt her. Unless you really believe your trainer GETS her–and it sounds like you’re not sure of that–then don’t go that route.

[dmveventer]

Don’t work her yourself. The risk of damaging your recovery is not worth it, and you also probably won’t be very effective handling her if you’re trying to protect an injury even subconsciously. If she’s as particular as you say you could end up making things worse.

Honestly though, nothing you describe about your horse is that crazy, I’d expect any trainer with solid OTTB experience to be able to work with that. If that really isn’t your current trainer and you don’t have many options in your area then there’s no harm letting her sit if that won’t set back her rehab progress. Being protective of your horse is totally understandable and I think a lot of us feel similarly, but it’s also possible to be so particular about how a horse is handled that it actually backfires and makes them more difficult overall. In my experience the “one person horse” line usually says more about the owner than the horse. Without knowing you guys there’s no way to know if that’s the case here, but it’s worth some introspection on your part.

[2DogsFarm]

What @Simkie & @dmveventer said.
Someone else had her for her first 3yrs.
You’ve made progress in your 3yrs, but Progress only on your terms.
You admit to being a control freak.
That with your current impaired ability isn’t going to make any more progress.
More likely the opposite.
Especially if you worsen your injury.
If you think your trainer can do some good, put aside your Standards until you are healed & can take over.

Hoping your recovery is as quick as possible for a soft tissue injury

[quietann]

Honestly, let her sit or get your trainer involved.

My horse had just gone into full training when I had a bad accident with another horse. Having the trainer’s eyes on her and a good assistant riding her, without me and my issues getting in the way, was very useful. But I’m not a control freak about her.

[Marla_000]

How well do you know your trainer:s style?
I had a similar horse and a bad injury. I had a young trainer work my horse (while I watched) and I
Was pleasantly surprised how well my horse did with her.
It can be enlightening watching
Someone else ride your problem child.
Maybe try the trainer and see how it goes.

[SLW]

@Simkie

Let her sit. Heal yourself. Then take care of your horse.

4-8 weeks of time off won’t hurt her. Unless you really believe your trainer GETS her–and it sounds like you’re not sure of that–then don’t go that route.

This!!

[Giddyin]

What makes people think she can be crazy is that she builds up fast over small things, those things that people say “Oh it’s just blank why are you being stupid” or call her dramatic. We are at a point now where she builds up slower and she can handle more before hitting her breaking point. When I first got her the second she got triggered (even just a chair or bag 50+ feet away that wasn’t there day before) she was gone and she wasn’t stopping and if you tried to stop her she’d go up and has gone over more than once. Now she will confidently walk up to things and touch them, and especially coming back into work has blown me away with how well she’s handling everything. She’s been just super well behaved and quiet even in situations I never thought she could be. A huge part of that is groundwork, building trust, and HOURS of teaching her how to deal with her emotions. I’m just really worried to lose that if her brain gets fried from feeling overwhelmed.

When I say 1 person horse I mean that she doesn’t really trust or respect people that she doesn’t know well, I just happen to be the only one who I would say “knows her well”. She does like my trainer but she doesn’t really know her super well. She is accident prone and had a lot of vet care, hospital stays and stall rest. After that she was very suspicious of people’s intentions when they approach her or try to touch her. She has gotten a lot better. She does like to say hello to everyone but then is happy to walk away, vs with me I truly believe she thoroughly enjoys our time together and her “mom time”. Our bond hit a new level when she realized how much she enjoyed her “spa time”. Massages, baths, grooming, butt scratches, hot oiling, etc and will happily nap away while I spend 2+ hours giving her, her “spa treatment” and I think because no one else is doing all those extra things for her that she enjoys (while also doing the groundwork and building respect and trust) is why she interacts differently with me and why I see her as a 1 person horse. The activities of enjoyment definitely turned our relationship from a business like one to a more friendly one in a “that’s definitely my horse” kind of way if that makes sense?

[knic]

It sounds like you do a lot of handholding with her and maybe this is a good opportunity to let someone build on your progress so you don’t have to tip toe to this degree.

Is there a groundwork/nh type (not someone who will just cowboy around) that you could send her to in order to specifically focus on strengthening her mental fortitude?

[GraceLikeRain]

I’d let her sit.

I’ve had three sensitive mares. I can pick apart the why and how they are similar and different all day long. At the end of the day, no on was going to substantively move the needle in 30-60 days with a traditional training model but could set us really far back. One did go to a very good specialist for 90 days but this was a young trainer who would spend hours with horses in training doing deep connection work that I just don’t think is reasonable to expect in most programs. People can side eye all day long about how they could fix it or whether you are contributing to the problem but you’re paying the bills. Especially if she can go up and over if stressed enough and you’ve gotten forward progress, I wouldn’t risk someone having a yahoo moment and really setting things back or creating an injury.

[Pico_Banana]

I see two non-negotiable things here. First, you can’t risk your healing. Just don’t do it.

Second, it’s not worth undoing all of your work if you think that will happen in 8 weeks.

A compromise might be you watch your trainer work her and if you don’t like it after a week or so, you let her sit.

[Djones]

I am of two minds.

You trust your trainer to read her and ride her. This expands this mare’s riding intelligence by letting her learn from another rider. This might be the start of something wonderful for all of you.

Or you leave her alone and wait wait wait until you’re 100% sound yourself.

[Giddyin]

I would absolutely love to do this and was part of my reasoning for making this post. I also think she’s so used of me doing everything that she would really benefit from having someone else do it all so she gets more comfortable being handled by other people after all the vet care that causes her to be hesitant.

Unfortunately the more I’ve learned from her and about natural horsemanship the more I’ve realized a lot of people who own or work with horses don’t even understand how a horse’s brain works or how to help them work through something instead of letting them have meltdowns all the time then complaining about it. It’s made me super hesitant with allowing other people to train her, especially without me watching. I failed her the first year I had her and it took me failing to get better resources and educate myself in new methods, I just don’t want to fail her again.

The almost 6 year old in-front of me falling asleep on the crossties with new decor hanging behind her she didn’t care about, getting groomed, bridled, led and lunged after a week off with a one handed mom and being an angel even when I couldn’t hold a whip and had the lunge line in the wrong hand. She got nervous about something being different at the end of the arena and went up to it ears pricked, touched it then moved on like nothing was wrong… Is still the same horse as the 4 year old who I’ve had drag me and go up and flip over because I asked her to walk into the barn because the water bucket was hanging instead of on the floor.

I really want to get her used of being handled by other people, for this exact reason. If anything happens to me I want her to have a good chance at life and be a solid citizen for anyone. It’s just I’m not sure it’s the right time or situation for it. I had planned on starting her with 1 training ride/lunge a week once she was back into a routine and regular work in the spring because she’ll find it easier for the transition to be slower and in warmer weather. Then this had to happen, now I’m left questioning myself and just trying to do what is best for her.

[mmeqcenter]

My mare was a lot like this as a youngster. I always offered for my friends and trainers to ride her, no one ever wanted to She’s basically a completely different horse now (I got her at four off the track, she’s now coming up on 16) with lots of training, maturity, and 24/7 turnout. But she’s still mentally sensitive in that, we don’t drill or try to “push her past” something she really locks on. We take a break and come back to it another day.

If there’s anywhere in the area, or your current barn can put her out 24/7 while you heal, that’s what I’d do. Let her sit, but outside.

[Giddyin]

She is currently outside 24/7 with a 12 x 16 stall attached and a covered round bale. She loves the 24/7 access to hay, I call it her pacifier. We’ve been here since May and in that time she’s went from absolutely hating her stall (claustrophobic, it shows itself in all kinds of ways) to now hanging out in there when the weather isn’t good and she sleeps in there every night.

[colorfan]

From reading your post I would give her the time off until you heal. You don’t sound very confident in your trainer without you there. there is potential for some mistakes to happen that could really set her back and give you enormous anxiety. Even if you think she is needing activity she will be better off waiting for you.

[Feliz]

I’d also just turn her out while you heal. Or could you try some liberty work?

It sounds like you’ve made a huge amount of progress with her, and your plan of introducing others to working with her gradually is a good one. I’m in full support of you being picky of who rides/trains your horse - some of them really are just ridiculously sensitive.

When I got my one-person, spooky boy at 6yo he sounds kind of similar to where your mare is now. He just needed a minute to process things and to not be pushed or rushed. My previous mare and my current mare both do much better kept busy and moving - horses are individuals!

My boy is also really, really judgemental about people If he likes you and trusts you, you’re in and he’ll do his best to do whatever you ask, even if he’s unsure/scared. If he doesn’t … well you’d think he’d never been caught before, much less actually ridden. It’s quite incredible. He had a pretty rough go of it as a youngster and luckily ended up with an amazing horseman who restarted him very slowly.

Over the 12yrs I’ve had I’ve had friends ride him out hacking, no problem. I had a friend ride him for two weeks while we were away - total angel. But I had someone else do 3-4 rides on him and he became dangerous for her and wouldn’t let her get on. Honestly, it was totally baffling, she’s a lovely rider and was only hacking him on the property.

He’s truly one in a million - we’ve done miles of hacking over every terrain imaginable, he’s a keen field hunter and we’ve SJ’d competitively up to 1.20m. He absolutely draws the line at dressage though

If you can figure out your mare and get her totally onside I bet she’ll be fantastic

[Alterration]

I’d let her sit or do only the things that you can do with your injury. If that’s just postural awareness or slow groundwork so be it. If it’s just bonding and carrots so be it.

I have one of these horses. He’s not crazy or stupid, he’s just sensitive. I’ve made the mistake in the past of trying to have others work with him and it’s never turned out well. He wasn’t permanently damaged, it just caused both him and I a lot of angst.

I wasn’t a control freak until I got this particular horse, and because of him I’ve gone down an entirely different path with my training. Then a still trickier horse arrived in my barn with serious motivation and physical issues and I’m still trying to detangle him.

There are people out there who understand the equine brain and tricky horses. It may just take awhile to find the right fit if you want assistance.

[dmveventer]

I think it’s normal for a horse to have a stronger relationship with the person who spends the most time with them, that’s not a “one person horse” to me. I also have no issue with horses needing particular handling while they’re working through training issues. It can become a problem when owners don’t trust anyone else to handle their horse, even people who are arguably more qualified for the job. Wanting to find someone who’s a good fit for your horse is great, but if you can’t find ANY pro that can improve your horse you may have a bigger issue. It sounds like you’ve made a lot of progress with your mare and being picky seems pretty reasonable in your case, but finding a professional that can help you over the long run would be a huge force multiplier for you.

I actually think this could be a good opportunity to start expanding her comfort zone with other handlers, which is a necessary skill she’s going to need at some point. You say she likes your trainer, who is presumably familiar with her situation and limitations, so I’d try having the trainer work with her while you’re on the sidelines. Have a conversation up front and lay out your concerns, and then you can observe their first few sessions and see how it goes. If you really don’t trust your current trainer with this I would make it a priority to find a different trainer long-term. It also may help to reframe your goals to think about how you can help your horse become more comfortable with mediocre handling over time instead of just trying to protect her from it. You won’t always be able to control her environment and being safe to handle on the ground will give her a huge leg up in life.

[Texarkana]

I don’t think it’s necessarily being a control freak. Some horses are sensitive and need a different approach.

Unless you find someone who you KNOW will get along with her, I agree you might as well just let her sit while you heal. It won’t be the end of the world.

I have a sensitive mare, too. I’m constantly walking the fine line between not being a “control freak” but also not being forced to do things in a manner that I know won’t work with her. One of the best, albeit somewhat backhanded, compliments I got from a judge at a show was that I have a well-schooled horse and I need to let my horse teach me. LOL lady, if you only knew what I had to do to get to the point where my explosive, sensitive mare looks like a schoolie.