Instructor too harsh? Or are people becoming too sensitive?

[alterhorse]

[QUOTE=gottagrey;8397770]
I know of a couple of trainers who can be quite harsh w/ their clients at times - and it always amazes me that when those trainers lashed out like that that the clients (or the parents) didn’t stand up for themselves. I’ve witnessed some trainer lash-outs that honestly if I was their client or parent I’d have to call them out on it. Having said that the trainers I know that lose it I think would be surprised if someone recorded them as I don’t think they realize how awful they can actually be and I don’t believe it was to be mean.[/QUOTE]

I think a lot of those overly harsh trainers are training people the same as they do horses.

Horse… Ask for something and reinforce the requested behavior with a release of pressure.

Person… Ask for something and reinforce the requested behavior by no longer hollering at the student that they’re doing it wrong.

Some people will learn that way, but it reminds me somewhat of how certain abusive people in relationships use recurring criticism to try to control the behavior of their partner.

If you watched that movie called “Whiplash” (about the music teacher), that’s the kind of teaching that I’m talking about.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2582802/

[Foxtrot_s]

These days there is no place for a teaching style that verges on the abusive.

It is plain old fashioned or the coach knows no better. Used to be the military style where you pulled down somebody and then built them up.

When a serious student wants to learn, they can do best if they are in a calm state of mind and can focus on the tasks given.

This is different from a coach who expects 110% and gives it in return and does not waste time on external fluff. A student can leave a lesson and be so engaged they cannot wait to return for another.

[hudsonhunter]

[QUOTE=CrittersMom;8397407]
Unfortunately, about a month ago, while watching a friend’s lesson, the trainer crossed the line. The trainer was trying to get my friend and her horse to do a shoulder in at the trot but neither the horse nor my friend were getting it. The trainer’s instructions weren’t making any sense, and after about 15 minutes, the trainer just yelled across the arena, “Okay stop! I’m getting on, I don’t have time to deal with you tonight.” I didn’t say anything but I was pretty much floored. For one, the trainer has nothing but time to deal with my friend and her horse seeing as they are paying the trainer to do exactly that. For two, watching the blow to my friend’s confidence was awful.

The trainer got on the horse, smacked it around for about 10 minutes until it got the shoulder-in and then had my friend get back on. All they did were a few transitions after that and the lesson was over. From beginning to end, just over 1/2 an hour.[/QUOTE]

That’s just an example of a “bad trainer”. If this trainer were a good trainer but also blunt or harsh they would have stuck with their student explaining the shoulder in more clearly.

[meupatdoes]

[QUOTE=Lord Helpus;8396743]

To make this trainer perfect he/she ideally will also tell you how to correct your problems. I do get frustrated with trainers who tell you what you are doing wrong, but do not follow up with solutions. If I knew how to solve my problems I would not be taking lessons.[/QUOTE]

Agree. Merely pointing out errors makes me INSAHN.

It is rarely necessary to criticize what a student is doing wrong, unless they are about to kill themselves. Just tell them what you want them TO DO instead.

Instead of “your hands are too high again!” it is just as simple to say, “Lower your hands.”

Usually the people who merely criticize are teaching over their heads and don’t know themselves what specifically needs to happen. Anyone can see the places where a pair is lacking, but only a subset can explain what to do about it and actually lead a horse and/or rider up the levels.

My favorite was the dressage trainer: “Your horse isn’t engaged enough.” Oh right, my bad. I’ll just press the magic button that makes increased engagement happen rather than paying you $100 a lesson to explain how to make increased engagement happen. Silly me I should have thought of that earlier before trailering all the way over here.

Eventually somebody else didn’t even mention engagement but they said, “Trot three steps, now walk! And trot again, and walk!” and voila increased engagement happened.

OP,
That said, if multiple people are waving the warning flag, just keep it in mind. You don’t have to do anything drastic before anything happens, but keep cool and don’t leap to love her as the best ever, either.

[red_mares]

Is this trainer by chance a transplant to your region?

I’ve found that the definition of rude varies greatly from state to state.

I had a captain when I was in the Navy that most of my shipmates thought was an absolute @ss. He was just from New Jersey. Been awhile, but so am I. He and I got along fine.

The trainer at the barn I hang out now could be Libby’s above. If I were able to take lessons, he wouldn’t bother me at all. Damn is just another adjective in my language. I’ve dropped enough F-bombs in my life that it that a trainer throwing one out wouldn’t bother me in the least.

The last person I was able to really ride with was super frustrating because everything was always great. By some strange coincidence, most of the ribbons won by any of that barn’s riders were yellow, pink or white.

[Soaponarope]

It’s too soon to tell. I would wait and see what happens. You could be in the honeymoon phase, you could be an adult and she doesn’t diss adults, etc. Time will tell.