Intrusive neighbours

[Rosie8888]

Hey all, just wondering if anyone can relate and what they did about it.

I have a neighbour who has horses and keeps them by her house like me, I have said on several occasions I’d let her know when I’m free to meet up as I like to train my young horse alone without being watched (by her and her children) but she walks by most days and sometimes just walks into our yard and over to the fence as I’m in the middle of it. I have to break off to talk to her and the first thing she said today was, has he bucked you off yet? And how would she get him to come up to the fence? (My field goes past her house) I have sat on him a few times with no issues and theres no reason for her to say that about bucking. She said previously that she is dying to come watch me train him. She will message me often saying they saw me training today when I have specifically said I’m better not being watched as I focus more on my horse. It’s an uneasy feeling as i usually dont even know they are there watching. The last 2 horses I was going to buy she asked outright if her children could ride them, the kids are 12 and 10. One horse was unbroken and she even said her daughter could help me back him, shes a child!. I suffered a loss of confidence last year but have since gotten it back, I’m no expert but its not a lack of knowledge that made me nervous in the past as I have tried to tell her. Her daughters are nice kids but average riders and I am not a expert but have enough experience and I’m being very careful about bringing him on. She kept repeating today how she absolutely loves him, about my horse, but she has only seen him over the fence, it’s a nice thing to say but she seems abit obsessed. They have a unbroken kicker and a Welsh mountain the daughter has outgrown and she keeps saying the girls need something bigger to ride until the kicker is backed and sorted. We used to meet quite often for coffee but have drifted as she can gets very pushy. It’s clear they are hoping to ride this one too but hes my everything and is very green, would you try to slip it in now that you wouldn’t let anyone ride him or wait til she asks? I get a feeling shes just waiting for the right moment as she knows he means alot to me. I really dont want to cause conflict or hurt anyone feelings but it’s starting to bug me alot. Thank you

[Tarlo_Farm]

Nip this in the bud and tell her you won’t let anyone ride him for years. And ignore her whenever she leans on the fence while you’re working, with an, “I’m busy now, talk to you later!” and focus on your boy.

[HPFarmette]

You are being too nice. You do not need to. “break off to talk to her”. You are rewarding her rude behavior.

[Rosie8888]

@HPFarmette

You are being too nice. You do not need to. “break off to talk to her”. You are rewarding her rude behavior.

Your right, thanks I thought I was being petty but cant help feel irritated, she told me last year I’m too nice for my own good so she knows this. She is ex police so perhaps used to controlling situations I dont know, argh I feel so awkward!

[Arlomine]

Rehearse what you want to say to her in your mind, and realize that “in the moment”, it will most likely get changed a bit.
examples:
When she’s hanging on the fence: “Hi there, I can’t talk now, I’ll catch you later” Then DO NOT TALK TO HER. Ride.
when she brings up riding your horse: “I do not let other people ride my horses, and please not ask me again”.

You are not being petty, she is being dense and rude. The nice thing is that this is a great opportunity to practice standing up for yourself!

[Rosie8888]

@Tarlo Farm

Nip this in the bud and tell her you won’t let anyone ride him for years. And ignore her whenever she leans on the fence while you’re working, with an, “I’m busy now, talk to you later!” and focus on your boy.

Thank you, would you find a way to tell her before she asks?I’d wait til she asks but the fascination is getting worse. I just think its bizarre, they are children she wants on him, hes wonderful natured but breaking is very specific isnt it, I’m following a very careful routine with him, and they have never backed a horse. I know it’s coming because she asked me about the last 2 I was going to buy and I mumbled maybe in the future to save awkwardness. I could never let them ride this one, iv put blood sweat and tears into it. Il definitely have to say talk later I’m busy but shes pretty forceful, tends to ignore what she doesn’t want to hear, thanks again,

[Rosie8888]

@Arlomine

Rehearse what you want to say to her in your mind, and realize that “in the moment”, it will most likely get changed a bit.
examples:
When she’s hanging on the fence: “Hi there, I can’t talk now, I’ll catch you later” Then DO NOT TALK TO HER. Ride.
when she brings up riding your horse: “I do not let other people ride my horses, and please not ask me again”.

You are not being petty, she is being dense and rude. The nice thing is that this is a great opportunity to practice standing up for yourself!

Thank you! Great advice, I think it is a opportunity to practice standing up for myself your right. Never been good at it!. She said she misses my company a while ago which I feel crap about, but I’m left aggravated every time I used to see her.

It took therapy and a year to regain all my confidence, shes well aware of the struggle I had, not sure why she asks if hes bucked me off yet. She also beeps her horn near by waving as I’m laying over his back forgot to add that!

However awkward I feel I’d never let them on him, I dred the day they ask, thanks again x

[CHT]

“I bought this horse for me to ride, I am not able to have other people ride him (you know, insurance and all that)”
“Do you want help finding a suitable horse for your kids to ride?”

[Rosie8888]

@CHT

“I bought this horse for me to ride, I am not able to have other people ride him (you know, insurance and all that)”
“Do you want help finding a suitable horse for your kids to ride?”

Thank you yes good one, I didn’t think about insurance! Would you drop it in before she asks? It’s clear it’s what shes after as she asked about the last two and wont stop pushing in

[clanter]

our dog protects her fences she will not even let the horses next to a fence without telling them to back off

[ATTACH=JSON]{“data-align”:“none”,“data-size”:“large”,“data-attachmentid”:10705802}[/ATTACH]

[Rosie8888]

@clanter

our dog protects her fences she will not even let the horses next to a fence without telling them to back off

[ATTACH=JSON]{“data-align”:“none”,“data-size”:“large”,“data-attachmentid”:10705802}[/ATTACH]

This is exactly what I need! Lovely dog you have. Shame my Jack Russle hates horses, she is the perfect little gaurd dog aha

[sherian]

smile wave and keep on trotting, when you are done riding than chat or text or whatever if you are feeling social. Electrify your fences (with appropriate signage) to discourage comfy leaning ringside or enticing your horse to the pasture fence. Not your responsibility to provide her kids with horses to ride, if she asks suggest a local trainer who can help them find an appropriate horse to buy/lease for them, do not get sucked into justifying why they can’t ride yours - “no, but hey I think suzy trainer is good at finding good kids horses”. Think of her as a pushy horse - set boundaries.

[Rosie8888]

@sherian

smile wave and keep on trotting, when you are done riding than chat or text or whatever if you are feeling social. Electrify your fences (with appropriate signage) to discourage comfy leaning ringside or enticing your horse to the pasture fence. Not your responsibility to provide her kids with horses to ride, if she asks suggest a local trainer who can help them find an appropriate horse to buy/lease for them. Think of her as a pushy horse - set boundaries.

Haha if she was a horse she would be indeed a very pushy sort, great idea about the electric fencing 😁 I think il get some!. I waved and walked off today with him but she still walked over and was there waiting when I reached the gate again. Nightmare. I have just messaged her and said I will contact her when I am not training him as I like to do it alone. Though I have said this four times over three months already. I know if I said your children are not riding him their interest would vanish but she hasn’t yet asked about this one. I have seen a devious side to her before so goodness knows what’s next

[PaddockWood]

You’re serious that she drives up beeping as you are working with him? Is she that dense? You’ve GOT to set it all straight. Tell her no more beeping, no more coming up when you are working with your horse. She’s going to get you hurt.

[Rosie8888]

@PaddockWood

You’re serious that she drives up beeping as you are working with him? Is she that dense? You’ve GOT to set it all straight. Tell her no more beeping, no more coming up when you are working with your horse. She’s going to get you hurt.

I have a underlying suspicion theres something deliberate in her doing that. She herself does know horses to some extent as she has them, and a flighty one at that. I think its because I’m trying to keep her at arms length and she knows it but is also aware I’m too soft, as she said her self last year.

[Arlomine]

It seems that you don’t want to wait for her to ask again.
There really is no perfect way to get this done…You can wait…or not.

If it’s making you nuts/anxious to wait for her to bring it up, rip the scab off and bring it up yourself:
“You know, (pushy mare), you’ve asked me in the past about riding my horses. And I want you to know that I don’t let other people ride my horses. Ever. “

If you’re on a roll, continue with
“I would also appreciate not being interrupted when I’m working with my horse. I like peace and quiet so I can Focus, it’s not really a visiting time for me.”

[skydy]

Do not offer to “help” find horses for her children to ride. She is an adult and is fully capable of using Google or any of the myriad of other methods to find horses for her children to train (she can buy one) or to buy lessons for them so they can have saddle time.

You are a private person and do not provide either service. You have no desire to have children around your horses, and certainly have no intention of purchasing the insurance coverage that would be required for you to do so.

This is a weird person and you must to learn how not to engage. Polite but firm. Respond with the fact that there are choices available to her if her children want to ride, but they don’t include your horses, green or not.

[shiloh]

Well, I have something that will kill the whole my children can ride your horses. Ask her next time she brings it up, what air ambulance service do you subscribe to? And what trauma hospital would you like your kids to be flown to? Smile smile nose crinkle. Kills those silly ideas every. single. time.

And “can’t talk now, busy.” Then ride and ignore. Good luck, she sounds like well-intentioned pest, but a pest nonetheless.

[rockymouse]

Is there a way to work the horse very early in the morning, to kind of break up the schedule? It might not be convenient for her to mosey over to your place if she hasn’t yet had her coffee and gotten the kids started on their day.

“Hey, just so I’m clear, I’m the only one who rides this horse. He’s too green and untrained for kids or even other adults to ride. Also, my insurance on this place wouldn’t allow that kind of thing to happen - you know how that goes. So, I know you like dropping by, but I’ve really got to give this 110 percent of my attention and I don’t like having an audience while I ride. Thanks for understanding that. I’m going to get back to my horse now. Take care.”

[Equkelly]

I think there’s something about starting youngsters that makes everyone pop out of the ground and want to insert themselves in the training process. I think it’s a million times worse when you’re an amateur and you’re on your own too. I’m an amateur but have lots of experience with colt starting so when I started my mare I didn’t think much of it. But dear lord… everyone and anyone felt the need to either give me training advice, want to me watch, offered to help, and tell me allllll about what they would be doing. “Make sure you do ground driving! You should watch this trainers videos! Make sure you do lots of desensitizing!” My mare was 2 when I got her so I did lots of ground work and then backed her at 3. She’s now 4 and going really nicely and people have JUST NOW finally stopped with the unsolicited advice. I do understand that people are passionate about training philosophies because I am too, but good lord it would drive me insane how people couldn’t just leave me the f alone and let me do my thing with my horse.

It’s rude, and I wish people wouldn’t do it. But you really do have to ignore the noise and focus on you and your horse. I remember at the beginning I didn’t like it when people would watch me but eventually I learned not to care. I knew what I was doing and I was confident in my training abilities and that was that. And once I started giving off that attitude, people left me alone.

I think it’s hard because it’s true that a LOT of amateurs starting babies on their own have no business doing it themselves so I think people automatically assume that the case. Just don’t engage with the unsolicited advice. You have to shut it down every time. People just feel like you might need help so just act confident and make it clear that you don’t. Or at least not from them.