Is Barn Anxiety Real?

[risuenaVT]

Could it be because of other things going on in your life? I’ve had a very difficult couple of years and while I mostly didn’t get anxious going to the barn, I’d get anxious about certain horses or jumping, even though I liked those horses and had been jumping significantly higher a few months previously.

For me, it had nothing to do with the barn but everything to do with depression and a lot of stress in my personal life.I still need to find the right therapist for me, but the first antidepressant we tried works beautifully for me and I almost instantly saw my riding improve because managing my non-barn stress and depression helped resolve any anxiety I felt in the saddle.

But basically, sometimes it’s not about the barn, it’s about everything else.

[Heinz_57]

@luvmyhackney

It’s so overwhelming at times.

This is me too I have the horses at home but trying to fit them in around all the other stuff, it’s heavy. I can easily get bogged down in feeling guilty over whichever thing I’m currently neglecting the most, and right now that’s definitely the horses. Last year I elected to ride first, think about it (all the other stuff) later and while I can’t say my house was all that clean, I was certainly happier.

[RMJacobs]

My DH and I met in a bar, too.

[luvmyhackney]

I have one boarded out and rest at home. The one boarded out causes the most stress. Between worrying about his care, the travel/ride time/cost when I have a million things to do at the farm , fear of being judged by folks that ride/own really expensive warmbloods, plus getting my moneys worth at the facility. I’m just a giant hot mess.

And he’s going to his second show so I’m extra on edge. So much $$$$.

[punchy]

I had barn anxiety frequently when I boarded or rode at barns. It’s the main reason I think I never turned into a boarding barn or show rat. I don’t have anxiety at my backyard barn, and I didn’t have it when I worked at the track for all those years or at thoroughbred farms.

For me, it was a combination of the people I might encounter and never knowing what to expect—lots of people and activity, or no people. Certain people doing certain things or no things. Happy content horses, or horses who all whinnied at me when I walked in the door like they hadn’t seen a person or food for hours and the place felt weirdly abandoned. In short—never knowing what or who to expect was the problem for me. Something about the uncertainty of the atmosphere in a shared barn that used to always make me feel anxious.

[RhythmNCruise]

The only time I experienced this was when I was at a barn that was a bad fit for me and my horse. He was a hot mess, I was a hot mess, it was a nightmare. And the BO was…not helpful, let’s put it that way. She was the source of a lot of my anxiety and his.

I had my own farm for 20 years up until the barn mentioned above, so that didn’t help either. Prior to owning my barn I was back and forth between a couple of local places. I never had anxiety about those places. I grew up riding though and was a total barn rat. Ate, breathed, slept horses. The barn was pretty much the center of my teenage world.

After the anxiety-inducing barn, we went to a better place, but there were still quirks (aka…another BO that drove me crazy for completely different reasons).

Now I’m at the best place since I sold my farm. It’s self-care, which I love, so I have to go twice a day to feed (my gelding and a friend’s two mares that I look after). The only issue I have is dreading leaving the barn in the morning to head to work, LOL.

People give me anxiety, not horses. We’ve got a nice group of folks at my current barn. The owner doesn’t have horses or know a ton about them, but he likes them and enjoys doing the work to maintain and improve the property (he’s done a great job!). The manager used to be the owner. He’s in his mid-70’s and his father built the place and used to raise Tennessee Walkers on the farm and did shows and then a boarding barn during the 80’s when there were a lot of boarding barns in the area full of horse-crazy girls (including yours truly, though at a different barn). He knows a thing or two about horses and believes in taking good care of them. He always asks if we need anything and will do just about anything we ask. “Just raise your hand if you need something,” he tells us. Interestingly, with the exception of the young girl whose mares I look after (she’s just been accepted to NC State Vet School), I’m the youngest boarder at 51. We’re the grown up barn rats! LOL!

Anyway. That was a lot. I love my barn. It’s hard to explain, but we’re all comfortable and everyone takes care of their own (or pays someone there to take care of their own) and we just…get along. It’s lovely.

[IdahoRider]

0100000…

I often hate leaving the house. I love my work and always enjoy being here. I love my Fridays spent with my 92 year old Uncle (we going shopping if he needs it and we eat InNOut and watch true crime shows). I love the time I spend with him, but I have to be honest and say that some days I really wish I wasn’t losing one whole day like that.

I work nights and I know that my sleep is messed up. I take an anti-depressant that has been a Godsend for me. I have a ton of stress at home. I turn 62 this year. My husband had a massive stroke last year and there are things that he just can’t do that fall on me. All the finances are my responsibility. Bill paying, etc. He has not done any house work since he came home. I am so grateful that he is alive, but he can be a handful.

I end up just wanting to be left alone, reading in bed will all my Poodles laying on me. I HAVE to go to the barn at least weekly because I make up Max’s grain for the coming week. The barn is lovely. The BO is wonderful. The other boarders are wonderful. My horse is awesome. There is no rational reason for me to not go. And I love being there once I get there. I want to get over this hump and back to my life.
Sheilah

[IdahoRider]

P.S. I feel absolutely NO anxiety on my way to the bar. Kidding. I don’t go to bars. I drink cocktails at high end restaurants. Like a lady.
Sheilah

[applelover]

Something I learned somewhere a while back was that nervousness and excitement feel exactly the same in the body…so you can just tell yourself, I’m excited!!

[applelover]

I have also had times where I struggled to get the energy to go to the barn. I still do sometimes… On days like that, I tell myself, just drive out there and feed them some carrots. Then I get there and say, I’ll just groom. Oh, well I might as well just throw on the tack/throw them on the longe. Might as well just hop on and walk around. Before I know it, I am riding, and even if I don’t ride, I feel better for just being there

[Scribbler]

@IdahoRider

0100000…

I often hate leaving the house. I love my work and always enjoy being here. I love my Fridays spent with my 92 year old Uncle (we going shopping if he needs it and we eat InNOut and watch true crime shows). I love the time I spend with him, but I have to be honest and say that some days I really wish I wasn’t losing one whole day like that.

I work nights and I know that my sleep is messed up. I take an anti-depressant that has been a Godsend for me. I have a ton of stress at home. I turn 62 this year. My husband had a massive stroke last year and there are things that he just can’t do that fall on me. All the finances are my responsibility. Bill paying, etc. He has not done any house work since he came home. I am so grateful that he is alive, but he can be a handful.

I end up just wanting to be left alone, reading in bed will all my Poodles laying on me. I HAVE to go to the barn at least weekly because I make up Max’s grain for the coming week. The barn is lovely. The BO is wonderful. The other boarders are wonderful. My horse is awesome. There is no rational reason for me to not go. And I love being there once I get there. I want to get over this hump and back to my life.
Sheilah

Anxiety is so sneaky. We can have a number of genuinely anxiety producing things going on, we can get ourselves through them, and then anxiety pops up in an unrelated part of our life that should be fun.

Like having a stressful day at work can make you afraid you will fall off your horse.

Also depression and anxiety are often just two sides of the same coin.

One insidious thing about anxiety is that we often beat ourselves up for feeling anxious especially when it’s unwarranted or affecting something that’s supposed to be fun. That makes it worse we become anxious about our anxiety.

Maybe getting in the car to drive to the barn is the one time in the day you are alone and unoccupied enough that the massive feelings about your uncle and husband can start to sneak up on you. Maybe letting the feeling exist but telling yourself it’s not about the horse will help. Or conversely just blasting really loud music on the sound system. That’s how teenagers deal with anxiety, they block it out with loud music. Not the very worst solution out there.

I had two deaths in the family in the past couple of years, and I found my long term response was anxiety, at a point that there was nothing to be anxious about. It’s clearly my stress reaction.

[IdahoRider]

@Scribbler

I had two deaths in the family in the past couple of years, and I found my long term response was anxiety, at a point that there was nothing to be anxious about. It’s clearly my stress reaction.

Anxiety is absolutely my go to emotion, too. When in doubt? Decide that the ambulance you just passed on the road is going to your house. I think some of it is feeling I am spread too thin and I just don’t have the energy available. The gas tank is dry.

I like the idea of looking at my barn time as small steps. I don’t have to head over with the idea that I am going to have the best ride in the world because I am taking time and money away from other things that need my attention (husband, uncle, mentally ill son). I can head over with the idea that I am just going to feed him a cookie and then one thing leads to another. Or not. Feeding a cookie isn’t the worst way to spend some time. I just feel like I am in a rut and can’t push myself back onto course.

I need to remind myself that life is a work in progress.
Sheilah

[Obsidian_Fire]

Given what you’ve said, I think maybe the barn feels like ‘one more thing I have to do’ - I certainly know how that feels.
Maybe flip the script and say to yourself ‘going to the barn fills my tank back up, even when all I do is feed a cookie and scratch his ears’.
I know for myself, life gets in the way and my horse ends up on the back burner and pretty soon I’m snarking at everyone and in general a miserable person to be around. I finally get back on, and suddenly I’m a whole new person again. But taking that step to get out my saddle, tack up, blah blah blah… can be huge.
Hugs to you!

[Inimitable]

I relate to so much in this thread! My horses aren’t out my back door, but they are at my own farm about 8 minutes down the road. I am there minimum 2x/day for morning and evening chores, often more frequently. The weird dread/anxiety I feel in the hour or two in the afternoon before I head over for evening chores is so strange! I think it’s a mix of wondering if any of them have attempted suicide/homicide in the hours I wasn’t there, the sheer length of my to-do list, and the guilt I have for not riding as often as I ‘should.’ Once I pull up to the farm, put eyes on everyone, and get into it I am as happy as ever that this is my life. lol I have mostly given up on the riding guilt - I’ve decided that it truly does.not.matter if I do or do not feel like riding on any given day. My horses are healthy and happy and my competitive goals and ambitions are not so huge that they have to maintain peak levels of fitness year round. Removing that pressure and just enjoying them as pets has at least thinned one layer of anxiety that these beasts constantly impose on us.

[Sammy_the_Saddlebred]

@applelover

I have also had times where I struggled to get the energy to go to the barn. I still do sometimes… On days like that, I tell myself, just drive out there and feed them some carrots. Then I get there and say, I’ll just groom. Oh, well I might as well just throw on the tack/throw them on the longe. Might as well just hop on and walk around. Before I know it, I am riding, and even if I don’t ride, I feel better for just being there

This is exactly what I do, and what I tell my nervous students, too. It helps to totally remove any pressure.

I have had some incidents with my horses colicking or being injured and having to be euthanized that now gives me anxiety going to the barn. Especially walking into the barn in the morning (I have them at home), I can’t do it by myself, in case someone is down. I am so anxious until I see everyone is ok and normal.

[Scribbler]

@IdahoRider

@Scribbler

I had two deaths in the family in the past couple of years, and I found my long term response was anxiety, at a point that there was nothing to be anxious about. It’s clearly my stress reaction.

Anxiety is absolutely my go to emotion, too. When in doubt? Decide that the ambulance you just passed on the road is going to your house. I think some of it is feeling I am spread too thin and I just don’t have the energy available. The gas tank is dry.

I like the idea of looking at my barn time as small steps. I don’t have to head over with the idea that I am going to have the best ride in the world because I am taking time and money away from other things that need my attention (husband, uncle, mentally ill son). I can head over with the idea that I am just going to feed him a cookie and then one thing leads to another. Or not. Feeding a cookie isn’t the worst way to spend some time. I just feel like I am in a rut and can’t push myself back onto course.

I need to remind myself that life is a work in progress.
Sheilah

Absolutely.

You are stuck in a loop of starting to resent or be overwhelmed by the human demands in your life, but then feel guilty about having horse demands too. Can you reframe horse time as me time, recharge time, that’s actually necessary to keep going with all the human demands?

I don’t even plan to ride if I am feeling really stressed out. I might do a grass walk or turnout.

[Ajierene]

I agree with others that it has to do with other aspects of your life more than horses/the barn. You have a lot going on at home and going to see your horse means that isn’t getting done. You also may feel a bit guilty about still being able to go out and enjoy a hobby, where your husband does not have that ability - not like he did before.

Also, going to the barn means you have to “put on a face” - all these people, as kind and nice as they are, are not necessarily your friends or people you feel comfortable showing your true emotions to so you are spending energy putting that mask on. That isn’t to say they aren’t nice people or you cannot talk to them, just that if you feel you have to mask at all, that takes energy - and that’s something we all do to an extent. The face we show to coworkers, to individuals we only see at social clubs, to the random high school friend we meet at the grocery store that we haven’t thought about in 2 decades…all these interactions where we only show one facet and hide the others takes energy.

You may also do it around your husband and uncle without realizing it- acting like you are more OK than you are so they don’t feel guilty or feel like a burden.

All of this can combine to make one feel anxious about doing something as seemingly mundane as going to the horses.

I agree with the assessment to take it in small steps. I see my friend get more relaxed doing this. She would say “I’m just going to meet you there” then “I will just tack him up and take him to the arena” then “I’ll just get on and walk”…5 min later, she’s trotting him around. But sometimes yeah, it’s “I’ll take the 2 year old out and work with him”. And that’s fine also, she always feels better but the anxiety doesn’t increase the way it would should she push herself. She is also about the same age as you and is going through some similar life/health changes with herself and her husband.

[applelover]

Hugs to you Sheilah - it sounds like you are carrying a heavy load for your family right now. Anxiety is real, barn anxiety is real, and it is so normal to feel this way when you are overburdened. Feeding a cookie is a great way to spend some time, and if that’s all you’re up for, that’s more than OK! Your horses don’t mind an extended vacation, as long as there are cookies involved

[jaj]

I’m gobsmacked. I never realized how the two connected in my life. I read both anticipation and anxiety as anxiety. Thanks for this GraceLikeRain. You’ve opened a new door for me.

[CanteringCarrot]

Boarding can be exhausting and no cause anxiety regardless of whatever else you have going on. For me there are a lot of unknowns when I turn up to the barn. I’m also sort of “forced” to share a space with people I wouldn’t otherwise associate with. On top of that there’s the horse, and they can have various needs that lead to stress (developed some new behavior, need a new saddle, gotten injured, have a feed issue, or who knows what). You’ll also see things being done at a boarding facility that don’t always make sense, and that can grate on some people too. Everyone seems to have their own brand of logic.

So even though you might be at a good barn, and the people might be decent, there’s just a lot that can go along with it. Some of us are more sensitive to it than others.

Pile on “home stress” or other outside stress and you have a grand recipe for anxiety. Developing anxiety management or coping mechanisms can be quite useful. Sometimes you just have to ride out the wave and wait for things to settle a bit if there are a lot of temporary stessors.

There are many valid reasons to be anxious. Sometimes it can be useful to talk yourself through things, aloud. Sometimes it’s the actual barn, sometimes it’s not, or sometimes it might be both. If you feel better once you get there, remember that feeling and try to keep that in the front of your mind.

I’ve also learned to take the pressure off a bit. If I don’t feel like riding, then I don’t. Maybe we’ll go for a handwalk, just groom, or I’ll give him a pat that day and be on my way. I mean, if sitting there and just watching your horse exist that day is what you needed, then do that. Be kind to yourself.