Is this a reasonable, not offensive ask?

[TinFoilHat]

I live in an area with minimal eventing exposure and opportunities (Middle TN) and as I’m working to improve myself as an adult re-rider, and paying to improve and refine my horse’s skills, I’m beginning to think about exposing my horse to eventing-specific things; cross country schooling, trial environments, etc…

So for a tiny bit of context: my trainer is an accomplished competitor, trainer and teacher in the hunter and jumper world. I have no doubt in my mind that her skillset can get my horse and I through Novice (if we even make it that far), and I really enjoy both her teaching style and training methodologies that she utilizes with her own horses and mine. I have no plans to replace her as a primary trainer nor leave her farm.

That said, she only does rated (A/AA) hunter/jumper shows with her students. With that, she travels quite frequently with her students who do show consistently and although I absolutely do not mind, I would love to begin to network with others in my area in the eventing space to supplement my lessons while she’s gone and to be able to build skills and experiences in a lesson format (off of my horse) prior to introducing them to my horse (i.e. cross country). She has no experience nor contacts/colleagues in the dressage and cross country phases of eventing, which is fine, since a lot of skills at the lowest levels of eventing are pretty standard and transferrable, but if I was going to supplement and add lessons to my plate, I think it would be nice to have someone doing what I want to do to provide input.

So my questions are:

• Is it rude to reach out to trainers in my area to effectively ask if they would be my secondary, ‘eventing-specific’ trainer/contact? Obviously could not ask for any in house-student benefits, like invites to barn events or clinics and stuff, but frankly my trainer owns the barn so when she’s gone, it’s literally just me which can get lonely. All of my seriously-competing friends back home (Ohio) have several trainers for whatever they are trying to accomplish (i.e. dressage trainer, jumping trainer, one acquaintance even has a separate cross country coach?) which is where I’m stealing inspiration.
• I’ve already planted the seed with my trainer by expressing an interest in doing a couple of dressage lessons (and asking for a trainer rec - she had none), but in a similar vein to the above, is it rude to ask her to ‘share’ my business?

Thank you in advance!

[trubandloki]

I do not think it is rude to have trainers for the specialties involved in eventing.
It is a smart thing to do, actually.

That does not mean your trainer is going to truly be OK with this.

Was her saying she had not trainer names her really not having anyone anywhere, which seems weird for even a hunter trainer, or was her kindly expressing she did not like this idea?

[leighbo009]

My opinion is that the eventing world is pretty open to newcomers & welcome you into a barn for lessons & more (if you want more). Personally, if the trainer you currently work with is not open to sharing your business, that would turn me off of her. But I’ve never been in someone’s program 100% & always have been an eventer, so maybe my opinions are based on that. In eventing, I feel most are open to using other trainers for specifics or clinic-ing with outsiders regularly. So I think eventing trainers in your area will be open to be that for you.

I would approach your trainer about sharing your business, does she not have recommendations because she doesn’t know anyone or is it because she is trying to hide that info from you? Hopefully it is more because she doesn’t know anyone - maybe she would have someone for you to avoid based on what she has seen, who knows?

I am in north alabama & have some places to start if you are interested in getting your foot into the eventing world. PM me if you want.

[leighbo009]

@trubandloki

Was her saying she had not trainer names her really not having anyone anywhere, which seems weird for even a hunter trainer, or was her kindly expressing she did not like this idea?

I think this is the same thing I was trying to say, but better worded.

[FromTheGalaxy]

I agree, in eventing it is very common to use different trainers for different things. However, I think the culture is a bit different in H/J land, where most people are very “loyal” to one trainer and are 100% involved in their whole program. So I would just suggest that you tread lightly with your current trainer. She may be okay with it as long as she does not feel like she is losing any income from you by allowing you to lesson outside her program. But she may not. Not saying it’s right, but just something to be aware of. She could decide that since you’re not a part of her A show team and you are looking to take lessons with other trainers, that you’re not someone she wants in her barn/program at all.

[jherold]

I assume you have your own truck and trailer, right? I’d look for clinics and/or schedule outside lessons whenever you current trainer is not available, so you aren’t taking business away from her. And maybe just not mention it.

[trubandloki]

@jherold

And maybe just not mention it.

Do not do this.

She will find out.

Be an adult and communicate.

She might not go for it and then you will have to decide what you want to do, but do not sneak around.

[LCDR]

Go fox hunting.

I started off eventing and then sort of fell into fox hunting. When going back to eventing I had a world of experience and confidence that I had lacked the first time around doing cross country.

[jherold]

You’re probably right. I’ve lived too long with my horses at home.

[Mango20]

I think it’s reasonable. If you need resources, there are a bunch of Pony Clubs in the middle Tennessee area. They may have adult members (you could join) or they could probably recommend eventing instructors to try.
https://www.ponyclub.org/findponyclub/map.aspx

[trakehners]

I think you’d be hard-pressed to find an eventer who thinks this isn’t reasonable. My trainer has ridden at the 5* level, which is more than enough experience to coach everyone in our barn in every phase, but she still regularly brings in a dressage instructor and a show jumping coach to our barn of whom we can all avail ourselves, and I’ve hauled out with her so that we could both take a lesson from someone else.

I wouldn’t count on that perspective being shared on your trainer’s end, though. I’d hope if you communicate openly with her, she’ll be receptive, but in my experience a lot of H/J trainers are a lot less okay with this sort of thing than eventers are. Wishing you all the best though, I wish more people had this attitude toward exposing their horses to other things outside of their usual discipline!

[Groom_amp_Taxi]

Maybe I’m being unduly cynical, but the idea that your hunter/jumper focused trainer doesn’t know ANY dressage or eventing trainers to recommend for supplemental lessons while she is away seems distinctly odd to me. Tread lightly…

[Janet]

@TinFoilHat

I have no doubt in my mind that her skillset can get my horse and I through Novice (if we even make it that far),

I wouldn’t count on it. Even at BN you can have banks and ditches and water, and that is a skillset the many strictly H/J trainers don’t have, and can’t teach you.

[TinFoilHat]

Y’all are the best, and share a lot of the same feelings, concerns and overall sentiments as I do.

@trubandloki

Was her saying she had not trainer names her really not having anyone anywhere, which seems weird for even a hunter trainer, or was her kindly expressing she did not like this idea?

The vibe I got was that she genuinely didn’t know of anyone, and I didn’t feel as though she was turned off that I asked. I feel like we have a pretty good relationship where we can be honest with each other. But I’d be lying if I said that the thought hasn’t crossed my mind and is part of the reason I brought this to the forum.

@FromTheGalaxy

I agree, in eventing it is very common to use different trainers for different things. However, I think the culture is a bit different in H/J land, where most people are very “loyal” to one trainer and are 100% involved in their whole program. So I would just suggest that you tread lightly with your current trainer. She may be okay with it as long as she does not feel like she is losing any income from you by allowing you to lesson outside her program. But she may not. Not saying it’s right, but just something to be aware of. She could decide that since you’re not a part of her A show team and you are looking to take lessons with other trainers, that you’re not someone she wants in her barn/program at all.

This is my first exposure to a formal, H/J training program but I’ve veryyy quickly realized a lot of what you said to be true. I should have added to my initial post that “I have no plans to leave her farm and training…unless she wants me to.” Just as its my prerogative to keep myself and my horse in her program despite the difference in riding disciplines, it’s also her prerogative to keep someone in her program who’s not exclusively a H/J.

Luckily, she hasn’t expressed this previously and at this time does not care that I’m not actively showing. But totally valid things to keep in mind if I’m moving forward.

@jherold

I assume you have your own truck and trailer, right? I’d look for clinics and/or schedule outside lessons whenever you current trainer is not available, so you aren’t taking business away from her. And maybe just not mention it.

Will have both prior to horse and I beginning to show more frequently - right now if we go off property I’m either going with her or hitching rides with others (not in her program, barn, etc). Definitely not under the assumption that she should be trailering me to/from lessons, clinics, trials.

Would rather steer clear of trying to play any card that could be perceived as sneaky or generally unethical, though, so I’m planning to communicate with her fully on my plans to collaborate better, together.

@Janet

I wouldn’t count on it. Even at BN you can have banks and ditches and water, and that is a skillset the many strictly H/J trainers don’t have, and can’t teach you.

Which is fair and aligned with my logic and purpose to posting here. It would be great to have connections (and a relationship) with eventer(s) in my area to lesson with and help me with those very specific eventing “things.”

That said, IF she had a major issue with me seeking additional support from another trainer that would result in our relationship being broken and would require me to find an entirely new boarding/training/lesson situation altogether, based on my experience with her and what I’ve seen from her, I do believe that she could get us through BN. Obviously not the goal but you know, good care is tough to find these days apparently.

[Salty]

I don’t even know how I’d produce an event horse without foxhunting.

[Beam_Me_Up]

I think on the eventing side you are fine to reach out to local trainers. In the event world it is pretty typical for people to haul out to lessons ad-hoc, or ride with someone for specific disciplines only, or only when their primary trainer is away. You might look at clinics (auditing or riding) or at your Area Adult Rider program for activities requiring zero commitment.

I wonder if the H/J board would have a better sense of how to talk to your present trainer about expanding beyond her program? You might also look around your barn and see if anyone else rides with other trainers or in other disciplines and talk to them about how they manage it. (And if nobody does, perhaps that’s a data point). I’m guessing that possible pitfalls would be the impression that your trainer is losing income or worries about how you will integrate the inputs of multiple instructors?

Good luck - eventing is fun!

[MadTrotter]

I have a real peeve with trainers, or any teacher really, who stifle a student from exploring and learning.

It also bugs me that so many intelligent, accomplished people have to post here for delicate approaches when it should just be as simple as, I’m going to explore XYZ and would like to discuss how that fits in with our program here.

Would we accept this in our professional relationships?

If your primary feeling towards her is part of her business model, then a change will be great for you.

[Texarkana]

I am a longtime former middle TN resident (and weenie eventer).

Man, middle TN is just weird in terms of horses.

So I don’t think your request is rude at all, but it is 100% hit or miss how it will be received.

On a hot tip, though… Jessica Bortner-Harris is wintering in middle TN at Lauren Romanelli’s place… rare for an eventing trainer to be in the area in the winter! Plus in a temporary situation like that, you have no worries of someone feeling like the side chick trainer because she is only there for a few months.

[dmveventer]

@TinFoilHat

That said, IF she had a major issue with me seeking additional support from another trainer that would result in our relationship being broken and would require me to find an entirely new boarding/training/lesson situation altogether, based on my experience with her and what I’ve seen from her, I do believe that she could get us through BN. Obviously not the goal but you know, good care is tough to find these days apparently.

I would strongly echo what @Janet said that there are a lot of skills needed to ride safely around a x-country course that most hunter/jumper trainers do not have. I grew up riding hunters and now event, and even now there are still things that surprise me by being much harder than they look from the outside. Riding over terrain, at speed, riding on grass in a range of weather, jumping uphill and downhill, learning how to walk a x-country course and really read the questions being asked, studs, banks, ditches, etc… there is so much to learn. Even if you’re just looking for some exposure to eventing and aren’t planning to compete seriously you’ll want to find a trainer that knows what they’re doing to set you and your horse up for success (and make sure you do it safely). Most event trainers will be fine with a trailer-in client coming from another program, especially from another discipline. Whether your H/J trainer is ok with it is up to you, but trying to learn x-country from a trainer that doesn’t have experience doing it or teaching it is really not a good option.

BN doesn’t seem like that big a deal because it is only 2’7 but you’ll quickly realize how tough it can be when you find yourself cantering downhill too fast up to a maxed-out BN fence on wet ground. Many amateurs will never ride above training level (many won’t even make it there) and it’s not because they’re wimps - it’s because it’s much harder than it looks.

[back_in_the_saddle1]

That was my first thought! In addition to this, learning how to ride different terrain and how it affects your approach to a jump. Most xc courses are not flat, and the placement of an obstacle relative to an uphill or downhill slope, for example, can totally change the question. Most H/J trainers won’t know much about that.