& Did you communicate this to the trainer?
If not, how could they know what you felt?
Sounds like trainer responded to what they saw.
IIWM, I’d bring it up next lesson & decide how to proceed based on the conversation.
3 Likes
Better yet, apologize immediately and ask if you can do the jump again.
4 Likes
The trainer is saying you are effectively punishing him no matter what your motivation is. Whether you are afraid or anxious or unbalanced or indeed angry at him or trying to correct him — the net effect of reefing on his mouth at the backside of the jump is that he experiences pain and punishment and it can contribute to him being less happy to jump.
Your motivation doesn’t matter. The coach is telling you you’re doing something that the horse reads as punishment.
Anxious beginners and returning riders reefing on their horses mouths is a huge problem for coaches. And horses.
About fear of bucking. My mare can feel like she’s trying to buck behind if she starts off a stiff reluctant canter on the forehand. I’ve seen this from the ground, and it’s not remotely a buck, it’s more like she’s just on the forehand and kind of “pronging” behind. It’s really uncomfortable. The way through is to get more speed and then shape that into the canter you want.
3 Likes
I guess I’m going to be the voice of dissent here. It sounds like neither the horse nor instructor are a good fit for you at this point in time. And that’s ok. It’s hard to build back confidence with a horse you aren’t comfortable on and without positive help and reinforcement from the trainer.
Go find somewhere else that’s a little less intense, will mount you on a saint for a bit, and that will help you through your fears instead of exacerbating them.
7 Likes
Why would they apologize? They acted out of fear, not malice, and the coach yelled at them, heightening the anxiety.
4 Likes
It would have been better if you had quietly circled the horse to regain your composure and control than have pulled it up. Big part of the learning process and any good instruction would practice preventive measures so that the action is intuitive before it happens.
2 Likes
For punishing the horse. Self awareness is a great quality in a student.
6 Likes
Interesting theory.
In my world, if the cause of the horse’s issue is 100% my crappy riding, the poor horse still deserves an apology and if I was riding a horse owned by someone else, I would likely apologize to them too. My anxiety issues does not make it OK to not treat the horse fairly.
I will say that if the OP does not trust this trainer or horse now, it does make sense to look elsewhere. I also think this OP needs to follow most of the advice here. Have someone video their lessons so they can see what is happening with the horse and their riding so they better understand if Dobbin is just more athletic than they can handle at this time (and it scares them) or if they got Dobbin to a horrible spot and Dobbin saved them, but also unseated them, etc.
I am not the OP, but I find nothing horrible in what the trainer did here.
6 Likes
Yeah I think I’m coming at it from the perspective of OP is a 40-something re-rider, trainer has put them on this horse that is probably too much horse, and they are doing their best but clearly have anxiety/baggage that is not helped by being on a horse that is spooky and overjumps. That is literally why they are here asking if the situation isn’t good for them.
Yes agree, sorry pony for abruptly pulling you up because my baggage made me think I was going to die, but apologize to trainer? Nah. Trainer put them on this horse, and clearly needs to rethink the horse partnership for this rider.
6 Likes
Agree, 100%.
1 Like
I suppose I could agree with this if we knew why the horse “over jumped”. Frequently that feel is because the rider made the horse have to work hard to get over the jump. It was either that or stop.
A rider picking all the way to the base and leaving the horse no choice but to toss themselves over is not the horse being a bad choice, it is the rider making an issue and the horse saving them.
So yes, if the horse is a bad choice for this rider. I agree. But we do not know that.
6 Likes
Thanks everyone for your feedback. Video in the moment would have definitely helped and I should get video of my current self, so I’m more aware of where I currently am. I will move forward and keep working through this. Thankfully this is a short term lease and I might be better off on some saintly lesson horses for the time being.
It definitely is tough coming back after the experiences I once had. I’m so grateful for them, and proud of those memories. It’s a good reminder to live in the “now” and reflect on my gratitude for the current situation. We all have bad days, and maybe trainer was having a day. And I also need to be ok with correction, now as an adult. This adult riding thing is mentally so hard. Onward. 
…and yes, pony will get lots of appreciation and treats for being such a good sport for this middle aged lady with a whole lot of mental baggage to sort through.
This too shall pass.
29 Likes
Yes, it’s very possible OP is not ready for a jumping focused barn and may need much more time on flat or trail riding to get back her “sea legs.” Jumping barns often don’t give you much else to do other than jump or prep to jump with canter circles trot poles and posting without stirrups etc. Those are all good exercises and they are often enough to impart a lot of skill in a short time to enthusiastic and athletic children. But they are often not the best fit for an adult returning rider who has some underlying anxiety.
And that anxiety is realistic because the returning rider has lost some ground, but may not fully know what they’ve kept and lost (I lost almost everything except posting a trot and sitting a giant spook!). To both the coach and rider themselves, the rider may seem more competent than they are in form but the holes in technique don’t come out until the rider is under stress and does something wrong automatically.
OP you may very well be reacting by reefing on the horse in a panic because your body knows you have lost that little bit of core strength or balance that would let you sit out a crow hop or any irregularity with ease.
I get that you are butt hurt about being “accused” of punishing the horse when you acted out of fear, but that is jumper coach language for telling you the effect that has on the horse. Horse jumps big either because you brought him to the wrong spot, or just out of enthusiasm, and the rider’s reaction is to reef on his face in the landing. He experiences this as positive punishment and it doesn’t take too many times of this to create a stopper. You did punish him.
I’m sure there is corollary in child raising. You ask a child to do something, they do it willingly and enthusiastically, and then you yell at them about it for some reason that’s only in your own head. Child experiences this as punishment for sure.
I don’t know if this is the right program for OP, but if it’s not, I don’t think it’s because the coach is a meanie pants or doesn’t take OPs motivation into account. It’s because OP needs more saddle time and maybe private lessons to work on form and function. Group jumper lessons don’t give you that much time if that’s all the riding you are doing
Preach it!
Also, you sound like overall a good sport. That’s important. COTH will get into the weeds on threads like this, but the important thing is we do this sport to have fun! If we sit back and have a frank self reflection session and ultimately decide that the program still isn’t a fit - that’s totally okay. But you gotta have that reality check moment first.
I hope you enjoy the rest of your lease, and also aren’t afraid to speak up about what you are feeling to your coach. Navigating the best way to communicate this stuff is a skill in itself.
Good luck!
7 Likes
I think this is what you should do. No reason you can’t find a horse of your own to rebuild your skills and you can do as you please.
3 Likes
The trainer might not have done anything “horrible” but it doesn’t sound like she is a very effective teacher since her correction of the rider didn’t include anything at all that would be helpful for learning. Let’s assume that all the posters who are accusing the rider of “reefing on the horse’s mouth” are correct and she brought the horse back too abruptly. A trainer who is a good teacher would have explained, tactfully if this is a “first offense”, that the horse experiences this as punishment. Then she would have explained what the rider should have done instead when the horse overjumps and lands tense and trying to rush. For me, any instructor who says “don’t (whatever)” to a rider and doesn’t follow that with what to do instead in not providing clear or helpful instruction.
Having said that, what I would advise the OP to do is keep her daughter in the program since she is happy and progressing well there but maybe seek a different program or at least a different instructor for yourself at the end of the lease. Ideally one who has experience with adult re-riders, and works with them differently than with teens or with adult beginners.
When I started lessons as an adult at the same barn as my then 10 year old daughter I actually didn’t disclose immediately the extent of my previous experience, which was primarily in another discipline so I actually WAS a novice at the discipline taught at that barn. That might be something to consider. Is there another discipline that you might like to try? Dressage? Reining? Working Equitation? Driving? Maybe even just trail riding for a while?
7 Likes
This.
I’ve been around a few people in my life who get one impression of me and nothing I do or say is going to change that.
It’s just a bad fit.
If the instructor thought you were punishing the horse when horse over jumped, instructor should take things back a few steps so both you and horse are comfortable.
She’s not doing you or the horse any favors here and missed a huge learning opportunity for the whole group.
.
2 Likes
As far as we know. We don’t know what else was said, if there was a discussion, if the horse even really over jumped or if OP even ripped his face off. We don’t know.
What we DO know, is that communication goes both ways, and buying a horse in a program you aren’t enjoying probably isn’t going to fix anything, and that we’ve all felt Y when what actually happened was Z. We know OP is a returning rider and relatively new to the program.
Again, I’m all for leaving a program if it is a bad fit. I just think that leaving over this without making sure OP is being realistic and honest with herself is premature. Especially since kiddo seems happy. If I let my trainer use my horse for a half lease and the rider was unfair to him (say, he had to put in a huge effort to save the rider from a bad distance and then the rider pulled him up short), I’d want the trainer to make it clear that isn’t acceptable.
Now, that doesn’t mean screaming at the rider, but we have had a million posts here where people feel like they’re getting yelled at because trainer has to raise their voice from across the ring. We are all about horse welfare but if a trainer is too firm with a rider, now we are telling the rider to leave the program ASAP?
Absolutely if a trainer is belittling a rider, or being abusive (to horse or rider, emotionally or physically), or there is a consistent learning style disconnect, it’s time to leave. But if someone leaves every time they get criticized in a lesson, they will run out of coaches or end up with one that teaches nothing at all.
Anyway, I think OP is in a spot where we all have been - learning how to navigate a trainer/student relationship as an adult, learning that they are different now from the rider they were 10 years ago, and learning where they fit in a lesson horse/half lease situation when they are used to something else. It can be a bit of an ego adjustment as well, but there’s always something to learn! Which I think OP knows, and I hope they are able to find the right combo of horse and program to have fun!
6 Likes
Let me ask you, when you were a teen, jumping big and winning at shows, if you were on a horse who over jumped, would you have pulled him up or laughed and kept going? I’ve learned the hard way, as we age, we sometimes still think of ourselves as the very brave riders of our youth. We overestimate our abilities, and underestimate the challenge we undertake. I’ve had to sell horses I loved, because I bought a horse appropriate for young me, but I’m older me now. It sounds like the horse is making you anxious. I know you are experienced, but I also think it would help for you to go back to basics and build your confidence as you are now, a mom who hasn’t ridden seriously for 10 yrs.
8 Likes
OP, I’m sorry posters here are making A LOT of assumptions about your riding. I hope you do get a video that shows a glimmer of the form and competence that won you classes 15 years ago.
It can be a difficult transition to go from “the trainer’s word is law” junior perspective, to being an adult who is a consumer in a service industry. If this trainer doesn’t make riding fun for you, find someone who does. Life is too short. Given the depth of your previous experience, it can also be really tough to take advice and even criticism from someone whom you perceive may not have your “chops” in the sport. I wish you the best of luck. And fun.
6 Likes
