Is this situation a bad fit?

[Inimitable]

@CuriosoJorge

OP, I’m sorry posters here are making A LOT of assumptions about your riding.

Seriously! I’ve hesitated to chime in here because my advice is so far afield from what most everyone else has said. But I was in a similar position about 7 years ago. I got the itch to start riding again in June, took a handful of lessons at one of the only barns in my area in June/July, didn’t love the program, but at least I was back in the saddle. Bought my first horse as an adult (sight unseen off of video, lol) the first week in August. Never looked back.

If your experience and competence is what you say it is, AND you’re heading towards ownership anyway, just do it now and start doing what you want and having fun with your own horse.

[JumperLove555]

Excellent point. I wholeheartedly agree.

As a teen, I always laughed and had fun. Never would I have pulled up. But I also knew my horse well enough back then. This new guy is different, and he has a lot of quirks. And the lesson wasn’t the norm for us. We were schooling in a different ring and the jumps just got painted with new colorful flower boxes added.

I stayed right with him in his big effort. My leg stayed in place. My timing and distance were fine. Didn’t catch his mouth in the air. I was actually pleased with how I did with that big effort, in that moment. It’s just been SO long since I’ve felt that. And he was nervous about the colors in the ring in general. This did start me on the defensive. I definitely made the error in thinking he would give some big theatrics after. Did I pull back harder than I should have after we landed? Very possible. But when I brought him back to a walk, I was soft. I patted him. I just needed a moment to regroup.

Yes, as an adult my first thought is of self preservation (ie, my kids and job need me to come home in one piece). He did play around the ring as we schooled and got around everything. I settled into that ride and found my softness amidst the chaos. One of the other riders said it was “cool to watch” horse and I together. That made me feel a bit better that I wasn’t a total disaster on him.

Trainer is protective of client’s horse. I absolutely respect that.

Coming back is hard. I’m already critical of myself. Now that time has passed and I’ve read all of the feedback, I think it’s a big reminder to continue to give myself more time to progress. I will be navigating how to communicate with this trainer so we can move forward.

And no offense taken to the assumptions being made about my riding. Without video, we are left to our imaginations and our own experiences. I can imagine that the other posters on this forum have seen all kinds of things. I just appreciate that anyone would take the time to share their perspective to help a fellow.

[Linny]

Could it be that the instructor was expecting that as a former 1.2m rider that a little over jump at a tiny vertical shouldn’t have caused you to pull up? Do they know that you’ve had a long hiatus? Are they open to honest discussion about what you are feeling the horse do and willing to accept that you maybe facing new concerns and fears?

As far as observing you for correct care etc, that’s not unusual. Sorry to say that many people overstate their abilities regarding horses.

[atr]

Also, I know that I appear to many trainers to be far more competent and confident than I really am. I’ve had to take more than one of them to one side and ask them to please not assume I know more than I do just because I look like I have my stuff together!

[Angela_Freda]

@JumperLove555

This new guy is different, and he has a lot of quirks. And the lesson wasn’t the norm for us. We were schooling in a different ring and the jumps just got painted with new colorful flower boxes added.

Maybe trainer snapping at you was her being upset with herself for not predicting things might get spicy and backing off a bit to get past that?

[mmeqcenter]

There’s a whole lot of things we can conjecture about here. Did trainer actually snap, or just provide instruction that OP took a little harshly? Did OP “punish” the horse by yanking him up after the big jump, or did they softly bring horse down to a walk to regroup? Without video, we’ll never really know.
Whether or not the situation is a bad fit comes down to - do you feel that you are learning and improving with trainer? Do you feel that you are appropriately mounted for this part of your riding journey (not for when you were a 1.2m competitor)? If either of those are a no, or a “hmmm… maybe,” anything other than a yes, then I’d say it’s not a great fit.

No trainer can be a great fit for every rider, and no one rider can be a perfect fit on every horse. You’re not a pro, it’s okay to say you’d prefer to ride a different horse, you have no obligation to “tough it out” on a horse you’re not jiving with. Some trainers only provide corrections, never praise, which some people thrive on, and other people just take as constant criticism. You have to learn what type of instruction you do best with and find a trainer who teaches that way.

[Scribbler]

I didn’t have real riding lessons as a kid, but had pretty horrible lessons in other sports. As an adult I was thrilled to discover how much more pleasant instructors of everything are for adults because they assume you are self motivated and paying attention. Now in riding I’ve been lucky to me stlt have adult oriented private lessons but I hear that kids lesson program voice at a distance and it’s like nails on a chalkboard.