jingles needed and a major boost of confidence!- UPDATE PG 4, post #61

[event_ryder]

I’m very sorry about your injury, it’s amazing how quickly things can go wrong. I can’t say too much about coping with pain, except keep up with the PT- it will really help (I wish I’d had gotten some earlier…) but I can give thoughts on the fear.

I was in a wreck 12yrs ago when I got pinned by my horse between his chest and a telephone post sized hitching rail. I had to have emergency surgery to piece me back together, 2 weeks in ICU etc. It was completely a freak accident.

I had someone lease my horse for the summer while I recovered. I was only allowed at barn with someone else there while I brushed, fed treats what not. I was very lucky that a friend let me play with her miniature horse for the summer. It let me build up confidence with no threat. It took a long time to even think of tying a horse up! I didn’t find getting back on horse hard but the thought of tying them up frightened me. Is it possible you could borrow time with a pony?

It still sometimes catches me out the fear- I’m pretty good at hiding it. I had incident probably 3 yrs after wreck that horse pulled back- literally ran out of barn and stood in parking lot sobbing. (Of course new barn… Had to explain later!) and I don’t like loading new horses in trailers, or tying up for clipping etc. I can’t even tie my own horse up at hitching rail without a little worry and he’s never given me an issue. At least now if a horse pulls back I only run about 3-4 stall distances away! I figure self preservation is not a bad thing, keeps you on your toes and I can promise you will get very good at seeing the “what ifs” early. Is your fear going to go away completely? Doubt it, but you can learn to manage and control it. I don’t think of the fear as a bad thing anymore, it’s kept me safe dealing with young/green horses. You will recover and find your way to working with your horses- you may have to modify things to help regAin confidence (smaller horse/pony, can your horse go so where where he has buddies that won’t interfere with your turn in/out?, having someone come with you for that?)

I hope you heAl well and find a way to feel comfortable again with your horse. Take your time and it will come!

[CookiePony]

I’m so sorry this happened to you!

You have gotten some wonderful advice and stories already, but I just want to repeat what others have said-- go slowly, step by step. Every day in PT is a challenge, and every day you successfully complete the exercises is a victory. The first day you go back to the barn to see your horse will be a victory. The first day you groom her, the first day you graze her, the first day you get on, the first step of walk you take… each one of those will be victories, deserving of celebration. It’s ok if you feel frustrated/scared/mad-- those emotions are a normal part of the process. The key is just to keep making progress, however tiny.

You might enjoy my blog at sporthorseriders.com– we write a lot about dealing with the fears and frustrations of riding.

Good luck and hugs!

[anmoro]

Thank you everyone for your wonderful stories and pieces of advice. I got teary eyed reading them and felt so grateful for the support. There is something about COTH that makes you feel like you have this wonderful supportive family.

PT has been rough. Honestly, the best word is hell. A lot of tears and moments of feeling like I wanted to give up. Last week I saw a different therapist while mine was out of town and she was amazing. An absolute godsend! She asked why I had done PT in the past, what inuries I had and how they happened. 80% were horse related! We definitely had a good laugh over that. She too offered words of encouragement.

I have written down a lot of the advice you all have offered and I will definitely follow it. I will also keep everyone posted on recovery.

While it seems small and minute, I was able to pick up marbles with my thumb and middle, ring and pinky and put them in a jar without dropping them (it took several attempts). I was also able to touch my middle, ring and pinky fingers to my thumb! I saw the surgeon again today and he says the pin stays in for another 3-4 weeks. At this point he wants to get more aggressive working on the tendon and ligament damage. I also saw a neurologist that put me on neurontin for the awful nerve pain. It looks like I will be having a nerve conduction study once the pin is out as well.

Thanks to you all I feel like I have an outlet to share my fear and frustration. Other people that understand why the fear exists. And most importantly, friends that understand why I refuse to give up on horses!

[IFG]

Thank you so much for the update. So glad that our comments have helped! You do, in fact, have a virtual family here. Many of us have had similar experiences, so feel free to share and ask for advice. We are so pleased to help.

[anmoro]

UPDATE per some requests

Hey everyone! I know a few people wanted me to let you all know how my hellacious recovery has been. Back in the beginning of August, I fell, well it was more like a weeble wobble that plopped right over and I fell directly on the injured arm and hand. I can’t even explain the pain. It appeared based on recent x-rays that I caused the fracture to become unstable again. Bad news, doc says pin stays in at least another month. When I received that phone call I was literally in tears in the grocery store. Tomorrow will be my first day back at work since the injury so that will be nice.

As far as horses go, I finally went to see my boy. I followed everyones wonderful advice and finally became so comfortable I went in to his stall yesterday! I had my great friend go in with me the first time. I started grooming and relaxed much quicker than I expected. Before I knew it I went back in the stall by myself and did his fly spray. I know it seems trivial but it was huge progress for me. After leaving the farm I stopped by a friend’s farm and spent quite a bit of time with them. Another wonderful friend that has been very supportive actually convinced me to get on her horse (a therapy) horse. While it was a short pony ride where she led him it was amazing.

I feel like I made incredible progress yesterday and I owe it to you all! Your words of encouragement and advice have helped me get through this difficult time. I have to share one funny moment. A few weeks ago I went to watch a friend/trainer in a dressage clinic. I was talking to another one of her students and she asked about my injury. I began the story and she quickly said “Oh my gosh, you’re the girl from COTH! I read that post”. Such a small world!

Here is a ridiculous picture of my goober telling me what he really thinks of me!
https://sphotos-b-lga.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/556766_10201042022826127_122208722_n.jpg

Here is a much better pic of us pre-injury:
https://fbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/945636_10200696844836893_915226849_n.jpg

And here is a pic of me on the therapy horse! I think you can see just how good it felt to sit in a saddle again!
https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/556812_598803863496770_2122763425_n.jpg

[Wee_Dee_Trrr]

I was trampled about 5 years ago by a former horse (I think I was trampled, I don’t remember it). I shattered my collarbone and had a large red lump on my head, look a nice ambulance ride, and finally had surgery. I have a plate and 6 screws.

I was scared to lead horses after that. Previously, I was a working student and led 3-4 horses to the field at a time. After my accident I quit my current barn job because leading the boarders’ horses freaked me out so bad.

Even when riding, I had thoughts of “what if I fall off and my plate breaks through my bone/skin”. All that fades though.

I’m not scared to lead, and I don’t think about my plate when I ride anymore. I am still more skittish around legs than I used to be.

[IFG]

Thanks so mcuh OP for the update! I am so glad to hear that you are on the road to recovery, physical and otherwise. Also, as someone nursing a broken right foot, I nearly cried in the doctor’s office when he told me it would be at least another month before I could drive. So I totally get the frustration. Oh, and I have been using a knee scooter to get around the house, and I fell in the kitchen. I look like I was in a major fight. At least I was lucky enough not to reinjure the foot. It has made me much more sympathetic to (and worried about) my elderly mother.

So glad that the shared experience here has been helpful to you.

[anmoro]

a long overdue update!

Hey everyone,

I was not even thinking about updating this thread, however I received a sweet email over the Christmas holiday, asking how I was doing, so I thought what the heck, why not post. By the way, my typing still stinks so please don’t mind the lack of appropriate punctuation and horrible spelling.

Well,… things are definitely NOT going as we hoped. After 14 weeks, the hardware was finally removed from my hand and the real therapy began. Let me just say, PURE HELL!!! After 2 months of focusing on reusing the index finger, closing the hand, pinching, grabbing, writing, etc… it was determined that I would need additional surgeries. Despite all of the work I only regained 60% use of my right hand. I eventually had to quit PT/OT because I lost my insurance (courtesy of losing my job, FMLA ran out). While losing my job sounds like it sucks, it was probably a blessing in disguise (but that is another story for another day). New job, new insurance and I am getting ready for surgery #2.

Surgery is scheduled for February 28 and I have to admit. I am scared. I’m strong and stoic but knowing this surgery could determine my future has me scared to pieces. If all goes as planned, the doctor feels like I could eventually have 85%-90% use of my hand back. I can only hope!

I did attempt to ride not too long ago. First I have to say, THANK YOU to everyone who encouraged me to not give up. It started as a pony ride and now I can walk/trot on my own. Sounds pretty lame and basic, but to me it is huge! I even tried to sneak in a quick canter last week but my horse knew better. He cantered 3 strides and stopped, gave me a look like “I’m pretty sure you aren’t allowed to do that” and refused to do it again when I tried. He resorted to biting my toes! He is such a booger but I love him! I have only ridden 3 times but those 3 times have been wonderful! Unfortunately the winter weather has prevented me from spending the time at the barn I hoped. One of the bad side effects of the injury was permanent nerve damage. I’m now temprature intolerant under 50 degrees. Apparently because of the nerve damage, I also have circulation issues? (Can any of the medical folks elaborate for me?). My hand will turn completely purple and lose all function. The muscles are still quite atrophied and my index finger literally looks like a cadaver finger. It’s quite funny to look at (once you get used to it of course).

I’m doing my best to remain in good spirits but it has been hard. This injury has brought my horse and I to a level I didn’t think possible. We have FINALLY bonded. I wondered if we would ever have that true connection a lot of people have. Now we do. It is hard to explain but it is almost as if we are finally one. Again, that doesn’t sound like much, but considering the issues this poor horse has been through, I never thought he would bond with anyone. He makes my heart melt every single day. I can’t imagine life without him.

SADLY, life has really gotten in the way. Being out of work for 3 months, the ridiculous amounts of medical bills and then not having insurance has finally caught up. I have done everything I could possibly do, but the money has run out. With another surgery coming up, I have had no choice but to put my sweet, amazing boy up for sale. I tried to lease him out with no luck so I have had to resort to this. I am beyond devastated but I have to think about my health first. I also have realized that heaven forbid something happen to him, I am no longer in the position to go above and beyond and give him the care he could need. Words cannot describe how empty and lost I feel.

Anyway, enough nonsense about me. Sorry for the whining. I promise I don’t want pity! I just wanted to say thank you to everyone that helped me through this. I never would have thought I would not have been healed physically by now, but apparently what we have planned is not in the big picture. One of these days, I will really be able to ride again and damn it, I will jump!!! I was so excited about finally learning XC then this happened. I will eventually do it!

[FlightCheck]

That was not whining, that was honesty. Prayers that your health continues to improve.

[HealingHeart]

To go through the type injury and being close to losing your life, what is there to be afraid of. You have already faced your fear many times. February will just be another adventure in your brave walk of life. Continue to meet and walk past anything that you are faced with, because you can and will…

[fooler]

No whining there - you have been and are very brave.

Prayers that your surgery goes well and your health continues to improve.

[WW_Queen]

[QUOTE=anmoro;7094130]
I am intimidated by horses in general. I’m timid and nervous. Actually, I’m scared. Now I can admit that I’m scared. I finally realized it when I was sitting in hand therapy, rehashing the story and completely broke down in tears. I’ve ridden my entire life (my folks did as well) and I don’t want to give it up.[/QUOTE]

It takes much bravery to endure a traumatic accident like that, equally as much to admit your fears. But didn’t it feel like a weight lifted off your shoulders when you spoke the words out loud? That means the words are 100% truth.

Tell yourself you will devote your time to resting and recovering. Find someone to take care of him and ride him. You may be surprised at how you feel watching someone else work with him. Spend this time to consider all angles of your feelings and whether it’s the equine species you love or the riding/sport. There are no right/wrong answers!

Best wishes for speedy recovery.

[asterix]

Thank you so much for updating us! We are all rooting for you and for a good outcome on the next surgery.
I’m so sorry to hear that you have to find a new home for your horse. This journey has already been so unpredictable - no way to know really what will come your way as you go through this process, but I hope you find a solution that allows you to stay connected with him. I’ve owned my big horse for almost ten years now, and his previous owner (who sold him very sadly and has never gotten back into horses) still keeps in touch with me. She came out to see him just this past summer.
We’ll be thinking of you! Please continue to check in.

[IFG]

Thanks so much for the update. I am so sorry that you are having such a difficult time. Major jingling that the next surgery goes well. It is a bummer to be out of the saddle when life and health issues get in the way. You are not alone. I have been paying college tuition for the last four years, so the only horse I have had to ride is my tentatively sound 22 year old retired eventer. At the same time, I have managed to break each of my feet once (note to self, if the first is not rehabbed completely, be really careful or you may break the other one compensating). I am starting to see the horsie light at theend of the tunnel, and, I am confident, you will as well.

[Laurierace]

Jingles that everything works out as it is supposed to.

[ivy62]

I just found this tread. OMG! I am so glad you are headed in the right direction. As small as the victories are they are still victories. I wish you the best with your horse maybe a lease will come along anyway.
Recently, we have befriended a para rider and she is amazing to say the least. Watching her makes me feel like I should be try and over come everything because it has shown me true determination.
Can you turn your boy out somewhere where the costs are much less?
If riding is your passion do not give it up. I am also a timid rider, never was as a kid, but as an adult that is a whole other story.
Keep us up to date. We love hearing success stories no matter how they wander to the finish line…

[judybigredpony]

Jingles…all I can say…and a hug…When you are better a lot of us have a horse you can ride…I do…xoxxo

[Zu_Zu]

Jingles & AO and please check back in for more Jingles ~

Jingles & AO for you OP !

You sound pretty good actually ~ your journey has been tougher and longer than you imagined !

Be Kind to yourself ~ one half day at a time ~

Plan your work and work your plan ~ your enthusiasm will catch up with you !! YES IT WILL !!!

Please check back in here at coth ```` let us know how you are doing ALL OF IT = the good and not so good ```

More Jingles & AO for you

as

no one can have too many Jingles or enough AO !

You will heal inside and outside with time ~

Spring will come and you [B]will ride again ! /B

[gr8fulrider]

OP you are a fine horseperson with contractor-grade character. The way you’re dealing with this and communicating about it speaks volumes about you and makes me confident that you are going to find a path that works.

You’ve accomplished so much already and have done so with grace. Count me among the jinglers and fans.

[scubed]

Glad things have improved. Good luck going forward. Where are you having the surgery? If your insurance will cover it, you might consider a specialized orthopedic hand clinic like the one at Rothmann or at Stanford.