February 28 is my birthday, and I’ll happily donate all good wishes and goodwill to you on that day!
WOW GO YOU! You have come an amazingly long way in a relatively short time! (And I laughed at the story of your horse refusing to canter for you.) Definitely look at specialized hand surgeons, (gross warning time) my doc friend actually reattached a woman’s thumb that had been ripped off entirely and she has more than 80% use of it!
As far as $$$ woes. Have you thought about leasing or half-leasing your guy out? Maybe leasing him to your trainer to use in lessons part-time? I also second looking for a cheaper (maybe outdoor?) board place. If you can’t ride your horse really isn’t going to care if he gets tossed in a field for a while to hang with his buddies. You also don’t need nice arenas and such if you aren’t riding. He will just need a get-back-in-shape program when you come back. If you don’t want him just hanging but don’t want to lease him you could check and see if there are any local juniors or kids on a college riding team that might exercise him for you for free.
If your insurance covers mental health stuff consider going to someone who specializes in trauma therapy or sport therapy. Given lots of self-experience and lots of family working in the field I would particularly look at someone who is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor (even if not a trauma specialist) versus a psych or social worker. You need someone to work with you not just with the traumatic part of the accident but with the repercussions of long-term recovery and learning a new-normal. (I got hit hard with the disability stick in my 20s and it’s taken me probably 10 years to get used to the idea of this is how my body functions now. Wish I had looked for that kind of help earlier. Then again I’m occasionally a bit slow as well… LOL)
Hi,
I’m just catching up with your story now, and I’m hurting for you. It DOES sound like you’ve come a long way, and it sucks that you’ve had complications but it WILL get better than now. I know it’s hard to focus on and remember, but one day you’ll look back and think “Whew! I can’t believe I survived that! Thank goodness it’s not like that anymore.” I’m not saying that you’ll be perfect, but the overwhelming odds are that you will have improved function and pain levels. Having had major surgery on my lower back for progressive pain and loss of function, I can sympathize with the feeling of a surgery determining your future, and it IS scary as hell.
If you’re still having pain problems, see if your surgeon will refer you to a good pain management doctor. Even though you’re getting more surgery to try to address the underlying problem of a mangled hand, it is important to address pain, both to improve healing and quality of life NOW and to try to prevent long-term, chronic pain from neural rewiring. Some surgeons are good at pain management, but some of the most brilliant people with a scalpel are really bad at pharmacology besides throwing some opiates at their post-op patients. There are a number of strategies - TENS, low dose/slow-release opioids, lidocaine patches, anticonvulsants like gabapentin, antidepressants, etc. - that can help.
I think the finger weirdness is due to damage to the nerve fibers in the autonomic nervous system that control vascular constriction/relaxation in the finger.
You got this! Just remember that it’s OK to be scared, and it’s OK to grieve for the pain and loss of function you’re experiencing. It helped me to have a friend who kept reminding me that I was OK just as I was, whether it was a brave day or a scared day, a happy day or a sad day. We are here to listen and help however we can. You are welcome to PM me if you want to talk off the boards. Others have helped me and I am happy to pass on the favor.
Yet another update!
Good evening everyone! I haven’t posted on here in a while, but I had my second surgery today. Things went alright. The doctor had to really man handle my hand to get it working.
Nothing can be done for the nerve damage and I was diagnosed with Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. While it stinks, I just try to focus on the positive.
Anyway, the surgery went well. Doctor manipulated the finger (well man handled it). The hand was so stiff and skin so taut, that the skin busted open. Right now my hand is so swollen I can’t move it at all. I used to wear a size 6 glove and tonight I look like I have man hands!
The doctor feels hopeful that I’ll have my hand functioning again soon. I’ll be honest, I’m scared. I want to try to ride again, lead my horse, groom him etc. I did for a short time, but then everything went wonky again. I start OT again on Monday and Friday I’m getting another nerve block done. Here is to hoping things work this go round!
Sorry if this makes no sense. God bless the heavy duty pain meds. Lol
OP, were you able to find a home for your horse? As for the RSD, find a good pain management doc. Continued jingles for you. I am so sorry this all has happened to you.
OP so glad you’re checking in again. I hope you can return to riding as you wish to do. I think you’re wise to recognize your fears, which will help you avoid pushing beyond your comfort zone. I hope you can find a step-by-step confidence-building situation that suits your needs.
Where in Virginia are you? Dr. Dombrowski in DC is a genius with pain management. He and my great PT are the reason I can ride and run races with four lumbar discs that look like semi-melted Swiss cheese.
[QUOTE=Laurierace;7094436]
Don’t place any time frame on healing your body or your mind, just take it as it comes. It will come. Jingles.[/QUOTE]
This, most definitely. Don’t put pressure on yourself. Logic/the ability to rationalize will tell you that this was a freak situation. That the likelihood of such a severe freak accident, statistically speaking, is unlikely.
That doesn’t matter because your endocrine system does not agree with you. It may take time before it calms down.
And I know that some people who have gone through trauma have had success with different forms of therapy, including “tapping” therapy (which I’ve never tried).
http://commonhealth.wbur.org/2013/07/trauma-update-on-the-tipping-point-for-tapping-therapy
Thanks for the support everyone!
I was not able to find a home for my horse. Several people have come to see him and tried him but no perfect matches. I hear the same reason, "the bond you and Charm have is unbreakable. You two belong together. He needs you as much as you need him. He’s a great horse, super fun, but seeing the interaction between the two of you makes me realize this horse is yours. He was put in your life for a reason. @
Yes I have literally heard this story in many different words, from everyone that has looked at him. It makes me laugh. I’m flattered but confused by it. In reality, I do love that horse more than I can describe, but the financial aspect makes it hard for me. I’m back working, but because of my limitations, I can only work certain jobs. My current one was a major pay cut. It’s tough, but I thank my lucky stars that this office gave me a chance despite my injuries.
Anyway, I’m trying to cope with the pain, swelling and frustration. I really hope this manipulation worked, because I do not think I could go through this again. If I knew how to add pictures, I’d show you all the intense swelling. The skin was so tight and stiff yesterday (from lack of use), that the skin busted open when the surgeon manipulated it. (Sorry if that freaks anyone out). The pain is bad. If it continues, I will try to go to pain management. Anything to stay off pain meds. Sadly, I’ve tried to avoid them post op, but I have had to take them.
I will keep everyone updated throughout my OT experiences (yet again). I really appreciate the support my fellow COTHers have given me. What an amazing group of people.
Oops, I see I repeated myself in my update from last night and tonight. I’ll blame that on the meds!
I’m located in SEVA (Hampton Roads).
official 18 month update???
Hopefully my updates are not boring you all to tears, but typing them out and venting my frustrations really makes coping much easier.
Quite a bit has changed since my last post in June. My horse went to a rescue for a few months. We won’t discuss that over this thread, however now he is back, close to home and at the home of a dear friend of mine. Which I must add, I met here on the eventing forums on COTH!!!
The past six months have included more and more struggle, but I’m looking forward to 2015 being bigger and better. After more surgeries and several closed manipulations, as well as months and months of OT, I still have the wonky hand. The surgeon does not want to go back in (I have received multiple opinions) because of my high risk for scarring and adhesions.
I have decent use of the MP joint (the hand knuckle), but minimal active use of the PIP and DIP joint (finger knuckles). Passively, we can get them working. They are 90% sure I have adhesions around the insertion point of the FDP (if I recall correctly).
Anyway, I had not done much riding, but finally my hand surgeon said it was time to get back on. He told me to let pain be my guide. He said I was free to try whatever, but he requested I stay away from steeplechasing for a few months. (No worries Doc! Steeplechasing scares the hell out of me in photos). I’ve ridden my horse a handful of times, mostly walk, trot, some canter (because this time he refused to trot). We have not jumped yet, however that is fine since he has one hell of a jump (even over tiny things).
I started lessons with a friend that teaches H/J/Eq and she has put me on one of her school master large ponies. It has been great. We have focused on getting me strong again, mentally and physically and working on handling the reins with that hand. Silly as it sounds, I met one of my goals (several months later than I hoped), but I can hold a crop (or dressage whip) in my right hand with the reins! On a few occassions, I have dropped it, but we are getting there. THe best part… I’ve JUMPED!!! Nothing big or fancy, just 2’0-2’3" singles. I honestly wondered if I would ever be able to do that again. I just need to learn a better technique for holding mane in my weak hand.
Anywho, with winter coming up, it should be interesting. That is when the RSD seems to flare up the worst. I stopped all of my medications (I did not like the side effects) so I deal with the pain when I can.
I’m hoping 2015 will be both me and Charm’s year. I’m hoping to eventually cap with a fox hunting group (next fall would be fine), but my immediate goals are a CT, school a low XC course and hopefully attend the Dom Schramm clinic with my friend. My H/J/Eq goals are to compete (even if just one time) in an equitation division, just to say I did it after all of this.
I hope you all have a great holiday! I know having Charm closer to home is the best Christmas present any one could have ever given me! (Thanks Nicole and Josh)
HUGS to Amy We love having Charm out at our place and being able to help a friend is just icing on the cake. Fox enjoys the company though he would most definitely not admit it. I just wish the weather wasn’t so crappy so I we could do some riding.
Thank you COTH for bringing Amy, Charm and ANDY! in to our life.
What a great update!!!
Anmoro, can you have someone add a loop of velcro around your crop handle and then a loop around a finger (fabric stores have a double sided velcro that would be perfect for this), so that it wouldn’t drop if your grip loosened?
Please don’t take this the wrong way, but is possible that you are eligible for para-dressage? If so, consider pursuing that since riding does seem to be important to you. You might even make the Olympics!
Merry Christmas, Amy! Great to hear for you and I, for one, look forward to the updates. Here’s to an awesome 2015, and if you ever find yourself up this way, give me a buzz.
Merry Christmas and it is so good to hear that you are out enjoying riding again! Best of luck to you this upcoming year, make it a good one!
What a great, positive update! You have come so far, and never given up. Truly an inspiration to the rest of us.
Such a great update! And always nice for us COTHers when the board provides a link to a good outcome. Congrats for persevering and best of luck for a fox hunt in your future!
Thank you everyone. It has been difficult but I refuse to give up. There are things I am willing to do with out. Giving up horses is not an option. Today was my first ride on Charm. While we did not do more than walk/trot, it felt amazing to ride anyway. I am ready for hunting season to end so we can ride the trails and fields. Sadly, in VA, they can hunt on Sunday.
Anyway, thank you for all the support!
By the way, does anyone have any recommendations for sports therapist that specialize in equestrian sports?
Also, I’m very curious to learn about the Velcro for my finger. Could you please explain that?
[QUOTE=anmoro;7927914]
Also, I’m very curious to learn about the Velcro for my finger. Could you please explain that?[/QUOTE]
This is the stuff: http://www.velcro.com/business/products/self-engaging-hook-and-loop
You could cut a piece and wrap it around a finger, with say, the fuzzy side out.
Then, cut another piece and wrap it around your crop, with the poke-y side out. It should be enough that if your fingers opened inadverdantly that the crop wouldn’t drop, but it also wouldn’t be stuck “hard” or attached to your hand in a way that would be dangerous. 
They have this (http://www.joann.com/velcro-brand-one-wrap-strap-3/4inx-48in---black/1070143.html) at Joann Fabrics, and it would be inexpensive to try.
We just use a hair rubber band around the finger (instead of Velcro). It is not dangerous as the crop/whip can move and the hair band will break easily. Just will not drop it if you open your hand. Lots of people do this for xc. Good luck!! You are making great progress.
