I am considering an air vest might help me feel safer when jumping. Many trainers have indicated that most of my discomfort is purely psychological. Yes, I see a therapist, have for nearly 7 years, but I think I will always be on the more anxious side.
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A regular protective vest definitely helped relieve my anxiety when I went back to riding after a fall with injuries. Someone here in another discussion of protective vests joked that perhaps we should start calling them thunder shirts for riders. 
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I’m not a re-rider and I’m really a novice, but in my mid-30s so sympathize with the “I’m more breakable” feelings. I’ve been at a dressage place for the last couple of months and despite being super fit coming into riding, I was DYING in just a 30 minute lesson at w/t. Granted I am a beginner so everything is hard, but I was being asked to engage all these small muscles…I can only imagine the rider fitness needed to actually being doing upper level dressage!
I definitely appreciated that my place didn’t buy into the “be on a giant WB” philosophy. As a petite rider (5’1”!) they’ve had me on 15h or shorter (including a 14h pony) because I mean, on a big horse, I just don’t have enough leg for full control.
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Dressage rider here, but your post surely resonates with me. I have struggled with anxiety all my life and situations which I can’t control - like riding - have always been triggers. But returning to riding as an adult after a 15 year break brought a whole new level of worry.
We are so much more aware of the risks as adults, and we have a lot more riding on our safety: kids and spouses who depend on us, careers and income that disappear if we are injured and unable to work. So when I had a rather dramatic fall that resulted in a concussion and fractured knee it really shattered what little confidence I had in my ability to stay on when things got hairy.
Medication helps control the extreme anxiety such as going to a show or somewhere unfamiliar. Working on my riding skills and improving my core strength and balance out of the saddle helps my daily confidence. But the best, best thing I can recommend is what other posters have said above - finding that saint of a horse.
Reliable outweighs fancy every single time. I was lucky to find one that was both - a 22 year old FEI schoolmaster that had plenty of spunk but not a dirty bone in her body. She was a big moving, athletic mare so I really had to learn to ride her, but always with the utmost confidence that she wouldn’t dream of throwing a buck, rearing or bolting. She did have a small spook that in fact was good for my confidence because I learned that I could sit a little jump or a scoot and be just fine.
Now I have a similar horse but in a gelding version. A little less spunky than my mare and zero spook. It’s the first time in years I can hack on a long rein through hayfields and relax and enjoy myself. And the first time in years I don’t assess the amount of ice on the arena roof when driving up to the barn because even if a huge sheet of ice slides off, this horse doesn’t even twitch an ear.
I don’t feel sick when tacking up, and I don’t look for excuses to cancel my lessons. I don’t spend my whole ride thinking “what if?” And riding is fun again. If your horses aren’t fun for you, no matter how nice they are, then they aren’t for you. Is there a school horse or a schoolmaster type at your barn you could lease or part board for a few months to see if that helps build your confidence?
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Amen to all that! And those horses are the best kind. There used to be a horse around here that had evented at the highest levels. He’d retired from the big leagues but was still sound & wanted a job. He got a new human, a very novice AA in her 50’s. He happily packed her around the puddle jumpers at locals with as much care as if she were a Faberge egg.
I’ve seen a lot of UL horses that never mellowed out like that. But what an amazing partner this woman lucked into with him! For me, knowing that my horse had finished the X country at Rolex a few times in one piece would be basically the only thing that could get me to enter a puddle jumper 
. And this horse was so chill that you could’ve sent him to the show office with your CC to pay his own stabling fees.
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Speaking of dressage, when I decided to start working with my eventer again, I did a radical thing. I took the stirrups off my saddle last Sept. for flat work. I flatted him 4 days a week without stirrups. And then I started to take dressage lessons without stirrups. On a 17 hand big mover. Helpful hint: silicone breeches are a must. I learned how to sit the trot and my lower leg is much better. And my core is better. And importantly, my jumping is better.
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Reading this thread is interesting because lately I’ve gotten into watching those “Horse Fail” videos on Youtube. Many of them are big, fancy horses who are bucking like prize rodeo stock in between fences on a jump course, slinging their riders all over the place: into jumps, into the rail, into a post, into a wall, into the dirt.
My mom came over yesterday and I was watching one of the videos and she was amazed and horrified. “Have these horses ever been ridden??” she asked.
I’ve been riding for 33 years. Let me rephrase that: I have not been without a horse for 33 years. I got my first just before my 14th birthday, and I will turn 47 in March. My first horse was a green broke 4yo backyard appaloosa hooligan. I had a grand total of one year of riding lessons/experience under my belt. It was a match made in hell, but he was what we could afford. I wound up learning pretty much everything I know about training horses from him. Even though he was completely clueless and I was too, that horse never reared or bucked with me. The only times I came off of him where either when he stumbled and fell down (after a jump…quite thrilling), or one time into an oxer on show jumping course and twice into ditches (he hated ditches with a passion…not good for an event horse). Otherwise, I could do anything with him. Ride him bareback with a halter and lead, galloping across fields. Fall asleep on his back (turned around so I was facing his tail and resting my head on his rump) as he stood in his stall at night munch hay. Ride him in Christmas parades with jingle bells strung around his pasterns. Huge trail rides. You name it, he carried me safely through it. Sometimes he wasn’t happy about it, and he’d get excited, but he NEVER offered to hurt me.
As time passed, I began buying babies to raise, break, train, and show. I was getting into adulthood by this time, and I realized that I had no patience with foolish beasties. If you’re going to threaten to throw me off, you’re going to find a new address. Period. Because of this, I had three babies that I kept and rode from their first day being backed to their first blue ribbon in the show ring. Were they all perfect? Nope. But NONE of them EVER offered to buck me off, rear up, or do anything dirty. Did they spook? Of course. They’re horses. Did they get nervous and anxious at shows and such? You bet! Did they miraculously just do everything I asked without question? Heck no! But even in their “worst” moments, they were honest and tried their best for me. A big gust of wind blows up their tails, and yes, they’re going to scoot forward for a couple strides. Something weird appears in a place it’s never been before, and my horse is going to stop and get big and maybe even wheel around and say “Nope, no thanks!” But he’s reasonable enough that I can eventually get him past whatever it is. He’s not going to rear, buck, or bolt because of it, and it’s almost like he knows that his primary job is keeping Mom in the saddle and listening to her, even when his instincts are to freak out and run away.
The point being. Horses are horses. They’re going to do horse stuff. But there are plenty of them that are reasonable and honest enough that they won’t necessarily land you in the ER with their horse stuff.
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I dropped my stirrups at a canter for the first time in 20 years at the urging of a dressage clinician. Was pleasantly surprised! Not only did I not die, it was actually easier than cantering with stirrups.
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Yes! That is the strangest part. I am better at the canter without stirrups. My seat has to follow and my leg has to stay on for me to stay on the horse!
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I have the same thoughts about 20 times a day between the bloopers page & the nervous rider support pages I subscribe to 
. A observation/theory of mine tangentally related to your points – The majority of riders across all those pages are UK based. Horse keeping & riding is largely a DIY endeavor in the UK. The bulk of them don’t seem to take lessons or even have a more knowledgable person to use as a sounding board. There’s a lot of riders who fall well below a novice skillset going out to look at sale horses unassisted & coming back with something wildly unsuitable because it falls into their budget. (Think 4yo horse that bolted & threw them during the test ride.) Then they’re unwittingly asking those same horses to go under conditions that 99% of even well-schooled horses would need significant desensitation to handle.
Someone asked on one page why US ISO ads always specify “no bolt, buck, rear, etc”. My belief is because more Americans ride with trainers & a majority of horses here at one point in their lives had at least 30 days put on them by someone semi-knowledgable. We consider that kind of dangerous bolt, buck, rear, etc as something abnormal, whereas UK riders seem to regard it as part & parcel.
Circling back to your point, my anecdotal observation is that same attitude is becoming more common here in the US. And maybe has to do with the warmblood craze. Other folks will likely come along singing praises of their 4yo Holsteiner unicorn. But I’m a fairly decent rider & am told I have a knack for getting along with young, complicated, anxious equines. And I’ve yet to encounter a young WB I consider to a fun horse to deal with. They’re either nervous, have a “you gonna make me?” attitude, or both. And they’re usually not shy about throwing their weight around if they’re in a mood.
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Hi there Buglet1! Your question speaks to a lot of readers for the COTH. Would you be interested in submitting your question to the COTH to be answered by our upcoming advice column? If so please message me for submission details.
I should note I’m no expert on the differences between contemporary US and UK horsemanship, but I lived in the UK in the late 90s, did some casual riding occasionally while over there, and have many friends who live there. There often seems to be a much bigger divide in the UK between horsey folk who live in more rural areas and city people. Many of my friends who are from more urban areas in the UK like Liverpool and Manchester sort of laugh and say “I don’t do the horse thing at all” and defer to me about any questions regarding horses.
Other British friends who are involved with horses do full self-care livery if they don’t have horses on their property, hack out regularly, hack over to competitions as well as self-haul, don’t really have trainers (and aren’t certainly in “a program” as people in the US speak of it), and are very hands-on with their horses regarding all kinds of care in a way many people, even horse owners, in the U.S. are not. I don’t think they would go with a trainer to buy a horse, either. Of course, quite often people are very knowledgeable and confident, and it works out well, but I can see how it might not, especially if someone with less knowledge tried to emulate this without getting proper experience first.
I’ll also note that the UK has the NHS (National Health Service), and, not to sound morbid, or get political, but high hospital bills are not the same factor as they would be in the US for some people without good insurance.
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I was going to make that point if you didn’t!
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Same to both of you! Major differences in risk assessment with the difference in infrastructure and availability/ affordability of healthcare.
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Most definitely! To my mind, insurance ( health & liability) and zoning laws account for a huge part of the difference. Zoning laws in my area make self-livery basically impossible for most as they live 45-60 minutes away from the barn. And our lack of universal insurance affects novice & pros alike. I know more than a handful of good pros that carefully weigh the economics of taking on a horse with dangerous habits for a client. Doesn’t make them bad riders or wimps. They just have no choice but to carefully balance the risk/reward/ potential loss.
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As someone who purchases her own health insurance–it definitely impacts my assessment of risk, I must confess, and not in a good way (it’s a source of tremendous anxiety).
And yes, self-care livery just isn’t part of the culture in the U.S. It is so hard for most people with day jobs just to get to the barn to ride, forget self-care in the morning. I do know some barns that have tried to incorporate it, but unlike my friends’ situations in the UK, it usually ends up with a great deal of bad blood between those who end up doing more of the work.
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Is this a new feature?
Fully empathize. I am currently leasing a young, green and sensitive horse, while i’m not young, I am not a timid rider. I was also super lucky in the past and learned on the steady eddies, takes all kinds of jokes. No leg? No problem. Bad distance? Got you covered. Yanked on my face accidentally? Its okieeee , jumping was fun. Fast forward to now, my lease horse, as sweet as he is, will either spook (sweater on the bench, shadows, another horse, human on rail watching), land and bolt after jump, or stop. Every single lesson is one of these antics, and it is exhausting. I’m not a pro so these are very nerve wrecking. Every time i get on his back, I am nervous. I highly suggest you find a steady eddie before this completely wreck your confidence to a point of no return.
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Hi,
Yes! We are working on a new feature aimed at conversational topics in the industry. If interested please email me:
aliingellis@gmail.com
Best,
Ali Ingellis
writer, COTH
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This reminds me of the horse the owner of my lease has for her husband. They were out with the hunt & Bob started to come off at a fast canter. The horse knew that he had to stop & somehow also understood Bob would go flying over his head if he came to a quick halt. He lifted his head, bent his knees, and sorta shuffled Steve Urkel style through a gradual deacceleration. I swear that horse is basically a human in an extremely realistic horse costume!
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