Telling them explicitly why you are leaving may make you feel better. Sadly I don’t think it will make a difference in how they conduct business.
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OP, if you haven’t already put in your 30 day notice on the lessons, I’d do that and be done with these people. You don’t need to tell them why. The most I’d say is “With the 30 day notice on the lease, I am also putting in 30 day notice as of today on the lesson program”.
If your contract obligates you to pay for lessons for 30 days, you could tell them you want to take lessons on the original school horse, not the one you were leasing.
You don’t need to tell them why you are leaving. They’ve mostly likely figured it out. If they have been doing this to other people, they are not likely to change.
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Latest update - I went over to the school yesterday (although I’ve been sick all week and couldn’t ride) and peeked at the lesson book -
It looks like (after my discussion with the head of the riding school about why I terminate the lease) they scratched almost everyone who was scheduled to ride on spooky horse to ride on a different school horse (including putting me back on the older horse).
I left with a big pit in my stomach and sent my 30 days’ notice in.
I was planning to go to one of the big horse shows and look at some horse prospects for lease or purchase, but without a trainer I don’t know how that will go. In my heart I know I’m doing the right thing but change still sucks sometimes.
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Artax I am sure it is disappointing right now but keep your eyes on the prize. I am positive you will find a better lesson barn and trainer that fits your needs better. In the mean time chin up and start looking!
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So everyone had been taken off the spooky horse. Isn’t that a good thing? Why was that upsetting?
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I didn’t say it was upsetting that they are giving her a break from the lesson program - I think it’s wonderful that they are paying attention! She clearly needs a mental break/evaluation…
The pit in my stomach came with the final realization that I needed to give my final notice to them - and start all over somewhere else.
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Changing barns is always hard, but you’re not “starting over”, you’re seeking a program that’s a better fit for you. Don’t worry, and don’t rush things - you’ll find the right one.
Not sure I’d be seriously looking at horses right away, myself, but never hurts to go to big show and at least see what’s out there.
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You will get through. Change the dread to excitement.
Go to the show and check out trainers instead of horses. 
Find a good fit. Watch them with students and watch those students’ horses. Maybe you can find a good trainer that you can work with, and one who will work well with you! Good luck. This is upward and onward, not a down turn!
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I think Artax may be saying that what was upsetting was that they knew that spooky horse was dangerous to the lesson riders. Otherwise why take all of the lesson riders off? Rather than just finding a quieter horse for the one rider (Artax).
It’s not unusual for one horse to be a bad fit for one rider in a program. After the previous accident, hospital-ride, they blamed the rider. They kept Spooks in the lesson program. Until Artax showed them that Spooks was going to lose them more customers.
I don’t know if that’s exactly what Artax meant, but that’s the way I read it. They knew. They waited until something bad happened - for a second time. In this case Artax pulled the release switch before she was hurt, and I applaud her wisdom for doing so. 
Artax, you sound like a very nice person. Change is definitely hard, but I think that a year from now you will be very glad you took this step.
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Thanks everyone. I did end up sitting down with my 2 trainers and talking about the mare I was leasing - they kind of looked at me like I was crazy… they kept saying - “you know that horses spook, right?” or something of that nature.
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I am assuming by your other posts that was a tough meeting for you. Good for you for doing it! If you eventually own a horse you will need to be your horses advocate and possibly speak up to trainers, vets, farriers, or anyone else working with your horse. So this was good practice to have under your belt It still sucks, and I would be replaying everything 100x tonight. I hate confrontation too.
It sounds like you realize they were making excuses and how messed up the situation was. You deserve a better barn, and you will find one Just think of all of the fun new horses you will get to ride.
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Yes, horses spook but horses in a lesson and/or lease situation horses should not be misbehaving to this extent! The liability alone as well as rider safety should be paramount in any trainer’s eyes. Good for you for speaking up!
BS. They can spook when suddenly frightened/ threatened. NOT on a regular basis if they are healthy and, you know, TRAINED well enough to help teach a student/ client, not regularly, consistently try to kill them.
The regular, consistent actions of any horse in a trainers program rreflect the quality of the trainer and their program,
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Look, you did the right thing. Obviously horses do spook. This horse was spooking with a manner and frequency that made you uncomfortable and made you feel that you were at risk for a fall. Good for you for making a change BEFORE that happened or you lost your confidence.
Yes, horses spook. Some horses seem more prone to spook while they are being ridden by certain riders. Many excellent jumpers can be a little “looky” as that carefulness is useful in avoiding rails. This horse is not necessarily a bad horse or an unsuitable horse (without having seen it none of us can say). Even very good horses can have occasional spooks. It really can be a subjective question as to whether or not a particular horse is “spooky.” Without having seen the video of the horse “crashing” it’s impossible for us to say whether it was pilot error or the fault of the horse. None of this matters, though. You were uncomfortable on the horse and that’s what counts. It’s your instructor’s job to help you be mounted on a horse that is suitable for YOU.
It’s okay to not want to be confrontational. That’s a good thing. It’s always fine to tactfully choose to work with trainers that are responsive to your needs. Always thank people for their help, say a few nice things, and then move on.
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THIS!
The problem is that its difficult to assess what is really going on over the internet. We do know that the OP did not feel confident and comfortable on that horse - so the advice to speak with her trainer, and explore other barns and horses is entirely appropriate.
But I have difficulty with the posts that seem to be suggesting that good horses don’t spook, or that the behaviour described by the OP is necessarily indicative of a poor trainer/program. First off, sometimes the rider’s perception of events is not entirely accurate. During my horse’s first few shows as a greenie, I felt that we were racing around our hunter courses at great speed. I was initially flummoxed by my trainer’s instructions to get my horse in front of my leg and accelerate - we were doing the hunters and already going too fast in my mind. A video revealed otherwise - we were CRAWLING, folks. My brain was so busy thinking about distances, lead changes, potentially scary yellow flower and the like that I was feeling something completely unconnected to reality.
My experience is not uncommon - lots of juniors and amateurs struggle with reality v. perception both at shows, and schooling. Its why my trainer makes us watch videos of ourselves. It can be very eye opening.
That being said, it does seem quite likely that the OP’s “spooky lease horse” was a higher octane horse. The OP complained that her trainer’s were pushing her off onto an “older lazier horse” and that is why she ultimately opted for the spooky mare despite her concerns. Perhaps her trainers should not have put her on the horse in question, but if you want something nicer, fancier and more athletic - you will often end up with something that is more forward, more sensitive and a bit ‘sharper’…and yes, sometimes spookier or more careful. It may also have been a bad match (a tense rider can take a sensitive horse from manageable to out of control), or there may be other management issues going on.
End of the day - this situation is not working, so the OP can give her 30 days notice and move on. She should anticipate, however, that finding quality lessons horses that fall between lazy/quiet and athletic/forward are not always plentiful. They exist, of course, but the good ones often get leased out for good money, and not available for lesson/partial leases. It can be a genuinely tough part of the market - and its great that the OP seemed to be looking at full lease options, or buying.
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Those remarks alone are reason enough to dump them. They care nothing for your experience.
Even if, just for the sake of argument, we say that you were the one over-reacting, not the horse, it doesn’t matter. You are more important than the horse. It’s their job to help you with something more substantial than “you know that horses spook, right?” They didn’t do that, and it doesn’t sound as if they even know how.
(I don’t think you were over-reacting from your description, plus the horse had a dangerous background already.)
I think you will be much happier once you are settled in to a more supportive and well-run program. Good luck!
(Did either of those ‘trainers’ ever ride Spooks? Someone with serious professional skills needed to take a turn. :winkgrin: )
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I think it is a great point to make that quality school horses (or quality horses that are available for non-owners to ride/lease for lessons) are very hard to find. There are a lot of great school horses in the 2’ range, a decent number at 2’6", but once you get to 3’ and above there are few. That’s partly because a lot of horses with the athleticism to jump 3’ are a little more forward or athletic by nature, and partly because a 3’ or above ammy friendly horse is a type of horse that is in great demand and these horses are often snapped up by owners with the $$$ to spend. I think it’s also important to recognize that horses are by nature imperfect.
Nonetheless, in the face of this, it’s paramount for riders to be properly mounted. You just do the best you can finding a program that fits you. And be sure not to burn bridges, because sometimes you will leave a place or program, only to later realize that it had a lot of good qualities but perhaps just wasn’t a good fit at the time. (Or maybe you will realize they were terrible, but because the horse world is a small place you can still be glad you left on good terms so there are no awkward feelings when you later encounter each other.)
FWIW, there are times when it is appropriate for a trainer to push a rider. This is appropriate in scenarios when the trainer well knows the scope of abilities and the personality of the rider–and when the rider is above a certain level.
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They might be awful trainers. Or they might be great trainers caught between a rock and a hard place. Whats the rock? A rider who complains about the slower, lazier school horses. Whats the hard place? The same rider is not comfortable riding the more advanced, forward horses who are a bit sharper and more sensitive.
This is obviously speculation on my part - but something the OP may want to keep in mind as she explores new barns/trainers.
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I find it amazing that someone who doesn’t lease or board a horse at a barn has to give notice that they won’t be taking riding lessons… Is this normal?! I can understand a barn wanting commitment from someone, and maybe charging for a block of lessons… but having to give notice, now that is something unheard of here. Even things like dance or gymnastics, I’m pretty sure you are billed for lessons in blocks (2-4 weeks, perhaps), but you could quite easily and legally go, “nah mate, not coming back” without any financial recourse (except maybe those lessons you already paid for). Even a gym membership, from memory, you could just let it lapse (yearly), or tell them at the weekly billing cycle, “last drinks, bro”.
I’m pretty sure if I decided I no longer wanted lessons with my coach I could (legally), be an a*s and just not call him, or call him and say, “I’m going elsewhere / taking a break / getting rid of the horses / moving to Guam”. That would be that. He isn’t my landlord (and FYI, he is a brilliant coach so no I’m not breaking up with him, peeps!)
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