Umm yeah wtf? Why are they still clients after that? Anyone who physically gets in my face gets removed from my farm, my calendar, and my life, among other things. Why in the world do people just accept that behavior?
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Right!
I’m with you. Zero tolerance for that kind of malarkey.
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I didn’t accept the behavior. I was close to terminating them from the program. I didn’t because it’s not the students fault, it’s her grandmothers. We had a talk about it, she agreed to stop, and that’s that. I haven’t heard about it since. If it comes up again, then I’ll terminate her.
Overall, there’s no reason the student should have to suffer the consequences for something she didn’t do. Since the GMA and I are adults, I wanted to do the adult thing and give her a chance to do the same. She did.
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Sounds like @WildGooseChase is trying to be understanding and give kids a chance to the extent possible while still maintaining a viable business. --Thanks to you and all like-minded instructors for trying to create opportunities for kids to develop their horse passion.
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Sorry I guess my impression from the post was it continued, just virtual.
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You’re making a pretty big leap here, assuming that just because people are in support of strict cancellation policies, instructors don’t care about giving kids opportunities.
Yeah, it totally sucks when kids suffer for the actions of their guardians, but sometimes it is unavoidable, and it’s a life lesson for all.
Nearly all instructors I know with a strict 24-hour cancellation policy are absolutely understanding and lenient when someone is occasionally sick or misses a lesson last minute. Occasionally meaning like, maybe once a year. The issue comes in when people are habitual offenders, and that is the purpose of the policies. All of them started out without a cancellation policy, were totally chill about cancellations, and had to eventually implement a strict cancellation policy because of habitual offenders.
I once had a student whose parents were going through a divorce. They were constantly missing lessons or coming late due to the mother being frazzled, getting days mixed up, etc. Their house was directly on my drive to the barn, so I offered to either bring her home from lessons or pick her up on the way to lessons. Her mom chose to have me bring her home from lessons. It helped a lot, for several months we were back on track and they regularly arrived on time for lessons. Then it went right back to before, and when I had THREE no-call-no-shows in one week from them, I fired them as clients. Kid was 12 years old, yeah, it super sucked for her. But instructors are not obligated to continue wasting their time for forever for sake of “giving kids opportunities” because whole adults can’t bother to get their ish together.
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My friend does a lot of kiddie lessons at a low key barn. I do get the feeling that many parents, step parents, family members, either undermine their children’s activities or are too strung out to get their kids there on time. Also children who do actually enjoy the riding once they are there can be slow, distracted, lazy, to get ready to go. Several years ago I actually offered my kind safe mare free for a friend’s neuro atypical step daughter to do lessons, but when child was at the ex partner’s house on weekends, they could not get it together to get to the barn. Eventually gave up on it. There can be so much going on behind the scenes when both parents and child have problems with motivation.
Sometimes it’s a kindness to tell people they can quit.
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You’re really putting words in my mouth here. I never said trainers with strict cancellation policies “don’t care about giving kids opportunities.” I merely noted that WildgooseChase is commendable for trying to balance her desire to give kids opportunities with maintaining a viable business.
I’m not sure we actually disagree. You note, as I did, that most trainers “are absolutely understanding and lenient when someone is occasionally sick or misses a lesson last minute.” And, as I previously stated, I agree that a harsher policy is needed for habitual offenders.
I think we’re having an outbreak of consensus here…
Update:
GMA cancelled again today citing no helmet as the reason and that she has gallbladder issues that are inconsistent. I called her out on this and said I never told her that she couldn’t use one of my spares, but that if she wanted to continue lessons that getting her own helmet was a good idea. I also said that she seems to have a lot of reasons not to keep her in a consistent schedule, and that consistency is really important. I suggested they look at a different barn for lessons as they have more of a drop in type program and it might fit their needs better.
GMA then said if we could use a spare they will be here, but that the student didn’t want to disappoint me by not having her own helmet.
I am so frustrated with the excuses and them taking words out of my mouth… UGH! I haven’t responded to her saying she would come if she could use a spare helmet yet (I think it’s been implied enough times that she can), but I think she may have gotten my drift on the fact that cancelling for stupid s*** doesn’t fly with my program.
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Without being privy to all the conversations, I also see a red flag with the way she subtly tries to blame you for their inconsistency… with the ludicrous claim that you led her to believe she was banned from coming until she had her own helmet. Dealing with a person who refuses to take responsibility and tries to pin it back on you is really crazy-making.
I hope these people move on, and I hope your program flourishes.
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Thank you! I never responded because I have a day job and am usually unable to tend to private matters. She did text me a second time stating that my lack of a response must mean they are okay to come out and borrow a helmet. Give me a break y’all. LOL
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I think a point needs to be made here (to them) - that this student using or not using a helmet is not the issue. That this student not coming every week is not (wholly) the issue either. If every other week is all they can afford then they just need to say that so that you can figure out if that is something you can accommodate. The issue is the constant last minute cancel and no shows.
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I plan on bringing that up when they get here. I’d rather have her come bi weekly and on schedule than having her same day/day before cancel twice a month. We will see what happens!
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People like that, that don’t respect your time and own life and manipulate all around them for their convenience, everyone else subjugated to their needs and wants, are a pain in the behind.
If to work for, as employer or provider of any services like riding lessons, managing those people is just too costly in time and energy.
In another words, they tend to drive those they interact with nuts.
Consider if you seriously want to have to do that forever, or just tell them, nicely of course, to go bug someone else.
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Shall we lay bets on whether they actually turn up again?
Unfortunately, children and even teens can be at the mercy of adults with their own problems when it comes to activities. I experienced a bit of that as a child, became a very independent teen :), and see it often enough in the families around me.
I think as a service provider you have to draw the line at being sucked into the drama. I would fire these clients. The situation is not going to improve and eventually they will quit anyhow.
As you now see the Gran fabulating a bit, you have no idea what’s going on on the other end. She may be refusing to take the kid riding as discipline, or out of resentment at the parents, or just because she can’t be bothered.
I had a lovely young teen riding my horse, who had a rather lazy mom who continually went on about how much she wanted her talented daughter to ride. But the mom was actively getting in the way of the daughter coming to the barn. It was very interesting and sad.
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I am so on the line between firing them now or waiting to see if they show up. I’m tired of being yanked around, just today, they’re not coming and then they’re coming. Good think I didn’t reschedule another student right when they said they were not coming. I’m naturally a very empathetic person but I do have thresholds. They are awfully close.
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Empathy does you no good when you are dealing with people who are manipulating you for obscure reasons. Just fire them. Save your empathy for people who it will help. Empathy should not mean being a door mat.
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My dirty little secret as a music teacher? My intake consultation is really for the purpose of determining if I can deal with the adults involved. Not the student. I’m not exactly one of those “rah, rah! I love kids!” kindergarten teacher personalities, but rarely do I meet a child that I can’t find something to like about. The parents, however? Different story.
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So did they show up? Don’t leave us hanging!
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They did show, but 10 minutes late. I was able to accommodate it, but offered up a different time slot that better suited them. They never said anything to my face about our conversation about the helmet and reasons for cancelling. I’m giving it one more week. If they are late again, or cancel, they are out. I have officially run out of options to keep the student in the program.
