I lost my best friend to colic. No cause found, we brought him to surgery and he didn’t even make it in. It took six hours to lose him, and he was only 13. He was my angel, and I was planning the rest of my life around him.
I am coping, but am full of sadness. I have been riding, but can’t imagine looking to buy another horse again. But, I know I’ll need to to ever feel any semblance of happiness again.
We all love our horses so much. Can people who’ve lost their loved one share what they’ve done to cope with losing their best friend and getting through the process of buying another horse?
Thank you, and my condolences to all who’ve had to go through this.
{hugs} for you. They all leave a hole in your heart when they go. Every horse is an individual so while You can’t replace him you can find another to love and care for.
3 Likes
I lost a horse that had been with me for nearly 25 years, since I was 13 and he 9 when I got him…he had been a constant in my life. We lost him to colic, which we did not catch (sometime between dusk and dawn on a long, brutally hot summer night). He was still alive when I found him in the morning, but beyond anything but praying for a faster end. I won’t go into the details. Honestly, I will almost certainly feel guilt for the rest of my life that I had simply fed him quickly the evening before because I had to get to a meeting…maybe if I hadn’t rushed…? who knows.
I bought another horse, one of my current ones, only a few months later as part of a business deal. It probably was too soon too fast for the horse, but because of business/personal reasons I did so. He is a completely different animal, which helps, with a completely different purpose in life, which also helps. The first, my beloved Robnrun, was a classic, classic blood bay Thoroughbred who I evented for many years. Buddy is a grey Shire, used for farm work (or should be, long saga…on behaviour issues and health issues there). I want a bay horse again now, but I doubt I could stand a bay Thoroughbred. I am very, very glad to have horses again, that happiness can’t be found elsewhere. Other happiness can, of course, but not that one.
Not sure if that is very hopeful or not…
2 Likes
I am so sorry, OP. My story is very similar…I went in with a colic case and we did surgery, though he passed away about 12 hours after from a bad reaction to medication. It was very sudden. He was only 16 and we were finally coming back after a long & intensive rehabilitation from a freak accident. Losing him was always going to be devastating, but having it happen in such a sudden and unexpected way was very traumatic.
After his passing I tried to deal with the physical reminders very quickly. Sentimental things that were “his” I put in a box, sealed up, and shoved in the back of my closet… I cleaned and stored the brushes and tack (and other useful/expensive things). Everything else I pretty much gave away. Honestly, I didn’t know if I would ever really ride (or own horses) ever again.
My dear friend (and riding instructor) got me back in the saddle, having me hack out her eccentric schoolmaster when she was unable to. And another friend had me out to their property and riding their horses. It was easier to be in a barn where I didn’t have to walk past an empty stall. It was that same friend who sent me the link to a foal a breeder near them was expecting in spring - on paper, it was a pedigree/horse I would be interested in but I wasn’t sure. I ended up contacting the breeder, and had the opportunity for a really nice low-pressure visit. I wasn’t committing to anything - the breeder was very kind, her mares sounded lovely, and her foals that year all were interesting and frankly - visiting cute foals all 6wks or younger? Never a bad day…
Turns out I have poor self control.The filly I went to see ended up being really people oriented and just wanted to stay in my company (even as I was trying to leave) despite being just 5wks old. She was kind, good natured, and easygoing. And I bought her, though I did wait some time to really think it through.
I don’t love her in the same way as I did my old guy. It’s not that I love her less - but we still have a lifetime of a partnership to figure out. With my first horse, that is a love given weight through years of memory, but also lifted up with those same years. He was there with me in the lowest points of my life, and he taught me so much about what it means to be who I am today. I don’t know the lessons that the filly will teach me, but I am certain they will come in time.
My heart still hurts when I think of my guy. I have a shadowbox of some of his things that I still can’t bring myself to hang. But the filly makes me smile every day, and she makes me laugh. She makes me excited to see what our future has in store. I didn’t really go out to buy another horse. I don’t know if I thought that I felt that I was ready. But she made me happy, and when I asked myself, “regardless of how she matures/what we end up doing, will this be a face that I am excited to see hanging over the stall door looking at me in 15 years?” and the answer was yes.
2 Likes
I’m so sorry. 13 is young and I think the fact that he’s young and it was unexpected make it harder to accept. The only thing that ever really helps is time. Take as much as you need and don’t force or rush a replacement.
Almost ten years ago I euthanized my second horse. He was 18 and had been retired for 7 years. I did my grieving for all the things I had dreamed of doing with him when he retired. When it was his time I grieved the loss of him.
You get to do both at once. You’re not just grieving the loss of your friend, but also all the plans, hopes and dreams you had for your future together. Be kind to yourself and take the time you need.
It took me seven years to put my first horse’s bridle in a shadow box. Almost ten years later I have the box for it, but I still haven’t put my second horse’s halter in it yet.
What I did do for my second horse was go through all the stacks of photos of him and collect my favourites. At the same time I wrote down things about his character, who he was, events that demonstrated who he was, the major things in our time together. I went through the photos again and again, reducing them to a manageable number. Then I made an 8"x8" scrapbook, marrying photos to stories. It is not a story of us, but a story of who he was. I had expected it to be about 20 pages and ended up with 40. It is a treasure.
You will find what you want to do. When you are ready.
”‹”‹”‹”‹((((Hugs))))
2 Likes
I lost my heart horse to colic. He was 24 and I had him 22 years. He was an Arab, and they tend to live a long life. He had never been sick a day in his life. I found him down in the pasture when he didn’t come in for dinner. The vet came out and spent two hours trying to make things right. He suspected a tumor, and because of his age I chose not to do surgery.
I wasn’t sure I wanted another horse, certainly not soon. A few months later a friend contacted me and said she had a QH mare that needed a home. She wanted a home where she could keep track of the mare and if she didn’t find it, she would just keep her.
I was flattered that she thought of me. I went to try her and all I did was walk, because I just wasn’t ready for the new horse process. She didn’t buck me off! I was not in the right mindframe for a new horse but I took her. I knew she could go back if needed. I did not bond with her initially, but she’s a very sweet horse and I truly think she sensed my sadness. She grew attached to me very quickly and I have grown to love her. Not how I would recommend getting a new horse but it worked out for me.
I’m so sorry for your loss. My heart knows how your heart is feeling. â¤ï¸
1 Like
we have had several horses that were loved by many, the latest loss was last fall when daughter’s ever fateful always dependable horse died in her arms as he fought to stay with us.
She was heartbroken.
but like Edre she contacted her horse’s breeder who just happened to have a weaning she thought would be of interest
he has put a smile in her heart
1 Like
OP, I am so sorry. I think these experiences just go with the territory. Is it at all helpful to tell yourself that after all, death is normal and inevitable, so really death isn’t important; it’s what kind of life you gave your horse that matters? Obviously you gave your horse the most wonderful life, full of love and adventures. Heartbreaking as it is, horses come into our lives and they go out; our role is to make the most of however long we have them, and then move on to be a worthy partner for the next one.
While I bought another horse within a few months of losing my first horse to colic, I notice that it has taken two years to start using the new fella’s name for my passwords, instead of the first horse’s. Second horse is different from my first horse in so many ways, but he is nonetheless as wonderful and I love him truly.
Time and the right horse/right trainer will make it okay, while taking nothing from how much you loved your first horse.
1 Like
I had my guy for 20 years. Got him when he was four. Big sweet guy, barn favorite.
Lost him at 24–some kind of lymphoma. He was not doing well, I could see where it was going, and did the right thing by him. Cried for months, still well up when I think of him.
He was a saint–a BNT commented that he was the perfect amateur horse (i.e., he would jump from any distance and save this amateur’s butt).
1 Like
Colic sucks :no: so sorry, lots of hugs ((hugs)) I’ve been in horses long enough I’ve had to see a couple go I’d prefer to have stuck around forever, but I still miss my second TB the most. His death was unexpected and I still miss him daily - it will be seven years this July. He was really special to me and if ever there was a horse I’d pick in a shedrow all over again, it would be him. It does get easier, and the grief a little less, but IMHO it never truly goes away – that is just a sign that you truly loved him. There will be others you truly love too, and it will not diminish what you had with your heart horse.
Be kind to yourself and don’t do what I did and stupidly push away other people’s attempts to get you back into horses again - horses often are the best healers… I agree with everything SharonA said. :yes:
1 Like
OP, I am sorry for your loss. I am older and have had horses all my life so I am all too familiar with what you are going through. It takes time to process the grief and we all do it in our own way. I may do it a little differently than some as I do not wait to start looking at other horses. Four years after loosing my beloved Doodles I can just now look and pictures of him without crying, but out in his stall stands a mini who came to me right after Doodles passed away. And I love that mini. And the same thing happened with my husband’s pony, three months after we lost her we went to a show with one pony and came home with two. It just happened. I guess what I am trying to say is even though your heart is hurt, keep it open and the right horse at the right time will appear.
If it’s meant to be, it’ll be.
1 Like
I did something similar, had recently retired my 14 year old with a career ending injury, dropped him off at a retirement farm further away and was just too heartbroken to ride anymore. I had SO many plans for us. On the way home from going to Rolex that year we stopped at a QH farm to see the friend’s colt she had already purchased and I fell in love with a yearling and bought him on the spot. Not planned, no research done just loved his personality. He stayed there for a few months, moved near me for a bit over a year and is currently at the trainers being broke. I personally needed that time to be in a mental spot to want to ride again. It took me that long but the whole time I had a cute baby who I groomed and just bonded with. I sat on him for the first time about 3 weeks ago and wanted to bawl my eyes out. He’s doing fantastic, the trainer loves him to death and he’s incredibly calm and smart and I trust him already from the time together on the ground. I’m now hesitantly planning for our future riding adventures and the pain of my other horse is duller. I know that your pain is so much greater having physically lost your horse but just give it time, talk to others who have been through something similar and keep an open mind.
1 Like
I lost my first-horse-as-an-adult when she was six, She had septic arthritis in her hock, believed due to barbed wire. We eventually got the infection out if the hock, but it spread to the liver, and we had to put her down.This was in the early 1980s
I wanted to ride again, but I was NOT ready to go horse-hunting. The solution for me was to lease a horse. He was only 14h3", which would never have appealed to me to purchase, but he was a great jumper and wel had a lot of fun. When I DID start horse-hunting, it took off the time pressure, as I had something to ride until I found the RIGHT one, which took about 3 years.
1 Like
I condole with you on your loss.
Sometimes I still feel grief when I think of my sweet girl.
But grief over time, becomes a softer melancholy.
Eventually you remember the good times and they will be sweet.
Your grief is precious because you do care so very much.
When your heart and soul are ready for a new horse you will get one and it will be right.
There are no right or wrong feelings, and no time limits.
Give the wound time to heal and be gracious to yourself.
There are still good times to be had, and it is not disrespectful of you to love another horse.
You wont have the exact same feelings and experiences with a new horse, but it doesn’t mean that the new experiences cant be just as good and just as fulfilling.
Peace to you.
2 Likes
McKinley, so very sorry for your loss. It doesn’t matter how long or short we have them, if they’re ‘the one’ their loss will shatter your heart and soul.
I lost my best boy in July of 2007. I’m coming up on 12 years without him, and there isn’t a day goes by that I don’t think of him. The tears don’t come much now, but I will occasionally get misty-eyed over his memory. Most of the time I smile, because he had such a huge personality and his 21 year presence in my life was a true gift.
My boy was only 25, but his death was also sudden; he started having neurological seizures, and fell and broke his pelvis. I wasn’t willing to put him through more pain, fear, and bewilderment at his body’s betrayal, so let him go that evening.
You’ll get through the grief, but it’s going to take time. How much? I don’t know, because everyone grieves differently and there is no right or wrong answer. Right now you can’t see past the devastation in your heart and life, but little by little you’ll start to enjoy living again. The first time you enjoy something or are able to breathe a little easier you’re likely to feel guilty, but don’t. Also, don’t beat yourself up over the ‘what ifs’. I can see you’re doing that now, so stop. It does nothing but deepen the grief and self-loathing, and won’t change the outcome.
I had tail hair from my boy, and eventually was able to send some of it off and made into a lovely bracelet. I wore that bracelet for many months on a daily basis, because it was the last physical thing I had of him. I’ve since stopped wearing it every day, but still wear it at important times and for special occasions. I wore it last year in December on the day I got married.
I already had two other horses at the time, but I’ll be honest that I was angry because it wasn’t one of them taken instead of Conny. However, it did help that I still had to do the whole feeding/caring routine since it kept me from letting my grief overwhelm me with apathy.
I did get another horse eventually, and while he didn’t stay with me forever he did help me heal. JJ is now with a lovely young woman who dotes on him. Sometimes they come when they’re needed, and when their time to help us has passed, we move them along to someone else.
The only horse I had then that I still have now is my 32 y/o Arabian gelding. He’s long since retired, and as long as he’s happy with life I’ll make sure his needs are met. I also have a 26 y/o SSH mare who I bought at 21, and who has come the closest to owning my heart since Conny died. I bought a young Morgan/TWH cross this past November who is destined to be my premiere riding horse, since Dazzle is getting on and I want to ease her into retirement when she says she’s ready.
None of the three I have now own my heart and soul the way my little bay demon in horse form did, but that’s okay. I love them and they make me happy, and in the scheme of things I’m content with how things are. I don’t grieve because none of them own me the way my little Arabian did; I’m grateful that I still have horses to love and ride, and feel blessed that I was allowed to have such a deep and meaningful relationship with one special soul for 21 years.
You’ll find yourself again, I promise. It’s just going to take time, and you’ll need to rediscover who you are without him. Once you do that, you’ll be open to the possibility of letting another special horse into your life.
1 Like
I am so sorry for your loss
1 Like
OP, I am very sorry for your loss. At the same time, I am happy that you knew that wonderful connection with an animal that is such a gift to us. I lost my beloved Shire at the beginning of this past winter. Someone was leading him to the pasture when he slipped and fell, injuring his hock. I had the vet out to see him and he seemed to rally and everything seemed ok, but suddenly 4 weeks into his recovery, his hock blew up and he started running a fever that wouldn’t quit.
My wonderful vet tried everything but it appears he had a bone infection that brewed after the fall. When it became clear that he wasn’t going to respond to the antibiotics and he was so tired and in so much pain, I conferred with my vet and let him go. He was 28 and he was the rock in my life. He would leave his friends to run to the fence to see me and greet me with a huge whinney. He would try to fit his giant Shire head in the window of the car to visit and he was the most gentle, funny, honest and solid guy I ever knew. It’s the first time in 50 years I’ve been horse-less and I am so fearful that I won’t find another like him that I’m actually starting to lose my motivation for another horse. Hopefully the next one will find me.
2 Likes
I just lost my dream horse last month, due to complications following colic surgery. While I hadn’t had him long - just over a year, he was my unicorn. I am devastated and just yesterday went back out to the barn. But, folks immediately starting sending me videos, etc. I am older and don’t have much time left. The question for me was: do you want to spend what time you have left not riding? The answer is no. Not yet.
So I am actively looking for a new horse. I avoid ones that look like him…But the search has given me purpose. I was lost after he left us. I cannot replace him, but I can start a new chapter.
Hugs to you. I’ve rarely experienced such intense grief.
2 Likes
I lost my heart horse Hat Tricks, my angel from heaven, when he was 33, over 20 years ago.
I still miss him, and I will miss him until the day I die.
When I got back into riding my MS was worse, and I did not replace my old horses as they died off. I started riding and taking lessons on other people’s horses.
The best of these horses was the best horse I had ever ridden, a teen-age super, super brainy Arabian gelding, Glow. After a while he “told” me that he resented being constantly compared to Hat Tricks, that he was his own horse, with his own peculiarities, and he was doing his best during our one 30 min. ride a week. I listened to Glow, and now when I get up on a new-to-me horse I make a point of making space in my head for the new horse to fill, enough space to fit the new unique personality that carries me, a space where I am not saying "why can’t you be like Hat Tricks.
The horses seem to appreciate this.
After all how would I like to be constantly compared to the most perfect human that ever lived?
2 Likes
