Everyone grieves differently, but I have finally…this past year…been able to think of my labrador’s without my heart ripping to shreds. They were joined at my hips and my first therapy and service dogs I trained.
It’s been more than five years, we’ll leave it at that.
Dumplin’ passed a year ago in August and we only had him 8-1/2 months. He owned us in that short period of time and I still hurt terribly when I think of him. I miss him like it was yesterday. 
I have to say thank god for coth, in the times of loss…
I told coth that my doggie had died before I told my best friends. I could type it, but I could not say it.
Never, the pain stops but the heart still pangs and tears spring to the eyes.
The mind says you did right, you did good but the heart doesn’t understand logic it just wants one more hug, one more feel of the warm breath on your neck, the smell of your face buried in the mane, the touch of the smooth neck and rippled muscle, the gleam in those yes like no other horse who looks at you…
It took me two years before I could even talk about it…your time frame is your time frame, there is no right amount of time. So sorry for your loss…
Have any of you gone on to love another horse as much as the lifetime horse that you lost?
I bought a really cute gelding that I love but it is not the same as Whiskey. I don’t think that I can open my heart that way again…I don’t know if I really want to…I don’t know if I want the heartache again:cry:
It has been over 3 years since I lost my horse to laminitis. Finally, I have some days when I don’t think of him. I bought a new horse a few months after he died, which was probably too soon. The “new” horse is wonderful, and we have gradually bonded. This year, I can finally have a good ride on him without thinking of Declan.
As long as you are functioning in your daily activities (e.g., getting up in the morning, going to work, paying the bills, and not having suicidal thoughts) I wouldn’t worry that you have been grieving too long.
Try to enjoy your new horse, and expect that your bonding will be very slow. Remember that your horses would not want you to lose your love of horses and your love of life. Horses live mostly for the moment. They grieve, but are not overwhelmed by grief. Sometimes, we need to try to learn from them.
It takes years to get over the loss of your “once in a lifetime horse”. I had mine for 16 years and I have come to terms with it now, 10 years later, but I still waver occasionally when I speak about her. She was my world!
I am still not over it.
I lost my soulmate on Superbowl Sunday in 2008. I never posted about it on here, never talked much about it to anyone, even hubby. I still get a pain in my heart when I think about him. I still miss him every day. Here is his handsome face.
No, but I do love the three I have, especially my big, goofy, chestnut TB boy.
He’s nothing like Conny in temperament, looks or even breed, but I think that has actually helped rather than hurt.
I can’t replace Conny and am smart enough not to try. The parts of my heart and soul that belonged to him are not available to anyone else, and I don’t think ever will be.
But that’s okay, because I feel that I was given an amazing gift that I had for 21 years. If I never have it again, I’m grateful that I at least had it once.
So many people never get a chance to experience that kind of connection, and I know how blessed I have been.
In the meantime, I will love and cherish the ones that are here with me now. If I love them a little less than I did Conny, I try not to show it in my words or deeds. They are all special in their own ways.
I lost my soulmate in 1992. He was only 7, had a bone sequestrian (sp) and died in
surgery – didn’t tolerate the anesthesia. It was a routine surgery, I was there, I knew something was wrong before the vet watching with me and holding my hand knew. I had a bad feeling driving up there. It was no one’s fault, but I am still grieving and can’t talk about him very much without crying. He was an addiction – so special. But I finally did learn to let go and know I’ll be with him again. I have his half brother and some other siblings. The half brother looks so much like him and is like him in alot of ways, but not as intense as Flutie. You never really get over it or completely heal, you just learn to live with it. I lost my heart dog last January, he was phenomenal and my shadow for 11 years. I would have happily given him 10 years of my life to hang on. But I found a puppy bred very much like him and will use his frozen semen on her in the future. They live in my heart and I was lucky to have known such love – but as Gretchen (owner of Barbaro) said, the price of love is grief. So I try to help animals in need as I can (too broke right now, LOL) and hope I’m doing enough.
PennyG
TKR, after 18 years you should be able to talk about your beloved friend without having a breakdown.
Have you considered grief counseling? If the pain is still so bad after all these years, I think you might need professional help. There’s no shame in admitting you’re unable to get over this on your own.
I loved Conny dearly, will always miss him, and even still shed some tears for him on his birthday or the anniversary of his death, but I can talk and laugh about him now. I can even discuss his death if necessary.
I choose to celebrate his life, not continue to mourn his death.
I understand that everyone handles grief in their own time, but I really think if you haven’t gotten past it in 18 years, you truly should seek help.
Nobody should be that unhappy for that long. It’s not mentally healthy for you or those who love you.
[QUOTE=arabhorse2;5095762]
No, but I do love the three I have, especially my big, goofy, chestnut TB boy.
He’s nothing like Conny in temperament, looks or even breed, but I think that has actually helped rather than hurt.
I can’t replace Conny and am smart enough not to try. The parts of my heart and soul that belonged to him are not available to anyone else, and I don’t think ever will be.
But that’s okay, because I feel that I was given an amazing gift that I had for 21 years. If I never have it again, I’m grateful that I at least had it once.
So many people never get a chance to experience that kind of connection, and I know how blessed I have been.
In the meantime, I will love and cherish the ones that are here with me now. If I love them a little less than I did Conny, I try not to show it in my words or deeds. They are all special in their own ways.[/QUOTE]
What a beautiful post - that’s exactly how I feel too. I love a couple of my horses and I like all of my others very much, but you’re right when you say that a particular place in your heart is not available to other horses but exclusively for that once in a lifetime horse.
I guess that I never thought of it that way. I miss that very special relationship that Whiskey and I had. The vet who euthanized him told me later that she has never seen a bond between a horse and human like the one that we had. She said that you could clearly see that he loved me as much as I loved him…he was without a doubt my soulmate :sadsmile:
Thank you all SO much! Just being able to talk with others who understand that he wasn’t just a horse helps very much:yes:
I was talking about the love of life this past weekend.I teared up.It will be 23 years in November that he had to be put down.
The hole in my heart is still there,I just don’t fall into as often as I did when it first appeared.
Almost six years since I lost my boy and it’s still very hard to talk about him. The nice thing is that he is still watching over me. He visits a friend in her dreams and gives me messages through her. He was the first one to tell me that I had cancer. He also found me the rescue horse I took in after he died. He said I was too sad and needed another horse to take care of. He once told me that I could not drive my car on any long distance trip. I was planning on going on a road trip anyway and the only thing that made me not go was that the car suddenly and for no reason died in my driveway.
Nothing replaces the one that was THE ONE. You were’t in love with the ones prior to THE ONE, and the other’s since are just ok.
I defied all my family’s negativity and lack of money and got a farm, bred a nice mare and got THE ONE, that I had for 25 years. I loved her more than my husband, and almost as much as my children. She’s buried in the back yard since 2005, along with her mother. I still tear up when I think of her.
I’ve had 4 since her that come and go, just no attachment, no real trust, and no bonding. Maybe number 5 will be better.
Have you ever considered that “once in a lifetime” may be the horse’s lifetime?
[QUOTE=Diamondindykin;5095238]
Have any of you gone on to love another horse as much as the lifetime horse that you lost?
I bought a really cute gelding that I love but it is not the same as Whiskey. I don’t think that I can open my heart that way again…I don’t know if I really want to…I don’t know if I want the heartache again:cry:[/QUOTE]
Yes. My first horse was the other half of my soul, the “One” for me, and I was devastated when I euthanized him one August. I had my second horse (the QH I mentioned earlier) at the time and that was all that kept me going out to the barn. My poor QH wasn’t my first horse, and I didn’t want him to be. In some ways it was hard to go because I used to see him in the pasture out of the corner of my eye, and when I turned there was either nothing there, or another horse - once the horse was white! My horse was chestnut.
The following April a foal was born at the barn. He greeted me like a long lost friend the very first time we met (he was about 36 hours old). His spirit knew my spirit and I bowed to the inevitable and he was mine about ten days later. That was twelve years ago. Some part of me wonders if his spirit walked the earth before, wearing the flesh of my first horse. :winkgrin: I never again saw my first horse out of the corner of my eye in the pasture once my third was born.
Twelve years later I can say he is without any doubt the “One” for me in every way. It was not an instant love, connection yes, but not the true deep bond I had with my first horse. That developed over time without notice. Recognition may come early, but the true bond develops over time.
Does that make him a twice in a lifetime horse? Or two once in a lifetime horses? Does it matter? He’s one of those lifetime horses whether he was with me before or not. :yes:
In the end we know we’re likely to outlive our horses (dogs, cats, etc). Is the pain of outliving them worth the richness of sharing our lives with them? Of loving them with all our hearts? That love is there whether it’s the deep lifetime horse connection or not, whether we choose to allow it or not - as I found when I faced my QH’s end. Something we need to answer for ourselves.
Yes, eventually. Because they are so easy to love. All of them.
What an awesome post Redhorses :yes: You made the hair stand up on my arms talking of your meeting of the foal!!!
I hardly got through all these posts without balling my eyes out at my desk. It’s been one year, one month, and eighteen days since my heart horse died suddenly at the age of 15.
He had no friends when I found him, and after four months together, I could stand at the gate and call his name, and he would come galloping across the pasture to me. If he saw my car before I called for him, he would start his stampede to the gate before I even parked. To me, the loyalty and the bond I had with him will never, ever be forgotten or replaced and I still cry when I look at his pictures, or just the other day I pulled out his halter and lead and lost it.
Five months is not long by my standards, but they say we all process grief in our own ways. Sometimes it helps to talk about the ones that have left us already, and sometimes it helps to brush the ones that are left…whatever you decide I feel for you and I hope you don’t let it consume your life.
You’re already doing better than me! It took me six months to get near the barn, and a year to find a horse that may one day fill his shoes 
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