Loss of a lifetime horse ~ How long did you grieve?

[ASB_Stars]

I don’t think I will ever get over the losses. It isn’t just one- because I have been blessed to have a bunch of horses, over the years. It is that each one is special, and sometimes, they find a place in your heart that no one else knows, or has found. That piece of your heart is theirs, and goes with them.

I have those now who own their own part of me, and who are now part of me, and will always be. I cherish each and every moment I can spend with them, because, after those who have gone before, I know that, sooner or later, we’ll part.

There was a time when one particular loss made me rethink everything I thought I believed about my future, and my horses. And I changed. That change brought me into doing more rescue, which meant that I touched more lives. That brings more chance for hurt, and risk, and it also means that the rewards are life changing.

I am off now to go and play with one of the ones who owns his own piece of my heart, now. I know that all of you know the love that comes from this kind of relationship with your horse, and I wish it to you always.

[LoveLongManes]

Haven’t read all of the replies but I would like to say that I went through losing my first horse, who I considered to be my best buddy and once in a lifetime boy. It takes a great deal of time to deal with that kind of grief and each one of us deals with it differently. For me I am finally getting to the point where people can talk about him with me and I don’t get teary and it has been about 2 1/2 years. It took a good strong 2 years before that empty feeling started to disappear. I still miss him like crazy but it’s not as hard as it used to be.

Hang tight and remember it gets easier with time.

[RedHorses]

[QUOTE=Diamondindykin;5100311]
What an awesome post Redhorses :yes: You made the hair stand up on my arms talking of your meeting of the foal!!![/QUOTE]

Truthfully I was rather weirded out myself. I’d gone into the stall and crouched down hoping the foal would be brave enough to come and investigate the visitor if I was smaller. He peeked round mum’s bum and then waltzed right over, started nosing me in a proprietary fashion, and said very clearly in that self important, autocratic way of the very young “Where have you been? I’ve been waiting for you forever!” :eek:

He was about 36 hours old and I had never had any horse speak to me like that. I watched him for a few days and whenever he saw me he would take a few steps in my direction and flip his nose at me in an imperious fashion. He’d do it if he saw me from well inside his field, and I was across the yard. I liked him, and thought he was cute (and the right colour :winkgrin: including white markings), but it took a few days for me to accept the idea that he’d chosen me and I’d better get to making it official that I was his. :lol:

I wasn’t really thinking about getting another horse at that time, but I couldn’t let him go to anyone else. I’ve never treated him as being my first horse, didn’t even think of that possibility for a long time, and if there are very strong similarities in behaviour and character that’s not surprising if the spirit is the same. Nor do the differences argue against the possibility as my first horse was about 20 with a very well established sense of identity when we met the first time. The connection between us is enough, and I love him for who he is. And if his spirit wore my first horse’s flesh then I am blessed that he cared enough to return to me. :yes:

[EqTrainer]

My dog did that with me… It was so obvious. We are lucky whom have been chosen!

[Alibhai_s_Alibar]

[QUOTE=RedHorses;5099724]
Yes. My first horse was the other half of my soul, the “One” for me, and I was devastated when I euthanized him one August. I had my second horse (the QH I mentioned earlier) at the time and that was all that kept me going out to the barn. My poor QH wasn’t my first horse, and I didn’t want him to be. In some ways it was hard to go because I used to see him in the pasture out of the corner of my eye, and when I turned there was either nothing there, or another horse - once the horse was white! My horse was chestnut.

The following April a foal was born at the barn. He greeted me like a long lost friend the very first time we met (he was about 36 hours old). His spirit knew my spirit and I bowed to the inevitable and he was mine about ten days later. That was twelve years ago. Some part of me wonders if his spirit walked the earth before, wearing the flesh of my first horse. :winkgrin: I never again saw my first horse out of the corner of my eye in the pasture once my third was born.

Twelve years later I can say he is without any doubt the “One” for me in every way. It was not an instant love, connection yes, but not the true deep bond I had with my first horse. That developed over time without notice. Recognition may come early, but the true bond develops over time.

Does that make him a twice in a lifetime horse? Or two once in a lifetime horses? Does it matter? He’s one of those lifetime horses whether he was with me before or not. :yes:

In the end we know we’re likely to outlive our horses (dogs, cats, etc). Is the pain of outliving them worth the richness of sharing our lives with them? Of loving them with all our hearts? That love is there whether it’s the deep lifetime horse connection or not, whether we choose to allow it or not - as I found when I faced my QH’s end. Something we need to answer for ourselves.[/QUOTE]

Beautiful. Thank you for sharing this.

[Jumpin_Horses]

lost Willy when I was 16… im 48 now, and still cry when I think of him

[Kim]

Believe me, it takes a long time…

I lost Chutney nearly two years ago and am finally able to think of her without deep sadness. I do still miss her and think of her every day. I talk about her often. Sometimes I am still sad that she is no longer here, but I try to think of how happy she was in her life, and how lucky I was to have her for 23 years.

I am fortunate in that my other mare is really helping me emotionally. Since Chutney passed, she has become so affectionate (she was very “aloof” when Chut was alive) and I feel as bonded with her as I did with Chut. They are very different, and the bond is different as well, but it is just as strong. I did lose a lot of interest in actually riding, but I don’t know if that has to do with the fact that I had a bad fall (off of someone else’s horse) and I realize that I am not young anymore!

Give yourself plenty of time to grieve, and take solace in the fact that there are many of us here that understand what you are going through and are here for you. These COTH folks definitely helped me a lot - and I had even written a book on coping with horse loss!! Dealing with loss is something that we all share.

((HUGS)) It will get easier with time - I promise.

[LoneStarCowgirl]

Yesterday, I was given the terrible news from my riding instructor that my favorite show jumping school horse who has taught me so much, was involved in a pasture accident. I don’t know all of the details but apparently he broke his leg and was quickly put down by the vet. How do you deal with this type of loss. He was favorite and I loved him so very much.

I still have a horse, his name is Flame he is an arab.

I am just wondering how you would go about recovering from this type of a loss? Any advice would be great.

---

In Loving Memory of Have A Cigar (Ciggy) February 5,2018

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[ASB_Stars]

I’m still grieving. I think that I am moving past it, and then, something will remind me of a loss, and it will just hit me in waves. I think that how we handle grief is incredibly personal, and different for each of us. There are those who will tell you that it’s going to get better, and kind people who will try and show you the way.

At the end of the day, you need to let yourself walk through the sadness in the way that works best for you. Whether it is sharing with friends, reading, listening to music, spending time with other critters…whatever leads you along a path to healing.

I will say that as you’ve seen here, it is something that is shared across the human experience. That doesn’t make it easier, but at least we know that we didn’t invent it.

[whitehouse1988]

So far 6 years and I’m not done yet

[Spotless]

@whitehouse1988

So far 6 years and I’m not done yet

Four years and almost two months here, and completely agree.

I read this on Facebook a couple of days ago and thought I’d share it. The “they all know that this horse did a very good job” makes me tear up, even now. It’s so true.

[I]The Best Horses in Heaven, They Have No Tail .

The best horses in Heaven
they have no tail.
This is a rule they all know
without fail.
For when a new horse arrives
with a short cut bob,
they all know that this horse
did a very good job.

His owner could not bear
to part with her friend
so she saved his tail,
wrapped in ribbons
and in braids,
to hold with his memory
in a very loving way.

To enter Heaven
without a tail
is an honor,
a message,
that without fail
announces to everyone,
far and wide
that this horse
was more than a wonderful ride.

But
this horse was loved and cherished by one
and when his time serving on this Earth was done
he left behind
a broken heart
and a soul
from which he never will part.

–Miska Paget[/I]

[Hopeless]

First of all I am so sorry. The loss of any good friend.

I lost my heart horse close to 20 years ago. I still grieve for her. I miss her every day. I don’t think I will ever be over the profound hole she left in my heart. It is a different type of grieving now. I look at her picture and remember the good times. Yet, even a few years ago, I had a sorrel that looked very similar to my heart horse. I just caught a glimpse of my mare and had a flashback to my old mare. The hurt felt fresh for a few moments.

Nobody will ever take Hope’s place … yeah, my screen name is Hopeless because of her… but I have gone on to love other horses. It will never be like Hope though … but different it okay too. I am not the same person I was when I had Hope and don’t need the same kind of partner.

All those other horses taught me about letting go and about loving each horse for who they are.

[Jackie_Cochran]

I lost my absolutely wonderful “heart horse” around 20 years ago.

I still miss him so, so, so very much.

Oh, and I finally got a “lecture” from a horse telling me that I would probably never have such a relationship with a horse again. That horse wanted to be appreciated for who he was, not compared to a paragon of perfection.

Once I got that through my head my relationship with other horses improved.

[js]

I lost my once in a lifetime horse many years ago. Of course I still get misty eyed if I think about him, that never goes away. After he crossed the bridge I couldn’t stand to see his stall empty, as a tribute to him I felt it would be fitting to give a horse that was in a bad situation a chance at a good life, so I rescued an OTTB. It gave me something positive to focus on rather then dwelling on what I had lost.

[shiningwizard255]

Sorry to bump the thread but this is a journey I’m just beginning again. I’ve been lucky enough to have two heart horses…the first I lost in 2005. I still have a hard time talking about her. Then yesterday…yesterday morning I lost a piece of my soul. My heart horse of twenty years died yesterday morning. She had a long life - she was 29/30 - and enjoyed many years of retirement in a great home. I owned her the last thirteen years (2005 was both the best and worst horse year of my life :sadsmile:) of her life and she was mostly a pasture puff. She was boarded with a friend, and my friend’s family loved her too. They’re as crushed as I am.

When I met her I was a fourteen year old kid and she was my lesson horse. I was so afraid of her at first :sadsmile: but I eventually fell in love. I had so many firsts with her…first time jumping bareback. First time jumping without reins. First time jumping bareback and without reins :sadsmile:. First horse show. First ribbon, and first blue ribbon. First bridge crossing on a trail ride. Etc. etc. So many memories, so much love…and now she’s just gone. I wasn’t there when she died (my friend’s grandson - who LOVED that horse - was out with the horses and actually saw it, she died suddenly in her field) and hadn’t been out in a few weeks due to illness. My heart is so broken and heavy with guilt. I hope she forgives me and still loves me, wherever her spirit now is.

Hug your horses. No matter how long your time is with them it is still never enough. Rest in peace to my beautiful Missy girl.

[2DogsFarm]

@shiningwizard255 I wondered how such an old thread got activated…
{{{HUGS}}} on your recent loss.

And I never saw the poem @Spotless posted, so I’m glad you reactivated the thread.

But there is no calendar for grief & as long as we have horses we will have to deal with their loss.
But while we have them it is worth the pain for the amazing richness they add to our lives.
Whether riding, competing or just standing in pasture - whose heart does not swell at the sight?

Every name in my Sig line still brings tears and I expect the same when others are added.

[Lolliver]

I also lost my heart horse in March. I cried on my way to work this morning…

[merrygoround]

There are some horses, out of a lifetime of horses, who you will always miss.

I swear.

[TheeNightRider]

I grieved for 11 long years until I rescued a horse from a low-end auction. He is not without his challenges but I chose him and he, me. I realized a little while ago that I am not grieving anymore. It just can’t be forced to happen.

[Tyrus_Mom]

@Justmyluck

My simple answer to this never for me. Its been 9 months but seems like it was yesterday. I cant pick up anything of his with out bursting out in tears. I have a bad ride on the new guy and its tears. I have a cedar lined chest with all of his stuff in thier, blankets to saddle pads all unwashed. In grained with his sweat. I cant open it with out crying. If the horse means that much to you you’ll never stop missing them.

That’s exactly it. You never stop missing the animals you were closest to. When my first Rottie died I cried every day for at least a year. When my dear sweet horse died I couldn’t even contemplate getting another for over ten years. And still, you find yourself making comparisons to the departed ones to the current ones at times, which is harsh but such a human thing to do… I do too. My current boy is often held to my last horse’s standards (when he misbehaves) despite being an entirely different breed and size. I get mad at myself when I do it…but it happens… and his very presence reminds me of my old boy too…

There are other factors that tie them to you besides the love and experiences we’ve had with them… people that might have been in your life that are departed… when my horse died I realized he was the last animal who had known my mother… and it was like losing a piece of her again.

Maybe some of what they represent is happier more carefree times when we didn’t know what it was to have devastating loss. Each one is a precious individual, but there are often underlyng connections to other issues. It might help to analyze. Or not… everyone is different.

What do they say? Better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all? I realize that was about romantic love, but I think it also holds true for the animals we have cherished. It takes time and distance to put into perspective, but they make our lives so much richer…so much better and worthwhile, that has to be the positive takeaway in the end.

I’m so sorry for your loss. I have not lost more than one horse, but we did lose three dogs within 14 months, with two being very young and unexpected (cancer). Multiple losses can be crushing to the spirit. Hugs.