Money Talk- Divorced Parent Edition

[ecpolo]

For parents of our next generation of equestrians, how do you deal with paying for the riding expenses of your children? Do you split it? If so how do you navigate new expenses like horses, tack, shows, etc? What kinds of issues have come up and how did you navigate them?

In my situation, my ex pays the board and I pick up the tab for farrier, lessons, vet, tack, and whatever else. It ends up coming out pretty even. My recent hurdle is trying to explain that it would be cheaper to get a little 2 horse trailer so I could shuttle our kid and her horse to shows, instead of sending her off with the local show barns and paying god only knows what for stuff I can and would actually enjoy doing on my own. Hauling one pony all over creation in the 8 horse polo rig is not only a pain but also causes issues with the tack room and everything getting mixed up. It also scares the bejeezus out of the poor pony to be alone on a giant trailer. How do you explain stuff like this to people who do not understand horses and have no interest in them?

[meupatdoes]

I wouldn’t involve the ex in the trailer purchase.
It doesn’t have to be $15k new. You can probably find something older in decent condition for $2-3k.

It sounds like the deal is ex pays board and you pay everything else anyway, so…

[clanter]

Divorce by Decree or Certificate? Decree would have spousal obligations spelled of in the court order and would be the guideline. Certificate just states you are divorced and would not have any other obligations spelled out

However, you should have a specific dollar amount in mind when discussing this with former spouse as an open end dollar amount might not be agreeable even a marriage.

The question needs to posed as for the Good of the Child’s Well Being not that I need this

[Palm_Beach]

@ecpolo

For parents of our next generation of equestrians, how do you deal with paying for the riding expenses of your children? Do you split it? If so how do you navigate new expenses like horses, tack, shows, etc? What kinds of issues have come up and how did you navigate them?

In my situation, my ex pays the board and I pick up the tab for farrier, lessons, vet, tack, and whatever else. It ends up coming out pretty even. My recent hurdle is trying to explain that it would be cheaper to get a little 2 horse trailer so I could shuttle our kid and her horse to shows, instead of sending her off with the local show barns and paying god only knows what for stuff I can and would actually enjoy doing on my own. Hauling one pony all over creation in the 8 horse polo rig is not only a pain but also causes issues with the tack room and everything getting mixed up. It also scares the bejeezus out of the poor pony to be alone on a giant trailer. How do you explain stuff like this to people who do not understand horses and have no interest in them?

If you want to peacefully co-parent with your ex, you need to lose the mentality that every little thing has to be split evenly, especially something that benefits you and you alone. Send her off with the show barn, or haul her in the rig you already have, but it’s not fair to expect your ex to foot half the bill for you to have a 2nd trailer. This is not the hill you want to die on wrt trying to co-parent and make the finances work.

[NC001]

I think you have a nice deal going with your ex splitting costs (I’ve seen several kids struggle to get the parents to agree just taking lessons and a lease was out of the question because only 1 parent thought it was worthwhile) so i will agree with pp that you should find the price range you are looking at and mention it to your ex. Maybe your ex will be supportive maybe not, but I wouldnt expect to have the cost split 50/50. If you are on good terms just ask what they think and go from there.

[LSMarnell]

Count your lucky stars that he pays the board. Anything else is on you.

[trubandloki]

@ecpolo

In my situation, my ex pays the board and I pick up the tab for farrier, lessons, vet, tack, and whatever else. It ends up coming out pretty even. My recent hurdle is trying to explain that it would be cheaper to get a little 2 horse trailer so I could shuttle our kid and her horse to shows, instead of sending her off with the local show barns and paying god only knows what for stuff I can and would actually enjoy doing on my own. Hauling one pony all over creation in the 8 horse polo rig is not only a pain but also causes issues with the tack room and everything getting mixed up. It also scares the bejeezus out of the poor pony to be alone on a giant trailer. How do you explain stuff like this to people who do not understand horses and have no interest in them?

Are shows in the ‘whatever else’ category (that you pay for)?

If yes then getting a second trailer would be a cost savings for you and only you. Why would the X be part of paying for that?

To me it sounds like you have a great arrangement now. If you want a second trailer then go buy one.

[NoSuchPerson]

It seems to me that the purchase of a new trailer is 100% for your personal convenience. Why on Earth should your ex care about that or contribute to the purchase?

If you want a new trailer, go find one within your budget and buy it.

My ex only ever paid exactly what he was legally obligated to pay, i.e. child support. He never contributed a dime for anything else, and I think that is a fairly typical situation, so I think you’re pretty lucky that your ex is willing to share any of the horse expenses at all.

[clanter]

@NoSuchPerson

It seems to me that the purchase of a new trailer is 100% for your personal convenience. Why on Earth should your ex care about that or contribute to the purchase?
l.

I would think if the ex’s support is specific to the well being of the child there would be interest to improve the experience for the child … not every Ex is a cold hearted SOB

[Mango20]

I don’t think you’ll get him to contribute to what amounts to a vehicle purchase in your name only.

For my child, our horses are at home, and they’re also here for my use, so there is no even splitting of costs. I pay for all upkeep of the horses, to include farrier and vet (and the new trailer I got last year). XH pays for lessons, entry fees, Pony Club and USEA dues, and that’s it. It certainly helps, but it’s definitely less than half.

[NoSuchPerson]

@clanter

I would think if the ex’s support is specific to the well being of the child there would be interest to improve the experience for the child … not every Ex is a cold hearted SOB

You’d be hard pressed to convinced me that the well being of the child is going to be measurably improved by the purchase of a new trailer compared to the alternative of having the pony loaded up on the trailer with the rest of the horses coming from the show barn or hauled on the big trailer. And if the pony doesn’t like being hauled alone on the big 8 horse trailer, then toss another horse on for company.

Obviously I’m a cold-hearted witch. :lol:

[clanter]

@NoSuchPerson

You’d be hard pressed to convinced me that the well being of the child is going to be measurably improved by the purchase of a new trailer compared to the alternative of having the pony loaded up on the trailer with the rest of the horses coming from the show barn or hauled on the big trailer. And if the pony doesn’t like being hauled alone on the big 8 horse trailer, then toss another horse on for company.

Obviously I’m a cold-hearted witch. :lol:

Obviously you know more about OP’s situation than I but there are some EXs who will drop the coin in a heart beat

[trubandloki]

@NoSuchPerson

And if the pony doesn’t like being hauled alone on the big 8 horse trailer, then toss another horse on for company.

Obviously I’m a cold-hearted witch. :lol:

And, to remove the issue of things getting confused in the tack room you can put the pony’s tack and such into a safe trunk and secure it in one of the unused stalls in the horse part of the trailer.

[Highflyer]

@clanter

Obviously you know more about OP’s situation than I but there are some EXs who will drop the coin in a heart beat

Sure, and OP knows best whether he can easily spare a few grand. But no matter how much money he has, a second horse trailer still falls firmly in the luxury category.

[NoSuchPerson]

@clanter

Obviously you know more about OP’s situation than I but there are some EXs who will drop the coin in a heart beat

You’re confusing the issue with your emotional reaction to your perception that I am being unfairly critical of non-custodial parents.

Even if the ex rolls around in a vault of gold like Scrooge McDuck and would gladly drop some of that coin on a new horse trailer for his/her daughter’s pony, the second horse trailer is a luxury item that would be purchased purely for the convenience of the OP. Presenting it as being “for the child” and asking the ex to contribute on that basis is, IMO, a false representation of the situation as described by the OP.

[clanter]

@NoSuchPerson

the second horse trailer is a luxury item that would be purchased purely for the convenience of the OP…

I am assuming the Eight Horse Polo Pony trailer belongs to the barn, not the OP’s trailer… I could be incorrect but that is the way I read their post

So this little two horse would the first and only trailer, not the luxury of being a smaller secondary unit

[NoSuchPerson]

@clanter

I am assuming the Eight Horse Polo Pony trailer belongs to the barn, not the OP’s trailer… I could be incorrect but that is the way I read their post

So this little two horse would the first and only trailer, not the luxury of being a smaller secondary unit

You seem to be in the minority on that assumption. If you read the other replies, I and most others have the impression that the 8 horse belongs to the OP.

[ladyj79]

I don’t think it matters. Save up, buy small trailer, because pony. Board is a necessity, everything else is a luxury. Many people rely on others to trailer them. Since it sounds like you have a suitable rig to tow (that’s the expensive part), so start figuring out the budget for a trailer. Our first trailer cost 500, which arguably is a unicorn, but I see lots of decent smaller trailers for 1500.

[kiwichick]

@clanter

I am assuming the Eight Horse Polo Pony trailer belongs to the barn, not the OP’s trailer… I could be incorrect but that is the way I read their post

So this little two horse would the first and only trailer, not the luxury of being a smaller secondary unit

I thought this too, then noticed OP user name is something Polo, so now im not sure either.

[Palm_Beach]

@kiwichick

I thought this too, then noticed OP user name is something Polo, so now im not sure either.

OP uses the phrase " sending her off with the local show barns," which to me, means that a show barn (not polo barn) is taking a load of horses to a show, and that is an option. Or, the OP, who has a string of polo ponies, has her own 8 horse rig with tack room that always has tack in it, and the daughter’s horse can be transported in that rig. But, I could be wrong!!