i think it’s time for me to move barns and i need some advice on how to do so. for context, i’ve been with my current trainer since i was 13 years old (i’m 19 now). i’m a second year college student at my local state school (about 30 mins away from my current barn) but i’ve been pretty busy so i’ve only been riding over summer and winter breaks. i’ve decided to be a part time student and i’m at the point where i want to start riding more frequently again now that i have more time. however, i don’t want to go back to my current barn. there’s a barn that’s a little closer to me that i want to start riding at, they don’t have lesson horses but my family and i are willing to look for a horse of my own to board there since i now have a car and job. i’m not sure how to navigate this situation with my current trainer because i’m not technically riding with her right now but i definitely don’t want to cut things off cold turkey, especially after everything she’s done for me. the only thing i can imagine doing to end things is to text her, but i’m worried that might be inconsiderate. we don’t have the kind of relationship that involves sitting down and talking in person, and also it would be so awkward to go out to the barn for the first time since break just to say i’m never coming back. i’m a little scared because i’ve been with her for so long so i’m not sure how to leave while also being on good terms. any advice is appreciated!
Send her a written note, text, or e-mail, whatever you are most comfortable with. All you need to say is that you are going to begin riding at a barn more conveniently located to your college. You appreciate all she has done for you over the years to make you a better rider.
That’s it. Brief, to the point, and you have not burned any bridges behind you. That is all you need to say; in fact, that is all you should say.
Yep! I did this with my first trainer when I moved barns. I started riding with a second trainer and did the same when I moved again. I’m back with trainer number 1 now and not a hard feeling insight between either of them. They get it. Apparently ghosting is pretty common and going the communication route was above and beyond.
Keep in mind that your trainer doesn’t want to burn bridges with you either. Just show your gratitude and be kind.
School, work and riding is a lot on your plate. Anyone would understand the need to be as close and time saving as possible. As others have said, tell trainer honestly that you need to drop riding with her to manage your time better
What is the trainer’s age? I ask because there could easily be a technology gap. I am older, well old. If I were to get a message saying my service was no long needed by Text it could misunderstood. (To me Texting such a statement seems sort of cold and impersonal)
I would either visit with them or call. (but it easy for me to talk face to face, I was in outside sales for decades so am used to addressing disappointments)
This trainer has been in business for a period of time, surely OP will not be the first student that they have leave.
I know my daughter has changed trainers multiple times and always has maintained relationships, some going back over thirty years (these relationships have remained close to the point when she lost her horse to a pasture accident multiple trainers offered her a new quality horse at no cost as they knew she was responsible)
I might add, returning to college full time after dropping back is pretty hard, at least it was for me to do so.
As others have said, most adults understand what it’s like to have limited time. Send her a text or email so there’s a written record of you ending your relationship, and sandwich the uncomfortable bit between compliments. Employ the good ol’ “it’s not you, it’s me” angle, which is suitable for any amicable breakup.
“Trainer, I can’t tell you how much I’ve enjoyed working with you over the years. But now with my classes really ramping up, I’m trying to be more efficient with my schedule — and unfortunately it’s become difficult to make it all the way out to Shady Acres on a regular basis. I’ve found a barn that’s a bit closer, and am going to start lessoning with them. I appreciate all you’ve taught me — my skills and horsemanship are loads better because of you, and I’m extremely grateful for that. [Optional part] In fact, my parents and I think I’m ready to start looking for a horse of my own — if this is something you would be available to help with, would you please let me know your fee structure? Although we wouldn’t be keeping the horse with you, it would be such a help to have someone advising us during the search who really knows my riding the way you do.
“If you’re around on Saturday afternoon, I’d love to swing by to give Dobbin one last carrot, and to say goodbye to you in person. Thank you again for everything! I’ll be sure to recommend Shady Acres to anyone who’s looking for a great barn.”
I definitely wouldn’t involve the old trainer in a horse purchase. Use the new trainer for that, otherwise it could get messy quickly!
I would emphasize the time aspect.
Definitely agree with ford. Settle into a relationship with new trainer to make sure that is a good match, then shop or lease
Maybe because I am older than dirt, but this seems like a case where a nicely written card works well.
Buy or make (if you are artistic) a card with a lovely image on it and simply write something like LCDR said above.
If you want to be generous, include a gift card for their favorite coffee place or such.
Given the massive use of electronic media these days, a hand-written letter or card would make a good impression.
Just say that you’re moving to a barn closer to
Your home due to expenses time save up money whatever, and thank her profusely.
And of course nothing says you cant still go there once a month or so or twice and still take a lesson, as long as you’re happy with her in general and you part in good terms.
I think it’s a great idea to move trainers at your age and reinvent yourself as a young adult client. Otherwise you are going into your 20s in your teen barn, and often it’s very hard to make the transition.
Sounds like you had a good relationship with the trainer but you weren’t actually friends. You want to move on. I would get started on the new barn and take a few lessons, make sure I liked the place.
I think sending a card and maybe a gift card is a great idea. I wouldn’t mention buying a horse. Just that it’s closer and you appreciate everything she’s done for you. Trainers are used to juniors growing up and moving on. She’s already probably written you off as a long term client.
just to mention, from what you said you are not riding now. The positioning could be ‘I have an opportunity to ride more at a barn closer to my school’, which is understandable.
I agree with others that a card would be very nice. In place of a text if you could call her, and maybe script out what you want to say if you have to leave a voicemail, it would also be polite and appreciated
Try not to embellish your reason so much, no need for surplus verbiage or to defend your decision. Keep it a bit shorter and to the point. Closer barn really needs no explanation or apology from a non leasing/owning, infrequent lesson client.
Sounds like you have not been seeing trainer much at all recently and with no personal horse to pull out? This should be pretty simple. Be kind but you need to move on with no regret.
Sometimes we fret about changing barns but the reality is trainer likes you and will miss you but their business will not. Generally only gets ugly if you represent a large part of trainers income with personal horse board, training, show fees, commissions etc monthly. So relax and just say goodbye and thank you.
And, yes, absolutely don’t start horse shopping until you have built a relationship with new barn. Month to month part leases are great to feel out new barns. Be patient.
My only addition, as you are technically 19, a few months prior per Safe Sport would have been considered a junior. If I did send a text, which depending on your previous communication styles may be best, I would loop a parent in the group text. Even if the parent had not up until this point, been involved in scheduling lessons (when they should be per SafeSport) I think it’s safer/smarter to include an adult.
You don’t even have to reference the adult in the group just. Just nicely inform trainer of move, gratitude. The end. In the very rare case that there was an animosity, another adult can mediate.
classy
Except it’s the opposite—OP is switching to part-time status at school and buying a horse. Just wants to be closer to the horse.
This is tricky if you’re on social media with her and she sees you bought a horse without her input. You have to be honest with her about what you’re doing and why.
I agree with others who have said to give the new barn a try first. It makes sense to be sure.
However, if the topic of this thread were “Should I quit full time school and buy a horse?” I don’t think I’d be alone in saying no. Clanter is right, it’s hard to finish when you drag it out like that. There may be extenuating circumstances where it might make sense to buy a horse your second year of college, but for most young people, it’s a bad time to add that time and energy commitment to the struggle to finish school and get established in life. Food for thought.
Fewer details is better. I’ve found a barn closer to school where I plan to be riding this year.
Nothing about your business or school or job or buying a horse
Good advice, especially about keeping it short and to the point. (Personally, I would send an old-fashioned “Thank You” card with a token gift card to Starbucks or someplace similar.)
If and when you buy a horse, you can always send her a message just so that she hears about it from you first rather than through the grapevine. “Hey Former Trainer, I just wanted to let you know that I finally go to realize my dream and buy a horse. I’m so appreciative of all I learned from you in our years together.” Or something to that effect.
