Multiple disabilities took my heart horse away

[Talented_Mr_Ripley]

My multiple disabilities took away my heart horse Kirby. Because of them I had to sell my boy to a wonderful family and I still cry over it.
It all started with a breast cancer diagnosis in 2005 that resulted in a double mastectomy. I did not tolerate treatment well and threw a blood clot to my lung, which they found out that I have factor vi Leiden so now am on blood thinners for the rest of my life.
I also lost muscle memory in my thighs and have neuropathy in my finger and toes and also limphdema and nerve damage in my arm, loss of balance.
About a year and a half after that I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. I move like an old woman…My joints are just killing me.
Then to add a cherry on top, just got diagnosed with gastroparesis (stomach paralyzed) so all my favorite foods have been taken away.
So my riding days are over. I can’t move fast enough to get out of their way, don’t feel good most days, I can’t take the pain from my joints (even on meds),
I sold all of my horse gear trying to get rid of the pain and memories.
Riding was the only therapy I had and now it is gone…sigh
I want my boy back…I miss him soooooo
Sorry for the rant…some days I feel good, some I feel like I’m at the end of the rope and can’t hold on much longer.

Michele

[Jacqui]

I am so sorry to hear that you have been thru so much and had to sell you horse My husband was diagnosed with Salivary gland cancer last August and it was really hard on the whole family. (He is O.K. now, by the grace of God) Just being with my horse helped me thru it all, so I know what you mean when you say riding was your therapy.
Do you have a barn you can visit on days you feel good? It may help to just be around them for a little bit. Maybe if you are strong enough you can get on one of the gentler school horses for a ride? I know I would be so happy to help someone who was not feeling so good get on my guy for a ride
I hope you feel better soon and remember depression can make things soooo much harder, so whatever you can do to lift your spirits is very important.

[Zu_Zu]

Thoughts and prayers and hugs for YOU & Kirby

Thoughts and prayers and hugs for you and Kirby ```

Jingles & AO that you feel better soon ``:yes:

[fivehorses]

I too am very sad to read your post. You must be very strong because what you have been through has been a real test.

I hope you are able to keep in touch with the family who has Kirby now. I would hope they would let you visit from time to time.

God Bless you. Take care.

[DressageGeek_Ribbon]

Horses are wonderful therapy. Can you still visit? Or possibly visit other horses? My best wishes.

[RMJacobs]

I am so sorry that health issues have affected you so much. Huge hugs to you–I don’t know what else to say that could possibly be helpful.

Rebecca

[Talented_Mr_Ripley]

I do see a psychologist for post tramatic syndrome…It helps alot.
Kirby isn’t close enough for me to go see and if he were I would be a blubbering idiot…but i can get updates on him if I want…But you see, it is just too hard to see him…Makes me think of when I was healthy and could do things.
I am not allowed to ride anymore because of being on coumadin and also the balance issue’s that i have, which doesn’t mean that I might not try to sneak a ride in on someone’s steady eddy.
But I can’t ride during hot weather because for some reason I have stopped sweating,(thanks chemo) and can’t take the heat.
I am a walking wreck…lol but somehow I will figure it out
Thanks for the hugs…they are really appreciated.
Michele

[JoanR]

I don’t know where you live, Michelle, but you might check to see if your area has any riding programs for people with special needs. I believe they call it equine-assisted therapy. They have people on both sides of you for safety. And you would get to groom and pet and love on horses too. There are also some similar programs involving driving horses rather than riding. Perhaps if we know where you live, someone on the board will know of a program that might be a good fit for you. People who don’t love horses like we do don’t understand why we NEED to have them in our lives. Several of my very good friends were helped by “horse therapy” as they fought live-threatening conditions, and I always marvelled at how much better they seemed when they got a “horse fix.” It breaks my heart to hear how sad you are about life now. I hope someone will come up with some ideas. I am in Northern California, and if you are anywhere close, I will try to help.

[tradewind]

I also think you should look into equine assisted therapy…in some cases insurance will even pay for it…no, it won’t be the same, but it is something to help you get a horse fix and get you started back in the saddle. My mom had terrible myopathy and neuropathy from chemo and it was a long time before any of the symptoms eased. Over time though, they did subside enough for her to enjoy some of her favorite activities. They are also making advances in treatment everyday, so try to keep your thoughts positive even if it is terribly hard to do so…Of course you can always come here for emotional support from us. Perhaps you live close enough to one of us, the support of people on this board can truly be an amazing gift, and we could help out. If you live near Southern PA send me a private message. I will try to help in any way I can.

[Talented_Mr_Ripley]

Thanks for the encouragement everyone…it’s greatly appreciated.
The ideas about the therapy program might be the way to go, but I know once I got up in the saddle, I would want to take off and feel free again but would pay for it in the end because of psoriatic arthritis that is eating my joints.
I also take an injection every week called methotrexate which is a weak chemo drug that lowers my immune system. So I have to be very careful about catching things or getting scratch’s or cuts.
I’m a walking mess.
By the way, I live in Kernersville NC
thanks again for the support…Horse people are great
Michele

[onelanerode]

OP, what about this place? http://www.riverwoodtrc.org/

IMVHO, it might be worth trying a few rides to see if it’s a help to you.

[RMJacobs]

Michele, I’ve been on methotrexate for 12 years (maybe more–can’t remember when I started!), and really haven’t had to do much to avoid nasty infections or illnesses. I get a flu shot every year, a pneumonia shot however often that one is needed, and I don’t let obviously sick people breathe in my face. Otherwise, I live a relatively normal life (at least normal for someone with rheumatoid arthritis!). I don’t worry about minor cuts and scratches. If they look like they are getting infected, I use some antibiotic cream. If I get a cold that lasts more than a week, I skip my injections (both methotrexate and Humira, which also suppresses the immune system) until I’m better. If I go on antibiotics, I skip as well.

I work for a large company and get exposed to all sorts of stuff, and then there’s all the stuff my daughter’s friends bring around.

Hope you can get a horse fix. Don’t know what I’d do without my two goofballs to keep me sane (well, sort of sane).

Rebecca

[baylady7]

Michele
There are meds for gastroparesis with little to no side effects- check with a gastroenterologist. They are also available in generic so are not expensive

K

[horsetales]

[QUOTE=RMJacobs;5788140]
Michele, I’ve been on methotrexate for 12 years (maybe more–can’t remember when I started!), and really haven’t had to do much to avoid nasty infections or illnesses. I get a flu shot every year, a pneumonia shot however often that one is needed, and I don’t let obviously sick people breathe in my face. Otherwise, I live a relatively normal life (at least normal for someone with rheumatoid arthritis!). I don’t worry about minor cuts and scratches. If they look like they are getting infected, I use some antibiotic cream. If I get a cold that lasts more than a week, I skip my injections (both methotrexate and Humira, which also suppresses the immune system) until I’m better. If I go on antibiotics, I skip as well.

I work for a large company and get exposed to all sorts of stuff, and then there’s all the stuff my daughter’s friends bring around.

Hope you can get a horse fix. Don’t know what I’d do without my two goofballs to keep me sane (well, sort of sane).

Rebecca[/QUOTE]

Same here, don’t rule it out because of the drugs. I worry more going to Walmart than being around the farm Might also look into a pain mgmt clinic and see if they can help.

[MunchkinsMom]

@JoanR;5783247

I don’t know where you live, Michelle, but you might check to see if your area has any riding programs for people with special needs. I believe they call it equine-assisted therapy. They have people on both sides of you for safety. And you would get to groom and pet and love on horses too. There are also some similar programs involving driving horses rather than riding. Perhaps if we know where you live, someone on the board will know of a program that might be a good fit for you. People who don’t love horses like we do don’t understand why we NEED to have them in our lives. Several of my very good friends were helped by “horse therapy” as they fought live-threatening conditions, and I always marvelled at how much better they seemed when they got a “horse fix.” It breaks my heart to hear how sad you are about life now. I hope someone will come up with some ideas.

I agree, look into any local theraputic riding or other equine assisted therapy programs (not all involve riding).

That is what I would do.

I’m so sorry that you have so many burdens to bear.

[Talented_Mr_Ripley]

Rebecca,
That is good to know about the Methotrexate but unfortunately I am that one statistic that if affects differently.
I take .o9 and the doctor told me it was such a low dose that I wouldn’t even notice it.
Well, my hair started falling out (like during chemo). I would physically crash 3 days after and I got mouth sores. So, I just treated it like before.
Since the onset of the cancer, Dr’s would tell me : blah, blah, blah but this rarely happens…Well, guess what??? I am that person that it rarely happens to, so I warn dr’s and they laugh but I know my body.

[RMJacobs]

Michele, wow, I didn’t have bad side effects with methotrexate until I got up to 15 mg orally. I had all the problems you list, but they all went away when I switched to injections. I’m now on .8 injected, and I can do an injection and run off to work or whatever. I sure don’t miss those being hit by a truck days that I had on the oral version.

Wish I could make things better for you. All I can do is continue to send good thoughts and hugs. And if you’re ever in Colorado, I’d be glad to take you out for a pony drive. My pony was hell on wheels when my daughter was riding him, but when I trained him to drive, he figured out that he really likes it and became a complete steady Eddy. Driving him is about as low risk as you can get with horses.

Rebecca

[Talented_Mr_Ripley]

Oh Rebecca,
Thanks for the sweet offer…If I ever get out that way I will take you up on it.
Michele

[Simbalism]

I am so sorry for all your health problems. I would have a hard time living without my heart horse, my current TB mare. I have a protein C deficiency and am on blood thinners as well. My Doctor just told me to always wear protective equipment when riding. I have a friend who due to financial and health issues(huge car accident with several weeks in ICU-broken back, neck, brain bleed) had to get rid of her horse(she wanted to do low key trail riding and he was not the horse for that). She has just been cleared to try riding and she went to a local therapeutic riding center as all she can do right now is walk. The therapeutic riding may be a way to at least get a horse fix.

[CVPeg]

Sorry to hear about your issues as well. Hope you do get to search for a friend with a “steady Eddie”. Like that idea a lot.