An observation that ties into Ladyj79’s comment based on having watched what feels like a million sale/lease ads in the past month: the riding cultures of Europe, the UK, and the US are so forking different from each other. The horses produced are dramatically different. In Europe especially, there are professional riders who do nothing but ride young horses. We don’t really have that in the US. I saw numerous ads for imports that competed (and supposedly won) at dizzying heights that were listed as prospects for those same heights here in the US & were currently showing at a foot or more lower.
So are Europeans selling us their bad horses? Sometimes, I imagine. But I don’t think that explains the height differences in all those sale ads. I think it is more
to do with the differences in the way we all ride. In the US we have: 1) a huge AA contingent 2) a majority of those AA relying on the advice of trainers re what they should & shouldn’t be doing. I belong to two FB groups where UK-based riders way outnumber US ones. UK AA tend to be much bolder riders, & imo not always in a good/safe way. 3) US horse people tend to be more invested in knowing why a horse is exhibiting an unwanted behavior. Just like you are doing here.
Personally, I believe most horses want to make people happy & have a bond. Interpreting human expectations and meetig them is therefore important to them. Of course they don’t speak our language & rely instead on subtle energetic cues that we sometimes don’t even realize we’re sending. And for horses with a more anxious personality, that can cause start a vicious cycle:
A horse jumping 1.50m with a pro in Europe arrives in the US. Everything is unfamiliar: the terrain, the language his caretakers are speaking, etc. He jumps his first course with his new owner, a skilled AA. She rides differently. He finds himself having to think hard before offering a response. Now he’s worried because previous humans let him know in no uncertain terms that hesitation isn’t good. Sensing his anxiety & definitely feeling him hang back as they approach that 4’ oxer thinks, “Oh, god what have I done?? I paid $100k that I don’t have for a confidence builder. But he’s acting anxious & balky!” The horse feels her rush of nervousness & thinks “She’s not happy She’s scared! Oh no. I must be doing this wrong! Abort mission!” And slides to a halt in front of the fence. Whooo boy.
We just picked up a pony today on trial for my daughter. The pony is well schooled but has been out of work for a while. She is sweet and calm as can be & seems confident around people. Still, it was interesting to see her reactions to my daughter during their first ride. She was very focused on the verbal & physical feedback from daughter & her trainer. She was obviously concerned that this introduction go well, and started pulling out all the pony hunter stops – auto lead changes (which the trainer said she hadn’t done in the demo at her home barn despite the test rider being better than my daughter) and just extremely focused on daughter’s aids. As she gained reassurance they were pleased with her, I could suddenly see her personality in her eyes for the first time. If that makes any sense!
With horses that over worry about human approval & hate to fail, I believe taking the time to demonstrate that you won’t ask them to do anything that is too much goes a long way. I think there’s also something to be said for the “Ten Year Old Horse Girl” approach. A trainer of mine had a spectacularly athletic, talented, and extremely anxious WB that was affectionately nicknamed the dragon. Thanks to her careful training he wouldn’t actually hurt anyone but he was huge looked as intimidating as hell. And you couldn’t have paid me to get on him without a catcher on either side. Lol. In the hands of most people, this would have been a dangerous, basically untrainable horse.
One afternoon, my horse whisperer younger daughter came with me to the barn. She fed my horse & his “brother” a few treats. “Can I give the Dragon a treat, mom?” I hesitated, then said yes. “Be very careful,” I warned her as she approached. (I was also monitoring his body language, ready to pull her away.) He stuck his head out with his usual snake face. Then something fascinating happened. He froze for a split second & his ears flipped back & forth. I watched him seemingly melt with his exhale and his ears swiveled forward. He very delicately took the cookie from her palm. And then another.
This horse NEVER had his ears pricked towards an adult! What happened? Well, he’d not met any kids before. And I think he felt her energy was very different than that of an adult. She wasn’t looking at him & seeing an expensive, time-consuming, often frustrating problem to be solved. To her, he was just the most stunning horse ever, beyond anything she could’ve dreamed. I think he saw her as a human with expectations he could comfortably live up to. He didn’t have to worry she would be disappointed with his efforts.
Best of luck with your horse, OP! He’s lucky to have found you. And I think you’ll get it all sorted out.