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Get a new trainer. If you love your horse and enjoy him, don’t let this guy tell you what to do. If you feel safe on him and can’t wait to get to the barn at the end of the day then keep the horse.
If you think you’re going to end up getting hurt because he’s big and spooky and you really trust your trainer then maybe sell him and downsize to something more appropriate for a 5’4" 50 year old amateur.
Life is too short to not have the right horse. Is he telling you something that isn’t true, or something you don’t want to hear?
It’s really about what you want to do… Not what your trainer wants you to do. I would start scoping out other barns and trainers if you want to keep this horse because a trainer who doesn’t like you on your horse and repeatedly says this is going to lower your confidence and make you doubt yourself. For all you know, your trainer knows someone who needs a horse like that and wants to sell it for you and make some money off of it or he wants the commission from you buying a new horse. If you love riding this horse, I would stick with it. He sounds like a neat horse that can take you far once you get him further along.
Tell your trainer selling is not an option. He will either let the idea go and keep working with you and you will keep getting better or he will pester you about it then you can make the choice to move on to another trainer.
If you like your trainer, I would just say to him; I get what you are saying about my horse - I trust your opinion, but I don’t have the luxury of getting another horse right now and I like this one. If you feel I can learn on him and do it safely then that’s what I would like to do."
I have been in your shoes… and I wish I could have done what the trainer thought but it just wasn’t the time then. Remember, if you know this trainer and they are worth their salt; he is simply trying to help you be your best and do well in the ring.
I know there are trainers out there that just want to sell a horse, make a commission - but there are many out there that just want you (their client) to be happy!
Good luck 
Your horse doesn’t know that he “should” be a grand prix horse. If he’s happy in his job and you’re happy with him, tell your trainer that and keep him.
[QUOTE=Chaila;7129177]
Get a new trainer. If you love your horse and enjoy him, don’t let this guy tell you what to do. If you feel safe on him and can’t wait to get to the barn at the end of the day then keep the horse.
Life is too short to not have the right horse. Is he telling you something that isn’t true, or something you don’t want to hear?[/QUOTE]
Now I’m not saying this is the case with you. But I’ve been riding a horse for an adult amateur rider ( The horse was bought for the daughter but wasn’t a good match.) with the thought of selling/getting the horse made up enough for the daughter. I do genuinely like the horse, the trainer genuinely likes the horse, we were making good progress when horse was in a very strict program (and when I first started the agreement was not so much that the man would ride) even did the horse in a small hunter derby and he was progressing in the jumpers with the me and going ok for his owner. Now the horse is not a great match for the man, if I’m being honest he fries the horse and it was only with a ton of professional rides the horse could hold it together. I got injured in the summer and couldn’t ride and sat on the horse again recently at a show. The horse has declined, is quite miserable, and still the client can’t see it. He’s barely jumping around 3ft and is convinced they should be doing the 1ms.
The horse is just honestly not a good match, its too sensitive, not quite honest enough and really just unhappy jumping around with such an inconsistant rider. Me and the trainer don’t have an agenda, its not about commissions, and in fact the only reason she hasn’t let him try and fail at the 1ms is because she doesn’t want to do that to the horse. Honestly I’d make less money if he got a new horse since it wouldn’t need 3 pro rides a week and every day of a show. I still think its a bad match and would be delighted to see him with a horse that didn’t barely need any pro rides or none at all!
It’s not always about a trainer wanting more money, commissions, or having a buyer for the horse. Sometimes things truly are not a good match and the trainer is acting in yours and the horse’s best interest. And again I’ve never seen you or you’re horse I’m not saying that the is the case with you at all, having a horse that is more talented then you isn’t a crime as long as you guys are a good match with riding style . Also I totally understand not being able to just go out and buy another nice horse, but luckily or you it sounds like you already have one. So if in fact you do come to the conclusion you need to move on at least he sounds saleable! Good Luck!
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I think that was a mean thing to say. He sounds perfect. And whose to say you won’t move up? Just because you are over 50 doesn’t mean you are on the down hill slide. And you are BOTH getting better. Keep the dear boy!
I find it weird that this is the SECOND horse of yours he hasn’t liked and I am assuming he was the one that helped you buy your current horse. That seems suspicious to me like he out to make commissions off of you for buying/selling.
And if he didn’t help you with the purchase of either horse, then maybe that’s why he doesn’t like them. Cause he didn’t choose them and didn’t get commission on them.
If you are comfortable with your horse and you enjoy working with him, then who cares what anyone says? He’s your horse, not your trainer’s, and your horse doesn’t care if he doesn’t “reach his full potential.” As long as you’re both happy, just keep on
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You don’t sound like you trust your trainer very much. There are trainers and there are “trainers”. Perhaps it’s time to find someone you respect and who you feel teaches you more?
[QUOTE=CindyCRNA;7129230]
I think that was a mean thing to say. He sounds perfect. And whose to say you won’t move up? Just because you are over 50 doesn’t mean you are on the down hill slide. And you are BOTH getting better. Keep the dear boy![/QUOTE]
I think it would be mean for the trainer to continue to train you and take your money and not provide an honest opinion.
Honestly, your horse doesn’t sound particularly suitable. Your trainer has to take him out and lounge him before you ride. IMHO, ‘having to be tired’ to be good for you is a tell-tale sign that its not a good match.
Now, more people than not ride unsuitable horses, i.e. not the best match for them. If you love this horse and want to continue, that is a perfectly acceptable option. If the horse honestly doesn’t go well for you and doesn’t like his job without the ‘prep’ by your trainer - I would ask whether it is fair to the horse. If horse likes his job, and is just over enthusiastic about the fences - just tell your trainer you aren’t interested in another horse. If it continues to come up despite you telling your trainer that you will be moving forward with this horse, its time to look elsewhere for training.
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[QUOTE=ElisLove;7129235]
I find it weird that this is the SECOND horse of yours he hasn’t liked and I am assuming he was the one that helped you buy your current horse. That seems suspicious to me like he out to make commissions off of you for buying/selling.
And if he didn’t help you with the purchase of either horse, then maybe that’s why he doesn’t like them. Cause he didn’t choose them and didn’t get commission on them.[/QUOTE]
agreed! get a new trainer!! any trainer that insultingly calls you “not quite as good as the horse” (paraphrasing here) is not entitled to my checkbook. it sounds like you are working with him, which is what any horse needs – it also sounds like you are more understanding to the horse than the trainer is. if you like him and you feel you guys are progressing, chances are you guys are - don’t listen to your trainer, and imho, find another in the area that will be more sympathetic with helping the two of you progress and build a lasting partnership.
fwiw, my first EV trainer didn’t like my first ottb horse, i got another (more athletic ottb) one and after a year or so with him she told me that the second horse “was not suitable for me” either. i am sure she had my best intentions in mind but i no longer rode with her as it was clear she did not want to help me with my current “problem horse” and did not believe she had the means to help me. she may have thought she was doing the right thing but i knew better. said unsuitable turned into my heart-horse, went with me to two different BNT in working student positions, in which one BNT told me he was a “hell of a horse” and we were a “fantastic pair” – and when one of his clients approached me to see if i was interested in selling, said BNT intercepted and said “unsuitable ottb” was not for sale!
some people’s apples are other people’s lemons…
This hit a chord for me. Years ago, as a young amateur, my trainer and I found a wonderful OTTB horse just off the track who could have gone far. He was to be my AO horse for the hunter ring. But mentally, he turned out to not be an amateurs horse. He was really a professionals’ horse, and would have been fantastic as a pro’s horse to show exclusively. Quirky, difficult, opinionated and not very forgiving, he was absolutely as fancy a mover and jumper as they came. We struggled. He was a real challenge for me. We’d be in the top in one class, and in the next I’d get unloaded. We were inconsistent. I had loads of people tell me I needed a new horse, with the best possible intentions. And if I wanted to be fantastic at the shows right away, they were right.
But the fact was that I adored this horse. And my choice was that I decided to quit showing and keep my horse. I never missed it. I sent him occasionally with my trainer to the shows (and they were great!), and we worked diligently at home. Gradually I learned to ride him. It took years. He made me the rider I am today. When he retired from jumping, my mom rode him for several years, getting back to riding after a 15 year hiatus. I had that horse all his life, until he passed away. He was truly my heart horse - as difficult as he was.
My trainer was very supportive. When I told her I wanted my horse, and didn’t care about the showing, there were no issues. My lessons were just as intense, and she worked with me as diligently as with any of her other clients. And she made him into an absolutely lovely horse for me, and later for my mom. As a professional, she worked hard to meet my goals, even thought it would have been much easier for her to get me another, simpler, horse, and take me to the shows without much effort. However, I’ve never regretted that decision, and I’ve always been incredibly grateful for her help and support in the direction I chose.
My point is that you know what’s best for you. It’s unfortunate that you’re trainer is not willing to understand your decision. It takes time to learn to ride a horse well. This is a sport that takes years. Horses learn on their own schedule as well. Who cares if you do the low jumpers for several years? A trainer is paid for their advice, and it’s valuable. But they are also paid to teach you to ride. If they can’t accept your decision to keep your horse, and don’t buckle down and help you learn to ride him, then it’s time to find somebody else.
It’s one thing if it’s dangerous for you to ride your horse, and a good trainer will tell you that (as well as your own gut). It’s completely another thing if the trainer thinks that it will take too much work/too much time (in the his opinion). That’s too bad. That is your choice to make. And you’ll know which way to go. It may mean finding a new trainer, rather than a new horse.
Well, it’s Saturday…which might explain why you have gotten a lot of answers here from those who are home on the sidelines patting you on the back and telling you to do what you ‘feel’ you want to and disregard the trainer’s concerns. Meanwhile, those who have met the goals you have been fruitlessly working towards are out walking their courses that they will later on today compete over with their equine <<heart>>partners.
Your description leads me to believe you are possibly over mounted, one of the most dangerous situations in riding.
You are full of excuses as to why your horse is the way he is, and your reasoning for purchasing him are not tops on my list of selection priorities:
When I got him, he was really messed up from his last owner…skinny, skittish, hard mouthed and over faced, not to mention mistrusting. I previously had an ottb who my trainer HATED, and I bought the warmblood because basically I wanted to “save it”, and also, I got a great deal on him.
Further you describe him as “hot and immature” at the shows (you’ve given him EIGHT shows), and at home he acts up about cows that live next door.
Do you really want your trainer to just tell you what you want to hear? Or do you trust your trainer’s expertise and experience?
You aren’t getting younger. If it’s really a “Grand Prix” level horse, someone will buy him for enough money for you to get a nice fun horse that won’t be a struggle for you to ride or your trainer to keep you safe on.
I feel sorry for your trainer, who may just not be assertive enough for your own good. But I feel more sorry for your horse, stuck with an adult rider whose emotional decision to ‘save’ him prevented her from seeing that he wasn’t a good fit for her, and is stuck in this bad marriage.
The answer to ‘what would you do’ is run, do not walk to the exit of this so-called ‘trainer’s’ sphere of influence. Translated = you need a different trainer, not necessarily a different horse.
ETA after I read OP’s later comment 'when he is tired, tries to use excuses to get out of it…who can blame him in this 109 AZ heat??? ’ and this worries me for the horse’s sake. If neither you, nor your so-called trainer have enough horsemanship skills and observational skills to know when a horse is showing signs of heat stress, neither one of you should be riding. Horses can develop several different levels of heat related problems, from heat exhaustion all the way through to fatal heat stroke. I don’t have the time or inclination to use a search engine to find some articles for you, but they are out there. Those who truly are horsemen/horsewomen as contrasted to those who merely are riders know to pay attention to stuff like that.
OP, your saying ‘tries to use excuses’ is absolute BS and unfair to the horse. That is the horse’s way of telling you that he is either suffering from heat exhaustion or simply muscle fatigue. A horse is not a robot. It is a mammal with a physiology that must be considered in everything we do with a horse, for the sake of its continued health and wellbeing. I now am worried about your horse, from the standpoint of his health/wellbeing.
The job of a trainer is to train, perhaps there is no guidance to be able to help you morph the horse.
That said, do you train to learn (and showing is just for fun), or do you want to only ‘win’ in a given venue (ie hunter vs jumper).
So, you bought the horse because the trainer didnt like the last one (why?) And this one because it was a ‘good deal’ and to ‘save it’ even though it is a huge horse (for your size)/came with baggage. WHO sold you the horse, or did you just get it to replace the last one (what short comings did it have?)?
We do not know your goals (winning/leaning to train/having fun/fitness/??), the teacher should (is it a trainer who trains the horse?). So will this horse fit into your desired path? Those are questions to ask yourself. (Or is the trainer spinning a horse?)
So what if the horse is green(er)/will take longer/needs mileage. So what if it looks at cows, that is an opportunity to learn how to trainer/for exposure/etc. Do you not have the skills/time/energy to spend time developing the horse? Or does the trainer not have the skills, or perhaps wants to have the horse to make it a higher level jumper? YOU need to ask those questions.
