I’m not sure how I feel about this. I have always been heavy, then I basically starved myself because I wanted to be a jump jockey (I know, call me delusional!) but I did it and was pretty successful for a few years until I dislocated my shoulder and discovered steak again! The weight came back on, however even though I was around 210 lbs by this point I still rode every horse at home, wether it be working them, schooling them over fences, track workouts, just broken 3yo’s, whatever. My weight was never brought into it. All my horses went as well as the lighter person next to me, the horses I looked after always ran well in their races. I even used to school a 15.1 tiny little mare over fences. I was talking to my boss about it one day and he said “it doesn’t matter how heavy you are, you ride light. Look at Debbie there is nothing to her and she rides like a sack of potatoes” I thought about it and he is definitely right, so many light people are heavy on a horses back. I admire you for taking it so well from your trainer, I would be distraught if someone said that to me, I know I’m heavy, I don’t need anybody to point it out.
LittleSquirrel it’s all about being honest with yourself. I am a rusty re-rider back in the saddle for only 2 years after a 20 year break. If my skills were stronger my weight likely wouldn’t be a factor for this particular horse. That’s why I think blanket limits like “nobody over 200 lbs should ride any horse ever” are ridiculous. Lots of factors come into play. I’m glad my trainer was upfront with me and don’t disagree with her assessment.
Kudos to you for being brave enough to even share this as a post! Sounds like you also are confident enough to enjoy riding without worrying about what others think. I have a friend who rides and is overweight. She openly calls herself “fat” and states how awful she looks on a horse. We all like her so much—but really want her to stop beating herself up about it—and just have fun riding. I wish you were at our barn, because you would be a good role model for her! BTW–her horse is a big, sturdy guy, so no issues there.
Appropriate horse to rider size isn’t just about weight either! I see many riders who are tiny on huge horses–and they struggle with riding them effectively. On other hand, my hubby is 6’4" (but thin) and began taking lessons on my sweet Tb (who is 16.1 and full-bodied). It was okay as a horse for him to start on, but honestly, he needed a bigger horse. We ended up with a horse that is huge (18 h)—and I look ridiculous on (I’m 5’2"), but a perfect fit for my hubby. Even though he isn’t overweight—he needed a horse that took up his long legs and wasn’t unbalanced by his upper body either. Me, on the other hand, have stuck with horses in the 15.3 - 16.1 h because I can actually RIDE that size well.
Don’t get me wrong…I beat myself up for my weight all the time, hate how I look on (and off) a horse and criticize my looks and my riding. I’m trying to get better about doing that. I was really worried about going in clinics or shows and know that some people probably do judge the way I look. Getting good scores and winning classes hopefully proves to them that my size doesn’t matter.
I made a decision a couple of years ago to stop focusing on getting thinner and focused on getting stronger, fitter and happier instead because every day or week or month that I didn’t lose weight on the scale made me feel like a failure.
So many of us deny ourselves things we want to do or buy or whatever, promising ourselves we will do it when we lose weight. If I had done that I wouldn’t be riding now and would have missed out on 2 years of fun, joy and new friends.
It hurts to be told I’m too heavy for something but it’s not at all offensive because I know it’s true. This is the body I live in and I’m determined to not let being a size 16 stop me from doing things I wouldn’t have hesitated to do at size 8.
Like others, OP, I have respect for you for the peace of mind you seem to have found with your weight. I will not for a minute pretend I am now or have ever been overweight, but as I put on the white breeches last year, I was horrified at the rolls and cellulite and dimples, etc. that you could see. I could not get past it so I dieted and dropped about 30 pounds. Now I am underweight and I can tell you, it’s no picnic trying to rebuild the muscle I lost while being so focused on the scale. So, again, way to go you for finding comfort in your own skin.
With that said, a bad rider is a bad rider, thin or fat. I’ve seen relatively thin riders get in the saddle and shlumpf into Jabba the Hut while heavy riders get into the saddle and ride upright like a pro. I would much rather have a heavier rider on my horse that has a good position than a light rider that collapses all over the place.
I’ve never been skinny, and to add to the problem I was on a psychotropic medication for 10 years that has gained a reputation for substantial weight gain. Even after being off it for over a decade, I’ve never been able to lose the last 20 lbs of the 60 I gained. My current psychiatrist, who runs an eating disorders program said “stay active and don’t worry about it.” I recently had a Centered Riding lesson with Susan Harris and my b/o who is also a certified CR instructor. I was pronounced “Balanced”, which is what I needed to hear. Better overweight and balanced than skinny and unable to control your body. I’m only 5’2" but I look fine on my 16hh Paint gelding. You’re right, BigMama1, this is my body and it hasn’t stopped me yet from doing what I really want to do.
[QUOTE=BigMama1;8727360]
I don’t know if I’d call it fat shaming but it’s definitely judging someone based on your standards. [/QUOTE]
Not sure where the words “grossly unhealthy” were lost on so many? Healthy/unhealthy are not my standards - no one who is super obese is healthy, nor is someone who is whatever is the medical term for the opposite (anorexic is the behavior, I assume, so not sure of the term) And if someone is grossly unhealthy and is okay with it, so be it, but if they act as though they have no control over their health AND bring up the topic to me, then yeah, I will not support their way of thinking. And again, healthy comes in a wide variety of shapes/sizes. I will caveat with the hopefully obvious - there are some legitimate disabilities that prevent some individuals from being “fit” but the people that I argue with are those who make poor choices but act as though their health is just visited upon them, AND then try to convince me of that point.
What I willfully think is shameful are people who COULD be healthier making excuses and acting as though those of us who try to be healthy (not a certain size, but HEALTHY) don’t have to make conscious decisions to achieve good health.
I think that people need to understand that weight is not JUST a matter of diet and exercise. There may be medical reasons that a person is heavier, certain medications can cause weight gain etc. There are those who can eat 4000+ calories a day and be lean and others who gain weight on far less. Think of the hard keeper vs the animal that looks at hay and seems to gain weight. A person is so much more than a number on a scale.
I hope this doesn’t end up where the other thread did with the calories in vs calories out argument against those who raise the many other factors involved.
All I will say is please don’t assume someone who is overweight doesn’t care, or doesn’t make many good choices. I know skinny people who don’t exercise at all and fat people who are very strong and fit. Let’s try not to judge people by their choices at all.
[QUOTE=BigMama1;8727987]
I hope this doesn’t end up where the other thread did with the calories in vs calories out argument against those who raise the many other factors involved.
All I will say is please don’t assume someone who is overweight doesn’t care, or doesn’t make many good choices. I know skinny people who don’t exercise at all and fat people who are very strong and fit. Let’s try not to judge people by their choices at all.[/QUOTE]
Agreed, that’s why I say unhealthy/healthy vs. fat and skinny. I do not think “super obese” can actually be healthy, though - and it’s not a term I made up. The medical charts show the definitions - morbid obesity sounds like it’d be the worst, but “super obesity” are the people who can’t walk they are so overweight. That’s NOT healthy. Nor is being too skinny, or even being a “perfect” size (whatever that is!), and not having any muscle at all, or whatever. Size does not equal health within a certain range.
I also think this thread was mainly about a healthy person making healthy choices, including the right size horse for her active lifestyle. But accusing someone of fat shaming when the point attempting to be made is people acting as though being healthy isn’t within their control (unless it REALLY isn’t). People who are size 16 or size 0 or whatever size that are fit DO something to be fit, and people of the same sizes that are not fit, CHOOSE not to do what it takes to be fit. Being fit is a choice. Being skinny or fat is far less so!
That’s the problem though, Lily. You cannot judge whether someone is “unhealthy” by choice or not. I’m curious - are you overweight or have you ever been? It’s not easy to lose weight, especially for those who have been obese all their lives. Also, I’m guessing that you are not late middle-aged, post menopausal either. Talk to me about trying to lose weight then! And I used to weigh 118 lbs. soaking wet until I was in my 40’s. (I’m 5’7"). I’m willing to bet that most of the “unhealthy” people you’ve come across have tried every diet and exercise program out there with poor or intermittent results. Don’t judge until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes. 
[QUOTE=Mukluk;8727976]
I think that people need to understand that weight is not JUST a matter of diet and exercise. There may be medical reasons that a person is heavier, certain medications can cause weight gain etc. There are those who can eat 4000+ calories a day and be lean and others who gain weight on far less. Think of the hard keeper vs the animal that looks at hay and seems to gain weight. A person is so much more than a number on a scale.[/QUOTE]
I’m not going to argue about this ad nauseam, so consider this my only post on the topic, but…
Yes, it is JUST a matter of diet and exercise for most people.
Those who eat 4000 calories and remain lean are able to do so because they burn those calories.
If you gain weight on fewer calories, you are less active or have a lower TDEE.
If you find that you are eating a certain number of calories and are gaining weight, eat less. The number of calories that others consume has NOTHING to do with the number of calories that you can consume to maintain your weight. Be aware of what YOUR body needs, and don’t get hung up on those outliers that can eat way more. It really isn’t rocket science, despite what many here would have you believe.
As far as the OP goes, good on you for being self aware. I’m glad that you have such a positive working relationship with your trainer and that you can recognize the limitations of some horses.
[QUOTE=Mondo;8728212]
That’s the problem though, Lily. You cannot judge whether someone is “unhealthy” by choice or not. I’m curious - are you overweight or have you ever been? It’s not easy to lose weight, especially for those who have been obese all their lives. Also, I’m guessing that you are not late middle-aged, post menopausal either. Talk to me about trying to lose weight then! And I used to weigh 118 lbs. soaking wet until I was in my 40’s. (I’m 5’7"). I’m willing to bet that most of the “unhealthy” people you’ve come across have tried every diet and exercise program out there with poor or intermittent results. Don’t judge until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes. :)[/QUOTE]
Actually, I was never skinny. I remember clearly realizing disordered eating was not good for me and telling myself if I couldn’t be skinny, I’d be strong. I started lifting weights at 15. I think many women are too addicted to cardio, and barring real health issues, building muscles would alter their metabolism. But I only say this because people judge me for being strong as it somehow being easy or just my natural metabolism. Nope, I work hard to be healthy. I’m not a size 2, and my BMI is borderline obese, but my percent body fat is below average. I now think being “thick” when I was young forced me to adopt habits that some have to learn much later in life. But look at the amazing 70 year old body building women, or marathoners, or whatever. It takes work, but again, barring true health limits, anyone can be healthy. And that does not equate to skinny.
Or because they have malabsorption issues like my friend with Crohns! Only adding this to say that if you (you = anyone reading this) really and truly believe yourself to be eating a large amount of calories and are unable to gain weight: get yourself to a doctor asap!
I can agree with the trainer if the horse has a bad back or joints but why is it that a 200lb man is an OK rider but a 200lb woman is too big to ride?
[QUOTE=CFFarm;8728314]
I can agree with the trainer if the horse has a bad back or joints but why is it that a 200lb man is an OK rider but a 200lb woman is too big to ride?[/QUOTE]
A. Nobody said that a 200lb man is ok but a 200 lb woman isn’t. Literally no one.
B. Even if they had, the answer is weight distribution.
Men tend to be taller and denser, which means that weight is distributed differently on a man than it is on a woman. Think this doesn’t make a difference in carrying ability? Take a backpack - load it with 30lbs of books. Now take the same backpack and fill it with 30lbs of ziplocks filled with water. Try running with them both and let me know which one your back prefers.
200lbs of 6’2" man and 200lbs of 5’1" woman are going to be fastly different loads to carry, purely due to physics.
Of course, there are plenty of horses who don’t need to be carrying 200lbs period, and I think that applies no matter how the weight is distributed.
[QUOTE=CFFarm;8728314]
I can agree with the trainer if the horse has a bad back or joints but why is it that a 200lb man is an OK rider but a 200lb woman is too big to ride?[/QUOTE]
I want to be very clear that she has never suggested I am too big to ride. But she felt this particular horse’s conformation, sensitivity in the back and some fitness issues would make me riding her a bad idea. If I were a man I don’t imagine her answer would have been any different in this case. She doesn’t have any firm limits on weight for her school horses - judges each rider individually based on height, weight and skill among other things. In fact the school horse I rode that day (because my horse is off) is smaller than my friend’s mare. But he is shorter-coupled, sturdier and physically more fit than her.
I don’t see where the OP was fat shamed at all. The trainer was merely acting in what she felt was the best interest of the horse, which I wish more people would do more often. Not with regard to rider’s weight, just in “this horse shouldn’t do that, it’s asking too much”.
I’m not a skinny person, never have been. I used to be much, much heavier than I am now, but I’m still not where I’d like to be. I’m not even close to 200 lbs, but there are horses I won’t ride. I client of mine wanted me to go riding with her on her, me on her 14.2 hand Anglo Arab pony. With a western saddle. Um, no. Ain’t doing it. Everyone had their line in the sand, that was way on the other side of mine 
Agree. I wsn’t fat shamed by by trainer at all. Have been by lots of other people who make judgements, assumptions and call names, but this had nothing to do with shame. She was acting as the trainer should - putting the horse’s interestes firsts and telling me exactly why we weren’t suitable for each other - politely, factually, kindly and without suggesting that my weight is “bad,” just not good for this particular horse.
Well I walk both sides on this topic. I would certainly never insult someone about their weight. At the same time, if you are a serious rider, you need to be an athlete. Most serious athletes are fit and are not obese.
It’s true that there are effective, well balanced heavy riders.
It’s also true that generally speaking, you are going to be easier on the horse if the same rider is lighter weight.
I’m one of those people who is petite - I’m 5’2", 115 lbs. I have good metabolism, but I also work out every day, ride most days, mostly vegetarian and am careful about portions. There have been times when I have been heavier and if I’m honest with myself, I was eating worse, I wasn’t as fit and I wasn’t riding nearly as well as I am now.
